Frostypeach

Not saying I didn’t tell him my needs, I did. But I backed off when he said I was pressuring him when I approached the topic of a holiday in the summer. I kept asking him to plan a date or plan seeing me in advance (not just the night before), and he seemed frustrated. Oh and I always opened up about my own issues, so I was vulnerable with him. He told me I was too open with him all this makes me worry that I’m not capable of relationships. All of them are short lived. And as my message above, does it really mean I’m selfish? I never do things to hurt others purposefully and I respect boundaries. and my exes comment on me ignoring his questions shocked me. He told me this 3 months into the relationship and it made me nervous talking to him because I became super aware when I was speaking. I was the one always asking him questions to get to know him so the comment about our first date upset me just hope I’m not narcissistic myself

I wouldn’t say I’m a selfish person? I think of others and their feelings a lot and if anyone sets a boundary with me, I will respect that boundary. I don’t do anything maliciously and if I do something wrong, it is not intentional. I hope all this doesn’t mean I’m selfish. i treated my ex with respect and kindness and thought of his feelings always. I found it hard to communicate my needs as he was homesick and I felt that would be asking too mucb from him. I want to call him my ex too as he was my first boyfriend and he meant a lot to me. It was a special connection and was amazing in the early days

I don’t know, I genuinely felt I wanted to help him and see him happy. I thought that meant I loved him. When he wasn’t reciprocating, it started to feel like a chore though. Like I was baking cakes for his birthday and it suddenly hit me, ugh what’s the point. i hope I’m not a terrible selfish person. Him never falling in love with me despite initially being so obsessed does mean I blame myself a lot

I spend a lot of time looking at things I can make like crafts and different hobbies I can do once I have more money. also I feel like a bad person as I’ve been all negative and venting to my friends. My friend told me I need to stop now and I talk about myself too much. I feel terrible about this but at least I’m aware now, it doesn’t mean I’m terrible person does it? Even my ex told me after our first date that he felt when I was telling a story, I would ignore his follow up questions and keep talking . I was nervous though but I’m quite worried I’m single due to my being bad

I think I know why I did what I did. I always like helping people and forming friendships that way. In a people pleasing sense my therapist said I was a people pleaser. I’ve stopped doing that now but I feel like I’m the opposite and people and colleagues say I come across as cold and distant. By helping my ex and putting the effort in to plan fun dates, it felt like I could show I was friendly. I liked planning things too as I was lonely and wanted to get out and have a good summer when he said he dated me out of loneliness, I do hope I didn’t ruin it all with my nice gestures

@Batya33 positive affirmations, self help books etc. i read something today though that said you never get over your first love. I put so much trust and love in to him, some days I’m still in disbelief that we don’t speak anymore and I will never sit and have a coffee with him. I always get flooded with happy memories of the things we did today and remind myself it was all fake from him. life is very lonely. I spend most of my life job searching for years on end with no luck. I work from home so there is never opportunities to meet people but one day I hope that can change and I can work in a city and meet people

@Kwothe28 ive done a lot of self work. Some days I have bad days but I’ve learnt a lot from the relationship. It’s my bad luck which sometimes makes me have a bad day like this. I don’t think he was narcissistic, as that’s quite unlikely but rather someone who is selfish?

