When You Look Good, You FEEL Good...

[mylolita]

20 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

No worries Lolita, I derailed my own thread earlier!

I did not know the Koreans practiced this, but I NEVER put any products on my skin with chemicals or additives, everything I put on my skin is 100% natural, like the coconut oil and grapeseed oil I mentioned earlier.  

The combination of those two oils naturally hydrates and it's absolutely amazing!!  I used to get professional facials from the salon and I swear since I now use the all natural oils my skin looks and feels better than ever before!

I also use a natural exfoliator NOT the acids so often used (lactic acid, hydroxy acid).  You don't need them, use a natural sea salt scrub (there are many different variations) for both face and body with fragrant oils and it does the same thing, even better!!

I put those salts in my bath too, my bath smells great and feels so luxurious, I love it!

 

 

I am the same! 
 

Since we’re right by the ocean I used a natural sea salt scrub or a coffee scrub! And try and not have a big list of chemicals although I still use make-up but I don’t wear foundation and haven’t for over a decade! 
 

I do live for glamour though 🥲 lipstick all the way, every day, and a cat eye flick in plum or dark brown, and always mascara! 
 

I have to say your thread is very interesting rainbows! 
 

My husband is real casual, always has been, and likes to wear a baseball cap backwards. On our first date he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and, he’s a handsome guy but he just looked stiff in it… like something was off? I figured nerves. But I realised he’s just a natural essence kinda guy, and he’s one of those few guys where a suit makes him look better. He actually looks worse in a suit! Like a boy who’s been dressed up by his fussy great Aunt! He looks best in just a t shirt and loose jeans! 
 

For our wedding, he wore a white shirt with the collar open and that was much more his style! He falls under the natural banner (ever heard of David Kibbe and his body and essence categories? For men and women?) 

 

Maybe your date was a bit like that? I’m not saying he was right to swing in for a first date so casual, untidy and unkept - you need to make some effort even if it’s a casual setting, of course! C’mon! But my feeling is he was maybe one of those outdoorsy, chilled, easy going beach guys who don’t own a two piece and don’t care if they have the latest sleek time piece on their wrist with their shoes shined? 
 

I think the unkept side of it would put a lot of women off, so I get where you’re coming from - but I also understand for some guys, they want to be comfortable and themselves and dressing up simply isn’t their scene.

 

I, personally, as a polar opposite to my husband, dress up every single day and half an hour after giving birth to all three of my kids jumped in the shower, blow dried my hair and had lipstick and perfume on back in the hospital bed - LOL!!!! I even gave birth wearing lipstick. I know, I know! 
 

The day I am unkept and dishevelled may be the day I die. I say that in all seriousness. I would have to be incapacitated to not be put together, nail varnish on, lipstick on, perfume on, etc etc! This is all personal preference of course. I do it completely for myself and it does make me feel ready for the day! I suppose I just adore glamour in all things! Style and interior and wherever else I can come across it! 
 

People who are easy going about their appearance tend to be easy going and relaxed in general. I know I am massively generalising here! But… the chill surf vibe? That’s a guy who is surely easy going and unbothered about appearances. Me? I’m as fussy and uptight as they come - LMAO. I don’t know what sweats or flip flops ARE DARLING! Who IS she?! 🤣
 

x

[rainbowsandroses]

22 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

When I met my SO I was in a pair of sweats and a big baggy sweater after coming back from swimming lol.

That's a totally different thing though.  You met him spontaneously; and yeah I have met men spontaneously (at the gym for example or Yoga) wearing similar and like you said, they were at least clean!!   It's different from showing up like that on a planned date/meet.  IMO anyway.

22 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

I long ago decided for dates I showed up a reasonable approximation of what you would get on a regular day. No surprises, what you saw was what you get. And it did help me in not wasting my time with someone who might be wanting something else. 

Absolutely!  And if a men preferred a woman to be all dolled up in a designer dress looking perfectly coiffed with makeup to match, I would NOT be for him and in turn he would not be for me.

