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Coldarmy13

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  1. I think he’s more worried about whether she isn’t telling the whole truth about her friend “not being into girls”.
  2. Arguments with much resolution so early on to me point to incompatibility. Of that indeed was her anonymously messaging you with that, then shows negative traits, not positive one or ones toward reconciliation. Good job with no contact so far, as many with tell you, that is for you. There are times I’ve had to tell myself maybe they’ll come back if I don’t reach out, but that’s just to empower myself. Or to make it seem a little easier to leave it be. I’ve gone through it enough times to know that it does get better and you do heal by not hanging around or talking to your ex. She left you and hurt you. Even if that was her it’s breadcrumbs and bad ones. Anything other than her calling you and explaining that she made a mistake and would like to reconcile would warrant any response. Only then would I even consider the conversation (yes a good talk to weigh your options and what exactly went wrong). Even then, do you really want to risk going back, or start fresh with someone new?
  3. It never hurts to ask. Just ask her confidently and with no pressure. It should be easier the more you do it. I don’t even worry at all asking a woman out anymore. Granted that’s after enough times and plenty of rejection. You said you are plenty fine with remaining just friends so really should be no pressure. Good luck man go get her.
  4. Agreed. Not all that long ago I struggled with a new short term relationship ending and it really blindsided me. Never saw it coming and I was surprised at how heartbroken I was over it. I managed to maintain NC ever since and haven’t heard from her either. I’m glad I did because I feel like I kept some self respect. My point is, in the month following I had a strong desire, for a couple of nights, to send flowers to her home. Saying no hard feelings and that she’s still a great person (which I do believe). I almost convinced myself it would make me feel good and that I wasn’t wanting a reaction or response to them. I let that simmer for awhile in my mind and didn’t act on my hearts impulses. A few days later I was so glad I didn’t and my emotions were clouding everything including actions and I wasn’t thinking clearly. I never sent them or even a text since the break up, a part of me can hang my hat on that and so could you. Doesnt mean she’s a bad person or wanted to hurt you. She just made a choice based on how she felt. I still think the world of my ex but she’s gone and I accept that and respect her now for being honest and leaving me instead of dragging things on. LSS, don’t send her any gifts or messages unless you really are willing to accept friendship or nothing. She left you, let her leave you and not give her the gift of you missing her.
  5. Is this something you’ve always known about? Before you moved in with this family? She may just take you for granted. Since you live there and I’m sure you give out enough to her that she knows how much you care. As you should by the way. Communication is key and you’ve tried, are you willing to stay if nothing changes? Because I don’t think they will. That leaves one option.
  6. No, I typically don’t do resolutions. I did make it to the new year. It was just particularly rough because we had NY plans that were supposed to stretch into a nice weekend together so I had all that time just to myself. Since nothing is open and no one is going anywhere.
  7. Maybe i missed something, but at 6 months, why not spend time with each other at each others houses during these lockdowns?
  8. I figured the pandemic would make those types of apps not as useful. I also live in a suburb so I’d doubt there’s much of that going on around here.
  9. All very fair points. The most recent one I thought all going amazing and had LT potential. Of course we were still getting to know each other still and required much more time before going any where near where maybe it sounds like I thought it “was”. I was happy and having fun, maybe I use too serious of a term by using “potential”. The long term ex.. is very very much far back in my mind and heart. It was dying slowly at the end so it just worked itself out. I can say I’m over her indefinitely. I didn’t mean I would start a paid account tomorrow. Maybe I enjoy sharing the idea of dating again with others here sort of as a later idea. That that part of my life isn’t over, that I could find someone again. Not necessarily that I NEED to find someone again. thank you for putting so much into that reply though I always take advice to heart. Maybe I see it as future planning. I’m sure there are many many folks here with experience and opinions on the paid vs free OLD world.
