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russia

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  1. russia
    do nothing, and you condemn yourself. that's how gossip and rumors work. since you don't like this freshman, but a senior, make sure you are seen with the senior by your friends and dorm people. and stay away from the freshman, deliberately. same classes or lectures, use your friends to form a barrier. mealtimes, the same. library, too. if he moves in, move off. deliberately. for as long as it takes to get him and the rumors off. if he is part of your group of friends. then tough luck. so you will hang out together. but you can always deliberately be poles apart. always keep 2 or 3 persons between the 2 of you. never be the first to support his suggestions, laugh at his jokes, and NEVER LOOK at him. just be cool.
  2. russia
    STEP1: be early, tell her to be early, and then surprise her before the party. go drive around town, see the sights (map your route in advance so you NEVER GET LOST. drive through your route a couple of times, at that time of the evening, so you know the traffic conditions. TRAFFIC JAMS ARE OUT). just make heart to heart talk in the car, and really listen cos she will drop the hints then and there, soft romantic music (and if you 2 have a favourite song, make sure you have it in the car). women need to be prepped in their emotions. STEP2: pop the question (B is the most romantic option, C is the worst) A) if she like a drink or two, you can stop by a pub or bar if she isn't dressed like a pompom. that's when you pop the question, after one of those corny lines than men use "you're really beautiful, can i ask you for a date?". B) or else, pop it when in your route towards the location, there's a really nice sunset view nearby, and you stop there to look. and ask her. you can bring some drinks (wine, not beer, else soft drinks are ok too cos you get thirsty talking) and if she says yes, bring out the wine and propose a toast to the two of you out there. then bring her in for the homecoming and the rest is money-back guaranteed. C) otherwise, pull in to park early, and then as you stop, put on the brakes, but before turning off the motor, with the music and ambience still running, keep quiet for a minute or so, then pop the question.
  3. russia
    do the budget, then present it to her. she's basically your CEO. she owns the baby. and if you don't like that, she can take half your stuff away in a divorce anyway i know some men like to keep their finances hidden from their wives, leading them to suspect you have something to hide. and money to be spent on your own toys (including mistress for some) if you show her your payslip, income tax, bills for the house, and then work out the cost of food, transport, etc. the remainder money is what you have for your allowance (yeah, pitiful to just have an allowance, but that's life once you get married, cos you are now working for 3 persons) plus her allowance (cos she won't be working anymore, so you have to give her some pocket money too!) and any shared activities (including having friends over, going out for movies, paying for babysitter, christmas presents, anniversary and birthday presents, and saving for house and vacations) er, maybe i jumped the gun. does she want to continue working or stop when the baby comes? if she works, then add her income to the budget. more money all round!!! her money's your money too! when you see the amount of real money left over, then you can plan that wedding and dream house. don't forget medical costs (esp for new baby. paediatric healthcare costs are high. so make an estimate, or revise budget along the way), insurance and savings/investments.
  4. russia
    gotta have the looks: plastic surgery helps. but if you're short, too bad. there's no way to be cool AND short. and no pimples or specs (get contacts). keep your fashion up to date. wearing branded stuff well helps. gotta have the right set of friends. usually, that comes from being a key player in a popular school sport, like football. if you can't play, then you better go practise on your own a lot, until you're good at some sport. the hot girls are bonus. they come with the territory.
  5. russia
    you never forget your first accident. i had 3 and i am still driving. let me see now. the first one, i was in a strange mood, so i didn't brake approaching a turn, with a zebra crossing. so when the van in front stopped, i bumped into him. nothing much happened to the van, but my front was crushed and the radiator was leaked. had to make a police report and insurance claim, so that the van can claim for bumper repairs. didn't even think to put a disposable camera in my car to take pics of damage extent. anyway, the van's owner was pretty decent (company property) and the major cost was on my side. the insurance paid up. i had to cough up a couple hundred bucks too. i should know about loving your car. i handwash several times a week, and polish my car every week inside and out. car was fixed up in a week. but until now, i can't forget that accident, and every time i approach that turn or pass by that road, i remember. so that's at least 5 years now. after the accident, the car was like no longer a virgin, but i still faithfully cleaned her. after all, i was the one in the wrong so what if nobody died? i hate it when people try and console me and say, "at least no one was injured or died" heck, my car is hurting, and by corollary, so's me. just leave me alone, i'll be ok. hope you will be ok too, soon. but for a week or so, you'll have the jitters. and you will try to be more careful in future, but i doubt it. otherwise, i won't have the 2 more accidents. but don't stop driving. that's life.
