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Zaphod

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Everything posted by Zaphod

  1. Zaphod
    Oh dear. All you can do is what you can do - things are beyond your control to a point. The only thing I'd do in that situation is try to contact him by whatever means necessary. If you feel that strongly for him, you have to take the risk if you want him back, of laying it on the line and him rejecting you. Seeing as you are the dumper I would say this - if my ex who dumped me a few weeks ago wanted me back, it simply wouldn't do for her to say "Can we get back together" - she would have a lot of explaining to do, and even then I'm not really sure I would take her back to be honest. I think you will have to get yourself in a communicative mood to be honest with him and talk to him about things - how is he to know you're not just gonna dump him again? How does he know that you're sincere this time? You have to communicate these things with him at some point. If he genuinely understands and respects the reason why you finished it, and if you can persuade him that you're "into" him then you've given it a good chance. If then he still rejects you then...... well tough luck, you'll just have to swallow it I'm afraid, it takes two to tango. It might pay to try and find out whetehr he's attached first somehow, I don't know how you'd do that...... Just a personal opinion.
  2. Zaphod
    Yes. Sounds like very mild OCD. Loads of people have it. Either self administered (if you think yer hard enough) or pro administered basic cognitive therapy could do ya good. On the other hand - you could look at it this way: That's just the way the human mind tends to work. You need to basically shift the groove your mind is in - you need something else to worry or think about to put the little thing into perspective.
  3. Zaphod
    Read the "myspace" thread.
  4. Zaphod
    Are you saying you want him back? Why did you split up with him? This is a more uncommon one IMHO - the dumper wants the dumpee back. Hmmmm..... give us more info.
  5. Zaphod
    Hmm..... 3 or 4 days I think IMHO. Just enough to make her miss you, but not enough to make her think you're slack. Just enough not to crowd her and not enough to give her so much space she feels you are distant. 3 or 4 days? Yes IMHO that's probably roughly right for apres first date contact. Maybe 2 days if you're extra keen but then you could be getting into "crowding" grey area.
  6. Zaphod
    Ermm.... that's not good. Being tempted to look stuff up about you on the net and being generally busybody and nosy is one thing, but going through your belongings and making you feel like you have to password protect your computer is not healthy. Well the material future yes, but that's only part of it. Depends who you are and what your priorities are. perhaps he can sense you always presenting your best self and even though it's not fake perhaps he thinks it is? Try him with your bad self, if he rejects it then obviously he can't cope with you like this - raising the question is he the man for you? The physical thing - dunno. Could be his stress. 2 x day/night is pretty heavy if you're not feeling quite up to it due to stress or some other reason...... I'm not trying to say it's all up to you but I can only comment on what YOU should do seeing as he isn't here to present his side of the story. I do think though that if he's pissed off at you, he should just tell you straight rather than beating around the bush trying to hint it.
  7. Zaphod
    Anyone here NOT stalk people on the internet from time to time? The way I look at it is this - stalking is spying on someone's private life. Anything you put on the internet is NOT and I repeat NOT private - unless you password protect it etc. If you check up on ex's, people you know etc. on the internet and are generally nosy about them, it is NOT stalking. You have a perfect legal and moral right to do so, seeing as they put their information up in public in the first place. You are not a stalker if you check up on people, you're just a bit nosy. More fool them for putting the info up in the first place. Whether this is good for your mental health though in recovering from a break up - well that's a different story.
  8. Zaphod
    Well at the end of the day there's a difference between simply talking about it and actually doing it. Talk is cheap. Don't be too pressured. If he seriously wants to marry you, you'll know about it. Can you not put him and school equal first? And if you put school first why should he not put his job first? See what I'm saying? Where do you expect yourself to come in his priority list? You certainly do't want to risk anything in your schooling for him, however if you feel strongly for him then he is also an important part of your life. So long as you can run things without him actually getting in the way of the schooling I see no problem. Just because you go to school more than you see him, doesn't mean you can't prioritise them equally, if you are good at organising your time etc. Also just because he's 29 doesn't put him above being slightly irrational in the name of love etc. etc.
  9. Zaphod
    Up to you - if you make her feel so pressured because of your lack of self control that you lose her then you have learnt something. You need to learn how to play things - it's not a game but you need to learn to pull away a bit from her, give her something to push against, give her some space. You could be pleasantly surprised with the results. Why not back off and give her the steering wheel for a while?
  10. Zaphod
    My g/f dumped me weeks back I think something to do with me under some stress for some months. However - ironically she timed this to almost exactly conicide with some plans that I had been making for a while (that she knew about) - so what's happened is she's dumped me a split second before I became unstressed , so she never gave me a chance to show her what it's like when I'm unstressed. I urge you to give him a chance if you think he will destress a bit as his job levels out. People can't help these life events, however if things even out for him in his new career and he is still being the same then maybe think it's him and not his situation. It's up to you - how much chance you want to give him though. But don't be the poker player who raises and raises on four aces then folds right before the show. That's from a man's point of view similar to that of the situaion of your boyfriend. I am 36 btw. Your boyfriend can send me that tenner later lol
  11. Zaphod
    So was weed once. Weed is only illegal because of ancient racism towards the mexican immigrants from the Americans. They are outdated and drachonian laws. 1 : The number of brain cells that getting stoned once or twice a month would kill is completely and utterly negligible and void compared to the number of brain cells that you actually have. Smoking or drinking every day however is a bit heavier. interesting reading for you : link removed just a normal conversation between some people about it. Don't get me wrong - I'm not actually advocating it's use, or persuading you to try it, but on the other hand don't dismiss it because it's "illegal" (have you broken the speed limit today? How many times?) or because it kills less brain cells than getting drunk. It would be a shame to dismiss it altogether if it worked for you. Speak to some other people about it - see what they say
  12. Zaphod
    I've just had a very similar situation. It's no - win isn't it . Although mine hasn't gravitated towards another fella yet ( to my knowledge) and claims this is the "last thing she's looking for atm" I suspect this is complete b/s and she'll be with someone else within a short period of time. I think it's unfair to not give someone a chance to change then proclaim that your love for them has vanished - it's just not the way to run a successful relationship IMHO. You do actually have to give the other person at least ONE chance to improve.
