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Found 9 results

  1. My ex and I broke up about 3/4 weeks ago. It wasn't the best break up he cheated on me. So I ended things. I had planned a trip months before I met him to travel with my friends to Rome for my birthday. When we became a couple I invited him along too. We broke up, and then pretty much didnt really speak I removed myself from his social media etc although he began to follow me again after I removed him. So I had to discuss the holiday with him to which he explained he wanted to go at first then changed his mind and said he didnt want to go because he didnt want to ruin my birthday. So he didnt go... on the flight that was. 2 days later who shows up in Rome with his friend. I didnt know he was coming until his friend messaged me. So we met for dinner he brought his friend and I brought mine. He pretty much ignored me the entire evening. His friend told me he came because of me to see me then didnt say a word. His friend also made the dinner plans not him. I think that was because he was afraid I would say no. I cant wrap my head around it. Why come all the way to Rome, send me texts will kisses on them, refollow me on social media and then not even try to rekindle. I dont think I would get back with him but if he tried I might have been open to the idea given he came all the way to Rome for me or so I was told. Even including xxx at the end of messages made me think maybe he was testing the waters. I just dont know what to say. I was hoping to get a moment to talk to him in private but no, it was like he was avoiding me. one of my friends thinks he was trying to toy with me but I dont think someone would travel hours on a plane to toy with someone's feelings. Any Advice on what to do or what could cause someone to do that? I know some will say just move on and you are right but I am an over thinker and I just need to hear what others think. Thanks x
  2. My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months now and everything's been more than perfect. He treats me super well, gives me all the needed love and affection. However, recently I found his tumblr account. Turns out he often reblogs and likes explicit content, and nudes of other girls. Of course this made me super uncomfortable. I'd say our sex life is pretty good, we have sex a lot and I often send him nudes myself, so it's not like I don't satisfy him. I decided instead of confronting him about it, to test if he'd lie to me. So I waited for a good moment and started a convo about how I find it super disrespectful when a guy likes other girl's "sexy" photos online. I asked him if he does that and he said no. (I expected him to deny ofc and wasn't surpised). This sparked a long conversation tho and he started saying things like how there's always a line where the girl shouldn't cross to try and control her bf and brought up his ex and how she was controlling and would be mad at him for just saying hi to other girls or complimenting their outfits for example. Of course I agreed with him and said that's absurd and I wouldn't do that, but repeated that it's still disrespectful to like other girls' nudes online if you're in a relationship cus "you got food at home". He agreed and again said he doesn't do it and wouldn't do it to me. At this point I didn't want to be the crazy *** who stalked him so I didn't tell him that I know he does it. I decided to give him a chance and see if he will continue doing it. I thought maybe if I was in the same situation I'd deny it too to avoid conflict and not risk losing my partner over it and then I'd just stop doing it once I know my partner finds it disrespectful. However, I checked his tumblr again days later and turns out he still does it. I'm willing to forgive the lie about it at first, cus I thought maybe he'd feel guilty about it and stop doing it, but now I don't know how to feel. He completely disregarded my feelings about it because he thinks I'm never gonna find out. I know some people would say it's just like watching porn and that men are horny and that it means nothing, etc. but it makes me uncomfortable and even if I get over my insecurities about it, I don't know what to do about the trust issues I now have because I now know that he is capable of lying straight to my face with no remorse. What should I do? Do I confess that I know he lied or just try and forget about it and not check his tumblr anymore to keep myself sane???
