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LotusBlack

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LotusBlack last won the day on April 3

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  1. I don’t know, OP. People get curious. Sometimes I look at the pages of people I knew way back when in primary school, or even an ex I parted well with. It doesn’t mean I am into them. It just means I wondered where they were at in life, as a passing curiosity. I would be more concerned with the fact you violated his privacy. That’s not okay. If you’re insecure in your relationship, then it isn’t the right one for you, regardless of your bf following an ex on IG. My husband still talks to his ex every now and then and it doesn’t bother me one bit because I understand there isn’t anyt
  2. You said your bf is 43 and this girl is 20. How old are you, OP? I’m not trying to be rude here, but the way you are talking feels like you are also fairly young, at least emotionally. This is not the right relationship for you. You said your bf is amazing, but carrying out “amazing” gestures does not excuse or mitigate predatory, questionable behaviour. He has no respect for this girl, no respect for you and your relationship together, and certainly no self respect. Any person with self respect and self worth would not go about the place talking of other women in this manner, let alone t
  3. It is unclear if you are disgusted by his past or jealous of it. The way you describe it sounds as though you feel very much put off by it, but you end the post by saying you don’t want to miss out on experiences as a result of being committed to him, which lends itself to the idea you are jealous. If you feel the former then your sexual morals/values are incompatible. If the latter, then perhaps look at ways you and your bf can spice things up.
  4. He showed you who he was time and time again and your children gave him numerous chances and he blew each one of them. But you CHOSE to disregard all that. Forgetting to pay your phone bill is a mistake. 61 counts of drug abuse and assault is not a mistake, it’s a character flaw that lead him to making terrible choices for his own selfish gain, which resulted in a number of arrests and jail time.
  5. Really? You are so shocked by this? We don’t know him from a bar of soap and it comes as no surprise to me that he has such a record. He obviously didn’t begin his career of criminality and abuse with you as he seems very well rehearsed,
  6. Yes, an interesting little nugget OP left out that I’m sure only further strengthens everyone’s assertions that she needs to end this relationship. OP - no wonder he was trying to talk you out of filing anything against him with the police - he’s on probation!
  7. Maybe he's asexual. Many asexual individuals enjoy romantic relationships but simply aren't interested in a sexual one. They often find it easier to have relationships with other asexual individuals because they are more compatible in terms of having a non-sexual commitment to each other. If his issues were evident from the beginning, even with the sex for the first 6 months, perhaps he was just pushing himself to do so in order to develop the romantic relationship. Who knows. Then again, if he enjoys watching pornography and whatnot, then asexuality is unlikely the underlying reason for his l
  8. I agree. She’s not ready to kick the habit and she may never be. If she does, I fear it won’t be for at least several years, if he doesn’t kill her first or lash out at her children should he ever have access to them again. Such a tragic situation, especially for the children having lost their mother to this toxic relationship she won’t leave. OP, he may be gone physically, but you’re still participating in this relationship by focusing all your attention on him. Despite him being gone, nothing is actually going to change unless and until you start doing the psychological and emotional wo
  9. Honestly, I think the issue here is addiction. You’re addicted to the cycle of abuse. Your logical brain says you want to prioritise yourself and your kids, but your addict brain says you need your husband in order to function. It’s not just a matter of liking his attention, it’s needing his attention like a fix. As long as you’re not ready to become sober from him, you’re going to keep dragging your feet over the issue of whether or not he is abusive. Well, he is [abusive] and you are addicted to it, even though you may not want to be. Are there other areas of your life that you find yo
  10. As others have said - he is a grown man and set in his ways, so trying to teach him or ask him to do something will only lead to resentment and the development of a parent-child dynamic in your relationship - which is a real mood killer. If you like who he is otherwise then I’d just straight up tell him your requirements if this relationship is to continue. “In order for this relationship to continue x, y, and z must happen. If you are unwilling to make those changes then I do not wish to continue the relationship.” Hopefully his feelings for you have greater priority than his stubbornnes
  11. Stop blaming him already! He is what he is, but you are fully aware of it and had you not been aware of it before then you sure were educated by the posters on this thread about his behaviour (and yours, for that matter) not being acceptable or appropriate. You have been made aware and I suspect you were always aware, as you have the ability to recognise it as being “crap” and “brainwashing”. Those who are unaware are not even aware they are unaware. However, despite that, you keep staying. So get on with it then, but let your children leave. Will you sign your rights away or are you goin
  12. And yet in one breath you get indignant at us for expecting that he cannot change. Then in the next you admit you think him capable of murdering you. I’m sorry, OP, but every time you post something it is in direct conflict with a statement you made previous to it.
  13. That’s fine then. At least release your kids so that they can get away from you both. You’re both toxic - he because he is abusing and you because you’re addicted to it. You could get away so easily if you really wanted, but you don’t really want to. That’s fine. You’re in denial about your own addiction to this man and his abuse. But let your poor children go.
  14. I’m not sensing the OP is willing to sign her rights over if she was responsible for convincing her children to stay in an abusive household whilst knowing it wasn’t a safe environment for them to be in. But she doesn’t want to leave her husband. OP - it’s a truly concerning situation for your kids. Please, please, please do the right thing by them, though you cannot do the right thing for yourself. The most loving thing you can do now if you’re not willing to walk away from this man is place your children in safe hands when yours are no longer safe.
  15. Gosh, I know I must sound so so harsh, but I can’t stomach the thought of how the OP’s poor children must feel.
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