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Everything posted by arjumand

  1. Who cares? Same thing happened with my parents and now they have been married for 67 years. Initial attraction and making the effort to be in a long-term relationship are two different things. If he weren’t interested in you, he would not have stuck around this long.
  2. I think it depends on the person. When I had cancer, I didn't really want to tell his family -- they don't like me much, I don't like them much -- but he wanted to tell his mother so he did and she didn't bother me, so it was fine. OTOH, he would want me to tell my family because he is more of a share everything with everybody sort of person.
  3. He already had Covid. And I don't buy these excuses where some men just don't know how to take care of their partners -- it is a copout, a way of letting men be selfish and shows a complete lack of character (akin to "boys will be boys.") When someone you love is in need, people who really care do something, they don't just act selfishly. That means if it makes them uncomfortable or worried, they work past that to do what is needed. If he isn't caring for you when you are sick then he isn't going to take care of you in future when there is a problem. Remember that when making decisions.
  4. There is nothing wrong with being indecisive about a second child, it is a big deal. I will say that your father-in-law's illness did increase the stress and difficulty of taking care of your baby, absolutely. We decided to have a second child when I realized that we were talking about two or three years of my life that were going to be really hard, but out of like 80, that didn't seem like much in the face of wanting another child. Also, remember that you were likely unsure about having the first one, because again, it is a big deal. Unfortunately, it did not work out, in any fashion, and we ended up with an only. She would have made a great older sister, but this is what happened and she has grown up into a very UNselfish, good person. She is nearly 20 and lives a very adventurous, interesting life. I mention this because people are always talking about how only children are selfish and don't share and she is nothing like that -- neither is one of my closest friends who is in her 40s and also very generous. I will also add that I don't know anyone who went ahead and had another (or two, or even three) who regretted it.
  5. I think the point is more that women can't be complex or express contrary ideas to make a man happy. It is simple, in this thinking, to make a man happy -- wait on him and always be pleasant.
  6. Hey Seraphim, is today any better? Sometimes you just have to survive the crappy days for a little while to get to the tolerable, but it isn't easy.
  7. You don’t think it is hurting him that you avoid him and he never sees your friends? You are doing plenty to hurt him now — cut him loose so he can find someone who genuinely thinks he is wonderful. You aren’t keeping him around because you are such a giving person, you like having a safety net who is really into you.
  8. I have known several young people whose parents went to prison and not one of them ever indicated in any way that it "was not that bad." Just the fact that their parents were separated from family made it bad to begin with. I
  9. Form fitting shorts that show off any of that part of your anatomy are absolutely inappropriate for anything other than working out and being in a work out environment. And where are you looking for clothes? LuluLemon, a company for which I have contempt because of their female body shaming, has some dressier athletic shorts.
  10. I agree that you should wait to move in together and not until you have determined the point of moving in together -- is it in preparation for marriage or a long-term commitment, is it to just be roommates, what is the intention? But I am very disturbed by the fact that you think you have to forgive her for her past sex life when it has nothing whatsoever to do with you. You have a very dismissive and prejudicial view of women and their sex lives -- you seem to think you are in a position to determine what is and is not acceptable. Meanwhile, you are an opioid addict and are somehow more moral than she? Her behaviors are considered damaging and wrong whereas you seem to view your situation as something that just happened. I think you really need to think about how you view yourself and the world before you go around making adult choices.
  11. This is just a lazy invite for a booty call — you are supposed to wait around for him and if he gets to it, you will be graced with his presence. I love you when seeing each other only once a month is likely not completely realistic. If you want a relationship look for someone who wants one as well. If you are okay with this, don’t follow up. Don’t let him think you are just waiting around for him. See what happens.
  12. Aware. But very few places here let 14 year olds do so because Americans feel obligated to sexual use everything.
  13. Her Tattoobunnie, did you go to high school in Chicago? Sounds just like the program my daughter did.
  14. You feel demeaned because he treats you like an object and you are getting nothing at all out of this relationship. It seems like a waste of time — he is cold and unpleasant and you just avoid him. Do not think that your children have not figured out how bad this is and are learning from it. Is this the example you want to set for them? Wiseman is right — get yourself a therapist and figure out the life you want. Don’t argue, don’t inform him. Let him go find someone else to treat this way — it’s not doing you any good.
