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Everything posted by lostandhurt

  1. Hang in there and keep posting. We will help all we can. When you have time search this forum using some key words from your issue. I have been around here a long time and I have seem this more times than I can count. You just might find some nuggets of truth and help in older threads. Keep posting Lost
  2. My advice is you married a cheater. The worst part is you knew it and still married him. He has lied to you but you lied to yourself when you talked yourself into believing him. If you actually need to catch him in the act to end this then stay silent and let him believe you are still in the dark and he will go back to his old ways soon enough. Then carefully check up on him. Then you can get the marriage annulled or divorce or what ever works the fastest. Lost
  3. 15 years of this and you are just now getting fed up? I don't think we are getting the whole story here. How about some more details. Seems to me you are leaving out all kinds of details... Lost
  4. Right now the falling asleep thing is not that big of a deal. Calling him by the wrong name shows him you are not that into him even if you are. Don't bring any of these things up but it is time for you to step up and go the extra mile with him. Invite him to dinner and make sure he knows it is your treat. Show interest in what he feels is important and listen when he talks don't just wait for your turn to talk. He may ask who Frank is so be prepared. I was once dating a woman named Tonya and had dated a woman named Tasha very recently. My nephew told me "Uncle Lost, you are totally going to call Tonya Tasha one day" He was right and it happened at an outdoor concert when I was introducing her to some friends we ran into. I immediately corrected myself but on the way home I got the "Who the hell is Tasha?" I simply answered "a friend" and that was the end of it. I didn't make a big deal out of it and she let it go. Stuff happens and everyone makes mistakes, you are human right? Reach out to him and ask him to dinner, just don't let it go to long before you do. Lost
  5. This is all you need to know right here. Her way or the highway. She is a selfish controlling shrew and yes you have lost yourself or at least the parts hanging between your legs. Being treated like a doormat is not the same as being understanding. You are a doormat to her and she wipes her feet on you all the time and you just lay there and take it because she comes back at you every time you try and stand up for yourself. Time to take a stand and reclaim your dignity. Lost
  6. If you just want sex then pull the Netflix and chill on my bed routine but that isn't what you asked us so we advised you accordingly. No we aren't a bunch of college guys on here seeing how many girls we can bang in 3 months. You get advice on the situation and how you want it to go. You want to get to know her better as a person so talk over dinner, head over somewhere for ice cream and then lean in for a kiss somewhere towards the end of the evening. If she suggests going to your bedroom then go for it but don't assume it is on the table just yet. Lost
  7. I was going to ask out Kate Beckinsale but then I was thinking maybe Jessica Alba so now I am stuck, ah forget it I won't ask either one because the moon is full tonight. See how ridiculous your excuses are? Dreaming or fantasizing about asking out some young woman is not the same as actually getting close enough to actually do it. I get it, if you never ask you never get turned down. Lost
  8. Hmmm Another excuse. Ask them both out, it increases your chances. Lost
  9. Focusing on your daughter and making the happiest life possible for her is your first step. Moving on from an abusive relationship seems like it should be easy but many times it is not. All the what ifs and whys make it hard to just give up and accept it was bad and needed to end. The heart and the mind are always struggling for control. Your mind knows logically that there was more bad than good and in the end abuse so it had to end but your heart only knows love and heartbreak so it clings to what it wants because it doesn't want the heartbreak. You know you two are not good together and would make a home filled with fights and tension for your little girl so keep reminding yourself that being apart is what is best for her. Being alone taking care of a baby is hard but doing it while walking on eggshells and constant fighting is even harder. Do you have family nearby? Some sort of support system? Lost
  10. Have fun and let us know how it went. Maybe he is a good dancer, a couple of slow dances and a little wine... Like I said before, just don't catch the bouquet. You might freak the guy out😍 Lost
  11. I am going to go against the grain on this one. Yes by all means say "Hey do you want to go to my room and cuddle" That is of course if you want her to look at you with disbelief in her eyes as she walks out the door. Things will happen when they happen so don't push so hard. I assume you haven't even kissed yet so slow your roll and let it happen naturally. Is there a place within walking distance to go for dessert after dinner? She is interested so don't screw this up by thinking with the wrong head. Lost
  12. Then if it is that delicate don't do it. Once again you are finding an excuse to not follow through... Lost
  13. I have a very valid question for you. Why do you self sabotage? Each time you post here about something you want to do it seems like you want us to talk you out of it or something but when we encourage you to go for it you find excuses not to go forward. Why is that? Lost
  14. People can and do change but they have to want to, your bf does not want to. You may be hanging on since you have dated 4 years but it is obvious that you have grown and matured during that time and he has not. As it stands right now you are more his keeper or parent than a gf. Checking up on him, trying to teach him how to be a good person and policing his activities. That sounds like way more trouble than it is worth don't you think? Either learn to live with who he is or break up and try and meet a new guy that is more aligned with what you believe and expect in a relationship. Lost