Same if a man picked me up in a Lamborghini wearing an expensive designer suit, NOT a match!  Which actually happened to me and he admitted on the date he had rented the car to impress me, ugh.

But again this thread is more about the correlation between looking good (whatever that means to you) and feeling good and at your best.

It's really NOT about looks, my looks or my date's looks or anyone's looks.  I only used how my date presented himself as an example and what prompted me to begin thinking about the question I am asking and the title of this thread.

 

[Cherylyn]

I can't speak for everyone.  However,  there is truth to 'when you look good,  you feel good' for at least me anyway.  If I look like _______ ,  I feel like _______ .  ☹️  To me,  it's the package deal.  I take good care of my overall health.  Then couple that with cleanliness and grooming which makes me feel positive and upbeat.  I tend to put forth the effort to be presentable according to my personal standards but I don't hold it against anyone for how they look.   They're strangers to me so whatever they do is fine as long as we don't cross paths. 

Having said that,  dates are different.  I believe first impressions are very telling and it's a form of respect to care about one's general appearance when meeting for the first time or during social occasions.  It's common sense.  🫢

Society treats you better when you don't look like a slob or so I've noticed.  I've had instances when I looked unkempt which resulted in lousy to subpar service.  Then when I dialed up my appearance,  I was treated better during social occasions and service was on point so yes,  appearances do matter. 

In many ways,  I take after my mother.  To this day,  I never dash out the door without a swipe of lipstick because I grew up watching her apply lipstick before being out in public.  It's an old habit which stuck.  🙂 

Same with brushing one's hair.  It's been the same with my sons.  Ever since they were tiny,  they were always freshly bathed,  clean clothes,  hair groomed courtesy of their mother and they're the same now.  It's how we are. 

My husband is the same.  It's generational from both sides of our families.  It's a way of life. 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

13 minutes ago, mylolita said:

ut my feeling is he was maybe one of those outdoorsy, chilled, easy going beach guys who don’t own a two piece and don’t care if they have the latest sleek time piece on their wrist with their shoes shined? 

LOL I would actually find that look appealing!  Right up my alley!    I am in SoCal, that look and style is NOT uncommon here. 

This guy looked dirty and just well, kinda gross.  

In fact now that I think about it, he may have even been homeless, that is how he looked anyway.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

I can't speak for everyone.  However,  there is truth to 'when you look good,  you feel good' for at least me anyway.  If I look like _______ ,  I feel like _______ .  ☹️  To me,  it's the package deal.  I take good care of my overall health.  Then couple that with cleanliness and grooming which makes me feel positive and upbeat.  I tend to put forth the effort to be presentable according to my personal standards but I don't hold it against anyone for how they look.   They're strangers to me so whatever they do is fine as long as we don't cross paths. 

Having said that,  dates are different.  I believe first impressions are very telling and it's a form of respect to care about one's general appearance when meeting for the first time or during social occasions.  It's common sense.  🫢

Society treats you better when you don't look like a slob or so I've noticed.  I've had instances when I looked unkempt which resulted in lousy to subpar service.  Then when I dialed up my appearance,  I was treated better during social occasions and service was on point so yes,  appearances do matter. 

In many ways,  I take after my mother.  To this day,  I never dash out the door without a swipe of lipstick because I grew up watching her apply lipstick before being out in public.  It's an old habit which stuck.  🙂 

Same with brushing one's hair.  It's been the same with my sons.  Ever since they were tiny,  they were always freshly bathed,  hair groomed courtesy of their mother and they're the same now.  It's how we are. 

My husband is the same.  It's generational from both sides of our families.  It's a way of life. 

 

100%!!

[mylolita]

8 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

LOL I would actually find that look appealing!  Right up my alley!    I am in SoCal, that look and style is NOT uncommon here. 

This guy looked dirty and just well, kinda gross.  

In fact now that I think about it, he may have even been homeless, that is how he looked anyway.

 

Oh no! That bad?

 

That’s beyond just flew in or slung off the beach (which I agree would to me be actually really attractive too!) 

