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LunarUK

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  1. Sorry to hear that. It must be so disappointing to feel that he’s pulling away just as you start to relax, be yourself and enjoy his company. You’ve only been dating for a short while so there’s a number of reasons why he may have pulled away, not just you getting cute and gooey. Is he dating other people if you’re not exclusive yet? Does he feel he no longer needs to chase now that you’ve been dating for a few weeks, are already having sex etc. Whilst it’s frustrating, just mirror his actions and don’t over do it. Eg When he messages, you message. Don’t over explain, try to compensate. Try to relax, keep being you and give him some space. But when you next meet, see if you can have a face to face conversation about it so you can get it off your chest and read his signals better. Not something you can do through messaging / calls. I hope it goes well for you. It otherwise sounds like a lovely start to a relationship.
  2. Whilst I think she probably did over react, as a woman I think I can understand how she felt. She’d spent the whole day treating you and what she heard was “is that all you’re going to offer me?” and probably came across as being ungrateful. You probably should’ve communicated your needs as a request rather than a demand or expectation. Also I’m concerned about the language you used around her period: It’s not about whether you decide to proceed with caution but whether you both wanted to. By her words, you could clearly hear the underlying message of I don’t want to have sex right now. Whether or not she was on her period is immaterial. So yeah, just a comms issue but to me that’s how it may have come across to her. Personally, I once flipped at a BF when he said I’d “ruined HIS orgasm”. It sounded entitled and selfish. Focus on showing gratitude and asking (not expecting) for your needs to be met too.
  3. Thanks for the update Marie29, but I’m greedy and curious! Let us know if you actually go on this next date and whether he keeps just getting to know you, or suggests going to his again. The proof is in the pudding! And good luck 😁
  4. I think that’s the issue here. Ordinarily, it’s very unlikely that you would go to someone’s house on a third date unless it naturally progressed to that very quickly. But in a pandemic? In the middle of winter? There are very few options. But it can be risky for women, so we have to take precautions to feel as safe as possible. Eg go during the day, be clear about how you feel, let someone know where you are, send a friend a screenshot of his profile.
  5. Hey Marie29, I think you made the right call and personally saw nothing wrong with what you said to him. If that’s how you feel and express yourself, so be it. That’s you. I’m lockdown dating too and after two walking dates, my guy asked me over to his instead as there’s not much else to do. I panicked when he asked. I don’t do ONS and was surprised as he hadn’t indicated anything forward/pushy up until that point. I didn’t respond then and there, but when I got home explained that I didn’t feel comfortable/too soon. But his response was amazing: “understand, no rush, so what makes you comfortable”. If there was a hint of pressure it would’ve confirmed my fears. But actually his response made me like him even more In the end, a few days later I agreed but made it clear what I was comfortable with, managed to do some online detective work to find out as much as poss about him, and told a friend where I was going and gave her my live location on WhatsApp. To be honest, all the usual things I’d do on a first date. In the end it was absolutely fine and I went with my gut. With this guy, it’s great that he’s finally responded but my advice is don’t ever feel bad about expressing what you like/dislike/boundaries. If anything, I see it as a useful and more efficient way to attract those you want and filter those you don’t want. Fingers crossed your guy continues to be respectful. Best of luck. hopefully it’s a sign that he was giving you space and had genuine intentions, rather than having a sulk, only returning for a second go. More updates if poss please!!
  6. That sounds like a really positive start. And it’s great that he’s already asked you out on another date. Having said that, I can personally understand why it might seem frustrating as most guys show intense interest at the start, but that’s not always a good indicator in itself. How is the communication been since the date? Is he showing an interest/initiative. Also, consider his background. Where’s he from? I’ve dated people from different nationalities and have often noticed differences in dating etiquette. So what might be slow to you might be normal to him. Keep us posted with the details. I love a bit of suspense and romance! 🥰
  7. I wonder if she’s worried about going too fast physically? You already did a lot but she may think you now want more and she’s not ready/assertive enough to say. How about asking her out for a coffee or something somewhere public, making it clear that you’ve only got a couple of hours to spare before you have to be elsewhere? Anything to take the pressure off. For me, as someone who prefers to take it slower and has worried about it in the past, it may feel safer to know that it was just a regular date without the possibility of an awkward moment when sex may be expected and having to push back. She’s clearly interested, otherwise she wouldn’t have responded to you, but something is making a her feel awkward. Take the perceived pressure off.
