Did I mess up at this work event?

[ghost72]

2 minutes ago, TeeDee said:

She made the handholding comment to use humor to defuse an otherwise awkward situation.  She has no interest in escalating. 

If she is talking about setting you up with her friend that is a neon sign telling you that she does not see you as a potential romance partner.  

Well she’s the one who made it awkward. It was a clear accident. It’s not like we held hands. Our hands/arms just brushed against each other for a half second. A nothing burger.

the friend thing is something I had in the back of my head and meeting her friend is something I would prefer at this point cause I do not work with that person. But she has never mentioned it to me personally. Just someone else like a month ago 

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, ghost72 said:

she’s the one who made it awkward. It was a clear accident. It’s not like we held hands. Our hands/arms just brushed against each other for a half second. A nothing burger.

Exactly. She was just joking, man. You are the one turning it into something in your own mind. 

It was a throw-away humorous comment. Nothing more, nothing less. 

[ghost72]

5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

Exactly. She was just joking, man. You are the one turning it into something in your own mind. 

It was a throw-away humorous comment. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Other people witnessed it and thought it was weird by her. So yeah. It's not only me. 

[MissCanuck]

Honestly, it sounds like you all need to lighten up a bit. 

I don't think it was that serious. 

[ghost72]

1 minute ago, MissCanuck said:

Honestly, it sounds like you all need to lighten up a bit. 

I don't think it was that serious. 

no one was offended by it. they just thought she was flirting. it really awkward and I got caught off guard, so I just said no with a smile and wanted to leave it as that. 

[Wiseman2]

What work event? Do you mean the teasing incident? There's nothing to " mess up" unless you take it seriously. 

You seem to have a crush on her and want to spin the story that she's coming on to you and your coworkers agree. 

Try to be more professional. Then you won't wonder if you are messing up.

 

[ghost72]

30 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What work event? Do you mean the teasing incident? There's nothing to " mess up" unless you take it seriously. 

You seem to have a crush on her and want to spin the story that she's coming on to you and your coworkers agree. 

Try to be more professional. Then you won't wonder if you are messing up.

 

Honestly can’t tell if you’re trolling or the reading comprehension just isn’t there for you. Your replies have been completely ignoring every point I’ve said. 

[kim42]

If you like her, then ask her out for coffee or a drink after work, just the two of you, without your coworkers. So you can be more relaxed and not worry about your coworkers watching you and making jokes.

[ghost72]

Just now, kim42 said:

If you like her, then ask her out for coffee or a drink after work, just the two of you, without your coworkers. So you can be more relaxed and not worry about your coworkers watching you and making jokes.

I was thinking about asking her about her friend? But like I don’t understand how I can. She suggested we hang out outside of work one day with another girl who works here. 

[kim42]

2 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

I was thinking about asking her about her friend? But like I don’t understand how I can. She suggested we hang out outside of work one day with another girl who works here. 

I'd try to ask her out and see how it goes. If she really wants to set you up with her friend, I believe she will tell you this when you hang out.

[ghost72]

38 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What work event? Do you mean the teasing incident? There's nothing to " mess up" unless you take it seriously. 

You seem to have a crush on her and want to spin the story that she's coming on to you and your coworkers agree. 

Try to be more professional. Then you won't wonder if you are messing up.

 

Dude. I do keep it professional 

this girl has asked me 

1. if I’m dating anyone 

2. What I do outside of work 

3. if I had instagram 

4. said she’s missed me when I haven’t spoken to her in awhile. 

5. Made this hand holding comment. 

6. I get trolled at work because of her behavior towards me. It’s not because ANYTHING I do. 

are these professional actions? I’m not uptight and don’t hold it against her wanting to know more about me even though I don’t like sharing. 

[Wiseman2]

50 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

. I get trolled at work because of her behavior towards me. 

There's no need to get abusive/to posters. Why are you getting trolled at work? Maybe an attitude adjustment could help you. 

[LotusBlack]

3 hours ago, TeeDee said:

She made the handholding comment to use humor to defuse an otherwise awkward situation.  She has no interest in escalating. 

If she is talking about setting you up with her friend that is a neon sign telling you that she does not see you as a potential romance partner.  

Sometimes people use this line of questioning or statements to fish for information indirectly; to get an idea about someone’s status or level of interest without exposing themselves if they themselves are interested. I’m not saying this is the case in this particular situation, but I have seen it many many times.

[Andrina]

The problem with dating a co-worker is that if it doesn't work out, you have the awkwardness of still seeing each other daily, and closure is harder. Since you're wanting to be set up with her friend, who you've never even seen a photo of, it means you're not doing enough social stuff outside of work to meet women your age on your own.

Look into the site Meetup.com and see what activities are going on in your area you might be interested in. Think outside of the box of good places to meet people. I know a couple who met when they volunteered at the zoo. In the past I took dance lessons in East Coast Swing and Tango. Salsa is also fun. Those are great ways to meet women.

Good luck to you!

 

[LootieTootie]

Me thinks your coworkers, including this girl, are giving you a hard time because they want to laugh at you.

Do you get picked on at work ? 

[ghost72]

13 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

Me thinks your coworkers, including this girl, are giving you a hard time because they want to laugh at you.

Do you get picked on at work ? 

No and I don't assume the worst of people. Why did you come to that conclusion? 

[LootieTootie]

29 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

No and I don't assume the worst of people. Why did you come to that conclusion? 

It's not about assuming the worst in people. Its about reading the room.

