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amilasiu

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Everything posted by amilasiu

  1. amilasiu
    writing a letter to her WILL help. Very good in burning the last bridges. However, do maintain your dignity: no begging or pleading, no self-pity, no vengeance, do not even tell in what pain you are over the break up. I see no mistake in sending the letter to her. Do not feel obliged to request it back or give it in person: none of these would bring any additional benefit. Well, good luck in burning those bridges.
  2. amilasiu
    In this case the girl needs to control herself how much of his penis will she allow in her mounth, the guys tend to get too excited and sometimes pushy so by taking the matters into her own hands (no pun intended) the girl will control her own comfort. technique: she needs to hold his penis by its base with her entire hand so that only uncovered portion of the penis will come in.
  3. amilasiu
    indeed. Call or email him and apologize, say that you had a very stressful week at school/work and it just blew up. Sometimes these drunk binges happen to the best of us, so do not beat yourself up about it. As long as you did not puke on his carpet or break his heirloom china you are ok. If the guy has some common sense, he will laugh at the entire situation. If he is obnoxious about the incident, however, then he is a silly prude.
  4. amilasiu
    despite the atraction you have for her, my advice is "RUN AWAY!!! RUN AWAY!!!" She seems either very confused or a very good manipulator. She has a boyfriend (another bad sign) but still likes to play around with your feelings. People like that are just no good: after all, when you met her you both did not click together at all. Confused girl with an *ss for a boyfriend, no clicking together - why get involved. J ust let her be and do her own confused stuff.
  5. amilasiu
    10 years is not easy to end - its almost half or your lifetime and third of his... Tough situation indeed. A few thoughts on your last post: if your husband will fight for marriage after you leave, make him fight for your marriage NOW. He might need a big shake-up to realize that all is not good in his kingdom. He does not seem to be aware of the gravity of the situation: make him aware, see his reaction. You say you are afraid that he might change and then you will be cursing yourself for your mistake. Well, give him no other option but to change. If you have somewhere else to stay, do so - stay with your mother for a while. Of course, not exactly knowing your situation it is difficult to give some sort of help. But I think that if you leave him no chance but to fight for you and, thereforeeee, change himself, you will see that a) he does fight and change and then your marriage stands a fair chance, or b) he just blames you, refusing to see his part of mistakes, and refusing to change. If he will not change then, he won't change at all. In the end, however, YOU are your first priority. As I have said before it would not be fair to you to spend another 10 - 20 years in an unfulfilling marriage. Although it might be painful to admit, you are not responsible for his wellbeing, and you did try very hard.
  6. amilasiu
    YOu are so very young still. At 27 your entire life is in front of you: thereforeeee, even if you choose to end this marriage you will still have lots of time to create a better relationship. You made a good choice to not have kids for now: it is much more difficult to change things when kids are involved. Do not be afraid of your husband being crushed by you leaving: he is a grown up man, much older than you, and has to be able to take care for himself. What will be crushed is his comfortable life: you now take care of everything, and he is just relaxing - no worries or responsibilities. Well, life is tough and a man of almost 40 needs to be self sufficient after all. You are right in saying that you were too young and inexpierenced: but you seem to be one of these people who are fighters, meaning you wanted this relationship to work and you just did not give up. But then again sometimes it is not meant to be. There are better relationships out there. I am not saying divorce now. But please do not feel that you have to make marriage work against all odds, keep you other options open. I hope counselling will bring some resolution.
  7. amilasiu
    a) sorry bout your bad experiences but not all girls stabb you in the back. You just have to be more careful: the first moment you see that the girl is one of them stabber types, you cut her off. b) make guy friends for now, girls will also happen. It takes a while but it does happen. Drink, party, and worry less. 8)
  8. amilasiu
    nine months to get you back is a pretty long time for a girl. most likely she accepted that you are not coming back and is moving on. Btw, are you interested again in the girl just because she has started seeing somebody else? A protective instinct sort of... But call of lunch, if her new bf will be the primary topic of your conversation.
  9. amilasiu
    beec is right. No rose or dinner in a place that reminds you of better times. You have justified reasons to figure out logistics with her but let her know that in a simple email. I am not sure how entangled your and your ex living situation or finances are, but if you must meet her to resolve this it should be done in a non-romantic, but down-to-the-point manner, i.e. in Starbucks or public library or such . If you do not need to physically meet her - don't. Email will be enough.
  10. amilasiu
    If you do not want to initiate contact - don't. If no contact is what you feel like and the temptation from her or your side is too big, it would be good to a) delete IM software from your computer, b) switch off phone, c) filter all calls. Evasion is not bad or impolite in this case. It is only fair: after all you need to help yourself to feel better. After break up and no contact you give her foot massage??? You are way too good. RESIST FOOT MASSAGE!!!! =;
  11. amilasiu
    what about "bible of spanking" book from link removed.... 8) I am getting this for my bf.
  12. amilasiu
    who does not risk does not drink champagne! IF you guys click so well, arrange a date for pete's sake! I am not sure how far apart you live, but saying something in line of "lets grab a beer after work" or "hey I have a ticket left over for a hockey game" or "i am having a small gettogether with some friends, wanna join?" will not sound as if your chasing him. It will show that you are interested, friendly, but not desperate or obsessed. It will also allow you to see how interested he really is. I definitely think you should pursue it. As long as it is safe, in any case it will be an adventure.
