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About LotusBlack

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  1. You are STILL not understanding what we are ALL saying. This is not about her and what consequences she will meet. It is about YOU and your relationship with yourself. Every time someone makes an important point about closure for yourself and briefly mentions your ex, you completely breeze over the point about you and grab onto the comment about your ex as though that was the main point. Is wasn’t. you need to stop this unhealthy fixation on your ex and what morals she has or doesn’t have, what consequences she may or may not experience, what her family does or doesn’t think about her, et
  2. What she deserves is not to have you at her beck and call, to not entertain her selfish, self-centred attitude. You do not need to dignify her bad behaviour with a response. It doesn’t matter to you what she does or doesn’t deserve. You only needed tell her you’re done and then cut all contact and walk away. Your first responsibility is to yourself and right now all you are doing is throwing yourself over hot coals and ashes and hoping that this woman cares enough to help you out of the harmful and dwindling flames that she herself lit for you. Beyond your initial post, what guidanc
  3. This is where you write that letter that you don’t send, which I mentioned in a previous comment. I am starting to feel a bit like you’re addicted to this pain, sadness, and drama. You are literally doing everything everyone is advising you not to. Leave other women alone, you’re not in any kind of emotional state to entertain any kind of relationship with anyone right now. Leave your ex alone so that she can leave you alone. Just be with yourself and see yourself through this rough patch; focus on you and not anyone else at the moment.
  4. That’s really good. It hurts, I know. I know how much you want things to return to a happier time in your relationship, but things have gone beyond that and now is the time for healing and personal growth. You have an opportunity here to really learn about yourself and what you want from life and your next relationship going forward. Take the time now to get back into the hobbies and interests that you perhaps let slide a little while you focused on your relationship, or start new hobbies and interests. If you feel you want or need to talk to her, write her a letter but never send it. I did th
  5. I’m sorry you’re going through this. All the advice you have received thus far has been really good and spot on. A lot of us on ENA are not spring chickens, we’ve had our fair share of relationships and heartbreaks. Most of us found our way here because at one point or another we were the ones on the minus side of the equation - the ones who didn’t want the relationship to end but our partner wanted/needed to walk away. It isn’t easy to go through that and it feels terrible for a while. But, you truly are doing yourself the worst damage you could be doing at the moment for your mental and emot
  6. I do know or you feel. I'm in a very highly stressful degree myself, and also 32. I failed a very important exam right at the very beginning of my course because I had an allergic reaction half way through and had to leave, which I was struggling with before the exam even started. As a result, it meant that the entire degree was going to be almost impossible to pass just because of the way they grade in the Cambridge system. It was incredibly difficult to keep giving everything I had to the degree when I had very little chance of passing. My supervisor also told me from the beginning that s
  7. I know it may feel, at times, like you're ready for a new person, but you're truly not. You need to take time going through the pain and processing everything that happened. You had a future planned with someone; hopes and dreams of a life that you'd thought you'd be living. That life isn't happening anymore, at least not with the person you'd chosen. Healing from this will take time as you mourn the relationship. What you're involved in right now is a rebound and you're only going to end up hurting him, and yourself, if you continue on with this right now. If he is the person for you, then
  8. Telling someone you love their food when you don't is a white lie. Saying they sing just fine when, really, they sound like a cat choking on a furball is a white lie. No lie is good, but a white lie is designed to help rather than hurt. Your wife having slept with your cousin and having a pregnancy scare and then lying to your face about that which you know to be true, is not a white lie. It is blatant disrespect and dishonesty towards you. Even if all they did was kiss, which is clearly not true as they admitted to doing more when they spoke about the pregnancy scare privately to each othe
  9. LotusBlack


    You can try making healthy sandwiches and having cut fruits or on weekends do a cook up of recipes, and divide them into portions and take them each day. You don't need to just stick to the leftovers. Get creative. Use your imagination and make your lunch each day, but don't skip lunch, it's an unhealthy thing to do and actually counter-productice to losing weight. By providing your body with more healthy fuel (and combined with excercise), you'll help speed up your metabolism, which will allow you to burn more fat. Don't try to lose weight as the goal, try to burn fat as the focus. Also, i
  10. I don't think you're selfish at all. Gluten itself isn't bad for people (who don't have celiacs or an intolerance), but there is this trend that gluten free means it's healthier not to have it. For a lot of people, gluten is actually an important part of their diet and health. I am vegan but my boyfriend is a huge meat eater. I would never impose my food lifestyle on him and vice versa. When he goes to kiss me, I don't freak out and make him brush his teeth or make a nasty facial expression. It's his body and his life and I have no right to put limits on him. I am also allergic to chilli
  11. Firstly, I want to say that I'm sorry for what you've been through. No parent should have to go through any of it. Secondly, and most importantly, how can your heart melt when you see the man who abandoned their child in the hospital after nearly dying and who upped and left his pregnant partner and children without a word? That's a disgusting thing to do. He has shown you who he is - a liar, a cheat, and a lousy human being. If I were you I would not have anything to do with him romantically. If you choose to, you'll be showing your kids that a person can treat them the way he has treated
  12. Firstly, sorry you're experiencing this confusion. I want to say, and don't take this as me being harsh as it isn't meant to come off that way, but you're asking a rhetorical question. No body here can possibly answer that question (will he come back?) no matter how much information you give. Even he likely doesn't know if he will ever return to the relationship. Sending check up messages could be him giving you bread crumbs because being in contact may help him move on easier whilst still testing the waters to keep you there as an option (even if that's not a conscious agenda on his part). It
  13. This. I second this point, OP. As a very spirtitual person I believe you can meet someone and know that they are someone you may or will end up falling in love with, but you cannot love someone you haven't shared time with or who hasn't opened themselves to being loved by you. But, it is possible to recognise that that person is for you - whether it be a relationship only meant to last for a shorter amount of time or one that ends up being a long-term commitment; they all have a purpose and reason.
  14. Yeah, I agree that you absolutely shouldn't do this over the phone; that's a bit of a cop-out to be honest. As for the vacation and the wedding...well, on the one hand it may be difficult to get through if you're certain you're not wanting to be with her anymore, which is fair enough if it's how you feel and good reason to not attend them (though, as RedDress said, I wouldn't break-up with her until after she returns and simply give her a reason for your being unable to attend) and on the other hand you yourself have stated that you're not actually sure how you're feeling about her and the
  15. I know the responses you're receiving may seem confronting and hard to accept because I'm sure you truly want to be happy and to be loved and accepted. All of us want that for ourselves. And, when you think you finally have that and then realise that maybe you don't, it can be very hurtful. But, Ethanlien, if this turns out to be a sham on her part, the amount of emotional, psychological, and financial distress you will experience when the sh*t hits the fan will eclipse all of what you're going through right now. But, you brought yourself to this board because your intuition is sounding of
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