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Everything posted by Coily

  1. It's unfortunate that there is so much pressure to make choices on gender or group identity, rather than just being who you are or want to be. It's far far more important that you figure out your career path, navigate relationships if you want one, and discover your talents; than being hung up about gender and how one dresses or has hair cut. Labels are useless compared to who you are at heart. Don't let anyone shove you in a corner and tell you that if you do X then that means you need to change your body.
  2. While he may have been undiplomatic I get where he's coming from, having fled dates due the smell factor. Some people are very sensitive to smells, everyone stinks in their own unique way (and sometimes we don't notice our normal funk). Aside from his nose factor, how is the relationship otherwise? There may be genuine concern, or he's just looking for an out.
  3. Having been a guy with very painful and non-surgically correctable shoulder problems I have asked strangers for help time to time, though subluxations are kind of obvious. BUT I have never obsessed over someone's legs before hand, which is rather inappropriate.
  4. I just have to wonder if the OP being proud of her friend's modeling career may have put in the BF's brain that he needs to pay special attention to the model friend? It does strike me as odd he is carrying on this way, but maybe he thinks this is being supportive in a weird way. The only way to get at the root of this is a genuine conversation between the OP and BF, "calling him out" will just lead to lies and deception at this stage.
  5. Sorry to be harsh, but he is a hedonistic bum. Unfortunately you invested more into him than he was willing to invest in himself, and he would have eventually pulled you down into that churning cesspit. You did the only thing that you could, otherwise you would have to bear the brunt of tending to an adult toddler. OP, you sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and feeling empty after investing so much of yourself into someone takes a toll. Now time to find someone who isn't a burden and won't whine when you try to help.
  6. So a couple of things: What is the generic nature of the business you two work in? And relative positions? I think this is very important in understanding the type of communication the two of you are engaging in. Also is this a pattern of behavior with your husband or a one off? Are you both all work/task focused or do you both make time to play with your child? Is it possible for you to reduce hours or quit your job, IF that is something you would want? In the past how were your friendships? Were these confidants or were they more fluff lets hang out types? I am not a fan of how your husband is acting, but I want to dig a little before making an opinion on that. I think the bigger question is what do you want to do about being socially isolated? Others have made great suggestions, I would throw in Meet-up groups as a way to find activities and people to meet. I have people in my life that one would also consider friendless, they tend to be either hyper career or family focused. Would your husband be supportive of you finding friends or is he wanting you to limit yourself to family?
  7. Could be many things. She could have lots of restrictions on who can see her profile, not uncommon. Doubt it's a block since you can still message her. I would say start with the chat, a simple "hey remember me from X class?" As it's been a while let her take time to respond, don't hound her for a response as you will get no where and come off as a jerk. Do play some catch up with her IF she wants to chat.
  8. The whole "lets stay friends" thing is often just a way to keep on good enough terms so when they get bored they have someone to use (ego boost, sex, etc). Do yourself a favor and don't let them play mind games with you, burn the bridge no longer in use and walk away.
  9. After, as Wiseman2 said, you send her a friend request, ask her questions about school or her life. But most importantly listen to what she has to say. Also don't be afraid to be yourself, as shy and awkward as you may think that is. If she's interested you two will find something to chat about. It can be a huge nerve wracking experience the first venture into dating, but it will help you down the road. Best of luck!
  10. Yikes! This guy is garbage, stinking on hottest day of the year garbage. The fact he's acting as if one of the most intimate acts people do is no big deal to share; is horrific. Honestly sounds like he's grooming you into a swingers lifestyle, without your consent. Run.
  11. I work in the cellular field, and will tell you that this sort of problem is not uncommon. A huge huge part of reception problems stem from coverage, indoors and out, Obvious. What most people do not understand is that the short distance it takes from your phone to the tower then travels through 10s to 100s of miles to a switch. Which then goes to another switch and could get translated into another cell phone carrier or the internet. If in the US, you use wireless reseller (not ATT, VZW, T-Mobile) you get lower priority in the network. If you use a lot of data, again lower priority. a 3rd party app can also lower the priority. In theory you two could be on different sides of the street and still hop through 2-3 switches, causing delays or lost data. Also poor reception can cause battery drains, as the phone is searching constantly for signal. I could throw a lot more technical data at you, but the long and short of it is your GF probably has crappy cell reception, crappy internet access, and you are over thinking this side of things.
  12. How is your mother doing? Before she was diagnosed how is your relationship with her, and has that changed since you moved to Michigan? From my initial read through to me it seems you are feeling guilty for not being more supportive of her. That is also causing you to throw everything you currently have into serious doubt, which I think your therapist will help you see more clearly. One suggestion, if you were to consider changing job, could you take a few weeks and go spend that time with your family? Which would either reinforce your want to return or allow you to evaluate what you have vs the greener grass. I hope you find your answers.
