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Emmylu

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Everything posted by Emmylu

  1. Emmylu
    Balsa, now that you've got me all curious about this big alarm clock mystery, could you pleeeease ask him so you can come back and tell us the answer? I have the feeling you'll tell us and then we'll all have a good laugh. You know, one time I needed a battery operated alarm clock for travel and a friend brought me one from home the next day. That was all.
  2. Emmylu
    I think you didn't understand that we're trying to steer you away from revenge for your own good. There's no judgement here and I certainly don't think you're mean or anything like that. I believe you that he's done you wrong. But you must understand that sometimes in life, you really have no recourse. You have to accept that you met a bad person. That's all you can do. Moving on and no longer caring what he thinks is your best "revenge".
  3. Emmylu
    Hi, I'm another 30-something poster. I don't have the problem of feeling like I had good opportunities and I blew it. Actually, I don't look back with any regret on any of my past relationships. What I've had to come to realize is that there is a big chance that I will never meet a soulmate in my life. When I was very young I used to assume (why I felt I had any right to assume this, I don't know) that one day I'll meet the right guy. These days, I feel this blessing is only bestowed on the very lucky few. There is always hope of finding true love. But you can't expect you will find your ideal one day and that person also reciprocates. Then the question becomes: do you settle and get married, just to have a family, or do you hold out and keep waiting when there's really no guarantee you'll ever find a soulmate?
  4. Emmylu
    You wrote: "Now that the power has shifted, how do i use this to my advantage?" No, the power has not shifted at all. That phone call was just something casual for him, maybe he called 'cos he was just bored. But his phone call meant a lot for YOU. You're not gonna get your revenge for as long as you still want revenge.
  5. Emmylu
    When I used to be on a dating site, I would only reply to emails that were not form letters (usually very obvious). Men are always trying to improve efficiency by using form letters, but it doesn't always pay off 'cos women can tell when they're just one of a hundred getting the same letter.
  6. Emmylu
    If you've only met and talked three times, then I'd say it's a bit awkward if you're thinking of asking him out on a real date through email. But if you just want to ask him to join you for a work lunch, then the email is fine. Just send him a short message in the morning and ask him if he wants to join you and one or two other people for lunch that day. Keep it casual at first. By the way, one time a co-worker asked me out on a date through email. The funny thing is that I had just spoken to him in the hall way and he didn't say anything, then I get his e-mail 2 minutes later. I didn't bother to reply to the email, I marched down the hall and "confronted" him about it. He reacted like a deer caught in the headlights. But I did go out with him.
  7. Emmylu
    I don't think I can say anything that will help you to trust your husband. All I can say is that you're married to him, so unless you're contemplating divorce, you'll stay with him. So, whether you trust him or not, you're stuck with him for now. Being suspicious of him will not make him any less of a cheater. If he's a cheater, he'll cheat whether you trust him or not. You're stuck with your husband, so you might as well just accept what comes and don't imagine you have control of what other people do.
  8. Emmylu
    Thanks for all the replies so far. Yeah...you guys are right. I have to establish that he is available before I get in any deeper. I just have to think about the best way to phrase my question. One time I tried to start a relationship with a guy, without doing my homework first, and found out later that he is homosexual. Some guys are just really friendly it's hard to tell what's going on.
  9. Emmylu
    I think you should seriously consider getting a car and start driving! You know, there are people whose daily commute to work takes 3 hours. But of course when you're young and you have parental restrictions, there's not much you can do. I used to have a bf who lived 2 hours away and I was seeing him almost every day. Just get in the car and drive. I had another bf who lived in Boston and me in L.A., we still got together a lot just by taking turns getting on these 6 hour flights. One thing that helps ldr's, I think, is to have get togethers planned for some specific date in the near future, 'cos then you both have something to look forward to and not lose hope.
