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shishi2

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  1. I wrote before about this --> so this is an update of a kind. I messaged to my ex and told him I need to talk. I am waiting for a call from him so I can solve this out and tell him I have a boyfriend and maybe our contact needs to be more seldom. I then proceeded to saying to my new boyfriend about the first ex (the abusive one). Not everything just that I have been mistreated a lot (he hit me multiple times and was stalking me, I was living in extreme fear for two years) so he knows how I feel. He is very nice and supportive and thank god for that. The problem now is that I think I have major ptsd. Things I forgot about are coming back and I panic, I dont know how to explain that. I think it is because my new bf is someone new and he asks things about me and my past (so he can get to know me) some things that I have completely forgot about are coming back. This bottled up for 3 days until out nowhere I had a panic attack, I felt extremely dizzy in the beggining the I wanted to throw up and then I had difficulty breathing and I realised what was happening. Why is that? I am having a nice time with someone healthy for once and why is this big wave is trying to kill it? Please I know most of you will tell me to visit a therapist. Unfortunately I want to inform you that not all governments provide free therapy, not all of us have insurance, and therapy in my country is really expensive. (80eur each visit, meaning around 300 a month, in a country with lowest income being 530eur a month. lol.) I wish I could go but it is really for the elit here..
  2. I have not talked to the abusive one for years. I mean the second one. Most of my friends have stayed friends with their exes. He is really important to me as a person and I want him in my life. Rushing things for me is: He is repeating how much he likes me and how I am his girlfriend he introduces me as that to everyone and he makes plans for us for the near future (three months from now). I dont know how to act. Nobody has ever been that expressive with me and I dont want him to feel rejected.
  3. Because when we broke things of we agreed to stay friends and said not to talk about romantic and sexual experiences to each other (because of egoistic jealusy and things like that might ruin it) until we are both ready. He is in a medical situation for the past 2 months and he repeated to me that he wants to talk but he does not want to know if I have a new boyfriend or not he is not ready for this. And I respect this.
  4. Hello. I am 28 years old (f) and I am dating a very nice 28 year old man. He is the sweetest and most kind person I have ever met, and we have been seeing each other for 3 months. He has told me that he has never felt this way and that he is in love for the first time after a long time (his last big relationship ended when he was 24), which is very nice and flattering. We are having a very good time together. I have ptsd from past relationships. My first longterm (18-23) was with an abusive man got me in severe depression and insomniac episodes, an abortion, and a lot of violence (physical and verbal). When I got out of this I met my second relationship after a year, which was a very good person that I loved very much, but was very cold emotionally distant and made me feel unsure about our future together. He took care of me and loved me but I believe I just wasnt the "one" for him or he was to young to commit to something more serious (I could and I wanted to marry, even though he was not as emotional and sensitive I was). This relationship ended because of long distance that occured for the last year that could not be solved. I also started losing interest in him (sexual) and I saw him more than a best friend/brother. We did not end it on bad terms and we talk once a week (the most) for 10 minutes. (the relationship ended last year around June but lets say officially at september. My new bf is nothing like I have ever seen. He is understanding and nice, he likes doing things for me all the time to keep me happy he is not hotheaded and I like him a lot. Sex is very good too. I just feel like I need more time emotionally to be able to express myself and I feel like he is on a rush. On the other hand I was exactly like that with my ex (fell too fast and he could not follow, but in the end he might never really felt that much) so I am worried now. Am I projecting? Am I becoming my past experiences of rejection? Last night I told him that I spoke with my ex (he asked if we still speak) and he got sad. He told me that he can understand that I want a friendly relationship with that man but that he thinks its too soon and it is making him uncomfortable. He also said that he wants me to tell my ex about him (something I dont feel ready to do yet, we discuss everything but not our sexual and romantic interest yet, even though I hope that we will get there.) I dont know what to do.
  5. I am in my native country, I cant go back to my hometown there is a restriction at city trasport too. I know the language. I am working from home so I dont ever interact with any coworkers I just speak on the phone with my boss. I start in the morning and finish a little bit before the ending of the curfew. I dont have time to see any sunlight. I have thought of going out before work but since I never sleep on time or at all I oversleep in the morning so I can work..I also dont have a health insurance right know because my work papers have to go through a six month thing to get through and be valid (still 2 left)..
  6. Hello. Starting I want to wish health to you all at these difficult times. I hope you are doing well. I live in a poor european country and last year I finished university(I am an engineer) and moved to a big city to find a job. I was here 2 months when COVID started so I did not have any time to find friends and a social life. Since september we are doomed with the worst covid restrictions of the whole continent. I can only go out for doctors and markets until 9pm and then I am considered illegal and I get a fine half my salary if I get caught. I live in the centre of the city so there is too much police checking on everyone making me afraid to go out of the house. I live in a small flat with 2 other roomates who have their own lives and dont really get along, and we have no living room so I spend the whole day in my small room. I am not allowed to have guests over and I really have no friends here yet. The flat is not very exposed to the sun and I feel like living at night 24/7. I got back with my ex bf due to this I think who is long distance (that was the reason I broke up with him) which hurts me more some days bc I miss him much and I want to visit but I cant. I work 10 hours a day really underpaid, I can hardly make it. The real problem is I suffer from insomnia seen I was a teen. I have managed to get over it with a lot of effort the past 2 years after an extensive depressive episode with no sleep and suicidal thoughts that lasted 6 months. I dont have the money to visit a therapist, even though I really want to and the free therapists the government provides are no good. There is a long waiting list and you only go once a month and the therapist may change after a couple of months, so it did not work for me. I am exhausted from this situation I cant sleep at all I wake up every 2 hours from nightmares and I cant concentrate on my work and I am afraid that I will lose my job.
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