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DancingFool last won the day on April 19

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  1. I think it's really odd that your friends essentially set you up to cheat on your bf with this creep. By creep, I mean he came onto you hot and heavy, aka love bombing, knowing you are not single, and he has baby mamma drama. These same friends are telling you that he is a really good guy? With friends like that, who needs enemies..... I'd step way way back from these people because they really do not have your best interests in mind. As for the situation overall, I think this is one of those long term relationships can be hard work to keep going moments. Yes, there will be times in your
  2. Please don't make this about your kids. Kids are way more resilient and more able to let go than adults. They also may be much less attached than you think. Asking about mom's buddy who was hanging around every single day as a curiosity is not the same as "omg I miss him". Be careful that you don't read too much into that, aka project your feelings and attachments to your kids. Consider also - do you really want someone who is manipulative, emotionally detached, and who engages with hookers around your children? Of course he enjoys you taking care of him. Who wouldn't? As for talki
  3. First I'm really sorry you are hurting and big internet hugs to you. Unfortunately, you are learning the very hard way why you should never ever get involved romantically with your co-workers. Especially so when you work closely together and/or the workplace office politics can be intense. Dating and relationship do end more often than not and when they do, dealing with seeing your ex every single day will be very hard. My advice is really going to be pragmatic. First and foremost - stop trying to talk to her or follow what teams she is assigned to and what she is doing with who. Abs
  4. That's THE step in the right direction for you. Remember that you are not helpless and that nobody gets to call the shots in your life and what you do, except you yourself. If you don't want him around, you can say no and stick to it. You can disengage from the kinds of relationships that suck you dry and give nothing much in return. I know that in some respects you don't see this as one sided. You've pointed out how he does things for you as well. Consider that he does just enough to keep you hooked and catering to his needs. Does that change your perspective a little? I hope so. At
  5. So why aren't you setting some boundaries about that??? Can you answer that?
  6. The thing is that you are not forcing her into anything. SHE chose to end your relationship, not you. If she thought that you will continue to support her and pay her bills while she breaks up with you and goes off with someone else, what does that tell you about how little respect she has for you??? That alone would make your relationship not viable.
  7. You've spent many years catering to her and her happiness and it's going to be a hard habit to break, but I really do hope that you do find a way to start focusing on YOUR happiness instead. It's high time for you to learn how to put yourself first and become content with yourself and the life you provide for yourself. One baby step at a time. There was never a future with a cheater. In fact, with all the lies, manipulation, and gaslighting your life was more like swimming upstream with a rock tied around your neck. I know that it never seemed that way and still doesn't, but with time you
  8. No, not misunderstanding anything. Being OK with this set up on your end is what is actually seriously messed up with you. You shouldn't be OK with that, you shouldn't be allowing yourself to be pushed around and manipulated like that. You are talking like you are helpless. He comes around and dictates your life and you cook him dinner as a reward. THAT is messed up. This entire dynamic is messed up and you are actively participating in that by refusing to set any kind of healthy boundaries with him. So I'm going to ask you again - what do you get out of this mess???
  9. Her future and living arrangements are none of your business. Sorry to be so blunt, I feel it needs to be said just so. In your mind, you've placed yourself into a position of her knight in shining armor, except that she isn't that disabled in reality and is actively choosing to leave you of her own free will. As for the phone and suddenly caring about her appearance, I think you already know what that's about. She already has or is lining up another soft spot to land in, another "white knight" who will provide for her. So yes, your relationship is over and she has already made that
  10. By continuing to hang around and cater to him, you are actually actively causing harm to him because that stops him from seeking proper professional help and treatment. You are being very selfish in that regard. You keep asking the same question - why doesn't he want you. It doesn't matter why. What are you getting out of this mess????
  11. ^This. Also, what is actually going on with you, OP? If you genuinely believed that he is gay, then why haven't YOU done what you need to do to detach and move on? I mean if he is gay, then you are wasting your time and emotions on someone who will never want you that way. This man is a forest of red flags. He is controlling and manipulative and as wiseman said, what you saw is just tip of the iceberg of who knows what he is into and who he really is. You certainly have no clue. You also seem to confuse toxic behaviors for caring. Why do you think that might be? Overall, you say
  12. Please just delete his number and don't ever reach out or text him anything again. You've already texted him enough, including telling him that just ghosting you like that was uncalled for. There really comes a point where you have to accept that silence IS communication and what it communicates is that the person you are contacting doesn't wish to talk to you or be a part of your life anymore. Telling someone who doesn't care that they hurt your feelings isn't going to make them care. He knows what he did and meant to do it because that was convenient for him. He is showing you again and
  13. I don't think you messed up anything. Due to the way this pandemic is dragging on, you really couldn't hang on to this long distance relationship forever. Something had to give. When you ended things in October, she actually treated that as the end - she healed and moved on and eventually met someone else. Unfortunately, you didn't do the same and got a bit stuck on this vague notion of eventually. So now you are where she was in October - having to accept this break up as the real deal and move on. As for her saying that she loves you....people say a lot of things they don't fully m
  14. Every single cheater states exactly this - unmet needs, was mysteriously unhappy for years but somehow never shared that with you. This is literally the definition of gaslighting and blame shifting. Funny thing is that these types of people are actually very conscious of the judgment they will get for cheating and so are very eager to manage their image, aka blame their SO for their misdeeds. Everything from some vague unhappiness to that one time you didn't take the trash out fast enough. Any excuse will do, no matter how absurd. So please please do not accept that or ever blame yourself. You
  15. What you are feeling is really quite normal - a sense of loss and grief. Still, you ended the relationship for good reasons. The only mistake was that you continued to talk and gave yourself this idea that you will get back together eventually, a safety net. So rather than breaking up and accepting it for what it is and moving on back in October, now you are dealing with almost like a second break up, but it's harder and more shocking because she really did move on and now you must too. There is no safety net and no telling yourself that maybe later..... Next time you end the relatio
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