Samkay

UPDATE: hello! Thank you to everyone who responded to this! I would just like to say I did end up blocking her and have decided to go no contact. I felt like if I stayed in the friendship it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us. I felt like I was spiraling thinking about where this was going and decided it would be best to end it.

The way you explained this is actually how im feeling. I feel like I can’t trust her anymore and I use to be able to trust it with ANYTHING. I kind of feel like I owe her an explanation on why im leaving her life because her old ex best friend blocked her without giving any reason at all. But maybe I don’t owe her it? I’m not entirely sure, I do know for sure that I hate when friendships are like this.

For me it’s important for a friendship especially a close one (she would always tell me how I’m her little sister) to be built on trust. I kinda feel like “why does she have to lie to me in the first place” because she tells me how she cares about our friendship but I have doubts. I use to believe her 100%, I would have been on her side no matter what because I trusted her so much. And she would tell me she felt the same. But now it’s weird because she is lying to me and I feel like I’m the one drowning in this friendship. I feel like I can’t take this anymore, her telling me stuff and I have to decide whether I believe it or have to be cautious with it. I know friendships change now and I feel like im confortable letting this one go because I don’t like how im acting and feeling about it. I’m just not sure how to end the friendship because have the half friendship we have been trying to have, where it’s only me reaching out but then she tells me she cares for me so much is messing with me.

I feel like it’s more the fact that she’s lying to me about when she’s hanging out with him that’s getting me irritated and confused. I asked her why she felts like she needs to hide from me when hanging out with him sometimes and she told me that it was all in my head and that I was making it up. And I felt like I was crazy for thinking this way for months, just to find out she actually IS hiding from me when playing with him. I know it sounds really controlling but I don’t care if she has new friends. I just wish that she didn’t keep telling me that im her best friend and her sister and then doesn’t put any efforts in. I feel like she tells me one thing so that I will stay and then acts a totally different way because she doesn’t actually believe what she’s telling me? It feels like she wants the comfort of me as a friend but then doesn’t actually want me as a friend. I think anyone would get hurt if their “best friend” suddenly starts ditching them for someone else? Is that controlling? I’m not trying to control her, I just wished she cared about me like how she says she does. I feel like I would rather her just tell me “im playing with eddie right now” then hide from me when playing with him. Because I just assume all the worse things, like why does she need to hide? Does she think I will get mad? Ive never yelled or been angry before with her? I think she thinks she’s protecting me maybe and doesn’t want to hurt my feelings? But I kept telling her it’s not specifically the eddie thing that’s getting me insecure in my friendship with her, it’s her lying to me. im aware checking her status’s is crazy but i feel like I need to, to make sure she’s not lying to me. I would like to add I have more irl friends then her….she is strictly only online because she lives in a remote area. Me having irl friends is one of the reasons she used for her not hanging out with me because according to her she can’t tell when im hanging out with irl ppl or when im online, but that was just a lie because I would ask her directly to hang out.

I do have irl friends I hang out with and I have other online friends.

