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Everything posted by lostandhurt

  1. The investment isn't what you need to get rid of and you know it. So you get rid of the property then what? Nothing will change except now you don't have something that can make you money down the road. I dated someone that started telling me the things that need to be gotten rid of in my life and house because my ex wife had been involved in them or whatever. I believe she was un-diagnosed Bi Polar from her behavior throughout the relationship. I ignored her unreasonable demands or told her "No, I am not getting a new bedroom set because my ex and I picked it out together" You are being controlled but it isn't by your ex husband... Time to end this. Lost
  2. Don't be that guy, the D-bag that only cares about himself and getting laid. Obviously women are interested in you and you are getting attention so hang in there it will happen. There is nothing wrong with hooking up as long as you aren't taking advantage of anyone. Make sure you have condoms on you or in your car so you are safe. Who knows Ann may end up single one day... Lost
  3. "I don't have a problem" "I am not an addict" "I have it under control" "I am not a Alcoholic" Identifying the cause of any problem is the first step in solving the problem. It appears to me that you have indeed identified the problem but still think you are in control, not the alcohol. This is the dangerous thing all people with a "drinking problem" face. I am hopeful for you and in my experience think you have a good chance at staying sober and clean in the long run. To be frank here I do think you will relapse once or twice before you finally embrace the solution what ever that may be for you but in the end I feel like you can do it. This thread has brought back a lot of memories for me, some good but mostly bad. I tried my best for my father but in the end it was always his choice. I am now 5 years older than he was when he died and all I can think about is how much more life he had in front of him, how much time we had together that never happened. I see you as a Go It Alone type, I hope I am wrong. Let the people that love you in. They will love you more for trusting them and just having them at your side is more help than you can imagine. This will be my last post on this thread as I have said all there is to say. If you run into trouble you can always PM me. Lost
  4. Why did you break up? If you can be such good friends then why couldn't you make a romantic relationship work? Lost
  5. Take a pass on this guy. He is almost a complete stranger and he started griping right off the bat, could you imagine what it would be like if you knew him and he felt like he could open up to you? YIKES! I am sure you can do better don't you think? Why do men need to choose you? Why don't you get to choose? Lost
  6. This is where the check collar and the leash come in. Notice there are two loops on the leash. One up close to the clasp and one at the end. Until the dog walks at your side (the side you choose and should always be that side) with no pulling or hesitation to staying in step with you the close loop should be in your dominate hand and the end loop in your weaker hand. Keep pressure on the leash so the dog learns to be at your side. When he wanders a little then snap the leash a little and say "HEEL" in a strong voice and direct him back where you want him. As far as your daughters go try walking the dog together. They hold the short loop and you hold the end with your other hand part way down the leash just in case you need to help. The girls will do as I stated above and the dog will learn that you have given them a promotion in the pack and he is to abide by it. It takes time but he will come around. Once you all get good at walking together relax the leash and give him some slack. If he wants to go smell something and you don't mind follow him and let him sniff or pee or whatever and then direct him back to the walk. In time you should be able to just say "HEEL" and he will return your side with no snap of the leash and if you guys are in sync one day he could be off leash walks in safe areas. My dog is almost always off leash but I bring it with me so he knows and remembers. I just clear my throat and point to the ground next to me and he comes running and stands there. Let's see a cat do that 😀 Involve the kids as much as possible in the training, after all the dog really isn't the one being trained you are. Keep up the great work! Lost
  7. Keep telling yourself this over and over again. AA is AA and has saved thousands of lives and families. It isn't the only way to get clean and stay sober but it has an awesome support system. Interesting enough my father wasn't to keen on it at first but that was when he still really didn't believe he had a problem and could control it if he really wanted to. He died at the age of 52 from DT's that caused his heart to stop. He was brave and sought help and treatment but the fourth time wasn't meant to be... Lost
  8. Wishing you a safe trip to France and a speedy recovery for your father. Lost
  9. Ball is in her court now so let it be. If she bails on Thursday then let it be for a while (about a week) and then ask her out on the weekend. Be specific on the day, time and place. See what she says and then go from there. In the mean time occupy yourself with other women. Lost
  10. Agreed. Send her another request and see if she excepts this time. If not then go about your life and be polite and friendly when you see her (say hi) but keep your distance. If she accepts chat her up a little and ask her out for a drink. Lost
  11. A great resource for you would be Sit Stay Fetch. You can download it for 40 bucks I think. http://www.kingdomofpets.com/dogobediencetraining/ Don't make excuses for his behavior, it will not help. Training will make him so enjoyable and happy. Check collar I was talking about. https://www.amazon.com/Coastal-Pet-Products-DCP6410RED-8-Inch/dp/B0006L0URG/ref=sr_1_8?dchild=1&keywords=Dog+Check+Collar&qid=1627349312&sr=8-8 The leash similar to the one I use. https://www.amazon.com/Tminnov-Handles-Double-Control-Training/dp/B08HYW3J3P/ref=sr_1_47?dchild=1&keywords=Dog+leash&qid=1627349494&sr=8-47 Lost
  12. Perfect! Have a few ideas for the date. Meet for drinks then dinner and then something afterwards. Maybe to an icecream shop or a club if you are into that sort of thing. Just don't show up flat footed with "what do you feel like doing?" "where do you want to go?" Lost
