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Everything posted by amilasiu

  1. I agree with RayKay - the book, although general etc etc, did give me the necessary push to reexamine my relationships and my excuses for his bad behaviour. So it helped me. I guess, no relationship book is a dating bible.
  2. this is exactly like my ex-boyfriend - no "I love you", odd criticisms all the time, etc etc etc I stuck with him for 3 (wasted) years, so I congratulate you for quitting it earlier - I should have done the same. I just know that men like that will not change - your relationship would have gotten only worse if you'd have stayed.
  3. When was good Friday, pardon my ignorance? Navel usually takes a while to heal (couple of months really), and there would be puss, infection happens with any piercing. Navel piercing takes probably longest to heal too because it is difficult to protect it against water in showering, clothes are irritating the wound, muscles are constantly moving the piercing. So it is difficult for it to heal, as opposed to ear piercings. I would be worried if a) the infection would not get better for a week or so, b) it becomes really red and swollen and does not subside; c) if it starts hurting all the time. I am doubtful about a gaping hole but navel piercings are a mess sometimes, so just keep taking care of it as you do now.
  4. hmm. I feel the same way too: couple of months ago, I left my boyfriend of 3 years, ready to date , but each date just makes me anxious (does he like me, do i like him, should I like him... ). So, my take on situation: during a long relationship we loose "dating" skills and it takes time to regain the right "dating" perspective. We were used to one person and dating someone different just becomes a weird and unknown territory. After 3 years of commitment to one man, I am quite confused by the dating scene, so I try to pace myself and, firstly, ask myself if my current dating interest respects me (as in calls when promised, invites me out and is interested in what I do or think, is not purely interested in sex, does not jump and slober all over me, does not stare at or try to "accidentaly" touch my b**bies). In general, if he is sane, is polite to me and expresses interest by calling, wanting to spend non-sex related time with me, introduces me into his circle of friends and interests, I am safe to say that he "is into me". Well, that is my current dating technique, will see if it works,
  5. now, don't get me wrong but what is this place again? Adult movie cinema or peep show, or swingers club or what? Is it gay, bi, S&M oriented? I personally think that people do have some sexual oddnesses that are really harmless. Like men going to stripclubs (lapdance not included). I don't really see a problem with an otherwise well-adjusted man once in a while going to a stripclub, adult book store, or an adult movie cinema for some private masturbation. Call me lewd, but I really don't (now that I think about it, I would have gone and checked this place out with him ). I would have more of a problem with my man watching porn on his computer 24-7 or playing computer games until wee hours in the morning - now that is an addiction. But that is my humble opinion: I don't condone infidelity or addictions to drugs, computers or alcohol, or what have you, but I believe that it is important to keep an open mind sexually, especially if such an otherwise great man is in question However, I absolutely don't like the way he and his family are treating you during this breakup, especially with your son involved. That makes me think that perhaps the man is not that great as you think him to be.
  6. This topic I think is seriously underrepresented in enotalone. So here goes my question what do you think of online dating? Did you try it? Any advice or horror/success stories? I am thinking of subscribing to link removed, but also wanting others' input. Thanks
  7. the only way he can change is if he himself wants to change. from your post it seems that, although he cares about you, he does not see or feel that he should change the way he functions in this relationship. however, there is, i don't think, anything you can do right now to make him work on these "skeletons in the closet". however, in the long term, talking and discussing these issues, abuse, therapy, etc. might somewhat push him towards self-examination and, hopefully, change. and you really should not feel guilty about thinking to distance yourself from him. Sometimes people are not willing to consider change at all, in this case, it is somewhat masochistic for their SOs to stick around and suffer in the unhealthy relationship.
  8. you might be just reading into it too much - it all could be just a sign of friendliness and not necessarily sexual interest. Also, if you are not out with the gay part of your bisexuality, poor guy might not have a clue. thereforeeee, if he is aware that you're gay/bi that could be interpreted as possible sign of interest from his part. But if the guy is clueless, that's a completely different story. Anyway, it sounds a wee bit like Jerry Springer show, so my two cents are - proceed with caution.
  9. well, it has been a month. I still care about him and do miss him sometimes but i know that there is no way in hell I am coming back to the same mess. I don't think he'll be able to change, but maybe along the line we'll be friends - which I prefer, b/c he always treated his friends better than girlfriends.