  13. Is there a language or cultural barrier in how she phrased "see other people?" There is an element of maybe she's already seeing other people and is offering it as an out to ease her conscious. Or she's wanting a quick path to permanent residency. Or it could be she's spooked with the marriage talk when her future is unpredictable right now. It's really hard to say at this point. I really think you should have a good discussion of what she means by you seeing other people, and express your investment in the current relationship.
  14. Untreated Bi Polar is a bad place to start, then start with getting non-communicative upset over a reaction to a bombshell; has bad news written all over it. Any one of those things will strain a relationship, but he's given you the trifecta of a bad decision to continue seeing him. Also honestly when someone needs time to think, and won't engage in any conversation they're looking for an out most likely.
  15. I find that in that sort of professional setting is to pretend to acknowledge it, then just move on and keep doing what I do professionally. As long as your communications are professional, then that's all that matters in the eyes of management and customers.
  16. Does the argument revolve around the trigger, or does he make at about everything else? I've seen the latter quite a few times, definitely needs to find an outlet other than you. What have you done to help him go out and explore more locally? It's a heavy burden for you, but if he can gain some confidence he'll venture out on his own more, and have friends to vent to. When the cycle started did his body/self image change as well? It maybe a minor thing, but do you call him handsome regularly? I do not think it's fair that he uses your relationship as a bludgeon for his insecurities, but maybe there are some tools there you can use to get him to help himself. Hopefully he will find some professional help, but it sounds like he has a stigma attached to it.
  17. Sorry you are going through this roller coaster. You mention your husband has a cycle of emotions, is there a regular patter to them? Such as work place goings on, or vacations, or some external trigger? Is there something between the two of you that starts these cycles? Just trying to get more information, as there is a possibility of Bi-polar (but I'm not a doctor so I won't say more on that). Does he have friends or hobbies that gets him out of the home? Aka does he have healthy outlets that he can confide in?
  18. This situation is a wreck that you could see on soap operas. Next someone's evil twin will show up. Seriously, I think you need to remove yourself from these terrible people. A wants everything without any of the responsibilities of being honest with you, and later hiding behind the poly excuse is worse. A & B are nothing but disruptions to you health and well-being, move on to better people to associate with and date.
  19. I think Boltnrun is really touching on something here; in these LDRs a lot of people (myself included) get more attached to the idea of someone, or the relationship, than reality of what is going on. OP, you are wanting to keep the illusion going, and this hiccough is more disruptive to you than to him.
  20. You have given him 8 years and nothing in return that could be classified as devotion or affection. Toss this guy bum out of your life and don't look back. I think this will do wonders for your mental health and growth, since if the math is right you've been dating since 16 (?). It sounds like you are comfortable in this terrible routine, yes being single again after 8 years will be scary; but I think it will do you a world of good! Time to be the best Whitsand3 you can be, enjoy and grow. Find yourself, and eventually someone who will not only post about you on social media, but will treat you better than you've ever dreamed (and without any gas illumination).
  21. More Gaslighting than Victorian London! Run as fast as you can from this, then jump into a sports car and go faster!
  22. Honestly this sounds like a neighbor in my neighborhood. It has to do with being lonely and needing some human interactions, nothing to do with dating or even really being friends. This guy sounds isolated, so yeah he is doing odd things like looking at people outside; since maybe he can't himself. OP you seem to be looking for motivations that just don't seem to match up with the what we've been told. If you don't enjoy conversing then don't invite him or out on a date by any means, but also don't ascribe motivations that aren't evident.
  23. Clearly you need to rent a giant penis costume and follow Viv around asking "if this is okay?" Seriously though, if in your shoes I was still considering the hen party and you're willing to drop a a little for straws etc, just send a list to R and to hades with Viv. Viv sounds like she's a control freak who either wants to be the hero of the moment or some puritanical weirdo. As to Ceremony vs reception, I have been to two that were that way. They had a limited budget for food, so only invited a small handful of people for the reception, and it was really just a meal not a big shindig. But either way it's up to you if you want to spend your time on any of this.
  24. Ah good ol' Museum drama, had my fill of it once upon a time, the gears always turn slower. It sounds like this <your favorite insult> is digging her own grave with a steam shovel. I would not be surprised if the Executive Director has been noticing a trend from work place performances, and observations. If my previous experiences with that sort of data collection bear on this, he and the rest of the higher ups want her gone with cause. In order to make it improbable for her to sue the museum, which she seems vindictive ans shortsighted enough to try. Keep Pressing on!
  25. Here for the saucy comments, was not disappointed. (Pun intended.)
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