 

I can see why you wanted out quickly. Personally rainbows, if I had arranged the date and agreed to meet, I would have stuck it out and tried to see past the appearance just because I was there, and tried to learn more about him to make an overall judgement - but I get it, it was really not for you and you were repulsed. That’s fair do’s. Each to their own.

 

x

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

8 minutes ago, mylolita said:

Oh no! That bad?

 

That’s beyond just flew in or slung off the beach (which I agree would to me be actually really attractive too!) 

Yeah it was pretty bad.  I didn't know quite how to describe him without trashing him and sounding overly judgy. 

Bottom line, he just wasn't for me in the looks/style department however our discussion did get my brain spinning about the title of this thread.

I spoke about it with a co-worker and she said there is no correlation between how she looks and how she feels.  She kinda made me feel like there was something wrong with me like I was overly concerned about appearance to compensate for something lacking within.  If I am allowing it to negatively affect my mood.

This is the same co-worker I am training so there are already issues between us, so I should probably let what she said go in one ear and out the other, I don't know.

[rainbowsandroses]

9 minutes ago, mylolita said:

I would have stuck it out and tried to see past the appearance just because I was there, and tried to learn more about him to make an overall judgement - but I get it, it was really not for you and you were repulsed. That’s fair do’s. Each to their own.

I stuck it out for 30 minutes and honestly I really didn't see the point of staying after that.

I simply wasn't attracted to him and I didn't envision that changing with time.  

[itsallgrand]

Reading what you've wrote since, sounds like a different situation than just being relaxed and casual. You are saying dirty and gross lol and yeah no one finds that appealling. 

Not to obsess on the swimming thing, but I feel my best after that! My favorite exercise. Or any good work out. Brimming with a clearer head and good energy. 

Yeah I get how putting effort into appearance can improve your mood. It's one tool in the toolbox! Made me think of the ladies in the nursing home, and their hair and nail days, and seeing their spirits perk up. A lift to their chin. 

And it really makes sense with you opening a salon you are tuned into this. Congrats, by the way! 

 

 

 

[mylolita]

1 minute ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yeah it was pretty bad.  I didn't know quite how to describe him without trashing him and sounding overly judgy. 

Bottom line, he just wasn't for me in the looks/style department however he did get my brain spinning about title of this thread.

I spoke about it with a co-worker and she said there is no correlation between how she looks and how she feels.  She kinda made me feel like there was something wrong with me like I was overly concerned about appearance to compensate for something lacking within.

This is the same co-worker I am training so there are already issues between us, so I should probably let what she said go in one ear and out the other, I don't know.

I would take any opinion or advice with a grain of salt! 
 

There are probably lots of individual and varied things that make people feel at their best rainbows - looking great surely I imagine for most people is one of them, I don’t think you’re strange or overly concerned with appearance to feel that way. 
 

I guess the question might be, how important are looks to you yourself and also in other people? 
 

I’m a big fan of people being comfortable and secure in themselves and just, truly being themselves and enjoying their own quirks and nuances - embracing them! 
 

I also live a 5 minute walk from the beach and we have surfers here all through the year, it’s definitely a boho beachy hippy kinda town, but there are all sorts inbetween. 
 

I think the bare minimum for a date and for anytime, even just going to the shops, is to be clean. That’s surely a human, day to day basic?

 

I think someone being unhygienic on a date would put the majority of people off, so you’re not alone or overly concerned in that respect at all.

 

x
 

 

[Cherylyn]

I'm with you @rainbowsandroses.  I wouldn't want to be with a man who looks as if he just rolled out of bed,  didn't bother to shower,  wore frumpy clothes and acted as if he didn't care about the date or you!  😡It's disrespectful to you and rude.  It's actually selfish to put it bluntly.

A clean,  well groomed,  neat appearance can go a long way.  Then if you couple that with stellar character,    you have a winner.  There is nothing wrong with being picky and choosy.  It's a package deal to be sure.  🙂

[rainbowsandroses]

26 minutes ago, itsallgrand said:

You are saying dirty and gross lol and yeah no one finds that appealling. 