  3. My husband and I have been together about 12 years (married two). We began dating at 19 and were each other’s first. For the first two years we were long distance. Sometime at the end of the first year of dating I made the mistake of kissing another guy when I was drunk at a party one night. I told my partner right away and he understood. He was very compassionate and forgiving. He said things happen and to be more careful. A little over a year later we moved in together. Things were pretty amazing for the first two years living together (year 3 and 4 dating). He was generally communicative and, though we had a few arguments here and there, there were no “red flags.” Then at the end of the 4th year of our relationship he started drinking and partying more. He would spend lots of time with friends and very little with me. I felt like I was being taken for granted a lot. We made future plans together that included me going to grad school etc. then we got a dog. This is where things started feeling pretty rough. He harbors(ed) a lot of resentment for having to care for the dog and blamed me for getting him without consulting him. We talked it out and continue to have different opinions about this situation. (I feel that he passively agreed to the commitment of adopting an animal by sharing in my excitement, helping pay for the adoption fees, visiting the kennel before we adopted him. He says I guilted him into getting the dog.) Anyway, after this point we started getting into arguments more and eventually he would spend lots of evenings drunk playing video games. The sex kinda fizzled and he stopped making plans. (This is year 5). Needless to say I thought he would end things but he kept saying how important I was to him and he supported me in the process of applying and getting into grad school. Then in year 6 we began making plans for the move to a new city for grad school. he was really concerned about finances and worried that, because he didn’t have a college degree, he wouldn’t be able to get a job that would pay enough to support his half of bills. In the end he decided to stay behind and helped me find a new apt in the city where my grad school was. Throughout this time we constantly talked about his plans to move up to the city with me but he remained concerned about finances. Then, one day near the middle of my first year of school, he said he had been offered a job in the family business and that it would pay great and help keep his head above water. I was devastated. I felt like he was prioritizing money over our relationship (this was midway through year 6). Around the same time I was spending a lot of time out with friends at the bars. I drank wayyy to much and it was causing problems in many areas of my life. I randomly met this guy and became infatuated with him. I told my friends I wanted to hook up with him but I didn’t want to do it behind my boyfriends back especially because of how forgiving he had been and because I still loved my boyfriend deeply. I asked my boyfriend if it was okay to hook up with another guy, we talked it out, he agreed under the assumption it was a one time thing. In a two week period I hooked up with the guy 3 times. It was pretty underwhelming to be honest but the high I felt from being wanted really made me want more. It tore my boyfriend up inside. He became severely depressed. At the time I was callous to his feelings because, I think, unconsciously, I thought he didn’t care about me. I realized pretty quickly after hooking up with the other guy the third time that it wasn’t worth it, I was selfishly killing the person I loved, and I was being a ***ing ***. I don’t know why it took me so long to get that out of my system but to this day I regret it terribly and wish I had a better explanation for why I would do something so cruel to my boyfriend. All along my boyfriend stuck by me and continued to convey his desire for a relationship with me. He agreed to move to the city instead of taking the job with his family. We went to therapy. I went to individual therapy. Couples therapy was a disaster because the therapist got stuck on trying to make him take responsibility for the decision. He was too hurt to see that aspect of it at the time. We ended couples therapy after 2 sessions. Things started to get a little better. We talked a lot more about our feelings. He had moments when he would get angry or insecure but his desire for the relationship with me was very apparent. (As an aside, only a few people in his family know all this happened but those who do have been understanding and continue to maintain a relationship with me despite this *** up.) We moved to the city together and made things work (year 7). I decided after I graduated graduate school I wanted to get a specialty degree in my field. Again he supported me and helped me through the process of looking at schools. He said that no matter what happened we’d make it work. He would get part time jobs or an office job to help continue paying his half of the bills. As you can probably tell, we’ve been through a hell of a lot. But even with all that and the uncertainty of our future he asked me to marry him at the end of year 7. I said yes, of course, and we set a date before we moved to another state for my specialty degree. His family was ecstatic as was mine. So as I was getting my other degree