  13. Zaphod
    I hate it when people make these "rules" for themselves in relationships. What you are now facing is frustration - even if you have changed, she may not recognise it for all you know, or she may not care. However she may do - who knows? You change for your NEXT partner not your ex one. You should be thinking about changing yourself to present to your NEXT partner, not to show the one who hasn't even got the sense to appreciate what she's missing, what she's missing.
  14. Zaphod
    She has a brain and can make her own decisions. She might have been one person once, but is obviously not that person now. Don't survive on just nostalgia. You have to open your eyes and see the situation currently.
  15. Zaphod
    You're contradicting yourself. You seem like you very much DO want to know. Which one is it? I think you ought to take that sentence you've written there and read it ten times, then read it again ten times tomorrow. This is not your problem.
  16. Zaphod
    Sorry forgot - these are excellent too. Anti inflammatory muscle relaxants - just the ticket for you. There ya have it - Weed, Ibuprofen, a good video, time for yourself, a nice cup of coffee, an understanding partner. You're not going to get rid of it per se but you sure can do a few things to ease it. I had gallstones when I was young and was mis diagnosed for a whole year with hepatits B as my stomach pains grew and grew and my family thought I had stomach cancer at the age of 14. I know something about period pains - although not having had them, I was informed that the gallstones pains are the closest a man can get.
  17. Zaphod
    What do you mean - how can you "tone down" perfectionism? Do you mean not be perfectionist abotu so many things, or not expect perfectionism from anything? You will find that if you think about it, what you are saying is not logical IMHO. Please think about it. I nearly - and I say NEARLY became an intolerable perfectionist - I know how you feel. But pure logic dictated to me that I was chasing the sun. And you waste your life doing that. Philosophy was my turning point - THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT. thereforeeee there is no such thing as a perfectionist. You cannot BE a perfectionist as perfection doesn't exist. Unless you think you are God. In which case it's not perfectionism you're suffering from, it's megolomanina. Which I doubt you have. Being somethign that you know does not exist is your way of running away from something else. The fact that what you are aiming for does not exist gives you a very convenient excuse to never stop aiming for it, if you think about the paradox. Have you ever thought that it is the IMPERFECTION in thigns that makes them beautiful. Which would you rather have - real things that are beautiful, or pretend things that don't exist that are perfect? Sorry to approach your emotional problem in a cold logical way , but in the real world I believe even for emotional issues logic is a useful tool. Good luck and keep curvy.
  18. Zaphod
    The words "competition" and "elitist" and "jealousy" stand out to me in this writing. Think about it. And remember - a man likes a few curves.
  19. Zaphod
    1 - you are obviously self aware and have fair warning of this. Try to do something about it. 2 - Try using a mirror and throw the scales out in the rubbish. Stop going on about weight. If you were the nucleus of a black hole you would weigh approximately the same as planet earth, yet only be the size of a football. Erm actually I don't know this as it's only theoretical, but go with it anyway......lol
  20. Zaphod
  21. Zaphod
    Oh another thing while we're on the subject of marriage - Why is it that some non religious people insist on getting married in a Catholic Church under the eyes of God? Never made sense to me..... all seems rather false and contrived. Many of my friends have done this, only to leave us all in the aisles giving each other confused looks as we congratulate them......
  22. Zaphod
    VERY refreshing to hear someone admit reality. Good on you! I just don't understand how in the female's eyes these material things "take things further"? Sure they are lovely things but what about the couple that are penniless, infertile, non religious? How would a couple like this , stripped of these things "take thigns further"? I still think it's social conditioning...... Fair do's I just challenge what people really mean by "Take things further" - in the hope it may help some people, not just to debate. So after you're married with the kids, shared house, marriage certificate, etc. - then how do you "take things further" after that? BTW - I in no way found your post rude, on the contrary it was intelectually stimulating. Say what you want to me, it's all healthy debate! And we all learn something.
  23. Zaphod
    LMFAO!!! Yeah the police are in a good mood though atm because it's the year of the pig! Weed is a known remedy for period stuff. The other one is simply a hot water bottle. I have nursed many women through severe period cramps (one woman I was with had chronic endimetriosis) - a hot water bottle, some good quality weed, and a coffee seem to perk them up a bit! Other than that there's no magical cure. BTW - Yvette - that can't be you in your avatar, surely.
  24. Zaphod
    Why don't you in that case give him the benefit of the doubt and put it down to thoughtlessness? You can always put him on ignore (or whatever) on the myspace thing, or take him off the friends list, or simply ask him not to leave messages. Sounds like thoughtlessness to me, to be honest. Forgivabla I suppose. You could probably pull yourself a more thoughtful bloke though ;0
  25. Zaphod
    Boy this myspace weird stuff sure does cause a lot of grief doesn't it. Does anyone on here NOT have a pointless myspace account (apart from me?)? The days of email, text messages, and myspace accounts - only lead to relationships becoming more complicated. Sorry I don't have any advice, I'm just being a grumpy old git.
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