I wouldn't imagine any woman would when meeting a man for the first time on a date.... 

However, had he been wearing that same attire while working in his yard or at the market after playing basketball (for example), I may have had (and probably would have had) a completely different reaction.

After thinking this through more, what bothered me more than anything else (like his actual attire) was that he made zero effort to look "nice" for our meet and perhaps this sounds a bit entitled but I felt insulted by that.

It seemed arrogant to me that he didn't feel he should make any effort, like it should not matter and the fact he confronted me about it, asking:

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

WHY do I allow my appearance to influence my mood and how I feel?  IOW, why do I need to look good to feel good?

Just really rubbed me the wrong way...

Hope that clarifies my feelings about the sitch better....

[Batya33]

3 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Hey guys, last night I had a date with a guy I have been chatting online with for a few days.  Online, he was funny and charming, our conversations were light and fun.  Witty banter.   His pics were attractive (head shots) and he felt same about mine so we arranged a meet last night.

We met a local pub and without sounding too judgy he was dressed like an absolute slob.  Nice looking but it was obvious he made NO effort to look presentable.  At least IMO which is all that really matters since we were both there to determine if there was an in person connection.

Without trashing him, all I will say is that his style was messy and disheveled.  What appeared to be an old pair of baggy shorts, sandals and a tank top.  To be clear, I was also dressed casually, but I made an effort to shower, wash and style my hair (not overly so), minimal makeup, clean clothes (low rise jeans and a pretty casual top and cute strapless sandals). It did not take long but I did make that effort.

Anyway, I tried not to be, but I was immediately put off.  He could tell my energy and demeanor were opposite of how I interacted with him online. TBH I was completely turned off. 

So after about 30 minutes I politely told him it was nice to finally meet him but I was taking off.  He wouldn’t accept that and kept asking me why and what was wrong, ugh.

Long story short, at his urging, I ended up telling him the truth.  I didn’t harshly criticize him but we got into this discussion about appearances and I told him for ME when meeting someone for the first time, I prefer to be at my best including my appearance.  I make that effort.  That it makes me feel better, and influences my energy and how I appear to others which is important to me.

That does not mean all dolled up, that’s not my style anyway especially for a first meet.  Special occasions, then of course I dress appropriate to the occasion.

HE then started arguing with me about it!   WHY do I allow my appearance to influence my mood and how I feel?  IOW, why do I need to look good to feel good?

I REALLY didn’t feel like getting into it so I responded I never thought too deeply about it, it is what it is. Who I am.  When I look good, I feel good.

I also told him I think it sends the covert message to people that I care to make a good impression, to make the effort to be well put together.  After some mindless back and forth, he accepted it and I left and walked home (alone) but of course I began thinking about this and wanted to get other opinions about it. 

What are your thoughts about it?   Does how you look impact how you feel?   That when you look good, you feel good?

I dunno I have always been this way, and I am not really questioning it or who I am, but it DID get me thinking about how much emphasis I place on physical appearance.

Thoughts?

Thanks!

I had that exact experience -we met a fancy mall -very high end -and we were going to go for a drink but when he showed up exactly as you described there was no way I was going inside the fancy bar with him.  So I suggested the bookstore downstairs which had a small cafe and ended the date after 30 minutes.  Luckily he never asked why.

Also he knew exactly what the plan was. He looked unhoused to be honest.  I always looked appropriate and presentable for a first meet or date.  Neat, clean, appropriate dress for what we planned to do.  With a fun exception -when my future husband wanted to meet last minute for our catch up dinner I was at work and no time to go home and change. 

So basically it was a plain layered t-shirt, pants and it was hot out so - that's it.  I think I had some makeup on and my hair was ok but having one of those frizz ball humidity days.  Anyway by accident he went to the wrong restaurant (with the same name!) so when he arrived he was sweaty lol.  Dressed fine but yes a bit disheveled and sheepish!  Obviously that was totally fine and we knew each other for a long time -he cleaned up nice.

