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Everything posted by BecxyRex

  1. Thank you for your response @Batya33 of course I don’t think it’s positive or negative to have children older. There’s nothing wrong with it at all. I bet you are a wonderful mom to your son.
  2. @Batya33, I agree that how children turn out depends on so many factors, not just one. I think in this context it was more about the cliche of every only child being spoiled. I think in that sense you can say that it’s not a given, if parents make sure to be mindful. @adee07 I think at the end of the day there really just is no right or wrong. Whatever you decide will be the right decision. I pressured myself a bit more when my daughter was 3, but at this point her sibling wouldn’t even go to the same school most likely. Meaning when they will be in elementary my daughter will be in middle school and so forth. So in a way, I started being a bit more relaxed, but I’m leaning towards no, simply because I personally would prefer not to have kids past 35 and that is fast approaching for me.
  3. I get it! We have a 4 year old daughter and have been thinking about a second. My husband wants her to have a sibling, I’m more iffy about going through it all again. I know it’s doable, but life right now is so nice and easy for us with just one. I’m very hesitant to give it up and start all over again with night feeding, potty training, etc. I’m also an only child, and my husband has a sibling, so naturally we see this a bit differently. The whole trope of the “spoiled only child” is such a cliche. It all depends on how you raise your child. I’ve noticed I like it quiet in my home. Constant noise is deadly to me, whereas my husband is used to more going on around him. I just have a hard time imagining two children screaming and fighting all day. But then I’m sure it would be wonderful if they got along and played. It’s sooo hard! I have no answer for you, but I understand!
  4. I haven’t read all the responses, so I apologize if this has been addressed already. It sounds like you put lots of work into having sex to make sure your partner always reaches an orgasm. It all sounds fairly intense, and when you’re already out of shape, it can turn into a chore. Personally, I don’t need to orgasm to enjoy sex with my husband. The connection is often enough. She really loves you and may just want to connect sexually without needing a convulsing orgasm. Maybe if you start approaching it that way without the need to achieve breath-taking climax, it may become something you can enjoy more. Of course, if you don’t feel like it every day, there’s nothing wrong with it either. I think a simple “Im a bit tired tonight, let’s cuddle on the sofa instead” shouldn’t shake a secure relationship.
  5. “Entering a legal contract which makes things very tricky if anything was to go wrong in the relationship.” So on the one hand you say this. On the other you mention this: “it's not the commitment that I'm worried about... I am very happy to stay with this girl forever, and to enter into a mortgage with her which would tie us together financially for many years” I’m a little confused. Is it the commitment aspect you worry about? If so, fair enough. But being concerned about possible divorce, but then mentioning you have no issues being bound together eternally by debt makes very little sense to me. The money aspect is easily solved. Don’t spend a ton on a wedding. You can go to a courthouse and spend very little money.
  6. Aw, I’m sorry you feel this way about yourself. It’s extremely likely that nobody sees your “flaws” the way you do. As you get older, you’ll see that lots of little things you worry about now are laughable later on. Be careful that you don’t consume social media too much. The perfect world you see there is rarely as perfect. If you have to use the platform try to follow things that actually make you feel positive about yourself and life. Most people spend endless time to get the right lighting and pose for their content. There are lots of body positive accounts to follow that don’t show filtered or overly perfected images. Aside from that, what actually matters is how well you do in school and how kind you are to others. Stay active, stay healthy and don’t sweat the small stuff. I’m sure you’re lovely!
  7. I mean, he’s not prioritizing your relationship. You made it known that you don’t like his behavior, but he’s not doing anything to change it. You’re not married and don’t have children, but “only” 4 years under the belt. At this point, the decision would be pretty simple for me personally.
  8. I’m truly sorry for the mental struggle OP is going through, but when you have children, your mental struggle always comes secondary. You DO what’s right for the kids (divorce), and deal with your emotional turmoil after. That’s just what a being a parent is all about. You are your kids only advocate. You protect them first.
  9. I’m sorry OP, but I’m flabbergasted at what I’m reading. Anyone threatening violence against my child would be booted out of my life yesterday. You’re seriously still considering the kids could be “overreacting”? I’m shaking my head here...
