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About redswim30

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  1. I'm very sorry to tell you that this is a situation with no compromise. You have to make a choice. Unfortunately, some choices in life are between bad and worse. You need to decide what is more important to you. Staying with this man or having kids of your own. You cannot have both, so stop entertaining " If only this or that", because it isn't your reality and will only leave you bitter. What does having a child of your own represent to you? Could you potentially fill that void with something else? Travel, hobbies, volunteering with children's organizations? What does yo
  2. I think Indea makes some great points. But IF you still discover he still cannot have bio children, then you really only have two options. 1. Adopt a child with your husband 2. Get a divorce and have a biological child with another man If I may ask, what are your reasons for wanting a bio kid over an adopted kid so badly? Sometimes people believe that a biological child will be JUST like them and their spouse. That is not necessarily true. I am nothing like my parents. My adopted brother, however, was much closer to them. A biological child isn't necessarily
  3. OP, He is not interested in marriage. Please please do not consider marrying this man. It sounds to me like he is interested in living with you so he can sponge off you, the way he's sponging off his mommy. Why do you even have an interest in marrying this man? He clearly has no ambition, and pretty obvious contempt for women and marriage. People do tend to have emotional responses to Pre-nups. But as someone who has been divorced, let me tell you- They are a GOOD thing. Especially if, as in your situation, you have FAR more than he does. If you were to get married a
  4. Two months is extremely fast to move in with someone. Talking about exes isn't always necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it can be helpful to talk thru WHY that relationship failed or identify triggers for you or ways in which you have grown with your partner. However, it is important to know WHY. Are you doing it to be constructive or are you crying on each other's shoulders? Are you trying to set up your relationship for success by sharing what went wrong? Or do you not really have anything else in common besides negativity about your exes? In all honesty, I think most pa
  5. OP, please DUMP HIM! DUMP HIM NOW! I'm serious. You are NOT in ANY way overweight and I HATE that he's even made you THINK that you are!!!! I had relatives that died last year and when I was sitting over death beds, NOT ONE person was thinking about how much they WEIGHED. It's an extreme example, but you take my meaning. What matters is the person and those who love you don't care one JOT. Let me tell you another story. During my first marriage, we met young when I was "model thin" and a size 0. When we got a little older, I was a size 1 and he said he wasn't as attract
  6. While I do think in this case that it was a good thing to for him to put this particular friendship on the rock and I 'm glad he took your concerns seriously. You do want to be careful in the future. Think about if you are ok with him having female friends or not, and if so- what particular boundaries do you expect? You can have female friends, but don't hide it? You can have female friends, but don't text them all night? And so forth. Everyone is different in their comfort level. Once you do set these boundaries, you must be careful never to cross them yourself or get upset i
  7. Everyone is different, but I will answers these as honestly as I can. 1. Why is it that when you date you seem to have a different perspectives on how Sex should be between the two of you, (IE - frequency, level of interest, spontaneous, experimentation of different things, and energy level etc) ? I just have to go with everyone is different on this one. You need to find someone who has sex as as high a priority as you do. 2. Why is it when your married those things mentioned above seen to dwindle and ones / or both in the marriage perspective becomes less of Sex and more
  8. Sometimes when people have been together "forever", it isn't a good idea to marry that person - I say as a person who married someone because we were together "forever" and everyone expected it. I'm not saying long term relationships are always this way, but too often they can end up being more of a "security blanket" or " fear of being alone" rather than staying together out of deep, genuine love. May or may not be the case here. Do NOT "confront him", but you will need to talk to him. These are the conversations that no one loves, but must be had. You say repeatedly that you lo
  9. OP, seeing what you wrote on this and a previous thread- IMO, your husband is already having an emotional affair, if not a physical one as well. WHY is it that you want a second baby so badly? Is it because you've always wanted a big family? Or are you trying to "re-kindle" the marriage with another child? Either way, if your husband has decided that he doesn't want another one- the reason doesn't really matter. You will not be able to convince him to want what you want. And if you "force him" this will only lead to resentment and an even bigger rift in your marriage than you curr
  10. ^ I think this is great advice! If you want to know, just ask her and be simple about it. I wouldn't wait too long. Not everyone needs tons of "recovery time" after a break up. I think there are times when people may have emotionally been out of their previous relationship for a while. But everyone is different, there's no right or wrong. But IMO, if you wait too long she may have another bf. I see no reason you can't ask her soon and casually. If the answer is no, then you don't have to worry about a time frame. If the answer is yes then she will have it in mind for whenever s
  11. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I completely empathize. I got divorced many years ago, and even though I KNEW it was the right thing to do, it still really hurt a lot. If you know in your heart of hearts and in your gut that it was the right thing to do- then it WAS. I can only tell you from my experience that it DOES get better and easier with time. In retrospect, I wish I had done it sooner. Years later, I am now married to the love of my life and happier than ever before. Looking back, I can't believe that in my previous marriage I settled that much or thought I didn't
  12. Op, you do NOT have to just " figure out how to live with it" and you shouldn't. You need to try and work this out together. Otherwise if neither of you is really happy, there is going to be resentment for one or both of you or else lead to an inevitable breakup. Anyone who has been married long -term will tell you that all marriages go thru highs and lows, no marriage is perfect. The fact is people change and it can sometimes to hard to process how or why your spouse changed. Whether or not you see it- every single marriage has tough times, even the happiest ones. There is no perfec
  13. Often times when break up with people and miss them, we have a sense of nostalgia about the relationship. We don't always see things as they really were. You can love someone and still think that it is better to be apart. People are who they are. Remember that, in difficult times people's real habits come out. Significant others can often make excuses for their partner's bad behavior- " It was a stressful time, etc"- Everyone has stress. No one leads a stress-free life! Who they are in difficult times- IS who they are. He doesn't both want to heal the marriage AND be a in rel
  14. ^ Yes. Of course there's nothing wrong with anything if you have two adults in agreement. And even if this was their only issue in an otherwise healthy relationship, I think many people (myself included) would have given her different advice. In this specific case, going back and reading all her posts, in THIS relationship- her husband has a pattern of disrespect, lies, cheating, and abuse.
  15. ^ This is exactly what I think, too. You and your gf sound like best friends. But maybe you need more passion out of a romantic relationship, not just being with a partner who is comfortable. Sometimes comfort can be a bad thing if it leads to complacency. We stop striving for more, trying to better ourselves and stay stuck in our comfort zones. It could be that this this co-worker is more compatible with what you want. We don't know. You aren't a bad person for feeling attraction to someone else. Even in the happiest of relationships, we feel attraction towards other people, it
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