we planned the wedding (years 8-9). We had a two year engagement throughout which he began becoming really successful in his new job. Once he started making 6 figures his attitude and mentality changed for the better. He had way more self esteem. He was eager to make plans. He really tried to impress his family and friends with his success. Even though things were a lot better between us, he continued to have days and, on one occasion a week, where he would question me and my loyalty. He would say he didn’t trust me, give me all these reasons he’s never get over the incident in graduate school, and would say that he was sure I’d cheat on him again. This broke my heart because I am in in love with this man and I want to be with him with all my heart. I’ve never even had a thought of cheating on him since the incident in grad school. I knew I had ***ed up in graduate school and I wanted him to find a way to forgive me. But he couldn’t come to terms with why someone he loved with *** him over like that. His drinking continued as did mine but his was too the extent that he would black out. I needed to curb my drinking for my school work. So I cut back, when I did I began to noticed how when anxious and worried I was about him. About 6 months before the wedding we had a major argument one night when we were drunk and he said he couldn’t trust me, that I was a liar, and that I was selfish for hurting him so bad. He said he wanted to leave. He also said he wasn’t sure he wanted to marry me. I said maybe we should take some time apart. The next morning I said we either needed to go to counseling together or figure out what we needed to tell our family about the wedding. He decided to go to counseling on his own for only 8 sessions, that was his cut off, and then tell me how he was feeling. He had a ***ty therapist who made weird physical advances towards him but he said he realized that he needs to either fully commit to the relationship and begin to forgive or get out. He decided to stay and things were sooo much better. Our communication improved 10 fold. He had a better attitude about himself and our life together. We began making plans again for our future (this was all at the end of year 9). Got married, we were very happy for a year, then COVID hit and his business plummeted (years 10-11). It’s now been almost 18 months since COVID and he’s more depressed than I’ve ever seen him. Every other week he gets very silent and contemplative. He says everything reminds him of how I “cheated.” He can’t get the image of me screwing someone else out of his head. He also says he feels stuck like he can’t leave. He’s worried how leaving would impact me and doesn’t want to hurt me but he thinks that if there are no reminders of me screwing someone else then maybe he won’t think about it and he’d be happy. I’m at such a loss. I love this man so much and I don’t want him to hurt. I also feel like he’s beginning to see how much his dark moods impact me but he’s starting not to care as much about this. He will communicate with me but he gets angry and will cast blame instead of having a discussion. Last night he said that he will live with those memories for the rest of his life. That I damaged him beyond repair and that he has to drink to make it go away. He also said that he feels partly responsible for not trying harder to be with me in graduate school and, that if he had, the incident would never had happened. He can’t stop thinking about the past and he thinks things will never change. He also said that he was able to let it go after therapy, so before and during the year of the wedding. During this time he felt more free and relieved. He also felt closer to me. He said nothing makes him happy anymore. He recognizes that part of what’s happening is depression but he refuses to see someone. He also refuses to get meds. For me this topsy turvy up and down cycle is becoming so overwhelming. One week or two or three, he’ll be great, communicative, loving, compassionate, forgiving. Then the next week he’ll be angry, spiteful, and withdrawn. I’ve done all I can to make things easier. I’ve continued to go to therapy, I got a better job so that I can support us financially, I’ve taken over almost all the cleaning and housework. I try to encourage him to work and get out and do things. I even plan trips to try to boost his mood and cheer him up. These things help for a while then he has a bad day. Sometimes I feel like I tiptoe around him to avoid saying something that might set him off into a bad mood. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to leave. I don’t want him to leave. I also don’t want to give him ultimatums. … what should I do.. help?