  10. As a mom myself I’d find it more funny than anything, knowing her parents were there and there wasn’t serious danger involved. Is your mom overly cautious or anxious about your safety in general? I’d let her ponder this a bit and let the dust settle. Give it a few days and try to approach her gently that you value her trust and feel you can share your life with her. That it throws you for a loop that she punished you for something harmless and you don’t want to feel like you need to hold information back, because you fear she’ll punish you. I read a quote once that really spoke to me. Do you want your children to come to you for help if they’re in trouble? Or do you want them to suffer in silence and potentially make it worse because they are afraid of your reaction? I’m paraphrasing but one of the most important things to me when it comes to my daughter is fostering a relationship that’s open and trusting. You may talk to her about that, but keep in mind, she most likely comes from a place of love and is simply overly cautious about your well being.
  11. Sorry, maybe I missed this somewhere, but why do you think she needs therapy for dieting? Is it possible she hasn’t found the right diet for her? Eating salads all day or restricting too severely can make your body actually stall in weight loss. There are lots of hidden sugars in salad dressing which could be another problem. When I had a baby I was trying to lose a few pounds afterwards. Nothing severe, but what helped me a lot was changing my overall way of eating vs. trying to lose quickly. Home cooked meals, no added sugars. Quality steaks and limiting carbs such as bread or pasta. Leafy greens, some fruits mainly berries. You don’t have to be unhappy and starving all day to see a difference. Make sure you get protein with each meal to make you feel fuller. Walking a few times a day.
  12. We’re in a similar boat, Lo, regarding a move to the country. I get your ambivalence on wanting a small town, village school sort of atmosphere for the kids, but sort of needing a bit of the city glam. I’m so there with you. We’re also considering a move out somewhere. Housing where we are is unaffordable and a part of me longs for a simpler life. I’ve been a city girl all my life so I’m trying to find a spot that allows me my stupid luxury spa treatments (massages, facials), trips to big organic grocery stores that I love and access to nice restaurants. I’m also totally cool with a cute little village Biergarten or something where everyone meets up on the weekend. Trying to find THAT spot. It’s hard since we’re having the same time crunch with needing to find a good school for our daughter. It’s a weird time for sure! Hang in there, I’m sure it’ll all turn out great!
  13. He’s most likely kept her number, because he wants to be able to contact her again down the line. Or he forgot to delete it. Have you asked him?
  14. All of this sounds so complicated. If you’re this hung up on him just contact him and ask if he’s available for lunch on such and such day and follow through. If he’s not, well so be it. How old are you?
  15. It honestly sounds like he got fed up with the long distance relationship and is lacking the courage to tell you so. I’m really sorry.... btw don’t blame the sign. I’m a scorpio and I’m alright ;)
  16. I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad experience. I’m not a man, and of course I can’t say this with any certainty, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a bit hard to find anyone who doesn’t engage in occasional self pleasure. Masturbation can be a stress relief and nobody is always in the mood to engage in full on sexual intercourse. Do you feel this way about masturbation in general or only with the aid of porn? Meaning, would you be ok with your partner just imagining stuff once in a while? I’d suggest talking about your unease, but foster a relationship where honesty isn’t punished. Meaning, if you police someone’s every action and come across as accusatory, you’ll find that people get just really good at hiding to avoid confrontation. I’m not saying you do this btw. If sex suffers due to porn use it must be crushing to your self esteem and I hope you’re able to talk about it to someone. However occasional porn use really doesn’t need to be competing with your own value and desirability.
  17. I guess I don’t understand why you’ve never met once in those 7 years? Did she always have this boyfriend? I’m not sure why you wouldn’t grab coffee or something after this festival even once. Unless I missed something and you live in different states? But it sounds like y’all live in the same city.
  18. I loved the discussion and it’s super interesting to hear what everyone thinks about it!
  19. And rose I forgot to mention, She wasn’t being judgemental but rather surprised and it took me for a loop.
  20. That’s a really good question. You know, it took me a while to know the answer. I know it’s ultimately all up to me, but I think you’re right that I’m a little concerned of being judged or maybe not seeing something the right way. It’s been a while since I was a child and while I turned out fine, I don’t want to make mistakes with my own if I can help it. I may be thinking too much about it, since we’re not even really going to this beach or will in the near future. I’m also a first time mom and my daughter is young enough to think over every single step :) maybe I’m trying to confirm for myself that I’m not doing anything wrong if I were to take her.
