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Everything posted by maew

  1. This happens a lot with online dating... people meet, maybe have a nice conversation, but decide a few days later they didn't feel the chemistry they were looking for. You have done your part by reaching out to see what his interest level in continuing the conversation was... given his lack of enthusiasm, you can take that to mean he is not interested in pursing anything further... and given that you just had one date, you are under no obligation to say anything to him about moving on... in fact, in my experience it's generally better if you do move on without saying anything and just focus on the rest of your life.
  2. Most of the "snow birds" here in Western Canada migrate to Arizona during the winter months... cheap, warm and dry in the winter (although it gets really hot in the summer) and tons to do for retired folks... in Eastern Canada they migrate to Florida and Texas.
  3. I mean, define normal? Is it a common practice for men of all ages to ask for sexy photos/send d$ck pics/say dirty things over text? Yes. There have always been men that have more of a sleeze factor than others in this world... it's just become far easier for them to communicate their desires with the invention of online communication. And as someone else said... meeting men in a bar isn't the best way to meet someone with the intent of getting to know you beyond your physical appearance. Focus on meeting them in places where you can focus on getting to know each other through conversation.
  4. Just want to chime in here and say... yes, a resounding yes, to living on your own... I decided to do this after my separation... splurged on a place that was in the neighbourhood I wanted, and had everything I was looking for... and while it was tight and sometimes I worried, I have to say it was worth every cent to have a space all to myself, a sanctuary that I could come home to... it was so peaceful and grounding.
  5. Speaking from the PoV of someone that has been on both sides of this equation... it takes some serious lack of integrity and selfishness to justify cheating on someone, and in my experience it's important to not only acknowledge that but to have humility and admit your actions caused great harm to your significant other. Many times when faced with great harms caused, our go to is to blame others for driving us to it... in your case, you blame your husband for letting himself go... instead of just admitting we made a really bad choice. At the end of the day the only way forward is to face the guilt and shame and acknowledge full responsibility for what you did. Now does that all mean that you aren't allowed to have your own feelings of anger, resentment, or hurt? Of course not. All of your feelings are valid and it's important to acknowledge them. But using those feelings to justify an act that we all know is one of the worst and most painful betrayals in the world is not the way out here. If you want support and help going through this, you need to own it and acknowledge the harm you caused... you need to stop blaming your husband for your actions... you need to face your guilt and shame head on and admit you made a really $hitty choice and you need to face the consequences. You are a lot more likely to get some empathy if you have some humility here.
  6. - Invest the majority of it so we can live off the interest indefinitely - Buy a house for my parents to live in and set money aside for their care and expenses - Pay tuition so my best friend(s) can get their PhD's - Give money to my brother to make their lives easier - Pay off my daughter's mortgage - Buy (or build) our dream (retirement) home on the coast - Buy a condo or townhouse in the city we live in - Plan (and pay for) a "ladies" trip somewhere fun - Buy a vacation home in Europe - Invest in commercial real-estate or become a property developer And last, but most important: I've always had a dream of starting a foundation that helps struggling single parents that fall through the cracks in terms of benefits... like if they need help paying rent, or paying for their kid's sports, or tuition for themselves to go back to school, or help finding employment.
  7. Having been a single mom, a step mom, and now a gf to a dad with a young daughter, my take is that it's important to acknowledge the bond the kids have with their bio parents and also to acknowledge that even if you were married and a step mom, it's still best to take a step back in these situations and not take things personally. My bf's daughter is super awkward around me even after a couple of years... I just engage with her when she wants to and I give her and her dad lots of space together when she is visiting, and that seems to take the pressure off of both of them. My relationship with my step daughter is really good because I never tried to parent her... nor did I ever get involved in parenting topics with her parents... we learnt over time that it was a disaster waiting to happen... I am more like a fun aunt than a parent... and that works really well for all of us.
  8. This... if you continue pursuing him after this he will lose respect for you. Once a guy decides he isn't interested (aka too busy) there is no changing his mind about it.
  9. Never, and I mean never work on getting someone back that let you go in the first place. The moment you stoop to chasing someone is the moment they lose respect for you.
  10. Yikes! I know someone else that has this as well... I am sorry you have to endure this!
  11. Do it, but treat yourself to a new one! These dolls are rad! You can make one to look just like you... even better if you eventually make a whole family of them to look like you, your hubs and your kid! I collect driftwood in the shape of animals, shells, and rocks from my travels and display them around my house... I also collect owls in various forms, including stuffed ones... I might be 48 but am definitely a child at heart lol
  12. Oh man... I am sorry you are going through this :( As someone that has gone through something similar, I can say that what has helped me most is having a very strong spiritual connection... I am very, very sensitive and sometimes being around people when I am in feelings about something is too much for me, so I use my spiritual connection as a source of strength, hope and faith to help me get through tough times. My spiritual connection is unconditional and always there when the people in my life are not. It means different things to different people, and I suppose mine is a bit unconventional, but it works for me and has helped me through the most challenging times in my life.