  4. I'm not sure if this is actually considered cheating but I feel really guilty and bad. I'm dating this guy that I've posted about before who was a virgin before he met me, but we've had sex. I'm bisexual and just before I met him I had a threesome with a male friend and a woman that we'd previously met at a swingers event. I first had a video call with the guy I'm dating on June 2nd and we just talked online every day for about a week and a half because at the time we were in a two week COVID lockdown where you couldn't leave your house. I've been dating this guy in person for maybe about a month now. We said we are dating and we want a relationship but we haven't actually said we're exclusive in those actual terms. We haven't added each other on Facebook but he did introduce me to his Mum and to his best friend. I haven't introduced him to my parents or my friends at all. I actually like this guy a lot and I developed very strong feelings for him. I think I've actually fallen in love with him but I haven't told him that because I don't want to be too full-on. He told me that he really likes me a lot and I told him the same. Anyway so my male friend said to me that him and that woman were getting a hotel room in the city and asked do I want to join them. I actually had two free promotional tickets to go to a magic show and I was going on my own. So I said to my friend that I won't have sex with them but we could go to the magic show together and go for a drink if they want. They said OK that's fine. The problem was before I went out I drank this coffee flavoured rum a friend gave me. I only ever drink wine so I didn't realise that the rum was actually really strong and I got really drunk. I drank it straight and didn't mix with Coke or anything. I was so drunk I barely even remembered the magic show. Then after the show my friend and the woman asked do I want to go to the hotel room. I said yeah OK. We went to the hotel and we were drinking wine and the woman smokes weed so we also got stoned. And yes you guessed it, I had sex with them. I'm not sure if you would actually say I cheated per se but I just feel so awful and guilty. I like the guy I'm dating so much and I didn't actually want to do this. I mean yeah having sex with them is super fun but it's more important to me to be in a relationship with someone I like. I think I really screwed up really bad 😞
  5. Let me preface by saying if you’re going to insult me or be condescending, pls save it. I’m only looking for a response that is respectful. I’ve lived with my bf for a year. We dated about 6-7 months before moving in. He is almost 40 years old and since we started seeing eachother, he’s had a string of promiscuous and flat out nasty 20-somethings on his Facebook. Mind you, I don’t just say that because of the age. I mean half naked, overly sexually charged nonsense all up and down his news feed. The type of stuff you would see on back page. I know because one of them added me as soon as she knew about me. Never introduced herself, just to be nosey. But I got a glimpse of this person and how she carried herself. Others had public pages that I looked at. He also has regular female friends on it, I never have had a problem with that. I’m not crazy, but I demand respect from a partner and I feel that keeping females like that in close proximity is really only for one reason. I’ve been through the ringer with social media cheaters and just cheaters period and I’ve made it known that to me, that’s inappropriate and I’m not okay with it. Long story short, there is one female that he just can’t seem to let go of. His story of how the two are aquatinted has changed a couple of times, and he also told me the pair went out to lunch before we started dating. One minute she’s just a friend of a friend, the next, she’s his friend and I just don’t want him to have any female friends and he takes jabs at me for being insecure. I get the feeling he has been romantically interested in this girl and doesn’t tell me the truth. One time he thought I went into his computer and was reading their conversations and almost blew the roof off the apartment. I didn’t, of course. On top of that, I’m concerned because I feel like we are co-existing. He spends all of his time on social media. (I’m talking rolls over in the morning and gets the phone, to is up to all hours of the night on it) I’m at the point where I feel not only like I’m competing with whatever he has going on on the apps, but that neither of us is happy. And if that’s the case why even be in a relationship. Of course when I try to have a real discussion about any of this with him he gets on edge and starts screaming at me. Is there anyone who can see where I’m coming from with my concerns? I’ve posted on other forums and I’m always made out to be in the wrong.
  6. Hi, I am writing this primarily as a request for a boost and secondarily for an advice. I found this place to be a safe space for anyone to open up. This new girl joined my office four months back. I (male 26) was her first friend here. We quickly became close friends. We used to chat all day long. I used to help her through everything. I was also her first-go-to person as well. In a matter of three months, we developed a very strong bond. She used to complain to me about the rest of the people being boring and not cooperative. We would gossip a lot. I was there for here and with her all the time, everywhere. She became my work buddy and we developed our inside jokes as well. However, she was assigned a different team with a guy here. I will call him Joe. She worked with him one whole month but I saw no change in her apparent behavior during the time. She would still hang out with me. We started dating and talking about marriage/ life goals as well. I was getting serious about her. Then a bit of rotation in jobs happened as new people joined in. I was expecting that we will request the manager to shift to the new spot in my team so that she and I can share tasks too. But all of a sudden, she became