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Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
I will try and make this short. Been with this girl for 14 years. We have a 12 year old daughter. The ex receives a text asking if she’s single from a co worker” asking for a friend” she laughs it off saying who would be interested in me? A few days later she gets all lidded off with me over a YouTube video of a girl in a bikini, which I didn’t watch, it auto played into the next video which was that one. She got mad for days very cold and distant. Then says we need to talk. I knew what was coming. She starts crying and says she doesn’t love me anymore it’s been like that for awhile and she’s been thinking of this for some time now. I was shocked by everything she said. Father day was a few days prior she wrote me a loving card telling me how she loves me and wants us to work things out no matter what, all that stuff. But while she’s sitting there breaking up with me telling me to move out I’m so confused how she loved me a week ago but stopped loving me awhile back. Anyways, I move out while I have no job due to covid and no where to go. So I sleep in my car. A few days later my daughter messaged me says that she found somethings on her moms computer. The ex had been looking up how to please a guy. 🤦 my daughter should be seeing that stuff. I go over and confront her and start throwing out co workers names. She starts laughing. Weird because we know she starts laughing when she gets nervous and put on the spot. Again starts crying so I leave. The next couple of days get worse. My daughter sees her texting quite a bit snd locks her phone and doesn’t let her use her phone anymore. Finds out her mom is buying sexy under wear and lingerie. And caught one day coming out of the bathroom topless after hearing her taking pictures. Most likely sending nudes. My daughter finally confront hers and tells her I know you guys are broken up I know you’re seeing someone else. Her mom told her we were just living desperate so that I get help with schooling, big lie. Even while she’s being confronted she lies and eventually admits to us being broken up and how she kicked me out. She denies talking to someone, so our daughter asks to see her phone and in front of her starts deleting texts messages. After that moment my daughter lost so much respect for her mom. Her mom sent our daughter away with her parents for the summer. I struggled to see her because she removed me from our bank account snd I was struggling finding a job. While she was with her grandparents the ex rarely saw our daughter, I’d push for her to go visit her. Our daughter would call her mom only to find out weeks later that she was being ignored because her mom was out parting getting drunk not going home to sleep. Our daughter was devastated. Her mom neglected her all summer lied to her countless times. And what makes it worse, the grama had and affair and here we are reparations history while the mom sides with the ex and my daughter is pushed aside stuck there with them not carrying that she’s being emotionally abused by her neglecting mother. I struggled so much to find a job but once I did all I could afford were hotels once in awhile so that my daughter could get away from them. Fast forward I now have a place of my own my daughter tried patching things up with her mom( who’s the grownup here) the mom tell her that she doesn’t regret lying to her, because she didn’t want to her our daughters feelings. My daughter can’t believe what her mom is telling her and all hell breaks lose. After trying to reconcile with her mom that neglected her and chose a single life over her and never bothered apologizing. She had enough and ripped up our family picture, they’re cheap prints and we have the digital files so I want bothered. Her mom threatens to send her to her parents again but until she’s 18! So I intervene and pick up my daughter and she’s been living with me ever since.(Oct 28th,2020) a week later it’s our daughter birthday and her mom wishes her such a loveless birthday. “Happy Birthday” the ex is one of the happiest, jolliest prettiest smartest hard working person is ever met. She’s gorgeous and everyone loves her. They say she’s too nice. But if they only knew how she is behind closed doors. Complete opposite, she’ll eat us alive. She messaged me on our daughters birthday saying that she changed the house lock becuse she doesn’t trust our daughter there alone. Great now our daughter waits in the complex clubs houses restroom until I can pick her up after work. She’s in there 4 hours!!! I’m here dealing with our daughters broken heart while her mom is out drinking doing who knows what. So I snap and tell her off and tell her that I’m done talking with her, we don’t need her in our life and I’ve lost respect for her as a mom. Btw she’s a RN Nurse. Her career is based around caring for other and she can’t even care for her own daughter, someone she carried around for 9 months and struggles two days to reliever. I don’t get it. My mom was a single mom and taught us that kids come first. She made that known to any guy she met. Very up front. If I were doing this, my mom would call social service on me and do everything she could to remove my daughter from me. But my ex mom believes your needs come first, and you can buy back their love with expensive gifts and eventually they’ll just forget. Play the victim everyone will come to your aid 🙄 🖕 them both. So because I told her off and told her not to message me. Told her on Nov 24th. She messaged our daughter. Our daughter basically told her off too. Saying she’ll never change and how she’s never apologized. Her mom says I’m sorry for how I made you feel. My 12 year old daughter says, that’s the problem, you never apologize for what you’ve done or regret anything you’ve done, you show no remorse. Her mom then says I’m sorry for what I did, I regret it. Never specified what exactly she’s talking about. My daughter hasn’t replied since. She says, we don’t need her, all we need is each other, I forget she even exist. Hopefully someone with something similar can give me some insight on our situation or just advance in general. There’s days that I feel like I’m going crazy here. We’re completely alone. Even more so with covid. The way my ex has been acting drives me mad sometimes. I don’t get why’d she’s turned so cold. I can get that she lost love for me and met someone during work and left me for him. But to do this to our daughter? She has made a complete 180. Didn’t like going out, drinking, swearing, or having friends or even watching anything with nudity. And now it’s likes anything goes. Forgot to mention. Her mom went 3 weeks without checking in on our daughter. I kept track. So when I told her off I brought that up. So now every Monday on cue she’ll message our daughter saying. How are you? LOL wow. Almost like her way of saying you see I do check in. My ex has turned into a total piece of crap, so toxic. She even says in not available 24/7. Let me know a day in advance to see if I’m available. You’re a mom!!! You’re job is to be available 24/7 for our daughter. My daughter wanted to pick up a sweater from her house, since she changed the locks we had to make an appt because the ex didn’t reply to us for 2 days. I can now officially say that this has been my lowest point ever. Cheated on, homeless, no money, no food, showering at the beach, not sleeping. Losing 40 lbs in 2 months. Seeing my daughter soul being torture and not being able to help her because I have nothing to offer her! I’ve been doing my best with what I have, and we’re in a better place now. Just every once in awhile I get angry and feel like I still don’t get why all this happened and why her mom to this very second is still absent. She’s a completely different person, we have no idea who this person is, but we want nothing to do with her. Sorry for ranting, it actually helped to get this off my chest after not having anyone to talk to.