NM2023

So sorry it happened to you. If she is not cheating, she is not respecting you either. You need to put your foot down, never allow someone to treat you this way. This is borderline abusive behavior coming from her. You are her husband and you need to make her respect you. You do not need to worry about anything, you simply need to reposition yourself in your marriage because right now, the scales are unbalanced. Let her know that from now on, you will not accept.... list everything you don't want to accept... and stick to your request. The reason why she is acting this way is because she sees you as a weak man and it always happens to men who are kind because some women mistaken kindness for weakness. So go ahead, tell her that there is a sheriff in town and list the new rules. Chances are, when you change your behavior, she will change hers too.

You went no contact for a reason, so each time you are tempted to go check his profile, remind yourself the reason why you went no contact. No contact is not about the other person, no contact is all about you and improving your life. So each time you are tempted to check him out, redirect your thoughts to build yourself up. Once you do that enough, it will become a habit and you will win. Chances are, after a while, the guy that lives rent free in your head, will mean nothing to you very soon. You may even wonder how in the world you wasted so much time with such a loser. Well, this is just speculation however, when we go no contact, it's usually for a very good reason. I wish you success in your journey.

I wish this scenario would be a possibility but we have a common acquaintance who just told us this weekend that she not only goes to the previous gym but also the gym we now to go. He told us that she posted the pics of her at these two facilities on her social media, we cannot see her profile because she is blocked. I am dreading coming face to face with her again because my blood boils each time I think of the manipulative games she plays. I know I have to keep my cool but it is so difficult to do. I would have had more respect for her if she disappeared after my husband told her on the phone in front of me that she means nothing to him. That's how you know we are dealing with a special kind of psycho. I also have a feeling that she wants to provoke my husband in trying to make him regret leaving her. This has created a lot of new anxiety in me, because it's already hard to deal with the situation as is and try to work on my marriage but her showing up in our space and family's house is truly disturbing. I am glad that my husband is on board with me, showing me that he will do anything to fix his wrongs but this part is the hardest one to deal with for me. Thank you so much for your support and your kindness too.

I am so sorry to hear that, it's true that some of us may have different reasons to fear for our safety. The idea of pausing the membership is a good one. My husband already paused his membership on the first gym where he met her and did not go back since then. Instead, he got a new membership on this new gym but guess what? She found out and got one two. There is only two gyms with pool in our town and we love to swim so it was easy for her to find out. So now, in order to avoid seeing her there, we go later in the day when we know she is taking care of her daughter, so far we have been successful at not seeing her again but then, she popped up at my mother in law's house. This is a crazy situation. This is also a team effort, my husband keeps telling me that he is sorry he put me through all this and he is willing to do anything to fix it. So he never goes working out alone anymore, we go together and sometimes, we do not go at all. I pray this woman disappears forever, that she gets tired and finds someone else to entertain her. Thank you for sharing this with me, it truly helps to know what we are not alone in this and the community in this group has been fantastic.

Thank you so much for sharing tips and advices and for joining the conversation. I appreciate you. When we are in pain, it can be difficult to see how to deal with unwanted situation after an affair. Sharing with the community has been a tremendous help. I am sincerely grateful for the support, I now have confirmation on what I should do and I could have done it with you and without the community. Thank you.

Thank you so much for your message, it is a blessing to read it. I appreciate your support and I am very thankful for you joining the conversation.

From the bottom of my heart, I beg you to run from your sister in law. She is your wife's sister, how can you even formulated "feelings" for her. What you are experiencing are more "lust" feelings and your brain is playing games with you. If you had a brother, how would you feel if your wife started to lust on him? Please don't do it, if you want to be able to look at yourself in the mirror without feeling disgusted. This is too serious, too risky too. I am sure you know that and you shouldn't stay alone with your sister in law. Try to avoid her, this is the best you can do for yourself and for your marriage.