Obviously there's a range but at minimum yes -clean, neat, dressed appropriately for the plan.

 

[rainbowsandroses]

23 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

It's disrespectful to you and rude.  It's actually selfish to put it bluntly.   

Did you read my last post?  I just posted it.  But yeah you got it!  That is exactly how I felt.  I felt insulted by it.

I am not telling the gentlemen what to do, but when you have a first "meet/date" with a new woman and you give a ****, please at least try to make an effort to look nice.  Clean and put together.

It makes a difference....

 

[rainbowsandroses]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

This may be a good slogan for your business....  

Just saw this^ and you just gave me a great idea, thanks!!!

 

[Coily]

Dress and appearance are a topic where it is in eye of the beholder. 

That said It's perfectly fine to criticize, and harshly, someone you are on a date with. Maybe not in a confrontation,  but  this guy he needed to be told off a bit due to his attitude. 

I think it was Dias' grandmother earlier, posited the idea that dress on a date is a matter of it being for yourself, not for the other person. I heartily endorse that. I prefer putting on a suit and tie, but have to dress down on average, so I'm not over dressed. It's not to be a snob or bore, but it's been my style for years. 

 

 

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, Coily said:

I think it was Dias' grandmother earlier, posited the idea that dress on a date is a matter of it being for yourself, not for the other person.

Yes he did in response to my post saying the same.  I look nice for ME and when I look nice/good, I feel good and when I feel good, my mood and energy is higher which translates to having a better chance at connecting with people....  both women (as friends) and men (as romantic partners or friends).

My experience anyway....

 

[Batya33]

4 hours ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Does looking good impact how you feel?  That was my question.

For me, when I look like crap, I tend to also feel like crap (internally).

Re your nightly skin care regimen (which if you recall is my thing, I am in the process of purchasing a beauty salon), what were you doing?

Cause it is kinda weird that since you stopped your skin feels better.  Sometimes certain products with certain chemicals and additives can actually dry your skin.

So here's a thing I discovered.  As I get older my priority is feeling clean and healthy and fit.  Meaning priority over - fashionable clothes and makeup/jewelry accessories, etc.  But. In the last 6 months or so I realized I just feel -icky- with no makeup on at all even when I'm just taking the child to the bus stop then going shopping.  I feel washed out looking.  So I've gone back to wearing makeup daily.  Not a full face of makeup unless I have a work zoom meeting and I also tend to put on more makeup after I shower (I wash up in the morning before doing the school bus run but not shower yet).  I feel much better wearing makeup again -covid times -I stopped -I mean -masks plus where were we going??

I don't really do my hair other than for meetings.  But it's clean and neat as well.  I too think it's rude and disrespectful to show up looking unclean/disheveled or dressed inappropriately for a plan with a friend or a date where you're going to a place with some sort of dress code or understanding.  I mean yes I used  to show up for parent walks at my son's school in my workout gear -because that was the purpose of the walks in our park - but I still was clean enough and presentable.  

I would never have argued with that guy -if he doesn't get it - he was never going to.  I'm sorry you wasted your time meeting him!

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, Coily said:

That said It's perfectly fine to criticize, and harshly, someone you are on a date with.

I don't agree with that at all @Coily  It serves no good purpose to do that, he/she is who he is, just because I personally don't like a man's style, that's not to say another woman wouldn't.

Even THIS man's style.  

And I did not do that, and never would. Again perhaps something got lost in translation but his appearance was actually irrelevant, what mattered to me was the covert message it sent.

Like he didn't give a shyt.  Lazy.

And I was turned off by it...  Immediately.

Even when he asked why I was leaving, insisted on knowing, I didn't criticize his attire.  I just told him that a man making effort re his appearance before a date is important to me.

That's when he launched into the bit asking WHY..... blah blah.

Hope that clarifies..