  21. Hello all! I’m having a bit of a debate with a friend, and it got me thinking. I’d love to hear everyone’s opinion on this. We were talking about a specific beach here in town and it’s an optional nude beach. people are clothed, but a lot of them choose to be nude. I personally haven’t taken my daughter, but it’s more of an inconvenience due to distance, than me being uncomfortable with the idea. My daughter is 3.5 for the record. I’m not trying to settle a debate or anything, since we’re aware we have differing opinions, but I’m more curious how people generally feel about this topic, since it got me thinking a bit. I grew up in Europe and people sunbathing nude in city parks isn’t unheard of and something I’ve been “confronted” with during childhood more than enough. I never thought anything of it. In actuality it became more of a norm to me to see bodies of all sizes and shapes. If I were to go to this beach here in my current city I wouldn’t be necessarily concerned to take my child. I don’t believe in demonizing or sexualizing nude bodies by default, but it seems a lot of people would find it inappropriate to have their children see naked people in a non sexual environment. I think actually that it can be beneficial to see people comfortable in the way they are, as opposed to experiencing nudity in some medium that might portray unrealistic ideals. I see it this way, our kids will see naked people at some point in life. I hate to think about it, but it will come up in ways I won’t be aware of as a mother. Do I want my daughter to have been exposed to actual nudity before that happens? Yeah, I think it’s helpful. I think it’ll not only help her own body image, but also help her become normalized to the idea that people do look different and it’s all ok. Obviously if anything inappropriate were to happen I would absolutely take my child out of there. I’m very protective of her and think about her upbringing every single day. I’ve heard the argument made, that children will look at men and they may become aroused. I’d argue that it’s a pretty messed up individual who would feel that way towards a child looking and I’d rather not apply that to the general population by default. I don’t think all men are pigs at all. I think most if not all of the dudes there just want to enjoy some sun and relax. What are people so afraid of? I’m aware bad things can happen. I’ll do my all to prevent them, but I don’t see how going to a nude beach is endangering my child’s well being or innocence. I’m very interested in opinions. I’m not set on this by any means.
  22. Im in Texas also, Hello! Sorry you’re feeling let down by this guy. Sounds like he didn’t want to wait indefinitely to meet up and honestly I don’t blame him. This year might just not be the best for dating. I’d also be wary of anyone who claims they never connect with anyone, but after a few short conversations really connect with you magically. I just always feel like it’s some typical player line. Judging by this new romance with the girl out of state, he’s looking for a good time and nothing serious necessarily. Also, maybe I misread, but you said he started distancing after the first time you guys video chatted?
  23. He’s bored of his marriage and is looking for an ego boost on the side. Nothing more to it. You’re worth more than that..
  24. Venting once in a while should be fine, and it’s helpful to preface with “hey I just want to vent, would you mind listening for a bit?” Or specifically asking for a hug or some words of understanding. Believe it or not, a lot of people don’t naturally know how to react to your venting. I’ve learned that asking specifically for support here and there does wonders. I also used to make the mistake of thinking that my partner was there to make everything better. Truth is he’s not. I rarely vent anymore and have learned to cope with issues that have nothing to do with him mostly on my own. It’s very freeing. I don’t know how often you tell him About your problems, but it sounds like you do it frequently. It just gets tiring. Now if he generally reacts dismissively, I’d probably work on communicating what it is you need in those moments from him. You don’t want him to become your emotional sounding board though. Try doing some self care first when you feel down or chat with a friend.
  25. I appreciate everyone’s advice so much. It seems we’ve got some thinking and hunting to do. I’m talking with a realtor next week so we’ll see what comes from that. Thank you again everyone for taking the time to chime in. Regarding marriage, we are planning on it. We’ve wanted a nice little celebration in my home country, but since corona happened that’s not possible, so we’re currently switching gears and are thinking about doing a small court wedding. I might get smacked for this, but tax returns seem nicer if you’re not married, so I haven’t been in a rush. But we would before buying anything together.
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