  8. Hi Anonone1, This is a relatively unique and intriguing situation. I know this sounds strange, but I can’t help but think about it from a manager’s point of view in a workplace (bear with me, I know it’s completely different!). For me, I’d focus on having a discussion with her where you would agree on a shared goal and working towards it together without telling her, pressuring her, nor simply leaving her to her own devices. Try asking whether she sees sex in your future together? If so, what would it look and feel like? What things would she like to do to work towards it/prepare? What things are getting in the way/is she fearful of? Perhaps have this conversation when you’re not being intimate to remove any perceived pressure. Put the ball in her court as to when and how so it’s something that you can work towards together, but with a clear path ahead as to how she would like to go about doing it. It may not even be a one off conversation but a series to give her time to reflect and revisit. Perhaps agree when to have check-ins on how she’s feeling about the plans you’re trying to create together. Basically, a softly softly approach to discussing it where she feels in control of her options rather than pressured or not addressing it at all. At least it would give you some insight into what she’s thinking and some progress rather than being in limbo. Just my two cents...
  9. Good for you for standing your ground. Really hate it when guys are opaque then once they get what they want, ask for FWB. They know what they’re doing - had he been upfront, he knows it would’ve been no. Like @lostandhurt said, this would’ve happened sooner or later whenever you decided to do it (very simple but very good advice - hadn’t thought of it that way before and makes me feel we should be less hung up about timings), so at least you’ve saved yourself some time here. But sorry it didn’t work out and better luck next time. I would say clarify intentions earlier on next time, but that’s not fool proof either so just do you.
  10. And another thing: do be wary of guys who say they wanna go with the flow if what you’re actually looking for is a relationship. I’ve had that line dropped to be before: to me it meant this might grow into a relationship. I later discovered that to him it meant I just want something casual. So do clarify as early as possible before you get too attached. And if the answer is anything less than. “Yes! I’m looking for a relationship”, even if it’s a don’t know/unsure. Treat it as a no and act accordingly until he shows you otherwise.
  11. Hi OP, I don’t really have advice as such, as I’m in a very similar position. I just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in those values and I find myself doubting myself at times, because it appears to be an unusual stance to take. I’ve had a strict Catholic upbringing, only started dating much later in life and prefer to sleep with people after getting to know them with the intention of having a relationship. Nothing wrong with how you feel at all and in some ways it helps sift the time wasters. All I would say (having, today, finally “given up the goods” myself to a guy I’ve been seeing for a month), it did become hard/awkward holding out for an arbitrary green light. So in the end I just did what I was comfortable with. He’s been kind, respectful and patient. But in romance there are no guarantees and you have to take risks at some point. For all I know, he could say all the right things today and become a complete *** tomorrow. Just use your common sense and internal compass to decide if/when. Everything else is just noise and creates unnecessary tension. I’m really interested in your story so please do post again with your updates. Wishing you the best of luck 🙂
  12. Completely agree Andrina. OP poster did really well setting her boundaries. But as a decent human being, she felt bad/guilt-tripped/gaslighted by his tantrum. Guys like that can really mess with your head and make you doubt yourself. Don’t fall for it, stay strong, and don’t beat yourself up about anything you’ve done.
  13. Thank you SherrrySher. I agree, I shouldn’t allow anyone to treat me this way and I didn’t. As soon as he made that clear, I ended it. What I’ve been faced with since is his futile attempts/retaliation for pushing back and standing up for myself. What I’ve struggled with since is falling for his guilt-tripping and allegations that I’m a bad person for doing so. But I’m coming out of it, and have already blocked him. And I won’t contemplate contacting him again - there’s no way to convince him that I’m not a bad person and there’s no point in even trying. “Respect YOURSELF more” I feel I already do which is why I did what I did. But what I do recognise is that I need to have more courage of my convictions and not self-doubt nor allow others to do so.
  14. Ah, I think you’ve misunderstood. I didn’t say that I still wanted to be friends with him. That ship had sailed! I said that I wanted to smooth things over, even though we could no longer be together or even friends. I would never want to get back with him nor could I trust him as a friend. He simply isn’t capable What I was feeling conflicted about was if/how I could actually end things on a better note. But I can see now that that’s not possible and that I have to let it go. I can also see now that it would indeed be masochistic if I were to try to do so because he’s so unreasonable and basically a jerk. So rather than trying to smooth things over with him, I should really smooth things over with myself. I’m not the bad person that he’s trying to make me out to be for saying no and doing what’s right for me. And this board is really helping me with that, so thank you!
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