  10. So after 2.5 year relationship ended awhile back (it needed to). I was able to recover much faster than some other times before that. It wasn’t messy and the ex decided she wanted to move out of state. I even helped her pack up her truck and we were very cordial toward the end. We lived together for a little over a year, so with that arrangement, it took her about a month to plan and move t of state to be lost to her parents. LSS she suggested we break up on a Monday, then on that Thursday she lied about where she was going and days after I heard from a mutual friend she was out in a bar with a bar dancing and making out. In my mind, she was minimally emotionally cheating before suggesting we go out separate ways only 3 days before. Unless she just drew his name out of a hat. Flash forward about a month and I got an out of the blue match on my dormant OKC account. I was hurt and mad so I reactivated it not long after the break, but couldn’t find much of any motivation to actually search/contact anyone. This match seemed pretty nice and I reached out. Exchanged a couple pleasantries and I suggested a date. Radio silence. No big deal, I remember how common that was in OLD so I let it go for about 2.5 weeks. At that point, I was out with friends at a pub and I brought up the same thread with this woman and I sent another message. “So, no?”. To my surprise an hour later she responded and apologized saying she had a lot going on, including a funeral and just missed the message or forgot to get back to it, I don’t remember. I worries either way I suggested a meet up/date and she agreed and we set the date. We lived about 25 minutes apart and she drove down near me and we met and talked over beers for about 5 hours. Was really quite amazing and I had a great time. We parted with a quick peck on the lips that I initiated and exchanged texts when she got home saying we had great times and should do it again soon. Two days later I reached out again asking about another date on which she agreed and off we went. We continued seeing each other over the next 2.5 months, and it was really as happy as I’ve been with someone in a long time. We really saw each other every 4 days at least. Sharing who drove back and forth. Pandemic really limited what we could go out and do but we made it fun whether we went out or stayed in. Flash forward to the end: with NYE plans made and two days after we had for the first time met each other’s families on Xmas eve and day.. she suggested we should be friends. I was in shock and did my best to hold it together on the phone. She thought we were just two different kinds of people and that, in the long run, that would magnify and cause issues. I respectfully disagreed with her, as I thought we were still very much getting to know each other so soon and not given a ton of opportunity to go out and experience long weekends and activities together. She loved snowmobiling and going on long weekends up north (Michigan term). I can be a bit of a homebody sometimes and lack anything up there so I hadn’t experienced anything like that. I still showed interest (or so I thought) I’m doing these types of things for the first time, as I felt really alive around her and was totally up for trying new things together. My explanations didn’t sway her. She apologized a couple of times. She told me how really happy she was that she met me. Thanked me for all the nice thing I said and did for her. Wished me a happy New Years and wished me “all the best because I deserve it”. She also said she wanted to make sure I’d be okay. I thanked her and told her I would be okay eventually and that I’d really miss her very much. Wished her a good NY and a good evening and we said goodbye for the last time. That stung way more than I thought it would, but showed me that there are good women still out there. I thought we were going someplace promising, but it wasn’t meant to be. I truly am in a place now since that ended that I want something very meaningful and long term that could light that fire inside of me again. It will be very difficult to find someone with her qualities I saw in her (Beautiful, hilarious, had her life together, no children, sexy, no ex drama, nice family), and in my mid thirties now(36), I know that narrows the pool down quite a ways. I feel like it is worth a real try though. I still have that OKC, I have a Bumble and Tinder. All free accounts that I don’t put much stock into. Rare to get any matches whatsoever, which made my last ex such a find (or so I thought). I was considering a paid account for the first time. Anyone have any success with any particular service. I was leaning towards Match over eharmony. Half the price and as much praise. Any advice could help. Thank you. C
  11. Great news man. Take a breath and enjoy.
  12. Yeah, she has a life, same as you. If she had cancelled and not offered an alternative day for the date then that would be another issue. Then i wouldve put the ball in her court and not contact her until she suggested a new date. She offered Sunday, if that didnt work for you, then you both couldve chose a slightly later date that wouldve worked.
  13. While her cancelling im sure was disappointing to say the least, she did offer an immediate alternative. Thats usually a good sign. Definitely be a bit more flexible and patient next time. I find women test all the time especially in the beginning.
  14. She doesnt have a facebook, and only an instagram that she rarely updates at all. Thats probably what hurts too. I cant think of anything negative to say about her, and still think the world of her. I just wasnt enough for her or couldnt keep her happy enough or share enough of her hobbies, idk.
  15. This crap is getting worse as it gets later. I’ve managed so stay away from any alcohol in the fridge despite not wanting to feel this anymore tonight. Unfortunately nothing going friends wise it seems so no distractions are really available.
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