  13. amilasiu
    I have to ask you whether this relationship is worth your commitment? i think the girl has serious issues and is quite confused. If your relationship will continue it will be so much work to set it right, and still the success may not happen. Sex is an essential thing in a relationship, admit it or not. Sexual problems can break and irritate the most romantic, lovey-dovey couples. Is she aware of her behavior? If she is, will she seriously work on it (sex therapy, couple therapy, soul searching, etc.)? If she bounces back and forth denying any issues and refusing any help, this will not work in the end and then it might be better to give up.
  14. amilasiu
    oh wait... another advice is to keep a few "backup men" in the background: men that are interested in you now and, in case you are single again, you can rebound with them... Ah the indecent me.
  15. amilasiu
    Call him on lets say sunday afternoon. Casually ask how was his weekend, how is life, etc. See whether he is willing to talk or whether he still takes his stress out on you. if he is more responsive offer a some fun couple things to do when you meet next. I firmly believe of leaving confused and stressed people alone if they want to, to sort out their problems by themselves. I know the long distance thing does not help in this situation at all. Small piece of controversial advice about being afraid of loosing your boyfriend: that fear is so bloody destructive! I try to desensitize myself to it: I think sometimes what would happen to me if my boyfriend and I would split up. I remember all the pain and tears and fear from our last split and sort of allow myself to live through it. The FEAR still strikes but at least I am on a more solid ground.
  16. amilasiu
    it is not wrong. If it helps look at it as a phase. It is quite normal for some to date and be happy with women then to date and be happy with men, then with women again, with men again, etc. You get the picture. So if you are happy in this situation just stick with it and see what happens. Your still very young: 22 is perfect age for sexual explorations. You still have around 20 years to find wife and kids if that is what you want. So do not scold yourself but enjoy while it lasts.
  17. amilasiu
    the lack of sexual interest in a relationship is very very troubling: in that case, not even god almighty can save the couple. So I understand why you are worried. Gaining a little weight should not be cause somebody to stop having sex (my boyfriend is an absolute gym buff, gets extremely cranky when he does not get his usual gym dose, complains about weight he has gained but sex still goes on 8) ). What I am trying to say is that gaining weight is no good excuse, there MUST be some other underlying issues. Anyways it is an extremely tough situation for you. First question to ask yourself is whether there is somebody else in the picture? Has there been a total or just physical cooldown in a relationship? Although he is not willing to discuss these issues with you personally, you should still suggest formal counselling. Although ultimatums are a bad idea usually, I would try to shake up his comfortable existence by saying that turning you down continuously will not cut it - and that this is seriously jeopardizing this entire relationship. See how he reacts.... Good luck.
  18. amilasiu
    I agree with you that you should just let him call you. Let him be alone this weekend and see what happens. I do not think seeing him once a week counts as smothering and I do not think your boyfriend is right in taking his stress out of you. But hey, if he wants to sulk alone, let him and have a fun weekend yourself. But do not hide your feelings : when he gets his act together, explain them.
  19. amilasiu
    do not send flowers - they will only irritate. but send one letter saying what you'd like to happen with your relationship. After that let her contact you.
  20. amilasiu
    With all due respect to the broken-hearted, the irony about such streams of consciousness is that you will read it a year after and you will not even remember the girl's you wrote to face. Feelings are so short-term. Human's are inherently optimists, who would survive moping all his life? So although it hurts like hell now, look at this emotional train-crash as some unpleasant cold. You just have to take care of yourself and wait until it passes.
  21. amilasiu
    44 years without kids or marriage or other healthy relationship does indicate a deep fear of commitment and perhaps a lack of understanding about what it means to have a relatioship with others. I am with a 39 year old with the same... ehem... predicament and was considering at a point if I should stay or I should go. I chose to stay but with a realization that commitment may never happen (even a healthy relationship sometimes can not solve these personal emotional issues). Anyways, if you choose to stay with him, you will have to be the emotionally intelligent one: since you have experienced good commited relationships you would need to "educate" him in that and help him resolve these fears. There will be lots of pulling backwards and forwards, some love games and uncertainty from his side. However, if there is progress, there might be success.
  22. amilasiu
    hmm candy or flowers is not a bad idea. but maybe not on the valentines day but the day before.
  23. amilasiu
    1. Continue the no contact or casual friendly attitute when called by her. 2. NO flowers. NO teddy bears. (especially teddy bears ) 3. Make boundaries: i.e. time period you give her to make up her mind or how much she can be involved with your life now. Limit your emotional and physical availability to her so that if she tries to mess with your heart you would be more resilient. 4. Keep all options (her going back, you meeting someone new, etc. ) open. Getting her back will not solve the underlying issues by itself. Sometimes it is just better to move on.
  24. amilasiu
    Set yourself a time limit during which you will hang around and be there for her. You deserve some certainty too. Let her know of your time limit. There is nothing wrong in telling her that you'd like this relationship to continue but she needs to make up her mind as well. Assure her that there is no pressure at all from your side. Let her live through her difficult period. Meet her for dinner or beer, take care of the dog, etc. From your post you both still seem to behave like a couple even if "officially" you have broken up. Maybe in the time of uncertainty she feels safer with calling it a casual friendship, but in fact names don't matter: if it walks and quacks like a duck it is a duck.
  25. amilasiu
    witty replies are overrated. THe key is to let other people do the talking (has many more benefits). In my shy days and still now what I would do with people I am interested in is to ask some simple questions (name, where from, what profession) and look for some red flags like interesting experiences, places or people. Then I ask questions about it. So, I do not have to talk, people love to talk about themselves and think that I am a great conversationalist. Works like a charm, but you have to be alert. oh yeah, it is good to plagiarize witty replies. In the beginning all my funny lines would come from Calvin and Hobbes comics or some satire book. YOu plagiarize and with practice you learn.
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