  6. russia
    if you get it down to once or twice a week, you can see he's still in control, and not addicted. well, not a fullblown addiction anyway. but the propensity for addiction is there, given his background history you know, quite a few Germans are proud of their beer tradition (Oktoberfest) and would not take it very nicely if their men can't drink beer by the gallon! however, please note that you are the one making him stop (cos it's either you or drinks, so he's not stupid. drinks he can get anytime, you he can't) so the most you are doing is really forcing him to be a sneaky drinker, or else he really stops and then really have a great time with his pals. i am surprised that having come from an alcohol-related family, he does not abhor alcohol, but prefers it. if so, there is a great chance he will follow his father's footsteps. and no one can stop him (if you do, you will lose him, one day). i suggest that you be prepared to give him up, because you are not a drinker, and this great divide will continue to cause great harm to this relationship. this is not one of those "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" situations. you becoming an alcoholic will certainly not help the relationship. if he doesn't wake up, check into AA on his own, and when clean, comes back to you, move on. (but don't tell him this. he's got to find it on his own. if you tell him, then he will do it, but for you, again. and one day, when his self control is down, he will drop right back into his old pattern, and hate you for forcing him to change and suffer so many years...)
  7. russia
    seriously, once you hold hands, the next step is kiss, then petting. heavy petting, finally it's sex. of course, you determine which step you want to stop at. if your emotions get the better of you, then you should stop early in the sequence (kiss), and always be in the public and under bright lights when you're dating him. but i think for your boyfriend, and he's going to be really disappointed you're not like his pals' girlfriends, who make out or go heavy on dates. so if you're not ready, just tell him. you may lose him. but if he is willing to wait until you're ready, you got yourself a winner!
  8. russia
    separation is not the end, yet. divorce isn't either. only death is. so you can always hope. if you can seek marriage counselling together, that will help a bit. if she agrees to see one with you, even better. however, even if she doesn't, you must go. and get one that is really good (proven track record of success, word of mouth from pals). and read that book about "Love Bank" concept: link removed time is now very very short on your part. you can't change within this short period of time, nor should you, unless YOU want to change it for YOURSELF. changing for another person is always FAKE. but you can make realistic promises based on your good points (with the help of your counsellor) to secure her for a little while longer. why is the time very short? because she is now very vulnerable to being attracted to another person. once she falls for another, it's most likely goodbye. so don't let the separation go on for too long.
  9. russia
    I just want to know how I can deal with not talking to him? * talk to your mates, talk him out of your system. this forum is a good place for that * do fun stuff you have always done alone (if you do things that recall him, that just brings back the memories) * when you're home alone, keep yourself distracted. being lonely just makes you wish you weren't. but stay away from snacks. taking up some homecraft helps. so plan your time at home. don't be idle, or you'll just mope. sleep according to plan. and if you find it hard to sleep, don't start popping pills or watch tv till you knock out. try alternatives like aromatheraphy or bedtime music or count sheep (if your maths is good).
  10. russia
    dunno who is using who, but who cares if both of you are having fun, right? unfortunately, you don't seem to be having as much fun, cos you want more than this and he doesn't. as far as i can see it, this is just a sex and fun thing. what you see as love, is mostly likely just good feelings - he gets sex without strings attached. not a bad thing in itself, so long as you're willing to go along without further expectations. love is when he cares for you, cares for your feelings, and works something out to balance out freedom and commitment. cos when there is sufficient commitment, freedom is found too. i think he is too immature at this stage (or maybe for the rest of his life) if you are happy and secure, i think you will grant him the time to be with his friends, etc. and he will treasure the time he has with you, and not feel that you are always wanting more of his 24 hours a day.
  11. russia
    could it be, someone is with him, so he can't chat with you online, and has to block you?
  12. russia
    looks bad. i hope you are doing the right sort of snooping. cos many things can be hidden on the internet. - chats, real & virtual girlfriends he's only showing the tip of the iceberg - porn. of course, porn alone is already bad enough, cos comparing a dream girl and you, it's a no-win situation for you. putting on weight doesn't help either. so do what you can do first. get rid of the excess weight (i am on a diet myself) and then start to dress attractively again not for him, for yourself! there's something, i don't know if you can do it - surf porn with him. it's called finding common ground. you probably can't make him do things with you that you like. or even things both of you like. but if you do things he likes, then you might be able to pull him back. maybe even be more adventurous in bed - do the male fantasy stuff. but your shift hours don't permit that. can you change so your shift is the same as his?
  13. russia
    ok ok. i guess i am not seeing it from your point of view. sorry.
  14. russia
    if you know something that's good for her, and you are saying it without the ulterior motive of having her return to you, because you continue to love her without hope of reciprocation, then in the long run, she will look back and thank you. you can don't tell her, but i think you will tell her, although you will probably get hell from her right now. whether she will return your love is a different matter.
  15. russia
    looks like she likes you, and you've disappointed her big time by asking another girl out. it wouldn't matter to her if you were just a friend to her. she was hoping friends would become lovers, but you never saw the signals. how to win her back? really have to take her out, one-on-one, and chat about that time. ask what really went on in her mind. but only if you are prepared to be more than friends with her this time round. don't lead her on a second time. that's not nice. if you want to just be friends, forget it. some people settle for just being friends, some want to be lovers.