  13. Because "dat a$$ tho"... I am also pear shaped with a very round booty and muscular thighs(thank you CrossFit!) and it attracts a lot of attention. That being said I am also accustomed to putting people in their place when they are being inappropriate... so at the end of the day I agree that it has nothing to do with body shape, that while some body shapes attract attention, it's up to the OP to set boundaries and put people in their place.
  14. I definitely do NOT find this hard to believe, at all.... just follow the @tindernightmares account on Instagram and you will see almost 2000 posts of screenshots of these exact types of interactions. I used to get them all the time when I was single. I think it's a sad commentary on our society that we are trying to find fault in what this girl is doing instead of expressing our outrage at the inappropriate attention she is getting. This isn't happening because she is "too nice", "too familiar", or too provocative with her clothing... it's because the people that are touching her inappropriately were never taught to respect a woman's physical space. That all being said... there is nothing you can do to change them, all you can do is expand your bubble of protection. Developing a solid "resting face" definitely helps... keep your physical distance from these guys (arm's length or more) when having a conversation with them... and don't be afraid to shut them down the second they touch you without asking.
  15. Clearly. I never understood people's obsession with likes and reactions on social media until I watched the Social Dilemma on Netflix... came to realize that they actually designed social media reactions to be addictive and triggering for the majority of the population. So in answer to your question... of course it's not weird, it's what people do when they see something they feel a positive reaction to something they see on social media. It means nothing in the context of real life though.
  16. First, stop diagnosing people when you have no qualifications to do so. You did this with your friend's BF as well. I also find it very inappropriate and unethical that your therapist would label someone without ever meeting them. That's not to say that the guy you were dating previously wasn't a selfish jerk.... I believe you when you say he was. At the end of the day, there is no magic fix to getting over the damage caused by a toxic relationship, however I can say that by allowing yourself time to feel your feelings, to grieve, and to reflect on why you chose to be in such a relationship in the first place, you will be able to make better decisions about future relationships.
  17. Ideally yes, however not everyone is self-aware until it hits them like a brick, or until it impacts their relationship, or until they have a physical symptom. When people get stuck in "doing" mode, they often don't pay attention to how they are feeling... it's also possible she might be afraid to talk about how she is really feeling for one of many different reasons.
  18. The thing with mental health is that any struggles can be very easily hidden until they become obvious. Most people are shocked when I tell them I struggle with insecurity, anxiety and depression because I have learned to adapt by portraying confidence and positivity on the outside even when I am feeling like $hit on the inside. Of course there is nothing wrong with having needs... what I believe everyone here is trying to say is that a lack of sex in a relationship is a sign of deeper issues, and that you bear just as much responsibility as she in discovering what those issues are so that you can both work on finding a solution. The reality is that unless she is going through peri or menopause, it's highly unlikely that this is a physical issue with her and is most likely related to her not getting her emotional needs met in the relationship.
  19. Agree with all of the above. This is about you, first and foremost OP and the need for you to deal with your social anxiety. As an introvert I can understand the need for alone time, but to blame your social anxiety on being introverted does other introverts a disservice. The more you allow this anxiety to control your life, the more you will wall yourself in. At the end of the day you can choose to struggle with it or you can choose to surrender control and seek some outside help. Edited to add: after reading your other posts here, I can see this has been a long standing issue with you not wanting his family around. Whether you like it or not, he is close to his family and HE wants them around, and if you continue to use your anxiety to try and control him you will destroy your relationship. That all being said... if you simply cannot be happy with a man who wants to see his family all the time, perhaps you should consider that you aren't compatible with this person and that you either need to be single and independent, or to be with someone that isn't close to their family.
  20. You don't seem very compatible with each other OP... you don't like how he reacts, you don't think he will parent the way you want him to or at minimum in a way you can accept... consider this fair warning and be glad you didn't have a child with him... otherwise you would be raising two children instead of one!
  21. Exactly. I imagine he has finally gotten sick and tired of being rejected and is ready for an actual relationship... Are you just mad now because he is finally taking you at your word and moving on?
  22. This! I was horrified at the idea that Ruth would not only talk to you about her client, but that she would invite this client into your lives.... and consult with her on decisions like buying a gun... and confide in her about your relationship... beyond inappropriate and completely unethical.
  23. Those are really neat Seraphim! My creative outlet is making jewelry but I do other random crafts sometimes too. :)
  24. You sound very insecure.... which is fine, but you need to own it and nip it in the bud instead of going down the rabbit hole of comparing yourself to others. At the end of the day there will always be someone out there that is better than we are at something so spend time building your confidence and self-worth instead of how you "measure up."
  25. No one has addressed this yet so I will... first of all, how they choose to parent is absolutely none of your business. Second... yes she can make rules for her child in your house, she is the child's mother and not only are you not his mother you aren't even his step parent. This little bit of explanation speaks to what you mentioned before about your insecurity... you can't fix your insecurity by trying to control him or his child... you need to start with you, and that means you need to focus on building confidence and trust in yourself without having to control what goes on in your home.
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