stacy198

hi- i really don't understand what i'm doing wrong. i would like a wonderful, stable, romantic relationship with someone. i seem to meet a guy and we take our time knowing eachother and then we decide to date exclusively and then when things get territorial; such as space and time, things get sticky. i always have a sense that my independence is being taken away and that they think i will control their schedule; thereforeeee i back off and shut myself off. they guy usually feels i'm being too sensitive or not explaining myself well. i try, but then they feel i need time and then they want to be friends. it hurts to feel you trusted them and you're trying to open up, but they don't want to be there along the way. how should i handle my romantic relationships to avoid these hurtful patterns. thank you

hi- it's been tough. i can't seem to understand a relationship with a guy i really like. i don't think it would be suitable to discuss "us" a couple until things have been built stronger between us. he used to be head over heels into me. now i feel he can't trust me due to my figuring things out in life. (my career, placement and expectations). we talk over the phone, but lately i feel things have been stressed for us. he never seems to call to talk to me. he seems to just call to see how i'm doing. i want him to visit me, but i feel it would upset him. i just don't know what to do. help!!! i don't want to lose him and yet i've been feeling like i have no choice

hi- i've taken a lot of the advice from the message boards, but i still have some trouble. i'm falling in love with a guy more and more, who lives in a different state. he is not one for phone conversation, so it's difficult to talk about us and what's going on in our lives. we trade-off calling, but it seems more and more annoying when i just want to be with him. i want to plan a visit for him to see me in december. i don't know how to suggest this idea. i feel like the next step for us is to talk face to face. i've been focusing on my life/ career and needs. it's tough doing these things with out him in my life on a day to day basis. i want to discuss us as a potential couple and our communication being stronger. i want us to go forward together in life. how do i do this? i'm really one who is patient in the process of nurturing, but it's so difficult now that we are apart. how do i suggest the trip? how do i suggest us? how do i feel comfortable with these fears of failing outcomes? help

hi i was able to talk to tim; which was awhile. he's still with his family in mourning. i have been myself and wanting to communicate with him. i just feel as if things are being forced on my end. i never know what is appropriate. i want to see him, but i don't know if he wants to see me. it's silly to wait for an invitation or his approval. i miss him a lot. i also keep questioning my placement- being away from him. i only want to be financially and career stable before we're together. how do i express all these issues. (one at a time? all at once? when is it ever the right time?) i miss him and i need him for companionship in so many ways. help

thanks again for the advice. i've been keeping myself positive, working on myself and my other relationships. (specifically one with my sister). it's been tough for us. my dad sexually abused us and we opened about it a couple of times. we feel resentment toward my mother; especially these days when she is trying to buy the grandchildren gifts and try to salvage a decent relationship with them and not her own kids. it's such a long story. point is- i feel frustrated with the relationship my mother and i have. i get along with her at a distance. anyway, i have no respect for her. i care and love her, but it can be difficult. sometimes i feel there's some frustration within me from my past that is not settled. (relationships in paticular)....anyhow- i'll figure it out and i'm glad i can realize these things now. back to this wonderful man i don't want to lose. i want to ask...should i wait for him to ask about a visit- considering i screwed up the last chance i had. i would like to invite him to florida where i can show him around, have a good time and talk more. we also talked about travelling together (when we were a couple). can i bring that up ever again? he actually wants to go, as well as myself, to ireland. we talked about settling down in oregon when the time would be right. i feel like we only touched on certain topics, but were to afraid to ponder and work through. i want us to do this, but without pressure. thanks

dear person- thanks so much for your reply. when would be the right time to tell him my feelings. i shut myself off in the past and he's at a funeral now. i just feel i would be causing him pain at a difficult time. i'm so anxious and yet i feel i should refrain for the sake of his feelings. do i go with these instincts? i've sent him a sympathy card and i called him twice to let him know i would be there for him. i feel useless. thanks stacy

i don't know what to do!!! i want to be committed and in a romantic relationship with this guy. we've enjoyed everything about eachother- the conversation, the company and the sex. for the past two months we've been long distance, calling and writing. i don't know where we stand. he says he doesn't know the answer either. how do i bring up all the topics of our future? he has said in the past that a relationship is serious and because i didn't take that moment to talk about all our issues and us, i feel he might not trust me and think i have bad intentions. what do i do? i love this man. i want to make sure i give him the patience and space he needs. (i usually need more patience and space than he requires). how do i deal with this situation; especially now that he's in another state and going to a funeral. HELP!!!!