  13. I would bet that dog could easily jump from a stand still up onto a couch so it isn't the running start he needs, he doesn't want to be last. Yes the whole family is your dogs pack and he knows you and your husband are higher up in the pack than he is but with the kids he is trying to make sure he is above at least one or two of them. The dog should be allowed to lay at the foot of the couch just below the kids and that is all. If you want him to be able to be on the couch you need to control it completely. This means a lot of training on how and when he is allowed up there. You need to control when and how he gets up there and be consistent. That way it is safe for everyone. As far as punishing him for jumping on the couch or getting on the one on the deck goes it is simple. Take away what he wants most. He wants to be close to the family so if he misbehaves then put him in his crate away from the family for 20 minutes. If he does something you don't want or like then tell him "BAD DOG" in a firm voice and off to the crate. Then bring him out and have him lay down in front of the couch. Don't make it a big deal just let him out and walk him to where you want him to lay. If he jumps back up he goes back in the crate for 30 minutes. Keep this up until he no longer jumps on the couch. If you don't have a crate then move him to another room or put him outside. If you don't have a check collar get one and while you are dealing with this have it on him. Then when you need to lead him away clip his leash on the check collar and have him follow you to the destination you want. Once there remove the leash but not the check collar. I prefer the combo check collars that are 1/3 chain and 2/3 cloth. Adjust it so it so when you pull on the leash it pulls tight around his neck but not so tight it chokes him. The check collar should be on him for all his walks too and then removed when done. The yelping is just him trying to express his displeasure with being pulled from the pack. Don't worry about it or be swayed by it. Also don't use the word down when the dog jumps on the children or anyone else. The word OFF! is the most effective. Down should be reserved for telling your dog to lay down. Just the word "Down", not lay down as single word instructions are easily understood by dogs. The child that is afraid of the dog because she has been scratched needs to be the one to hold the dogs leash when you are out for a walk. This will give her confidence around the dog and the dog will see that she has been given control from you over him. You are the pack leader so remember he is looking to you all the time for clues to who is in charge all the time. I have trained a great many dogs and they are at their happiest when they know exactly where they stand in the pack, even if they are at the bottom. It doesn't matter how old or how many bad habits a dog has they can all be trained. My last and current dog gets commands by hand signals so I don't even have to say a word to have him sit or lay down. Keep working with him and you will have a wonderful family member for years to come. Lost
  14. You are human so don't make this into some kind of "I will never get over her" thing. We just had one of those on here. You saw a picture and it brought back feelings and all that hurt and you felt it. That is human and happens to everyone. The key is to see it for what it is and keep moving forward. You were okay before you stupidly exposed yourself to her life and you will be okay again very soon. Give yourself a break and please stop looking her up. No good will come from it. Lost
  15. Give her two different days you are free and the times of those days and see what she says. Also you were not ghosted. She texted you after the date, that is not ghosted. If she was busy out with another guy, no internet or whatever it is her business not yours. You went on one date so relax. Don't make this more than it is. Lost
  16. This comes down to honesty. He wasn't honest with you or himself when he gave you a hall pass and you weren't honest with yourself when you asked for it. He said yes because he didn't want to lose you and you took advantage of that. He is continuing that theme as he is being eaten from the inside out over your fling. He keeps eating his feelings so he doesn't lose you but it is killing him slowly. Your role in this is not what you want to admit to yourself. You wanted to cheat on your bf but to make it okay you put it all on his shoulders instead of yours. You should have broken up with him but you chose to ask him if it was okay if you had sex with some guy. Do you see how you took all the shame and blame from yourself and dumped it on your bf, the man you love? This is extremely unhealthy emotionally and physically. You have tried counseling and it hasn't worked so you have two options left. Both of you endure this betrayal until something horrible happens or start the process of breaking up. Cheating usually kills almost all of it's victims. Some fast right away and some slowly... Lost
  17. So basically you have seen each other 2 weeks a month for a year, is that correct? That is 6 months of seeing a fair amount of each other and it sounds like you stay the night frequently. Have you been intimate? If so how long? The whole "I really like you" is strange to me too. It is like he is using that as a way to not say I love you. Time to sit down with him and talk about this. I know it will be hard to do but this is a big deal in your life so time to get brave and ask the tough questions. "Do you love me?" If not "Are you falling in love with me?" If his answer is "I don't know" "I am not sure" then ask him why. He should know what is holding him back or at least have a clue. If he is a commitment phobe you need to know. If he is simply taking his time so he can say those 3 words with all his heart then he needs to express that to you as well. Lost