friends with Joe. They started chatting and hanging out like crazy. The bond felt so strong to me, she started pushing me back and would only talk to me when he was not around. I became a backup option for her. I complained to her once about this. Initially, she got quiet. I felt that she was feeling guilty and reassured me that this is not true and that we were still the same. However, just after a day of staying reluctant, I noticed that she became even more closer to him. They started chatting excessively even after office hours, at nights too. This has been on going for two weeks. They were always together, day and night. Her replies to me started getting shorter and much delayed. She would respond me after hours and once or twice after a whole day. This, as I understand, is communication as a weapon and not key to resolve things. They both requested the manager to keep them in the same team and the level of enthusiasm she put in to make that happen made me really upset. I feel extremely sad, betrayed and left alone. I can't leave my job. Is it normal to feel like switching away to another workplace for this reason? I am being paid really well here. But I feel like I have become too alone and undesirable for no reason. Its not just that I lost someone I was dating. I have also lost my work buddy, and someone I had feelings for, someone who I helped thoroughly so that I can have a close friend in the office. Office politics and having connections is also a thing of importance here. I have a good reputation in the office and so does she. There is another aspect to it as well, Joe will have an advantage over me as he might have more votes on his side whenever the time for choosing the leads come again. I am feeling very low and abandoned. I want to make new friends here and stay good with everyone as I always want to. But seeing them together and noticing that I have been replaced just makes me very sad. I want to cry about it. I talked to her once again. Her attitude told me that deep down, she knows she has done me wrong. Her replies sounded like she wants to escape the situation. Even taking his name just for once brought about a volatile reaction in her clearly indicating that she is avoiding any discussion on this. My one simple text asking about her and Joe all of a sudden moving in a new team brought so much reaction from her. I don't know now what to do. I feel very abandoned here as I lost my work buddy, someone I used to hang out here, someone I was dating too. Is there any suggestion for me? I would really appreciate any help that comes for me.
  7. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. Recently I was sleep and my phone rang (his words) when i woke up he said it wasn't a regular ringtone for a iPhone. My mother and him are the only people that have a song when they call other than that its the standard ringtone. So he asked did I have a app on my phone. I said no. Mind you I asked why didn't he answer it, or wake me up, etc... Didn't get a answer from him. He also knows my code to my phone and I gave my phone to him to look at what he wanted. But he didn't even bother to look. But I also looked at my phone and had no missed call at the time he said he heard it. I was told I was cheating, I was ignored, told me he had nothing to say to me, etc.... I broke down and told him I cant do this. (Not the first time he has treated me like this when he feels I'm doing something he doesn't like, agree with, or when I leave the house to run errands and it takes longer than what he feels it should take etc). Mind you I answer his calls no matter what I'm doing (we only face-time each other) . While that was happening I was already feeling sick and for days I would tell him how I was feeling and while he was upset he told me that he doesn't think I feel sick because he doesn't see it. I had sore eyes, hot then cold, sweating at night, I wasn't really eating, body aches, and I couldn't smell or taste (still cant taste or smell). He called me a hypochondriac and said clearly I don't believe you. My thoughts then and now was ***!!, but all I could do was stare at him. Minutes later I told him that was f***** up and he said well I don't know what you want me to say. Come to find out I had Covid-19. He didn't say sorry and still hasn't, its been 2 weeks. But now he has caught Covid from me. He is in bathroom everyday, at least 3-4 times a day, headaches, temperature that goes down then comes back, cold/hot, sweating and body aches. I said to him maybe its old age (call me petty lol but his age 35, yes I know that's not old age). He gave me the finger but that was days ago. But these are his words today. (I wont ever get over this, I'm tired of being sick, when will this go away) and in the same breathe he told me to leave him alone. Also I went in the room to let him know that I found a place to get retested being that he been saying he wanted to me for 4 days now. I didn't say anything I just walked away and left the room. Later this afternoon he text me from the bedroom and asked if i can bring his food and some tea. (He is closed up in the bedroom because my kids are home). I love him to death but I can feel myself giving up, I'm tired of the roller coaster. I get he may be scared/ freaking out but at the same time I'm confused on why take it out on me? Sorry if this is all over the place.