  10. Emmylu
    Don't tell her. But it sounds like you really want to tell her, and you're resisting people's advice here to butt out. If you feel like you have this irresistible urge to tell, then I'd say you're doing this for personal reasons. Not necessarily revenge, but you'd be doing this to satisfy yourself, or as you say, to be able to move on. Done at the expense of hurting her, but in the name of helping her. The more you want to tell her, the more you shouldn't. Just don't do it.
  11. Emmylu
    I totally agree with dannyz4: you should only not trust someone after they've given you reason not to. I had a jealous boyfriend who didn't trust me and suspected me all the time. It felt like a real slap in the face. I did nothing wrong! As if I'm walking out of a store after shopping and the store owner wants to search my pockets just because HE trusts on one. I have never ever even considered cheating on anyone. And with this guy, I felt so insulted and disrespected. As for the other issues. I have had feelings for the brother (and father) of another boyfriend once. I told him so and it didn't bother him. They all kind of looked alike so naturally I was attracted to all of them. But I had no intentions of ever pursuing anything with the brother or father. The bottom line is, you may not be able to control your jealousy, but you can, and must, control the urge to display those negative feelings. That means no interrogations or accusations. She's innocent until proven guilty!
  12. Emmylu
    There's nothing wrong with exchanging pleasantries. You can be shy but don't let things get to the point where she has to carry the whole conversation and you only respond with short answers. I'm sure she's wishing you could just relax. I'll tell you what happened with me and this shy guy who liked me (it was obvious). We went out on two "dates", but the whole time he was so nervous and "into himself" that I really didn't have a good time. So I stopped having contact with him. I'm shy, too, so I know what you might be going through. Just remember that you're still responsible for contributing to the interaction whether you feel comfortable or not. If she puts herself out there on the line, coming over to you and risking rejection, why shouldn't you do the same?
  13. Emmylu
    Hi hubman01, do you mean asking him directly, "Are you single?" ?? Goodness...I'd like to, but I don't think I can manage. Wouldn't men consider that as being too forward?
  14. Emmylu
    Can someone help me with some ideas? I'm trying to get this long-distance relationship started. We met on the plane. He gave me his number and said he'd like to get together again. I felt a great deal of chemistry with this guy. I in turn gave him my number and we parted. (We live in different states) Since then he has called, but I can't tell if he's interested in me romantically or if he's just a friendly guy. He gave me his home phone number along with his cell number and said that I could call him any time. Is it then safe to assume he's single? He asked me if I live alone and I told him yes. I don't know how to find out if HE is single. Should I call him? We live so far apart it's easy to just forget the whole thing. But I'm willing to put in the effort and travel if things develope to that point. In the meantime, I just don't know how to go about finding out if he likes me and if so, how to get something started. I'd appreciate any ideas/advice. (My thanks in advance!) - Emmylu
  15. Emmylu
    You are now putty in her hands. Of course she doesn't miss you. You only miss people when they're not readily available, which you are. All she has to do is pick up the phone. So she can just leave you on the back burner. Does that make her happy? No. She's not getting that giddy excited feeling, that anticipation, nervousness, jubilation and sometimes doubt. You have to make yourself unavailbable to her, so that she'll be forced to face the idea of never seeing you again. Right now, she has not gone through the break up in her mind because you're available to her, so she has not experienced any loss.
  16. Emmylu
    It's possibly that you are sensitive. You say you feel hurt and all that, but you have to objectively ask yourself: is she doing something mean to purposely hurt you, or is she just herself (maybe inconsiderate, but just being herself). If you realize that she's just that way, then you won't feel so hurt.
  17. Emmylu
    Could it be that the "odor" is normal, and you're just new to how girls are down there?
  18. Emmylu
    When a stubborn person encounters another one who's stubborn, he just gets stubborner. In your post, you sounded kind of stubborn, being so opinionated about what he feels and thinks. Anyway, here's something funny, but probably not all that useful. When a mule-handler wants the mule to go forward, he pushed him back and the mule goes forward. Oh, I don't mean to say your ex-bf is like a mule. The tidbit just kind of came to mind - that's all.