  18. Of course seeing her will bring back feelings but that doesn't mean you are not over her. What many do not consider when there is a breakup is it isn't just about losing the person from your life but you are also losing hopes and dreams, love, future plans and even part of you had become in the relationship. Mourning the loss of a relationship needs to be done and usually happens without even knowing it. I can tell you that seeing her pass by or on a dating site was not some sort of sign that maybe this time it would work. It was just coincidence and nothing more but your imagined mind knows what it really wants so it instantly goes there. In itself that isn't a bad thing but not recognizing it is bad. You have moved on and I bet if you had been in a good relationship when you saw your ex it would have not hit you so hard. Accept seeing her brought back memories and feelings as they would in anyone that was in love once but don't turn them into something they are not. You are doing fine as long as you don't dwell on these two encounters and focus on your life and today, not the past. Lost
  19. It all depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for a bf that isn't over his ex then jump right in! If you are just wanting to hang out and hook up this is perfect since he is still into her big time. Now if you were thinking this guy is relationship material you should think again. For one thing after all this time and numerous rejections by her he hasn't gotten the clues and secondly how serious is he about you if he invites you and his ex to the same party and dotes over her? As far as being friends with an ex goes: Evidence to the contrary on this forum shows it nearly always causes problems and one of the ex's is almost always still hoping for reconciliation. They call them ex's for a reason right? Lost
  20. Fear of missing out. Exactly what are you afraid of? They will have some awesome time and then the sun will go super nova and you will never have the chance again? Google self fulfilling prophecy Explain to us why you refuse to follow some of the easiest advice you have been given here. You ask for help but then either ignore it or find an excuse not to follow it. Before anymore keystrokes happen I think you need to figure this one thing out or all the rest is wasted right now. You seem to want it but you are unwilling to do the smallest thing to achieve it. Lost
  21. Risk of what? She was being friendly at this point so don't imagine it as anything than that. IF she is interested in you other than just a friend and you act towards her like you are on here it will be over before it starts. Stop thinking about her, stay busy with improving your life, social skills and most importantly how to relax and not dwell on things you have zero control over. Lost
  22. If you didn't have the app on your phone how could she add you? If you have her number then add her instead of waiting around once again. Be proactive, not passive. As far as the inside jokes go. They have hung out a lot as a group so of course they have history and jokes only they would understand. You really need to take a good hard look at yourself and then sit down with your sister and ask her to help you be more sociable, less weirdo that plays video games as you put it. I am sure she would love to help her brother not be so awkward and negative. Give her a chance and I bet she will help with your look and style too. You just need to listen to the advice she gives you and follow it. Unlike what you have done here. We have all tried to help but you keep finding excuses not to do what we advise you to do. That is your biggest problem at the moment. Lost
  23. Dude really? Young women your age act like that when they are all together but alone they probably don't. Plus you need all the experience you can get interacting with women so you will relax and learn how to talk to them. You seem determined to make this as hard on yourself as possible and I can't figure out why. Relax, stop being so judgemental and get to know women. They are pretty awesome people with a lot to offer in conversation, intellect, ideas, new experiences and interests even if you aren't romantically or sexually interested in them. Lost
  24. So what? Not your problem so ignore it. Okay so you finally asked out a woman, a woman I might add you thought would be a slam dunk. In my eyes you went the safe route but at least you actually asked her out. That is a huge step for you and since you are here posting we all can assume you didn't die from the rejection. Is this the ghost of That36Guy or is it really you??? 😁 Rejection sucks but as you can see it wasn't fatal so next time it should be easier. Expand your pool of women beyond work and make your move much sooner as has been suggested. This isn't the end, it is just the beginning. Lost
  25. Be patient and let management go through the process. This person sounds like she is on a power trip and is vindictive so they will need to go by the book no matter what they do. It starts off with simple discussions and de-escalation if possible, reminders of workplace rules, job descriptions and duties and authority level. If rules were broken or bent it depends on how serious but this could come down to a talking to with a verbal warning on employee interaction, treating others with respect and conflict resolution. Don't be surprised if you are spoken to as well. Let them say their piece even if it seems like you are getting a talking to as well. I don't know how many times I got called upstairs and just stood there while one of my bosses tried to dress me down. I would say "Okay, is that all you wanted to talk to me about" I don't care how wrong they were I would just walk away letting them think they had told me what for. The next time you have an issue like this here is some advice that works great on upper management. Say this happens again so instead of making it official by reporting it go to a boss and ask them for "Advice" on a problem you are having at work. Then tell them a coworker(don't use the persons name) did this or that to you and you need to know how best to handle it the next time it happens. They love this stuff and now they are on the look out for this "coworker" that is acting that way. It makes it more of a big deal because you are taking the high road and not officially reporting it but you are trying to resolve it with their help. Usually they have heard things and will know who it is and start adding things to their list about them. Then when the crap hits the fan she is already looked on as trouble. Unfortunately this crap happens all the time so learning to navigate and steer your bosses is a valuable skill to have. Lost
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