Andrina

Okay, well, have a wait-and-see attitude to see if there is any forward movement in the next few months. Could be that nothing you did or didn't do would've made any difference, but if it doesn't work out, please do improve in taking things on your dates, if they are going well, to the next level of kissing. Cuddling is a good sign a woman would welcome a kiss. If you reach out your hand and she takes it, if you open the door for her and place a light hand on her waist to guide her inside a restaurant and she doesn't balk at that, if you perform a loving gesture like brushing the hair back on her temple and she smiles, those are clues she would welcome a kiss. I can say that when I was in community college, there were a few frustrating incidents. One with a guy who kept asking me to do things, with friends or one-on-one, but he would never try to kiss me. It was making me nervous since I didn't know if he just wanted to be friends, or if he was on some drug that affected his libido, or if he was gay but making an attempt of dating a girl which some do. So when we were at a party (didn't go together) and another guy asked for my number, I thought, "Why not? I don't know what the heck is going on with this other guy and I don't want to let an opportunity pass me by and find that nothing ever happens with Guy number 1." I hadn't the confidence back then to just ask the guy what he wanted from getting together with me. I hope things work out the way you wish. If not, you'll join the club of millions of people who have to have numerous dating experiences before finding success.

Wow, all that time together and you never kissed? Do you lack confidence?

What is cuddling? Did you make out? What do you mean it didn't go further? Did she say she was too busy when you again asked her out? Did she ever do the initiating about asking you out? I don't get why you had to "tell" her how you feel. Isn't daily communication and asking her on dates and showing affection showing that you are infatuated and want to continue seeing if you two can build something special? If you never kissed her, maybe she grew frustrated and wondered if you two were just buddies. How far is she moving away? I agree with the other poster that texting about important topics is never a good idea. Now that I see your update, I see you've asked her twice in a row and she has not given an alternate date to the cancellation. No, do no bring it up again. The ball is in her court. You have to learn to let the other person give just as much effort in suggesting getting together. That give you a clear picture if they are invested in you just as much as you are invested in them. If she lets things fade away, it means she was too cowardly to be honest and say she is no longer interested. If she does suggest something, you can move forward with more confidence and not be in this anxious state of wondering if she's into you or not. If you ask her yet again a 3rd time in a row, it'll be hounding her. If you're the one to always initiate the texting, ease back on that as well. See if she does her own initiating. If again, she lets you fade away, take a hint. Dating involves all sorts of non-starters, but keep on trying because the reward when you find a keeper is wonderful.

That's something major that needs to match. He will be left frustrated and up in the air about no set time this will happen, and you will feel pressured. Just the fact that you're considering breaking up means you're just not into him enough for him to be your lifetime partner. Otherwise, you'd be thinking how to live within lower means, as to what he can afford plus an equal contribution by you, while you could invest the excess to be building a portfolio. And you'd also be coming up with a timeline on when to build a family, and how childcare would be handled. You list a far larger list of cons than pros. That's very telling and should sway your decision to end things.

It's certainly okay at first to wallow by listening to sad songs, watch movies that reflect how you're feeling, and to journal about the lady in question. But if this goes on more than a few months, and you're immersing yourself in everything "her" by looking at her photos, reading old messages, etc., you're keeping her very present in your life. I'm not saying you're doing all of that, but if any of that rings true, it needs to stop. I'm glad you feel some improvement, anyway. As I've often said, work on building a fulfilling life solo and then one day you will be ready to share that fun, fulfilling life with another lady. The type of man who has his own interesting life besides dating will attract decent women, versus a man who scares away women if she's the only bright light in his life.