  19. Emmylu
    Here's what I think, but I may be totally wrong 'cos I don't know the whole story. I think you two are on different wavelengths when it comes to a gf/bf relationship. You are an "in-your-face" kind of gf, and he's someone who can't take too much of that. Doesn't mean he can't love you, but he can only do it in his own way. When you faught, maybe he felt hunted down at his place and saw a side of you that he didn't like, or lost trust that he'll be safe. Don't write him a letter. If you do, he'll think of it as an "attack". I know it sounds weird 'cos you're only trying to tell him good things and it's only a harmless letter. But to someone who wants a break from any entanglements, it's an attack. I think he still likes you as a person, but he can't handle you as a gf. If you want him back, you have to give him some breathing room first, otherwise he'll continue to resist.
  20. Emmylu
    Nope, nothing you can do. This happens with guys who are extremely inexperienced (at any age). To him, his family is on his side, whereas you're the "project" that his family is helping him with. Oh, you can also tell him that you are discussing him with total strangers on the internet! Hee hee... You know, people are just different. Don't blame him 'cos he didn't do anything wrong. I'm guessing he is Libra, Aquarius, or Sagittarius?
  21. Emmylu
    Let's face it - you don't like other girls. You're more comfortable being with guys. Actually, I also hang out with guys only, and I just don't even try to find girlfriends. I think you want girlfriends because you want a social life away from your husband, and you want girls to hang out with, even though you don't even like them. Guess what: girls know when you think they're "total wimps", even if you didn't say anything to them.
  22. Emmylu
    Was he like that before you got married? Was there ever a time in the past when he really liked sex with you? If yes, then there's something else bothering him, and there's a chance to work it out. If no, then you were not deceived and so you'll just have to accept him the way he is.
  23. Emmylu
    I think you were on to something when you said that you have no support friends. That's really important. You need some social group where you can go and see that your friends are still there, even though she's gone. I have a few suggestions and thoughts for you to consider: 1. Try not to spend too much time alone. Maybe join a sports team. Also, exercise will stimulate certain chemicals in your body and you'll feel better. 2. At least she is not dead, no? Sometimes I do ask people: would you rather see your ex with someone new or killed in a car crash. If you still care about her enough that you want her to live, then give her your blessings and by doing so, you will find some peace. 3. As long as she is alive, there's still hope. Now I'm not saying you should hang on to hope of getting back together with her. If you try that, you'll be even more miserable and it won't work. But it has happened to me where I grief really hard for a long time over a breakup. And then two years later, when I've moved on, the guy tells me he wants to get back together. So I'm thinking to myself: Geez! If I had known that, I wouldn't have felt so sad earlier. Doesn't mean I would have waited two years for him. But I wouldn't have had such a fatalistic view of the situation. 4. This also relates to (3) above: Life is funny - you never know what will happen. Do you believe in fate? Maybe you're meant to marry another girl, whom you have yet to meet. If so, how will that happen, unless the relationship ends with this girl now? If you're destined to marry someone else and have children with her, how will those children get born if you don't move on to your future wife? 5. Life is supposed to have ups and downs. We have sunny days and rainy days. That's the cycle of things all around us. You said you were happy before, so why shouldn't you get some unhappiness for awhile? After you've suffered through this period, things will brighten up again. That all for now. Take Care.
  24. Emmylu
    It just means he really wants to have a girlfriend. Next time he says this, ask him if he so wants to have a g/f that he doesn't care who it is. If he says no, he has preferences, then ask him what he's looking for, what type, etc. If YOU like him, well... maybe he'll say something like "I want a girl like you".
  25. Emmylu
    I think your husband needs to think about things clearly, and then give you an answer. It's possible to forgive and move on after this, but you two really need to talk. He needs to have self-knowledge, and then relate that to you. It seems now he just doesn't want to talk about it at all because he feels guilty and is afraid to face you on this issue. He needs to ask himself why he did it, does he regret it, does he want to save the marriage, will he likely cheat again, if not, how does he know he won't, etc. "I don't know" is not an answer. If he wants to be happy, he needs to know himself well.
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