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DancingFool last won the day on November 18 2020

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  1. When I was young, I got this piece of advice from my dad, "Never mix money and business with friendships and pleasure because in the long run you'll end up having neither." Having enough life mileage now, I can only confirm that he is 100% correct on that. I've seen too many times these situation blow up dramatically. When you are bf/gf keep your money and business separate. You really shouldn't be investing in her business and it sounds to me like she is "paying" you back for your help by likewise helping you set up a similar business. Don't get entangled in ownership issues because
  2. From the example you are giving about work, it seems like you are doing something that is very common - confusing arrogance with confidence. A confident person is never afraid to ask questions or admit that they don't know something. They keep an open mind and are willing to learn new things or new ways of doing something. They can hear a different opinion, express their differences and agree to disagree. They can see, appreciate, or accept a differing point of view without turning it into a who is right fight while remaining true to their own point OR adjusting their point of view becaus
  3. Personally, I'm a big believer in trusting your intuition. If it's telling you that there is something off about their friendship, it's probably true. Sometimes what your intuition is sensing can be impossible to describe rationally, unfortunately, but that doesn't mean that it's off. At the end of the day, it comes down to this - a relationship is supposed to make you feel happy, safe, and secure. If you are feeling jittery, nervous, jealous and unsafe/insecure.....you have to ask yourself why that is and if that's the kind of drama that's acceptable to you. Also, one of the big corner s
  4. You had two real dates, even if you feel they were short. Everything leading up to that was....well....covid weirdness. Since you spent so much time talking and connecting with each other prior to those dates.....it feels like you had more of a connection and like you lost a whole relationship. You kind of did and yet kind of didn't. Anyway, you didn't do anything wrong so stop blaming yourself. If there is one thing to take away from this is that you should avoid spending a lot of time in limbo before meeting up properly. If meeting up properly isn't an option within reasonable time, put
  5. For me personally, this would be a hard no and he'd be gone. This is about character and specifically, hidden sense of entitlement. This stuff doesn't go away ever. I don't care what his excuse was - youth, shyness, whatever - he felt entitled to use another person to satisfy himself. If that's not a flashing neon red flag, I don't know what is. Also, my personal mileage is same as many other posters are suggesting - these types of "confessions" are usually just the tip of the iceberg, testing your boundaries and whether you have any. Even with the most generous read of it was
  6. Having large parties doesn't jive with social isolation. If she was seeking to isolate him, you and her, your bubs - you wouldn't be friends. What this does look like to me sitting in the bleacher seats is a very classic toxic trap. They, as a couple, bring certain things that you like, aka rewards. Those rewards are interspersed with toxic kinds of behaviors, but because you've come to value the rewards, you are turning the blind eye to and tolerating toxic and shady behaviors even though, you are becoming increasingly uncomfortable with that. Toxic people have a way of exhausting you an
  7. I think that had you been dating normally, this wouldn't have gone past 1-3 dates. She simply wasn't feeling the chemistry to continue and taking off the masks, seeing each other fully, kissing did nothing more than cement that for her. She might have liked you otherwise, but without chemistry, there is no romantic relationship. I don't think you actually did anything wrong or could have done anything different. The biggest thing was that covid made this drag out way way longer as you really couldn't date properly and therefore judge properly in a more timely manner. Also, please get away
  8. Given the above, I think you need to start recognizing that her husband isn't an innocent lamb either. They are both toxic people playing toxic games and in a way triangulating you and your husband. Also, if your eldest is fragile like that, then you need to keep him away from psychos. Personally, I think that you and your husband both need to step way away from this couple and avoid getting entangled into any business with them. It will end in a train wreck.
  9. I mean the only way to find out is to actually reach out and talk to her, right? Don't try to read tea leaves, just be direct and ask for what you want. Rejection might sting, but as you admit yourself, you are at a point where you can accept the outcome either way because you don't want to keep sitting in limbo and uncertainty, forever wondering "what if". So grab the bull by the horns and just deal with it. Good answer or bad, it will free you from the torture of "what if". In short, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by simply talking to her.
  10. OP....I really hope that you find a way to reframe this in your mind as relationship boundaries instead of telling the guy who he can and cannot be friends with. Your relationship boundaries exclude these types of "friendships" and either that's acceptable to him and he is on the same page as you, or it's not acceptable to him and you need to part ways. Yes, it's that important and you need to learn to stand tall and firm and clear on this topic whether it's with this guy or with any future relationship of yours. Having a spine matters and being clear about your values and your boundaries
  11. OP....you are barely 20..... so you have some choices to make right now. You can wrap this "I'm shy and skinny and no girl wants me" blanket around you and live in increasingly bitter misery....OR....you can shred it and live the kind of life you want to live. You want to defeat shyness? Take some drama classes, public speaking classes, debate classes. No better cure for shyness than having to get up and make a fool out of yourself on purpose. Learn to laugh at yourself, be goofy and life will become so much easier for you. Being social is learned behavior. As for being skinny or bab
  12. All of my tension likewise goes to my neck and shoulders. What helps me is any type of aerobic exercise that is both full body, but also includes upper body motion. Think winter cross country skiing type of exercise or rowing type. You can also simulate that with an exercise machine at home or at the gym (but covid sooo) Basically, you want both to raise your heartrate and to move your shoulders and arms. Another thing that had tremendous long lasting effects was actually magnet therapy. You can google that - buy a strong enough magnet designed for this, keep it on your neck and shou
  13. Problem is that you don't actually have anyone now as we speak. Please please if you want a family and an normal life, stop wasting your time on a loser and a parasite who is wasting your good years away for nothing. Dump him today. Heal. Work hard on your self worth and self esteem because you are lacking in that department. Date and have a strong set of standards driven by your new found self worth. You'll meet a man who is a keeper and who genuinely wants you and the life that you want in no time. To find the right relationship, you have to be strong and clear about what you want
  14. Wow....a complete psycho condescended and claimed the OP is broke and we have posters jumping onto that bandwagon........ Yet at no point did the OP indicate that she is "broke". If you take the time to read, she has a car, she wanted to call Uber because she wanted to leave an untenable situation and she didn't drive her car where they were. Good call on her part to refuse to accept verbal abuse and name calling and have the guts to leave. Sounds to me like she was able to. It's only that the control freak abuser jumper on her and took advantage of her youth to put her down and took cont
  15. Cheating is never NEVER about you. You cannot push anyone into cheating. I know I know there are a lot of claims and excuses from cheaters and their enablers how it's always someone else's fault they just "had" to cheat but that is pure bs. Nobody has to cheat. The harsh truth is that cheaters cheat because they love the thrill of deceit. Lying and getting away with it is an adrenaline rush. Getting caught and fooling you into sticking around for more lies and abuse is a power trip and a thrill for them like no other. Please for the love of, dump him, block all contact and then take
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