You say you've been intimate with him, so how do you picture your future with a new man in your life when you tell him your best friend is a guy you diddled with? It's not gonna fly. And you really need to reflect on why you even want to stay friends with someone who sought to embarrass you and yell at you in front of others? Are you really that desperate to cling onto him, thinking he's better than nothing since you say you have very few friends? Whatever good used to happen in the friendship shouldn't outweigh his present verbal abuse. Some think there is nothing wrong with fetishes, as long as they don't take over a huge majority of your time where you're neglecting work, relationships, etc. Mostly everyone loves a good foot massage, so that does not fall into fetish activity. But the other part you mentioned involved sites might. If you're uncomfortable by your own activity, then stop "feeding" the interest and perhaps it will fade. As far as your classmates go, bullies get bored if their prey doesn't wriggle around, so act like what they say to you doesn't bother you and they will eventually get bored and stop. Back to the "friendship," realize very few friendships remain for a lifetime, so never put all your eggs in one basket. It's best to keep up with hobbies, school clubs, sports, etc. to expand your social life. That way, if you choose to end a friendship or someone drifts away from you, other people can fill the role for your social needs.

Emotional affairs can be a wake up call that the marriage needs major work, but it seems it's gone too far to believe your personal therapy plus marriage therapy will bring you two back to a good place. Continue with therapy to handle an inevitable divorce and to work on your anger management skills. Even if changing your domineering ways won't fix this marriage, you will have improved for anyone in the new life you will build.

In reading everything you've written, I'm going to guess you're a people pleaser and really don't have your own back for fear of rocking the boat. Even when a couple is well-suited, there will be bickering now and then, and you went an entire 9 months with no argument. Another point of why I've theorized this is this quote here, where you're considering it might even be a good thing if he sleeps with her ex. What??? This, especially, screams of your poor self-esteem. You also are so smitten you're giving excuses to her toxic behavior which other posters have pointed out. Whereas you welcome it as "honesty." She can see that you clearly lack basic standards in expecting a partner will act within healthy relationship boundaries. She should have blocked his number after the breakup. Leaving that connection open shows she's okay with communicating romantically with an ex, speaking to him about things nobody already taken should. She's okay risking the relationship she has with you for an ex who dumped her. If that doesn't show she's just not that into you, I don't know what does. She used you as a Band-aid after she was dumped, to prove to herself she was still desirable, and to distract her from her hurt feelings. What you assume is love for you is really her enjoying a fan. And now the fan is spineless and accepting her playing with his heart. She doesn't care about anyone but herself and an ego boost from you. I believe with time and distance away from her, plus a lot of work on yourself to have some self-worth, you will finally see this situation more objectively as we do, who are responding. Do what she should've done to her ex. Block her. Hold out for a woman who is crazy about you and wants you alone. You'll pat yourself on the back that you made what you think is a hard tactic now to reap the rewards later.

Just about everyone has things about their body they don't like, and cringe at how things age--wrinkle, pudgier around the middle, etc. I'm not making light of what you wish was different. I'm just bringing this up for the reason that I am a person who has never pointed out what I dislike about my body to a SO. I just don't see any advantage to it. To have them zero in on those things? To get reassurance, in which their words might be the opposite of what they are thinking. If you're putting it in another's mind how faulty you are, then subconsciously they might start thinking, "Hmm. Maybe there is something really wrong with him/her." I read about a guy who said he'd dated a woman who practiced such severe rules upon herself as far as food went, so that she'd be the perfect size, and would often fret about her body. Life was not fun with her. Then he dated a woman who was not fat nor thin but had someone extra pounds and loved to cook and bake and she was a joy to be around. Speaking of everything wrong is a downer. Really, you've already passed the boundary from friendship to romance so there is no going back to friendship if this doesn't work out, since that won't be fair to a new partner in your future. So I say to take the risk before you invest more emotionally to get over this hump of fear, plus to go down the path of revealing if this is an issue or a non-issue. What she thinks about this won't change if you wait another 6 months. Sorry, but there is no prediction of people's innate likes and dislikes. A male co-worker told me he couldn't get past a woman's weird belly button when he saw it at the beach, even though she looked like a model, otherwise. But he ended up marrying a chubby woman so extra weight was totally fine with him. I'm not into skinny guys, but I am okay with a guy with extra weight. Don't assume each person has the same taste nor the same dealbreakers as far as physical attractiveness/attributes goes. It's hard to be vulnerable by being naked in front of someone new. But it's something we all do on the path to finding a keeper. I hope it works out well for you. We're all cheering for you.