TLDR: Became close friends with someone who drifted away after reconciling with old friends. Despite promises, she prioritized hanging out with them over me, even lying about it. Confrontations led to excuses and gaslighting. Now considering ending the friendship due to emotional toll and feeling undervalued. Unsure whether to confront again, cut ties, or match her level of effort, but leaning towards ending things. Feeling numb and stuck in deciding how to proceed. The details: Some background info:I have an online friend who I’ve be come really close to these past few years. We grew especially close after I was there for her for some pretty big drama that happened with her friend group. The drama resolved(I was there and supported her through all of that too) and honestly since then things have been different. I was genuinely happy that she got her old friends back and was excited for us to all hang out together and get to know each other better. I never expected that I would be cast to the side so she can focus on healing the broken friendships. She would ignore my messages for hours even though she was online with them, I would ask her if she wanted to hang out and every time she would reply that she’s hanging out with her friend group…literally every time. I eventually got dry with her because I felt like I was the only one putting in effort. It would be weeks before we would hang out/call again.I felt like she built me up so high and showed me how great it was to be her friend,just to rip it all away from me. I eventually confronted her about the way she treated me and she explained that she was going through some pretty personal issues with her friends (I do agree that the issues she was having were extremely big and scary) and that she thought I was going through alot since I stopped messaging. She did make promises to be mindful of me and make more effort in our friendship. In my mind she was justified in treating me that way and I thought I was happy with that outcome. I was scared to lose her. A few weeks go by, and lo and behold nothing had changed. In fact somehow it gets worse. After previously saying we were going to play Overwatch she asks if I’d be down to play fortnite with her and eddie. I was excited she never wants to play Fortnite with me….or play with me in general at this point of time. I was genuinely having fun and thought everyone else was too based off how we were all laughing, Eddie was sorta mansplainging fortnite to me and her even though we already know how to play but im use to that, im sure he meant it as nice it was just the kinda thing that would be better if he just didn’t. The day after I messaged her asking her if she noticed that he was doing that and she said yeah and we laughed about it. But then she stopped inviting me to hang out with her and Eddie…and only hung out with Eddie. I kept asking her if we could hang out or when she was available and she would always say should could the next day but then the next day would roll around and she would be online with him… completely ignoring the plans I was trying to make. One instance made me question our entire friendship and this same issue is causing me pain yet again. We were finally hanging out after her playing with him day after day. But we only played for like 2 hours before she said she was tired and needed to sleep. I was happy with the time I did hang out with her and wished her sweet dreams. I got on dead by daylight a game that’s she didn’t play with me for so long even though she’s the reason why I played in the first place. I was solo queueing when after a few games I got a invite from her to join her group. I was scared she ditched me to play dead by daylight with him and then saw me on and just invited me out of pitty…I didn’t even realize she was online. She had her discord hide her activity but then turned it back on when she invited me and it said she was playing for 30 mins… I hate it, I hate that she’s lying to me, tricking me, deciving me. I felt very betrayed because she’s never lied to me before and why does she feel the need to now? All I can think is because she doesn’t care about me as much anymore. I finally decide to have another conversation with her about what’s been happening and how it’s affecting me and our friendship. It felt like she had an excuse for everything. The dead by daylight issue was because she thought I was asleep and didn’t realize I was on….but then why did she hide her activity? It was directed at me and no one can convince me it wasn’t, I’ve been gaslit too much in this friendship. I tell her about how she doesn’t invite me anymore and she says she thought I was busy because I was pulling away again. I called bs on that and stated I tried getting her to play with me so much and I even went out to find fortnite custom maps for us to play together(she hates battle royal) this is important: she said that when I mentioned fortnite to her she thought I meant the battle royal and not custom maps. She let me believe I was crazy, I thought I was making all these connections in my head out of no where, when I was valid to make them. She even joked that im like her friend who has schizophrenia…(he recently left her for this same *** im going through) and now we come to today. Today I saw eddie on fortnite, after she told me she was playing with him today. I saw she wasn’t playing anything on discord….i had to check if she was online on fortnite….she was and she was playing battle royal with him. I feel like my heart has shattered into a million pieces. I don’t care that she was playing Fortnite with him. It hurts extremely bad tho that this one an excuses of hers for basically ditching me for weeks, just to be a lie. She’s fine with playing battle royals or at least can put up with her dislike for them for him, but not for me when desperately reaching out. I want out of this friendship I don’t think I can handle this anymore. I do struggle with a lot of mental health issues and I am as open as I can about them and she was one of the people who I thought and she reassured she totally understood me. I feel like I have 3 options 1.block her on everything and never talk to her again, get her out of my life asap 2. Try for the 4+ time to talk to her about this 3. give her the same energy she gives me (I can’t do this option because I have tried in the past and it hurt too much that I ended up doing option 2 anyway.) I feel so numb and stuck and not sure how to process and proceed with this. Thank you in advance for anything you can offer. Sorry if things dont make sense I have a hard time trying to explain feelings and issues.

I don’t know her irl it’s only an online friendship, I am 21 she’s 27. She was playing the time she said she was going to be leaving/ on the road. I do think she lied to me because she just didn’t want to hang out. Which is fine, but I feel like she can’t even make time to hang out with me even with me reminding her I’m still here. Thank you!

Hello! Hope your day is going well. I have a friend who I look up to she is older then me so I view her as an older sister. We were very close and would hang out (online, we play online games too) almost every day. She was someone who I thought totally understood me and someone I could always go to, I really really trusted her. But recently things have changed. She has a new friend now and I’m fine with that, I don’t view myself as jealous just confused? She spends a lot of her time with this new friend and I didn’t understand why she would spend every single day with him. Even the days we would hang out he would end up playing with us or she would join him after playing with me for a few hours. tbh I was feeling left out and a little jealous at first but then we had a talk and I was back to being super confident in our friendship. But then she lied to me. I asked her if she wanted to play a game with me and she declined saying she was going on this trip the next day and had to get up early. But when I woke up for work in the morning I saw her playing a game me and her use it play all the time but now with him. After I got off work a few hours later I saw she was still online and asked if she wanted to play but then she said she kinda only wants to play this other game right now…and played that with the same friend. She didn’t even ask if I wanted to play or made any effort in trying to include me after I asked her. And just now I see her playing the game I asked her to play… with him…after she told me she’s just not feeling it. I know I’m not entitled to her time. But im more confused why she lied to me, she was someone I trusted to always tell me the truth and I think realizing she could lie to me really messed me up. I don’t know how to proceed with this and it’s really irritating me. I already talked to her about these problems I was having and she said her other friends said the same thing, but some how it’s even worse. I feel not valued in this friendship and im realizing there’s a chance that she might just not care about me anymore. Sorry if parts don’t make sense, i could clarify if needed. But any recommendations on how to proceed with this friendship would be amazing. Thank you.