anbesivam

If anyone here is a moderator, please delete this thread/topic asap. My mom's going through my laptop

If anyone here is a moderator, please delete this thread/topic asap. My mom's going through my laptop

Wasn't my intention, honest mistake; won't repeat it

After the responses on my first post (previous post) I decided to sort of bring up the things she's said. Not even directly, I just asked my brother what's the most hurtful thing she's said to him while she was in the room. He's quite young and doesn't really understand the nuances just yet, so he said he can't think of anything [even though she's told HIM multiple times that she wishes he wasn't born either]. I didn't want to complicate things for him so when he asked me about mine, I said there's nothing too. My mom later confronted me about this, and said that I only remember the bad and forget all the good things she's done for me (which is incredibly untrue) which is exactly why I thought she was justified in her thinking all these years. I didn't really pursue the thought further, but now she's back to her "happy" phase, and I just don't understand how she can start joking around and playfighting like we didn't just have that conversation yesterday. I'm tired of all these sudden jumps from nothing to everything, and I'm tired of playing along. It feels ingenuine. I guess the question here is- how do I act around my mother now? It feels like I've stumbled upon a separation that will never be overcome.

I'm 18, leaving school in a couple of weeks. Uni unconfirmed as of yet. Not sure what I'd say if I were to bring it up.

I just want to help, but it seems like the only person who can help her is herself. Thanks, guys.

There are a couple of reasons for this. 1. I know for a fact that she loves me, and to a degree that seems so intense that I feel like I could never pay her back for it, nor could I compare it to anything else. 2. She's incredibly self sacrificing. She has spent a FORTUNE on me to give me the best opportunities. 3. I am trying to understand the topic from both sides. I am bothered by this, yes, but I did initially wonder (at time of asking) whether I was justified in thinking this way and that perhaps I was wrong to mistake her words. 4. I'm trying to give you all as much information as I can about the other 90% of the time, since that it is the majority and I don't want anyone to be misinformed and jump to conclusions. 5. Perhaps my belief that I am the problem is so deeply ingrained in me that I am just waiting for someone to validate the thing I've believed my entire life. That my mother's perfect and I've ruined everything by being who I am.

It seems as though your friendship is coming to an end. I had a friend once, who was like my brother, the closest in the world it seemed, but now we don't even talk! Such is the absurdity of things. Chances are, she's not feeling it anymore, and unfortunately one-sided friendships don't work. You could, of course, try to fix it, but that's hard to get right and it can certainly be very awkward. I'd advice you to part ways with her, and try to distract yourself instead of focusing on what you have lost. Focus on what lies ahead.

My question is, people aren't perfect so how come we don't know sometimes things are said out of anger and that's that? Maybe they truly do not mean it, or maybe they simply thought it was true in the heat of the moment? I agree the comment is cruel, and it certainly has made me cry thinking about it more than once, but taking other times into account, I don't understand how we can expect someone to be 100% nice all the time.

That's been my thing for years. But she kind of turns it against me sometimes, saying I don't care, calls me emotionless and then says "I wish I could be like that, and just not care". I think I have not been very empathetic in the person, just because I didn't used to be too emotionally intelligent, and also I wouldn't cry for just about anything (she's a lot more emotional, cries quite a bit), but I've changed a lot now and I want to help everyone through tough times and I want to be there for her no matter what, and I want to be the best version of myself. In fact, my username, "anbe sivam", translates to "Love is God". I just don't know how to get her to see that I've changed, that I'm not the quiet, unbothered, unemotional person I once was.

A younger sibling, don't want to get more detailed for privacy reasons

@boltnrun I suppose that are some things she's said to me that I've never forgotten. Strange how the ones who love you the most can also have such an impact.