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Aerozeppelin

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  1. Aerozeppelin
    In case anyone is interested, I have typed up a letter, you can pm me for me to show it to you. Thanks for all the advice everyone, every word of it has really opened up my eyes. I'm glad strangers will tell me like it is because you guys have been there and understand what it's really like, I know he's felt everything you said, it's true and I took that into consideration when writing this letter this time.
  2. Aerozeppelin
    that's great that you realized ,u user name is indeed incorporating two great bands even though it's just one of the band's song name =) I'm 23 and he is focusing on moving to l.a. and getting his acting career going. He's actually moving to the same town that I live in currently, should be interesting. I agree he is worried about getting hurt again and I want to show him with my actions in person that he doesn't need to worry but he won't even see me. I've always said every month that's passed maybe this month he'll contact me, it's already been __ long. So at this point I'm realizing it's close to a year and it just made me discouraged. But if you love someone, you're willing to wait so I'm doing that. I'm afraid to contact him and set myself back so I will try to get my life plans going until he ever decides to contact me.
  3. Aerozeppelin
    I have acknowledged to him that I made a terrible mistake by leaving and that I realize all the hurt it caused him because I started putting myself in his place and it would make me cry. I told him I take all the blame, I told him I'll do anything to get us on track again, that I'll pay for couple's therapy for us, that I've already changed a lot of my ways. I don't want to do NC but I don't want to piss him off by keep telling him the same things over and over about being deeply sorry, knowing I was a terrible person to abandon him like that and wanting to do everything in my power to make everything right again. It's hard to convey over the internet my sorrow and regret but I do feel it or I wouldn't be posting that I'm not able to move on after 9 months. I carry a lot of guilt and I wish he understood how much I love him and how committed I am as a result of this experience to spend the rest of my life with him.
  4. Aerozeppelin
    I sense he feels all of that too. Thanks for the reassuring words that he will always love me, even if it's not true it's nice to hear. I expressed all of my emotions to him as best as I could and it's just been hard knowing it didn't change his mind so that's something I've been learning to deal with.
  5. Aerozeppelin
    Yeah everyone wants and expects me to be over him now and it's just not going to happen soon. He hasn't been dating anyone. I'd know from facebook I'm sure and we have mutual friends who would tell me, especially because they know it would, as you said, help me move on faster. I agree, it would, but yes it would also ruin me emotionally for a while.
  6. Aerozeppelin
    oh and that was the second contact I had with him from the time of the breakup...first being a month after the breakup I feel that I've told him everything already and so nothing I write now will be new from a few months ago, so I think he needs to be the one to say something back and he just hasn't
  7. Aerozeppelin
    last I talked to him face to face was the night of what would have been our 4 year anniversary back in late october the whole thing just turned into him calling me names, accusing me of things left and right and just being sad he got so emotional about it all that he just walked away and that was that all of a sudden, he went to the car and drove away and didn't respond to my phone calls later and so I've taken it as ok fine he needs more time and he's just hurt, I can't accept after so long together and being as close as we were that this is the end of it all, it doesn't seem real
  8. Aerozeppelin
    And I'm not that stupid, I realize hey it's been a while, yeah maybe he is just completely over you, so that's why I made this thread after you've realized your mistakes and tried so hard to get back together and nothing's happened, how do you accept it? how do you begin to tell yourself that you will love again? things like that
  9. Aerozeppelin
    I think his behavior is childish because I feel that he still loves me but is trying to punish me or something. I know you're going to ask how I know he loves me but I just feel it. I'm not expecting him to talk to me because I've changed my mind, but I know that if he gave me the chance to explain things better we could try things again.
  10. Aerozeppelin
    I know that this message board is usually very harsh on a dumper because a lot of people come here having been dumped but I loved him very much and I have spent a lot of time questioning why I left to begin with and admitted all of that to him. I've suffered a lot of agony and guilt for leaving and wanted to work things out in as little time as a month later. His rejection has in essense made ME the dumpee now. I have felt like he dumped me for 8 months now. I understand what you are trying to say about how it makes someone feel when you break up with them. I want you to know that I have spent a long time feeling bad about breaking up in the first place so there's virtually nothing you can say to me that I haven't already said to myself and felt depressed about. I appreciate the bluntness but please let's keep the attacking to a minimum because it was already hard for me to make a thread about this and now I feel like shying away from the board.
  11. Aerozeppelin
    ouch well he put all the blame on me for the relationship going sour and has refused to sit down and have a civilized conversation about what happened because as far as he's concerned, it was all my fault anyway, nothing to discuss and even when I sincerely apologized and said to him ok fine, I do take the blame and I want so hard to try to work things out with him again he just is acting like a kid giving me the silent treatment thereforeeee why I see him as immature in all this
  12. Aerozeppelin
    thanks for the advice you guys, boston23 is actually dead-on with some things he/she said and even had me questioning for a second if the person knows me...just wow I love how insightful everyone is on the board and it gets me thinking all the time I've decided to continue NC until he ever wants to contact me himself because I feel like any attempts by me will be ignored. If he's ready, he'll show me by contacting me. I feel like by the time he does, I've harbored a lot of resentment though for putting me through this emotional wreckage by not forgiving me. The ex is seeming more and more immature to me when I think about it and I think it is really true that I felt the relationship couldn't continue at that point, I had an overwhelming sense of wanting to get away. I hope you keep the posts coming, everyone, gives me info to stew on.
  13. Aerozeppelin
    I'm sorry but I don't really want to talk about details of why we broke up, I just really need advice on how you admit to yourself it's done and move on. The fact of the matter now is it's been 9 months apart and he hasn't shown me any signs yet of missing me and won't talk to me. So of course a normal person would consider it completely over and move on but I just feel deep in my gut that it's not over, that I just need to give him more time. I never knew how much emotional damage all of this would cause me. Sometimes I wonder how I will ever be happy again.
  14. Aerozeppelin
    Yes, I want him back. I split because I needed time apart to figure out things and we were in a time of transition after graduating college, there were various stresses. I wanted time apart to just think but he said if I move out then he's considering it over and I still left because I really wanted the time to myself. After just a month apart I wanted to talk to him and rehash but he wouldn't hear me out at all. He was too angry and it's just stayed that way with him ignoring me ever since. I've been putting myself down every day for impulsively leaving him like that. Together for 3.5 years by the way.
  15. Aerozeppelin
    It's been 9 months since my breakup and from the first day of my breakup No Contact was initiated. I'm still not healing, I'm still not over it, I still can't accept it and I still want him back. I've already done therapy and read all these books about healing, I've tried to exercise, see friends, etc. I still miss him and I still want him back in my life. I don't feel like I'll ever heal until he comes back. He hates me for breaking up with him in the first place (this guy has a lot of pride btw and is really really stubborn) and won't talk to me but I feel like he's hurt and needs time but it's been 9 months now. I must be in denial. How do I move on???? "The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you."
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