You can't change another person with crappy ethics, but you can take a look at your own behavior so you learn from your mistakes which isn't coming through in what you've written. You let someone's good looks and their attention toward you be the only thing guiding you, and ignored what a horrible thing he was doing to his gf--confiding in another woman she doesn't know about problems and then professing "love." Instead of seeing that as proof he's a horrible partner, you were charmed and stayed in contact. Whenever something has to be a secret, it's wrong. It was a secret to his gf that you two were talking. Are you missing a guilt gene, and a sense of sisterhood? If you've ever heard of how Carrie Fisher, at age 19, had an affair with married, older George Harrison while they shot Star Wars. George Lucas, the creator of the movie said something to the effect to her: Look at who you're with and that's what you think of yourself. You apparently are like her--what she realized after that talk. She didn't think much of herself to accept being in that situation. You're shocked that you played with fire and got burned. And then you're asking if you should jump back in. Be aware that two people acting with poor ethics can never build a beautiful life together. Their foundation is like a sand castle with the high tide coming in. I suggest going no contact forever. With time and distance to attain a clearer perspective, and efforts to build your self-love, you just might learn who to avoid and who deserves a chance.

Your wall of text is about a lot of stress, worry, discomfort. No need to place yourself, ever, in a situation that involves you being regularly upset because of those sorts of issues. No guy, no matter how nice and attractive, is worth that.

As for me, there is zero chance I'd stay a second longer after a guy told me this. Yes, it's tough to be apart, but that amount of time is a brief flash in the span of time. If one is truly in love, and is serious about making things work, then they make things work. He is indeed too immature for what you're seeking/expecting. Military members experience being apart all the time. I know, because I used to be a military wife, and dealt with being alone for many months at a time, including four month stints, both when we didn't have children yet, plus when we did. Yes, emotions are rough to deal with in long distance situations, but there should never be a lessening of love. Surely you're worthy of someone who handles the rough times with you--not just the rosy times. Why be afraid of losing someone who's only a fair-weather bf? It was lucky you were in this situation to find that out.

The problem with dating a co-worker is that if it doesn't work out, you have the awkwardness of still seeing each other daily, and closure is harder. Since you're wanting to be set up with her friend, who you've never even seen a photo of, it means you're not doing enough social stuff outside of work to meet women your age on your own. Look into the site Meetup.com and see what activities are going on in your area you might be interested in. Think outside of the box of good places to meet people. I know a couple who met when they volunteered at the zoo. In the past I took dance lessons in East Coast Swing and Tango. Salsa is also fun. Those are great ways to meet women. Good luck to you!

Believe me, he will just roll his eyes at a text like that. He's 50 years old and you don't think he knows he's a jerk? Maybe you can advise him to watch Sesame Street to learn the basics of manners as well so he'll have better luck in the dating world. I'm just trying to point out how way off base you are. And to say he's a friend? Friends don't ditch one another in unsafe areas.

It also sounds like she enjoyed emotionally abusing you, telling you in detail the horrible things her mother said about you. There's never a need to relay such things to a person. We learn something from every relationship, so in this case, perhaps you'll identify red flags sooner in the future and be able to vette a little better. I know in my situation, I met my gem of a husband nine months after a year long toxic relationship. In that way, I appreciate my husband so much more after what I'd previously experienced. Take care.

His behavior has drawn you into a toxic mess of strangers contacting you. People who regularly drink to the point of blacking out are alcoholics. Is having an alcoholic partner not a dealbreaker for you? If not, attend an Al-Anon meeting to educate yourself and get insight to the reality of what your future will be like if you stay with him. Just because he's young and he's used to this partying pattern with his friends doesn't make it all right. An occasional guys night out--sure. But when people go from being single to entering a serious relationship, the ways they spend their fun time should evolve to activities that don't make a partner uneasy. You can find men who don't drink in excess. Who don't give out their phone numbers to strange women. Who don't lie about where they are going. The trick to finding him is to free yourself from a guy too immature, and lacking in good ethics, to be a good bf.