  15. Your kidding right? By asking you have decided your part but by not asking and fretting over this all this time you are deciding for her. Since you went to all the trouble of posting this thread it is obvious you want to ask her out so just do it already or drop it. It really is that simple. Lost
  16. It started with a lie, then betrayal and now she is so hurt and frustrated she has turned to physical abuse. It is time to end the relationship. Look what you two have become from being together. You are a liar and betrayed her trust numerous times and she is abusive. You two are like oil and water, you can shake it up really well and it looks okay for a bit but it always goes back to its normal state. The damage is done, next time be honest from the start so there is no wasted time and broken hearts. You should probably figure out why you think being dishonest is acceptable as well. Lost
  17. Who pays for college? Her transportation? Her food? Her clothes? Her cell phone? Since she doesn't work I am guessing you do. Is that correct? Grown ups have responsibilities but if you take care of all of hers that is a problem. Lost
  18. So you started dating in high school when he was 17 and you were 18? He is very young but if you have been dating for two years he should have some idea what a relationship needs to survive. Have you two been intimate? If so it seems strange that a 19 yr old would not want to at least want to hang out with his gf and foo around a little more than twice in 3 months. How often did you see each other before 3 months ago? Lost
  19. Have you forgiven yourself for your bad choices as far as relationships go? You sound like you want to fix something like you are broken. Do you feel broken? From what I have read you are doing exceptionally well so slow your roll a little and and let some things come to you instead of feeling like you need to force the issue. Friendships is one of those things that just happen but you certainly can do things to increase your chances of making a good friend. All in all you have your priorities in order, you are self aware of your faults and are working to improve who you are and you are open to new ideas. There are a lot of people your age that aren't even close to where you are. Give yourself a break Lost PS Your writing is easy to read and understand.
  20. He isn't falling in love with these women, he is just saying that so he can have sex with them and you have to be okay with it. He is gaslighting you into believing his BS. Obviously you are not okay with all this so either end it or find a way to be okay with him treating you like property. Lost
  21. She is acting like a spoiled princess. Do everything her way and there are no problems, think for yourself, buy something for yourself or even visit family and she has a negative opinion. Yes you need to locate your balls but once you do should you try and teach her what good relationships are built on or use them to set her straight on how you feel about everything you wrote to us about. Then if she dismisses your feelings it is time to sack up and end things with her because it will only get worse as time goes by. She is a very selfish and self centered person and has very little empathy for you or your feelings. Lost
  22. By projecting I mean that if there were things about your ex you hated or really disliked and some other person happens to innocently do one of them does it upset you? Cause you to react negatively? I don't know how long you should wait to date, heck none of us knows that and sometimes people need to date to know if they are ready. 2 months is a pretty short time after a long relationship. Figuring out who you are now as a single woman before you add someone else to the equation is probably a good idea. In the end you know how you feel but don't let this breath of fresh air distract you from rediscovering yourself away from the bad relationship. Rebounds are a real thing. You missed one of the questions I asked... I am not saying you are consciously but it is worth asking. Lost PS If he does accept the invite just make sure you do not catch the bouquet 😁
  23. I think your question is maturity level, not age appropriate dating. If she is very mature for 19 then maybe but if she is still a kid you need to take a hard pass. Heck some 26 year olds are immature so it all depends. Do you actually think she is interested or it this wishful thinking? Lost
  24. There really is nothing to break up here. Seeing each other 3 times in a year is not enough to form a real relationship. Sure you can imagine a relationship but I would bet good money if you were around him everyday for 2 weeks you wouldn't be asking us if you should break up, you would have already done it. I agree he is controlling you socially and now mentally. This is not how a healthy relationship should be. Never stay with anyone thinking you cannot do better. Either it is healthy and happy or it isn't. Better to be alone and single with the possibility of meeting someone than stuck in this mess. Yes you should break up with him if for no other reason than you are total opposites socially. There is no common ground at all. Do yourself a huge favor and end this as soon as possible. He will be just fine just like he was before you met. Lost
  25. Let me ask you this: How long is enough time to start dating again? Are you still dealing with the break up? Do you project your ex's faults onto other people? Are you angry or holding a grudge against your ex? Most of all are you using this new guy to help you feel better about the breakup and being alone? I say sometimes timing works in our favor and other times it does not. Invite him to the wedding but be clear with him on your intentions. Let him decide if he wants to go instead of you deciding for him. As long as you are honest with him AND yourself then it is two single adults attending a wedding, don't make it a bigger deal than it is. Be smart and keep this guy off the pedestal, he is just a guy. Lost
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