Thank you for your advices. The other woman is coming around because he did allow her to in the past. Since then, I can testify that he told her that it was over and that they can never work out together again. He told her that she means nothing to her and that he has no feeling for her, he asked her to never go back to his mom's house and not to call his phone again. Then he blocked her. After all this, she still showed up at the gym when he and I were working out and he did not even acknowledge her, so I suspect that she is not taking rejection too well. She thought he probably was in love with her and her feelings are probably hurt. She is a married woman, I could have hurt her real bad by letting her husband knows how she cheats on him but I did not. You would think that out of respect and appreciation, she would leave us alone but instead she keeps pushing the envelop. I am unsure of what she is capable of and if I sense any danger, I will file a police report and get a permit to carry a gun for self defense. As I was mentioning earlier, a mistress of a married man in our town went to her married lover's house to hit the wife with a hammer, so resentment from a mistress is never to be taken lightly. Thank you also for your kind words, it is true that at when I heard about the affair, I was wondering what did she have that made my husband risk to loose it all and then, when I saw her and saw how she was sleeping around not only with my husband but with other men she meets online, I couldn't understand. This made no sense. I guess some things are not meant to be understood. Thank you for your advices and tips, it's good to be able to share without being judged.

Thank you for your message, it is truly refreshing to read it. If need be, we will take the legal route, somehow I hope we won't have to however, so far, she has not respected our boundaries. My husband told her to never go back to his mom's house and yet, she showed up there late in the evening, a few days ago. This is an indication that she is either unstable or refuses to respect our space. Either way, it's bad news. My mother in law even told her not to come back to her house, so we shall see if she respects her wishes, if not, we will definitely have to act and hire an attorney. Thank you for your advices, I truly appreciate you joining the conversation.

I am so sorry to hear that you have been cheated on too and sorry also that despite all of your efforts, you were unable to rebuild the trust. When I forgave my husband, I also forgave his affair partner, I know her husband and even though I was angry about the whole situation, I never said anything to her husband. My husband knows her husband and they became friends, or so they thought because real friends do not betray one another this way. I have noticed that he wanted me to become friend with her when I started to suspect something, this is pretty sick like you said and this is one of the first thing we had to address when he revealed his affair. I came across a Youtube channel called "Affair recovery" and it addresses some of these issues. The recovery will take time for sure, the foundation of the marriage had to be rebuilt completely, we can never get back to what we had, we need a new dynamics and a new commitment. Some are successful at rebuilding their marriage and some are not, I understand that not everyone is comfortable with the process. Thank you so much for joining the conversation.

You are right, he is 51 years old and what you describe is very accurate. When this all happened, I wanted to walk away and never see him again. The pain was just unbearable. The toxicity is real too because instead of living a beautiful and peaceful life in a quiet environment, I found myself being affected emotionally and sometimes, unable to finish a task because the pain is too heavy. I even thought about going away for sometimes, to clear my mind and heal my soul. I have accepted to stay because I saw a change in him however, I will not be holding on to this relationship if he doesn't do his part. I want to be happy and most of all, I want peace in my life. Thank you for your message, I appreciate it.

I am sure he is not going to open the door for her anymore. He even got rid of all the pictures, and gifts she offered him. He blocked her on his phone and removed Whassap app that he used to communicate with her and gave me full access to his phone. When there is a number he doesn't recognize, he comes to me and share it with me so we can check who this is together. He stopped going to the gym they used to work out together. I see a different version of himself lately, one that also regret putting me through so much pain. I cannot attest for the future, however, I recognize that he is doing the work that's required to rebuild a new relationship together.

Thank you so much for your message and for your great advices. We did install security cameras at his mom's house and ours too. My mother in law, my husband and myself blocker her on all platforms and cellphones so she cannot reach us directly and my husband is going to change his phone number to make sure she will not be able to call from another number. We have done STD testing and we are both fine, this was a relief. Thank God, it was so difficult to go through that though. Thank you for mentioning it. We are going to monitor her behavior and I agree that the next step will be to think about a legal strategy with an attorney to protect ourselves. It's a lot for sure, thank you so much for joining the conversation, it truly helps.

Yesterday, he had a conversation with his mother, and she said she will not open the door to this woman anymore. Knowing that my mother in law is 82, she is usually in bed by 9.pm, so for this woman to show up at her door at 9.30pm is a concerned. No one I know goes to visit someone this late so this alone shows unpredictable behavior.

Again, I never said all men cheat, I said many men cheat and this is based on my experience of life, what I see and keep seeing around me and in life in general. You are rude, I am not interested to discuss with you any longer. Have a good day.