In 2021, I felt quite doomed with dating. Went on lots of dates and rarely felt interested or attracted. I think after bad experiences with men, I was very closed off and cautious. No guy I had every dated had ever put effort in and I always felt used. until I got a message from a man on tinder who seemed really sweet and just my type.. I was able to open up. The conversations were so fun and he was really putting the effort in to getting to know me, non stop texting for about 7 weeks before we finally met in person. I was a bit taken back by how often he was texting me all the time it was quite intense and he was lovely and there was a lot of chemistry like we had always known each other. No one was ever as kind and affectionate as him. He told me he really fancied me and reassured me he was the nice man I needed. I felt so safe but so excited. He was always complimenting me and even said he hoped we move closer together soon. He liked all the same things I did, it was crazy! He showed me off to his friends, we laughed about the same things, he was soppy and lovely. My family and friends adored him he never planned dates though, but he was very very broke. He had just immigrated here from the USA. So I planned most things, and payed for more things so we could do things together. Picnics, walks etc. i always had his favourite foods in when he came to stay. I had no doubts about our relationship and was enjoying getting to know him, I wasn’t needy but rather independent too he never had a conversation about us becoming girlfiend and boyfriend, but he started introducing me as his girlfriend and his other half. So I assumed we didn’t need to have the conversation! It was all so nice and easy, but I did notice he still messaged his ex girlfriends quite a lot, as he claimed he stayed friends with them as he’s a nice guy. I mean he was so nice, who wouldn’t want to be friends with him? as I liked him so much, I offered a lot of help to help him settle in to this country. Helping him to find a new job, a friend of a friend offered him his spare room for a small rental cost. I didn’t feel I was going out of my way too much either. but months in, there still were no dates planned. When I asked (which I was very very anxious to bring up so I did it over text), I was told I was pressuring. He even made comments I was manipulative. He started giving me a lot of evil looks and I felt quite neglected. Especially when I stayed at his and there was no effort to make me feel welcome, E.g no meal cooked or offer of a drink. He would never appreciate my efforts for things I planned for us, one time he even shook his head at me asiwas being ‘indecisive.’ I had no help from him though i got depressed and started struggling in my work and even talking to people I found hard. I was in tears next to him and he didn’t seem to care. i used to resent him when he made plans for the weekend with his mates without making effort to see me in the weeks. I started to resent him and secretly wished his plans with his mates would fail, which made me feel like a bad person. I just wanted to know when the next time was that I would see him. I communicated that I needed him to plan in advance not last minute he started saying as well that he never wants kids anymore as he finds them annoying. He knew that was my life goal in the distant future. he went from being super into me to me feeling like I was a burden. Was so confused. He dumped me and said he never fell in love and was with me as he was lonely. a year on, I’m still looking for a partner. I try all the dating apps. Unfortunately I can’t meet people in real life at clubs etc at the moment as I’m on the waiting list for the things I enjoy. But no one on dating apps is showing interest and when I do go on dates, it’s the same thing, low effort. im starting to worry it will never happen for me? I’m seeing all my friends get married and settle down, and I’m still waiting for a man to take me on a date or even tell me they love me. It’s never happened and I’m scared something wrong with me. I’m 28 now, how can this be

I just feel so uncomfortable living in a house share. My hobby is cooking and baking but I just get take out so I don’t take up too much space or annoy anyone in kitchen. And with that, I just don’t feel like doing much or going places. I love art and music and can’t even do that in my house

I really want to, but again it comes back to my current housemates don’t ask me to come on the house nights out and I don’t want to invite myself. So I don’t have anyone to do anything with. I took myself on a solo trip abroad last week but even then I was completely alone. I do everything alone. I hint to the people around me I’d like to hang out sometimes but they never offer to hang out

Well I work from home so I don’t see any people in the week. Then I go to the gym and my dance class nearby and also swipe on dating apps. I’ve never been approached in person. All my hobbies mean I don’t meet men.

Yeah it’s just no one ever gives me any attention. Like even since the breakup I’ve tried online dating and meeting people in real life and I just don’t get asked out. So when I met him, it was an ok compromise as I’m not a princess. I’m just scared I’ll end my 20s and the only person who has showed me interest is him

I think it was more that the men I had dated who took me on dates, expected sex early on. Where as I felt in control planning all the dates and him waiting for intimacy, it made me feel safe and comfortable

Because he immigrated abroad and doing so cost him all his life savings. And so he was starting his life from scratch

He was broke though and struggling, he still texted me all day every day, just didn’t plan dates. And I did ask and then I stopped planning, but then he said I was all bad at planning and indecisive when we did things without a set plan. And then I started being all slow at replying to his messages and then he got all scared I would leave him. He promised me he would change and wanted to treat me when he could.