  15. Two nurse friends who failed the exam the first time. Wildly successful. One got an MS in some kind of specialty and an MBA — she runs a rehab hospital. The other got a masters and is a nurse anesthetist. It’s just a bump.
  16. Why on earth do you want to make this work? Do you really think it is good for your child to have such a useless person around who is making you miserable? And to see you just taking it? This is unhealthy in every way and is bad for your child as well, do not kid yourself. Get out, now. He offers you nothing positive. Get yourself some help to figure out why you have stayed this long and to make yourself stronger before you get into another stupid situation. Focus yourself, your life, your happiness and your child. Walk away from this cretin, the only thing you are gaining from staying is more misery and more lost time.
  17. "I don't fully agree with this. You can be fully living life and be loving life, however if your not attractive they will not be drawn to you." How would you know as you have clearly never really enjoyed life. My husband has a VERY close friend who is nothing to look at. But he enjoys his life -- riding motorcycles, cooking, having a close group of friends and his job -- and just exudes fun and self confidence. He landed himself a very high-quality wife. He is nice to be around and that is what she was looking for. I know you think therapy is all about sighing and pity parties (and you are already so good at that you don't need to pay for help on that front), but the real point of therapy is to help you learn to think about things differently, to help you come up with solutions and new approaches. Might you feel worse first (as you described when you started but did not complete therapy)? Yes, most of us do, having to face up to unpleasant situations. But then you DO feel better. You seem to be under the impression that if it is not immediately better -- completely on your terms -- with no meds and no real work or unpleasantness on your part -- then it is better to sign and moan and do nothing with your life. That is fine, but accept that it is you who is making that happen by not lookin for real solutions.
  18. Is OP actually looking for a serious relationship? I think from his description of what he is looking for he is looking to enjoy himself in a more lighthearted way for a while.
  19. Do some volunteer work for something you actually care about. Then you end up with a self selected group of people with similar interests.
  20. Wow, so if the relationship doesn't work out he is free and clear and has no financial responsibilities for children he made because you "don't like child support." So you are the only real parent, the only one who has to be there for everything, and him, well, he doesn't have to do anything if things don't work out. There is nothing there I understand. He knew exactly what he was doing when he said what he said, do not kid yourself. He is not being nice to you and you clearly have self esteem problems because you have been putting up with crappy behavior for years. And I see that since you won't hold him to caring for his own children if you break up that you are unwilling to deal with the realities of this situation and your children's futures.
  21. It seems he is someone who is going to want to come back because you have moved on and are prepared to date others -- he would prefer that you sit at home and pine for him so he can have you at his disposal whenever the fancy strikes him. Please stop interacting with this guy, it is slowing your recovery and independence. You can definitely do better. Also, I love the fact that he thinks you should be able to tell that he loves you because he broke up with and treated you with indifference. So obvious -- this is how he treats people he loves. Do you really want to be treated that way?
  22. La Hermes, I agree that age should not be a problem. However, feeling that the man MUST be older is appalling for all reasons stated above.
  23. No, because it never happened accompanied by actual writing and oration on the need for women to keep men in line for the sake of society and country. Women marrying men younger than they are is not something enured into Western society in a way that makes not doing so odd.
  24. Yes, society has messed with your head and the notion that the man has to be older is extremely patriarchal — in different societies at different times the view was that women needed an authority figure in their lives to keep them in line. It’s appalling. I have to tell you that most of my female friends who have been in long-lasting relationships are actually married to younger men, from 13 months to seven years. I am not, my husband is 19 days older than I am and thank heavens! Or I would never have brought myself to date him 😉 What is far more important in dating is compatibility, kindness and similar morals. Worry about what really matters.
  25. A peace officer is a police officer. Their job is to “keep the peace.”
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