  10. it is quite interesting though that 4-5 months ago I would have done nearly anything to stay with him. However, since theneven with all my love and devotion the relationship's badness just exceeded my tolerance level. Especially, since around then we had this argument where his true feelings towards me or the lack thereof came out in quite nasty ways. And all my little illusions about us were swifly destroyed. Of course, post conflict he was all lovey dovey, hugs and kisses. But it did not last long and this time I was much more jaded - when his behaviour became increasingly worse, instead of panicking like there is no tomorrow without him, I was gone with the wind. you can tell I am proud with myself - the relationship has been miserable for so long that even my mom was tired of hearing me whine. I guess there is hope even for those most addicted to somebody.
  11. Recently I have left my live-in boyfriend of 3 years. I've posted in the past about his temper tantrums and crazy uncertainty in our relationship, which really screwed me up for quite some time. I was always thinking that I could make it work but in the end it was just a complete misery. Funny enough, I now think, he was not happy as well, he just would not break up with me. Would treat me like crap, but just would not break it off. Which was fine by me for a while, as I was really trying to stay with him. However, when he started to come back at 6 am in the morning from the guys' night out, that was just too much. I am relatively certain that there was no infidelity, he was just probably with his pathetic male friends but still that just killed it for me. Earlier I would have collapsed from grief at breaking the relationship, but when I decided to leave I just got so happy. And now that I am alone I am even happier that I am out of this idiotic relationship. It is so good to get rid of somebody who would just put me down, would treat his platonic girlfriends way better than me, and have kid-like temper tantrums, although he is hitting 40. I saw him today for lunch and was completely cool about it, was just a little nostalgic but mostly relieved not to have to come home with him to the same drama. Funny how all that nearly obsessive love I had for him is, poof, and gone. Although now I am just really angry at him for stringing me around. But then again, I think that me at 26 and him at 40, it is easy to see whose biological clock is really ticking. He will probably end up like some of his other friends - close to 50, single, kidless, desperately drinking in bars trying to hopelessly pick up somebody - anybody. Ha! I still don't get it - how he would not be just supper happy with everything that I had to offer for the relationship. The guy MUST have problems. But hey now it is somebody else's business. YAY I AM FREE I AM FREE
  12. I like food based vitamins - like the ones you find in health food stores, i.e. whole foods. In my opinion, they were better for me than GnC. Anyway, on the label it should also indicate that it has a few versions of same vitamin (i.e. beta carotene and something else- can't remember the name- for Vitamin A), couple calcium formulas. It all makes the absorpion better. The pills should be also 2-3 times bigger than Centrum and include some herbal organic compounds. 8)
  13. you're right you know. it is amazing what manipulative relationships can do to previously strong people.
  14. long story short: after dating him for 3 years, living together for a couple of months, he tells me he cannot be in this relationship. He says I am suffocating him, cornered him into moving in together, he approaches the point of not wanting to sleep with me. And he felt like that for entire year!!! A darn year??? and did not tell me anything! Last year I asked him a few times if he wants to break up with me. He mumbles and mumbles and then he calls me almost every day to stay at his place. He invites me to go out but the moment I show up I start suffocating him... If he felt like that, why call, why invite, why let me move in with him.... he does not have the answer. he says he liked me. whatever. so bloody ambiguous: he wants me, he wants me not, he invites me then I suffocate him... That ambiguity has made me truly insecure. and not to tell me his feelings for entire bloody year and let me move in??? words fail me. and even saying that he is still not letting me move on. Why dont you think about it - give it a couple of days, he says. About what do I have to bloody think? Today I asked him what is really our situation: broken up for good, temporary break, or what. His response: What do you think? In my opinion, however, well, breaking up is like beeing pregnant: either you are or you aren't. I wish he would say it to my face! oh yeah, and he is almost 40. the arrogance of some men...but li'l silly me, i still have feelings for him... but mostly I guess I am angry: if you are in the relationship, why not try to work on it to make it better. I asked him, why did you have to suffer my clingyness, if you claim it was SOOO bad? He laughed and gave me his "charming" face. I swear I am not a violent person but I could have smacked him right there and then..... I am still staying at his house until I find a new place for me, but still am afraid of the emotions that could come out: although I am mostly fine now, I think I am still in shock and the entire truth about the breakup of an intense relationship will hit me with a vengeance very soon.....
  15. I know what you mean! I am in the same position: been with a guy for 2.5 years, I am practically spending every night in his place, but also paying 1100 dollars for my own apartment I do not use. Hilarious. But he is not willing for me to officially move in!!! Well, he is quote " not sure". Well, duh, I am practically living with him, so his lifestyle would not get any different.... Well, thus, I would also like some advice on the topic.... I'll try, though, to make myself less and less available, so that he would feel the pain of separatness. Will see how that works.