If he were a decent person (leaving you to fend for yourself in a dangerous area is the biggest show of him NOT being decent, besides ogling other women), then by all means, you could've told him bye-bye. It'll be best for you to not have a black and white mentality, and embrace the gray. At the time, you said what you said, but in hindsight, given what happened, you're allowed to change your mind is there is nothing ethically wrong with now choosing to block without a word. Ease up on yourself! If I were called out by mutual friends, i.e., "He said you blocked him out of the blue." I'd say exactly what you said on this forum and that I didn't want to waste any more time or energy on someone who behaves in this atrocious way. With your mindset, I'm guessing you're a type A personality and are very organized. Those traits can be beneficial for certain parts of your life, but in this circumstance, it's best to operate in a way you're not used to. Also, it seems you're placing other people above your own needs. Again, sometimes it's best to do that in life, such as caring for a sick loved one. In this case, you have to have your own back above a jerk. And if your mutual friends are true friends, they will understand and have YOUR back.

Any reason he's not willing to marry you is sufficient to break up (usual reasons--closing the final door on ever being with a different woman/women, doesn't want to share finances, just not that into you but is too cowardly to break up). Obviously, it's nothing he wants you to change or he would've asked. With each relationship, you learn important things about yourself and sometimes learn how to date more wisely in the future. Make a clean break, go no contact, and eventually you'll get to the healing stage and be able to begin again in your search for a lifetime partner. I can give one instance of something akin to your circumstances. I woman I formerly worked with had just gotten married when I started at that business. She told me they'd dated 7 years, and they'd had a discussion that it was either time to marry or time to break up. She didn't go into if he'd been opposed to it previously or not. But he did come in to pick her up after work once, and I got the sense she was a lot more into him than he was into her. It seemed he was trying to sabotage the marriage. For instance, he mentioned to her that I was pretty and she was peeved. And then he demanded she stop smoking, and she tried but would hide her cigarettes since she couldn't stop cold turkey. Just an example that even if he agreed to YOUR wish to marry, he'd likely begin pulling stunts like this as well. I'm sorry this has happened. Hard to realize now, but when you meet a keeper, you'll be happy you exited nowhere land when you did.

Breakups are always painful, but the key is not to stay in contact once that happens so that closure can happen more quickly and each of you can progress to the healing stage. It's also smart to not have him believing that he can argue with you about the decision and pleading with you that he'll change. So try not to show him anything that will have him thinking he can sway you, such as you saying you're so sorry, how you feel horrible, etc. Keep your statements to fact. I'd begin with: I'm not feeling what I should for this to be a lifetime relationship. If he presses for more, I'd say: The anger has eaten away at my love. I'm done and there will be no second chances. If he tries to keep engaging way to long about the subject, it doesn't mean you have to give in to that. Tell him you'll enjoy the memories that were good, wish him well, and go home. Then block him.

If it were me, and he proposed this week, I'd say yes. But then I'd say, "We just took a major step by moving in together and I just want to chill and enjoy this stage for a good year. Getting a good vibe going while we learn the best way to share space. Having fun decorating the place. Then after a year of that, we can start planning the wedding, which is fun but also stressful."

How old are you? How long have you been with your boyfriend? Do your parents not like him, or do they think you can't make decisions wisely to be in a romantic relationship? You're under their roof, so you will have to accept their punishment. Most young guys will lose interest in a gf they can't communicate with nor see for an entire month, so unfortunately, that problem might be out of your hands, even if you don't do the breaking up yourself.

Block him. He's not worthy of any further communication.

What do you do outside of your house and off the phone/computer? Do you hang out with girlfriends? Do you have any hobbies or have you joined any school groups? Delete/block him on every gadget. Refrain from any romance for now. You're in a mental state where you'll only be attracted to, and attract, toxic guys. Actually the secret to eventually being successful in romance is to first build a fulfilling life solo. When you have a support system of friends, have a passion for an interest/hobby/volunteer work, then you will be ready to choose a guy wisely and have standards. The guy will be someone to add joy to your life, versus a guy being the sole reason for your joy, which is never healthy. Good luck.