  16. russia
    let's not judge strippers. they are humans too. perhaps a more cynical/practical view to their personal assets. he's going out and you want him back. and after a long history of miscommunication. frankly, it looks pessimistic. after all, miscomms is a major cause of all relationship issues (i should know!) i suppose the 2 months mean a lot to you, but obviously it didn't mean that much to him. he used you as a rebound after his 3-year relationship. these things happen. not that i condone this sort of deplorable behaviour. don't believe that sort of crap about "i like you, but not right now. sometime in the future." get over him. you shouldn't have problems finding a better man. and learn from your lesson. never give your heart to a man on the rebound
  17. russia
    you have nothing to lose. if you love her, care for her, then tell her she's seeing a creep. tell her you'll always love her and am waiting for her to come back, no strings attached. meanwhile, seriously do a self-audit and see why she's so pissed off with you. something must be wrong somewhere. get external feedback from many people, not just your support group. what you find, you can then choose to work on for your own improvement as a human being, not to win her back. and carry on with your life. count your blessings and do the stuff you've always enjoyed doing.
  18. russia
    she's in a bind, cos she owes loyalty to her boyfriend and she likes you too. why don't you put some moves on her and win her heart? then you can both drop the pretence of maintaining other relationships and be with each other?
  19. russia
    never ever use the kid as a crutch. you love her or you don't? if you don't, then nothing matters anymore. if you do, then you will do whatever it takes to help her. she's probably not have a life beyond you and the kid for the past 3 years (9 months for the pregnancy) face it. you don't have a life anymore. it's not yours. you gave it to her and your son. if you don't live for them, you cheat them and you cheat yourself. sure, you have to study, and you have to go out. but that often??? whenever you have to go out, tell her why and give her an estimate of your return time, and be punctual. always reasssure her of your love before you go, when you are out, and when you return. have wild sex when the kid's asleep. that means proper rest too. at least you don't have to do most of the child-minding, just some play time with your son. whenever unnecessary, do not go out. go out only with your family. you need time alone? then get a babysitter so that both of you can be out doing your own things. can't afford? then live with it until you have better qualifications and a better paying job most of all, encourage your wife to have goals and plan to achieve them, like you are studying for your exams. encourage one another, not complain and nag. life too hard? well, that's life. or you can cop out.
  20. russia
    strange. what does michael say about all this? does he miss it or does he not? i should think he's the one coming up with ideas on how to get together in bed with you! is he trying to get out of the relationship by going back to his parents' home, using work location and finances as the legitimate excuses? ok. maybe i have a terrible mind. ignore what i said on top. he loves you, but he's just as clueless as you about how to change things. so he's not a man of the world. let me give my usual sneaky advice. on the weekends, you can have him sleepover at your house. he's not working and don't have to worry about a superlong commute. or go to a park or beach. somewhere secluded and do it in the car. but if you want action in the midweek, then you may want to have him popping into a motel on the way home from work (meet him at the motel room door, all dressed up to kill).
  21. russia
    whatever you want to do to mend bridges, do it now do it quick! if you let him get so far out of love with you, he will easily fall for the next woman in line. then he won't come back. cos he's done it before, he can do it again. for that same reason, dump him, cos he's an asshole. pity about the children (even the unborn one). personally, i won't fall for the crap about saving money by rooming with women. incidentally, i bet he controls all the finances. you probably don't even know how much of what he earns goes where.
  22. russia
    most of the time, the guy has to do the romancing. if you are not willing to put in the work (which may eventually lead to nothing), then forget it. it's got nothing to do with body language. if you work hard enough at chasing the girl, one day, her body language will speak to you loud and clear!
  23. russia
    excuse the pun, but i can see there's no chemistry between that girl and you. however, i doubt your best friend is your best friend. what best friend would make you date a girl you don't like? (for whatever reasons. ugly is as good a reason as any) is she getting a cut of the commission???? make your own choices and tell her to respect your choices, even if they are dumb (personally, i'd rather go with a girl who wants me than one whom i am 2nd in the queue)
  24. russia
    basically, you aren't ready for him, although you love him. so please do something about your fears first. after all, even if this long distance love affair does not work out, you still need to deal with your own insecurity issue. and if by the time you are ready for him, he's gone, it can't be helped. cos if you went to him now and then you turn off again, you will also lose him. better that you ready yourself, have confidence in your relationships, first.
  25. russia
    so which girlfriend isn't jealous? why are you making her jealous, that's the interesting thing. what do you gain from flirting with another woman in front of her? how would you like it if you were in her place? to love a girl so madly, but find that she's just as nice to other guys? wake up, man!
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