  16. This sort of confusion/fear, and sometimes sheer panic, are the usual suspects of a breakdown of a LT relationship. Very normal feelings in such a situation. Alas, no constructive advice here: in my case, only time resolves such issues. You think "Oh, no, I'll be alone, all alone", and in half a year, a year you fall for somebody again.
  17. yes, the pill - diane 35 - has made me moodier. I used to be such an "ice woman", no drama, no tears. But now, I cry instantaneously at the smallest things. My main complaint, however, is that it is much more difficult to control emotions now, so I became a drama queen of sorts. it bothers me, as I liked my "ice woman" image much better. However, I briefly switched to depo shot, and that made the emotional state even worse. I do not plan to go of the pill, however. Diane 35 is a rather 'strong' pill, so I expected something like this. When I was on Ortho, which has less hormones, the state of mind was somewhat better. Gosh darn. They need to release men contraceptive pill sooner, so that we women can get a break.
  18. I agree with Velkeria. Affairs are affairs, but this guy humiliated you in public! Kissing in front of friends? Smack him, throw him out of the house, and take all the money you can during divorce. I understand that this is one hell of time for you and you are feeling all these confusing feelings. but as an outsider I have to tell you: a) he is absolute jerk, no way around it, b) you do not have to make things work. after all, he humiliated and hurth you in a nasty way and, as painful as it is, gives you all the cards: you do not have to invest in this relationship anything at all anymore. Do not feel bad about it.
  19. amilasiu


    it is not that men look at porn that troubles most women (and if porn really troubles a woman, that is a sign of deeper sexual/personal troubles), it is HOW they look at them. When a man sits in front of a computer 24-7, watching porn and masturbating, paying no attention to the girlfriend, that is the problem. When a man spends all weekends in stripclubs, or has a poster of some adult star in the bedroom, a woman has a full right to smack him over the head and kick him out. THis is not acceptable. Why, many women like porn a lot . Ehem... YA! But sometimes men are such pigs about it, and this is what troubles most of us girls.
  20. well, see what happens when the current pot supply runs out. Maybe it was a temporary relapse, and she will quit again (after all, it is difficult to quit any addiction - relapses are very common). If she does not quit, however, there should be no harm in telling her about that there will be no future for the two of you with her pot habit. If then she chooses pot over you, you've got your answer.
  21. You are doing ABSOLUTELY the right thing by not replying to any of her contacts. From your description it seems that yours was an extremely unhealthy and uneaqual relationship. I understand love make one loose one's mind at points, but three years of such bad treatment by your ex-girlfriend is way too much. She obviously has used you, and you gave her more than enough second chances. So do not take her back. Start dating again, find somebody younger, some one who will appreciate you much more.
  22. i agree with sphinx: sometimes two people just bring the worst in each other, sparks might be flying but from your post it does seem that you guys were really detrimental for each other. There is a saying: if a person is meant for you, he/she will bring you luck... True or not, neither of you seem to bring luck to each other judging from your post. I think your plan to go out and have fun, and, perhaps, date, is excellent!
  23. The benefits of pressing charges (self-satisfaction? vengeance?) will be outweighted by the damage done to kids. Your monetary loss can be compensated through a quiet civil court lawsuit. Stealing money is a crime but is it crime enough to start the criminal-court-mess that will surely happen in the ugliest form possible? How will you explain criminal charges to kids? I am sure you know the possible ramifications in this case, and none of them are pretty.
  24. you do not really need a relationship with him to raise a kid by him, if you know what i mean. Even if you two marry, you will still need to take care of him 24-7. If you'd like kids but do not want a man-child hanging around and emptying the fridge while you work, why not get a kid by him and be a single mom? You'll save some money that way instead of supporting him and the kid together. I do not mean to sound cold, but this is what I would do. Given a choice between getting pregnant and being single mom and being a mom to my kid and a man child, I would choose option 1. THat way you can be a mom and be open to more satisfying relationships with truly mature men.
  25. Your friends are right - her behavior indicates that she needs time away from you. My suggestion is wait for her to call you. If you communicate with her daughter it is not very ethical to question her about her mom's private life. The fact that your ex says she wants to stay frieds, might not really mean it. She might just want to have a decent break up for her and her daughters sake. You say that she wanted see more of you, and might have wanted to take things in your relationship to a higher level, i.e. marriage. Would you have wanted that too? If yes, why didn't you ask her?
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