 

 

[Batya33]

12 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Yes he did in response to my post saying the same.  I look nice for ME and when I look nice/good, I feel good and when I feel good, my mood and energy is higher which translates to having a better chance at connecting with people....  both women (as friends) and men (as romantic partners or friends).

My experience anyway....

 

On a date or for an important occasion I also do it for the other people -to show them I cared about showing up and looking nice.  I went to many many fancy places, events, parties when I dated and when I had an SO and as part of a women's networking group I was involved in for years  etc and for some there was a specific dress code including black tie/formal.  I enjoyed dressing up and I did it for myself and those who invited me -it matters especially at work events or networking events that your SO is with someone who looks put together.   

[rainbowsandroses]

3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

On a date or for an important occasion I also do it for the other people -to show them I cared about showing up and looking nice. 

I think that is important too.  I mean look how my date's lack of effort re his appearance affected me?  Again it sent me a very clear message he didn't give a *.

Which was the actual turn off.

So to me both things are important.  Looking good for ME and showing others that I give a shyt (excuse my french, lol). 

Especially a first meet!

 

[Coily]

9 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

I don't agree with that at all @Coily  It serves no good purpose to do that, he/she is who he is, just because I personally don't like a man's style, that's not to say another woman wouldn't.

Even THIS man's style.  

And I did not do that, and never would. Again perhaps something got lost in translation but his appearance was actually irrelevant, what mattered to me was the covert message it sent.

Like he didn't give a shyt.  Lazy.

And I was turned off by it...  Immediately.

Even when he asked why I was leaving, insisted on knowing, I didn't criticize his attire.  I just told him that a man making effort re his appearance before a date is important to me.

That's when he launched into the bit asking WHY..... blah blah.

Hope that clarifies..

 

 

When I say criticize harshly,  that doesn't mean I confront someone. More, I take a measure of someone and decide if I want to invest further.

But that's me, I don't mind being judgemental when it comes to someone I could spend my life with. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, mylolita said:

The Koreans who are famed for having the most youthful, clear and glowing skin notoriously take at least one day/night away from any products. The thinking behind this is, it allows the skin to breathe. 

I did not know this! So interesting and smart.  I feel like this - more clean/glowing after working out but -- I haven't taken a day away from all products.  I have genetically good skin.  The number one thing I believe improved my skin especially in the last couple of years (I am 57 -so -wrinkles/some age spots) - was increasing water intake and giving up diet soda (maybe in the last 5 years I've had diet soda - 2 or 3 times?) - I didn't increase water for my skin but I think that's why.  Same idea maybe to what you wrote -the skin when hydrated breathes better.  I have dry skin so maybe that' why I noticed even more.

[rainbowsandroses]

21 minutes ago, Coily said:

But that's me, I don't mind being judgemental when it comes to someone I could spend my life with. 

Oh I do agree with judging in that sense, silently.  I interpreted your post differently based on your previous post (below bolded).

53 minutes ago, Coily said:

That said It's perfectly fine to criticize, and harshly, someone you are on a date with. Maybe not in a confrontation, but this guy he needed to be told off a bit due to his attitude. 

Not my place to tell him off no matter how arrogant his attitude was.  It was one meet.

My opinion and it's fine if you or others disagree.

Me?  I quietly and politely exit the situation, works better for me...

This man confronted me wanting to know why, so after some reluctance on my part, I told him.

That was the first time that ever happened, typically again I simply politely excuse myself and leave.

[Batya33]

3 minutes ago, rainbowsandroses said:

Oh I do agree with judging in that sense, silently.  I interpreted your post differently based on your previous post (below bolded).

Not my place to tell him off no matter how arrogant his attitude was.  My opinion and it's fine if you or others disagree.

Me?  I quietly and politely exit the situation, works better for me...

This man confronted me wanting to know why, so after some reluctance on my part, I told him.

That was the first time that ever happened, typically again I simply politely excuse myself and leave.

Yes I would feel off base/thrown too if someone I just met insisted on discussing the issue.  I likely would have said some excuse to make a quick exit.