You have coworkers who keep teasing you and saying "hey she said this...hey she said that.." Probably to get you to react and poor girl probably doesn't like it but this time, I think she played along by asking loudly and putting you on the spot if you were trying to hold her hand.

I'm sure everyone talked about it, and even behind your back laughed about it.

[ghost72]

6 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

It's not about assuming the worst in people. Its about reading the room.

You have coworkers who keep teasing you and saying "hey she said this...hey she said that.." Probably to get you to react and poor girl probably doesn't like it but this time, I think she played along by asking loudly and putting you on the spot if you were trying to hold her hand.

I'm sure everyone talked about it, and even behind your back laughed about it.

So it's an elaborate plot to humiliate me for what? A lot of players in it I guess. Just a far fetched theory that I know isn't accurate but you will probably think it is for whatever reason. 

This girl at the least likes me as a friend, or else she wouldn't want to hang outside of work. What your saying is school bully movie plot. 

[LootieTootie]

Just now, ghost72 said:

So it's an elaborate plot to humiliate me for what? A lot of players in it I guess. Just a far fetched theory that I know isn't accurate but you will probably think it is for whatever reason. 

I wouldn't say its to humiliate you. More so as using you for laughs. You described yourself as quiet/introverted so these coworkers probably see you different and target you. They can also like you but because you come off different, they find you amusing. Also, a workplace is no fun when people arent laughing.

You can tell people to knock it off or keep quiet, like you're doing, hoping all the gossip is true. I wouldn't play into it.

 

[yogacat]

Why do you want to be in the middle of the he said she said?

This is ultimately your decision and your relationship with this female co-worker, not your other coworkers'.

Quite frankly, 2 paragraphs elaboration of a simple question "Should I have held hands with her" has made this larger than life. I'm not certain, but it seems like you're discomforting over a trivial act, to say lightly.

We often say "Just go for it". But in this case, I'm not entirely sure what your situation is - if you're just trying to build that extra level of camaraderie and you're just trying to see if you could escalate it or just trying to finish some agenda lust with a random co-worker. 

Don't rely on what others are saying or teasing, as it may not necessarily be accurate.

She mentioned wanting to set you up with her friend - I hardly find tease in that.

However, given she's a co-worker, I would recommend exercising caution and not proceed mindlessly; there could be implications (bad or good) in either case. But if her actions are any convincing, you both do seem to share a good rapport with each other.

Approach the situation slowly and carefully, maintaining your friendship while also considering the potential implications of a romantic relationship with a coworker. 

[ghost72]

5 minutes ago, LootieTootie said:

I wouldn't say its to humiliate you. More so as using you for laughs. You described yourself as quiet/introverted so these coworkers probably see you different and target you. They can also like you but because you come off different, they find you amusing. Also, a workplace is no fun when people arent laughing.

You can tell people to knock it off or keep quiet, like you're doing, hoping all the gossip is true. I wouldn't play into it.

 

They do not target me. Just cause I'm introverted doesn't mean I can't function socially with others. People have always said they like my sense of humor once they get to know me. Work is probably the only place where I've made genuine friends. I still talk to people I met in 2018 at work. 

I've been over to one of the coworkers you think was making fun of me's home and they have invited me to social events. 

I understand what you are saying but that is not the case here. I feel like I have good social awareness even though I'm not a social person by choice.  

 

[ghost72]

8 minutes ago, yogacat said:

Why do you want to be in the middle of the he said she said?

This is ultimately your decision and your relationship with this female co-worker, not your other coworkers'.

Quite frankly, 2 paragraphs elaboration of a simple question "Should I have held hands with her" has made this larger than life. I'm not certain, but it seems like you're discomforting over a trivial act, to say lightly.

We often say "Just go for it". But in this case, I'm not entirely sure what your situation is - if you're just trying to build that extra level of camaraderie and you're just trying to see if you could escalate it or just trying to finish some agenda lust with a random co-worker. 

Don't rely on what others are saying or teasing, as it may not necessarily be accurate.

She mentioned wanting to set you up with her friend - I hardly find tease in that.

However, given she's a co-worker, I would recommend exercising caution and not proceed mindlessly; there could be implications (bad or good) in either case. But if her actions are any convincing, you both do seem to share a good rapport with each other.

Approach the situation slowly and carefully, maintaining your friendship while also considering the potential implications of a romantic relationship with a coworker. 

I want to find out about this friend. Considering I do not work with this friend it's the best scenario to avoid any awkwardness. I just wish I was told about this person personally. I'm not sure why she told my coworker instead of me. 

[LootieTootie]

2 minutes ago, ghost72 said:

They do not target me. Just cause I'm introverted doesn't mean I can't function socially with others. People have always said they like my sense of humor once they get to know me. Work is probably the only place where I've made genuine friends. I still talk to people I met in 2018 at work. 

I've been over to one of the coworkers you think was making fun of me's home and they have invited me to social events. 

I understand what you are saying but that is not the case here. I feel like I have good social awareness even though I'm not a social person by choice.  

 

Ok. Again, people can like you and still bust your balls. Glad you have made friends at your workplace. 

[TeeDee]

5 hours ago, ghost72 said:

I was thinking about asking her about her friend? But like I don’t understand how I can. She suggested we hang out outside of work one day with another girl who works here. 

Don't be surprised if the other girl is her friend who likes you.  If that is the case, once she tries to fix you up, she will never date you because at that point it would be disloyal to her friend.  

[MissCanuck]

OP, if you like the woman you talk about in this thread, it makes no sense to go asking about her friend that she supposedly wanted to set you up with.