i want to bring the guy i'm interested in- closer. we've talked about going to ireland, travelling, and living in oregon. (not necessarily together- but in our future). i want to ask him/ see if he'd like to go take a trip somewhere. i still have romantic feelings for him. i think he still has the same feelings for me, but he's been cautious. he enjoys my character for being fun, being optimistic and sweet. how should i propose such a trip. how do i propose all these adventures in life with him- so we don't get discouraged. help

thanks for everyone's advice on my previous posts. i'm doing better. i'm keeping myself busy, putting my energy into myself, my career and my family. it feels nice, but i always feel like something's missing. i know it's not being with "him". we are living in different states, but we are keeping in touch by phone. i can't seem to have the patience of email. i need to hear his voice and have his response/ vice versa. he has left for phili due to two deaths in the family. i am there for him and i will send a card out. i just feel like comforting him. i miss him so much. i've really been able to accept my life for what it has become and less focused on my overachieving life. if we got closer and more willing- i would quit my job and move to california. i really want to be with him. i know i have to discuss all these issues with him, but when is the right time? please give me your input.

i've been coping-dealing with being far away from the guy i love. it makes it even more difficult when i constantly must call to continue some communication between us. i really can't tell if he'll ever want to trust me to have romantic feelings/a strong relationship. i had a habit of shutting myself off- but i have confessed that it would never happen again and that i needed his support. i needed him to believe me that i'm trying and taking steps for myself to be healthy with constructing stable relationships. he accepts it, but from a distance. i don't know what to do. i want to talk to him everyday about everything in life, but i feel he would take it as "me trying to convince him of something". i feel i would make it worse. i'm extremely independent, but i need his companionship and him in my future- to love and communicate. how do i remain patient and let him know i'm waiting for him and devoted to him?

thanks for your advice. i've been keeping myself busy, thinking of my future: so-called a list of needs and wants for myself as well as a partner. i used to believe goals and achievements were all i should think about. i want to express all my feelings with this guy and i know in time i will have that chance. do you think it's best that i give him the opportunity to take a stand in our future. usually he only instigates a conversation, but it's usually dropped on my account. now i feel he'll never mention it again. i don't want him to lose faith in me; especially when he can be so pessimistic. i feel i have failed my future with him. how long should i be patient when a day seems to feel like forever. what's the next step? and how do i deal with this waiting?

thanks for your advice. i've been keeping myself busy, thinking of my future: so-called a list of needs and wants for myself as well as a partner. i used to believe goals and achievements were all i should think about. i want to express all my feelings with this guy and i know in time i will have that chance. do you think it's best that i give him the opportunity to take a stand in our future. usually he only instigates a conversation, but it's usually dropped on my account. now i feel he'll never mention it again. i don't want him to lose faith in me; especially when he can be so pessimistic. i feel i have failed my future with him. how long should i be patient when a day seems to feel like forever. what's the next step? and how do i deal with this waiting?

I don't know what to do. I am truly in love with this person. I have never felt the strength to be my own person other than with this man. I have shut myself off from him from time to time because I'm not very good with getting close to men. Due to those actions from me, he fears I will shut myself off again. I don't know how to convince him how stable I want to be with him as well as having a secure future with him. I have been speaking over the phone with him for the past 2 months since we left eachother in Europe. He had to go back to L.A. and I wasn't sure where I would go, but I knew I wanted to go back to the states and earn a living to live with him. Currently I'm living in Florida with hopes he'll ask me to come out and live closer to him. I'm also a very energetic person who has a lot of hope. He can be pessimistic at times; which concerns me. It makes me feel that I will be seen as hopeless to him. I don't know what to do. HELP