So what do you think is worse? The quote above, or being kept in the dark and all of a sudden find out since no exclusivity has been discussed, that he's been sharing his body with other women besides you. Or that it might take him a year or more to decide to only date you because he'll feel like a caged tiger. You're going to have to embrace, for your own good, putting yourself in the driver's seat. If you would like to be exclusive, because you want to be monogamous, plus he treats you like a priority and he's a prized partner, ask him if desires the same. If he doesn't want this after knowing you this long, it doesn't matter how much it hurts you to break up. You should, because he doesn't match you in your dating/relationship style. Because of what you've written, however, your self-esteem seems lacking so I'm not so sure he is the ideal partner who is worthy of you. The right guy won't have you feeling like this. The right guy makes you feel adored. How often does he ask you on dates (not just to be intimate)? Does he ask you questions about your daily life? Your wants and dreams? What is his relationship history? Have you met his friends? If so, what are they like? What does he do to have fun when he's not with you? How old are you two? Many women have a biological response of wanting to bond with a man when she's having sex with him, even if he's very wrong for her. Make sure this isn't the only reason you think he's a keeper.

Will she be paying for her own plane ticket, or has she asked for that money or waited for you to offer? Just making sure you don't get drawn into any scams of being an ATM machine to someone. It's a common thing for a scammer to pretend they have a connection to the prey's area--either that they've once worked there, have friends or relatives there, or that they plan on moving there for work. It's quite a distance from Ohio to Nevada. I'm assuming you'd be spending $600 or more for every trip, and you plan on going once a month? Are you really that well off that that kind of money is very doable for you? Having done OLD in the past, I'll give my own experiences. Over a period of 2 and a half years, I went on dates with about 30 men. So many times we liked each other's photos, likes each other's messages, and liked the few phone calls we had before meeting. But that had zero bearing on how the first date, or the second or third if it made it that far, went. Because reality doesn't begin until that first meet. The majority of the time, one or both of us did not feel chemistry so that was the end of that. Sometimes, both of us did feel chemistry and went on to one or more dates, but then things happened where everything fell apart. The person had lied about their dating goals. The person was mentally off. The person wasn't enjoyable to be with. I wasn't the other person's cup of tea after all. Thank God I'd never spent much for these dates, and rejected communicating with guys who lived far away, even though they tried to get me to engage after I explicitly wrote in my profile that I dated locally only. Because it's quite a process, sifting through a beach of sand to find the treasure. A lot of things have to match up: Dating styles, dating/life goals, matching ethics, matching relationship boundaries, a relationship leading to marriage or not, if it lasts, kids or no kids. If the person makes you a priority, is faithful, is financially stable, and the list of must-haves and lack of dealbreakers like gambling, drinking, etc., goes on. To me, long distance has so many cons and has a very high risk failure unless a couple met locally, and then had to briefly move away for a career or education. Takes longer to see skeletons in the closet, if there are any. Dating cannot be done at a normal pace, dooming things. You also have to wonder. If she's so pretty and has a nice personality, why hasn't she been successful in dating locally. Does she have something to hide that it'll take longer for a long distance guy to discover? Let's say you had to date 30 people like I did before finding the keeper. With long distance, that might take you the next 30 years and cost a crazy amount of money to achieve. What I recommend is to amp up dating locally, trying different ways to meet women than you've done in the past. Meetup.com is a great start. See which groups are available in your area. Do some volunteering. Environmental clean ups regularly happen in some towns. Volunteer at a zoo or museum. Take dance lessons. If she's paying her own way, then fine, let her. But being exclusive before you meet, which might take longer than you anticipate, might have you passing up golden opportunities locally. You're also emotionally investing in a fantasy, which has been going on for months and will likely go on for many more months, to have everything fizzle at the first meet. All that time and energy spent on a risky gamble could be placed on a safer bet that costs far less, locally. Good luck in finding a keeper. I know after all the frustration and upsets I experienced, that it had all been worth it when I found the right one.