  8. Recently I left my fiance after a 6 year relationship. We have an 18 month old daughter. If you’d like the whole story refer to my earlier post Here I had a whole plan to leave him peacefully and maturely. But after discovering a conversation with another woman where he sent a d*** pic and she sent a t*t pic I snapped and told him I’m done. He barely reacted. Basically just like “okay” and went on with his normal day. I took out daughter and left to my moms. The next day we had a sit down and spoke about coparenting, communication, etc. Agreed to be civil and mature for our daughter’s sake. The thing is I’m finding it so hard to be civil and I’m so deeply hurt at his infidelity (I consider that he cheated, even if physically he didn’t) and this has happened multiple times with different women in the last 2 years (at least that I know of) So now I just have the urge to reply to whatever he says with snarky comments and take jabs at him. Like when he sent me a pic of our daughter I wanna say “wow glad you found room on your phone among all the d*** and t*t pics. I know I am being petty but he has not apologized or acknowledged in the least that he hurt me. Frankly it’s pissing me off and making me want to act out of character. I thought he would be heartbroken if not suicidal when I break up with him. I even started speaking with a therapist (since my ex has depression and anxiety I wanted a specialist to guide me through breaking up with him in a way that he wouldn’t ‘freak out’ or be suicidal) But now that the exact opposite is happening I basically feel like he doesn’t care at all. He has taken an average of 3/4 hours to respond any time I text about our daughter’s schedule. Is it better to hold my tongue and be mature or to let my emotions out? I wouldn’t ever consider going back to him and don’t want him asking but I wouldn’t mind an apology or some indication that he knows he f**ked up...
  9. I (24F) am in a relationship with a 24M of which I am unsure where I stand at the moment. I'm sorry in advance if the following is a little all over the place, just in desperate need of advice/outside perspective. We kept breaking up briefly (few days) past couple months due to me being worried about other girls and him being worried about another guy. Last week I was unsure where I stood with him, I had seen him earlier that week, a couple days later he said he felt single and that he didn't want to be in a relationship. He said this multiple times in the past few weeks, only to come back to me saying he wants to be with me and marry me but that we need to sort through the insecurities in the relationship. He went out of town this past weekend, during which time I found a hotel reservation under his name from the day after he told me he felt single (my laptop was logged into his email). I had spoken to him that day over the phone, because I knew he did not want things to be over (2 days later he said he wanted to marry me). He told me he was on the way to meet a photographer. This was obviously a lie, I confronted him about it, he completely denied it for 2 days and then told me he would explain everything. Since he was out of town and had plans, he dragged out having this conversation until last night. Between me finding the reservation and finally being able to have a conversation with him about it, he went out for drinks with another girl ( a friend I know). This made me a little uneasy, because I was already on edge with everything going on and felt like I'm just not a priority to him at all, as long as he has other girls around him. I know if the tables were turned, I would priorities having this conversation with him first, so not to trigger his anxiety and keep him assuming and overthinking. Last night once I finally got a hold of him, he told me he went on a double date that evening he lied, and that it wasn't really a date but that him, his cousin and 2 girls went to get food and then he booked a hotel for all four of them to have drinks in the room. I feel betrayed, I had tried blocking him off of everything a couple days after he went to that hotel, before I knew anything, only for him to spam call me from another number telling me that it's me he wants and all the other girls that I am worried about mean nothing to him. When I spoke to him last night about this, he left the conversation unfinished and said that he would speak to me about it today, because he was drunk from having drinks with that other girl. Today, I had been trying to reach him for hours, as my anxiety keeps sky rocketing, not knowing what's going to happen between me and him. After trying for hours he finally picks up and tells me he's out having lunch with this girl he met through social media. I broke down. I've known about this girl, and he tells me they are just friends, but I still feel hurt. I feel like he keeps going on "dates" with girls he claims to just be friends. He did the same thing about 2 weeks ago now with another girl whom he met over social media, but they went out for drinks together, all in the name of "net-working". Maybe I have a very old fashioned way of thinking, but I have not felt comfortable going out for drinks or food with other guys I barely know, and I know for a fact he would be mad if I did the same, but he knows I wouldn't, because I feel uncomfortable doing that myself. I know my rational self tells me to just not be in this relationship but I have seriously struggled getting out of it, and my mental health is at a all time at the moment. I guess I am just wanting opinions about not only the whole situation but right now the thing that is bugging me the most is if I am overreacting by the way I feel when he goes out for drinks or food with girls he met through social media. Side note- because of everything going on between me and him, we haven't even gone out for drinks or food ourselves since COVID restrictions have been lifted, and I guess this makes me even more jealous that these girls are getting to spend time with him and I haven't been.
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