desertnomad

I hear you on that one deserted..I live a few hours from disneyland and thats probably the only thing I would be able to think about... my ex and the last time we went there. Wow was I clueless though as to who I was with and what she was gonna do to us just a couple weeks later. That is the thing thats gonna save me in the long run. Thinking about her actions in the end and afterwards. Better sooner than later I guess. But it does really stink being alone and missing what you had or thought you had

The actions of cheating are soley on the person who cheats. There is no excuse for that. Maybe its just a matter of picking better women to be with. My ex cheated on me also and theres no excuse for what she did. Hang in there.

Hi John, I took welbutrin also a few years back. It does take a while maybe couple weeks to kick in but depends on the person. If it doesnt work as much as you like your doctor can always combine it with another. I took Remeron in addition to it and that really packs a punch. Although you tend to want to eat alot and have colorful dreams at night. Hang in there. After my ex left me 5 months ago after 4 years I can really relate to some of the things your going through. I didnt want anyone else and still to some extent feel the same and cant believe what went on. She to was so cold and mean to me after she left without even saying a word for a month. I can tell you this that while you will be on this roller coaster of emotion for a long time perhaps, the intensity of the emotions definetly gets less and less so that at least you are able to function. I replaced my ex a little bit with a new camera and take it with me wherever I go. I have gotten pretty good at photography. Maybe theres something you can partly replace yours with. Just a thought.

I am struggling with feeling a bit of guilt lately about some things that I may have said in a past relationship. My ex blames me for everything and I know that a few things she said are true. There were a few times, not many, but a few when after an argument got heated I called her a name. Its not something I think to do ever but when things got crazy there were a couple times that it came out. In the last full year of our relationship that occurred only once. Things were much better the final year for us. And not that she wasn't guilty of it either. Its just that shes justifying everything shes done (leaving, cheating, lying) because I called her a few names or had some crazy fights the first couple years of our 4 yr relationship. There were a few times also towards the beginning when some other crazy stuff went on like a few special things got tossed out. There was never any abuse on either of our parts outside of the verbal stuff. I know I am 100% responsible for my behavior and I feel guilty looking back thinking I may have caused all this as she claims. I was totally committed to her and still feel disappointed in myself for some of the less than stellar behavior at times on my part. Even though in the end she cheated and was the one that was horrible to me and continues to be so 5 months later. Is it possible for a few things said a year before or years before to be what causes a breakup even after things had genuinely improved on a daily basis for almost a year? Or do people need to forgive?

Wow your ex is acting incredibly selfish. Hard to believe anyone would put their own kids through all of this. Some kind of serious stupid attack on his part. Its obvious by his actions its all about him in his mind and the world revolves around him. If it wasnt he would be more thoughtful about his childrens emotions. Hang in there Kath.

haha ok I will...

thanks...she was my exgirlfriend only but it doesnt matter at this point

I will be doing that tomorrow. I have a few already and will be purchasing another tomorrow.

Some of you may know my story. But short of it is ex ran off with another man in June after four years together. She left some money behind so I could pay bills. I posted a thread couple weeks back about her demaniding some of the money back but there really isnt anything after all of our credit bills on my cards are paid off. In addition to the guy she ran off with she had made friends unbeknownst to me online with some crazy and violent (I think) truck driver online. Out of the blue this guy who I dont even know but had received some IM's from before defending her, emails me and says hes been talking to her and shes saying I am not doing what I am 'supposed' to. He basically threatened to come to my apt home and deal with it himself. Saying he has done this kind of work before. He is driving through the area in two weeks. She gave him my name, my email, and my address! Although I moved apts. and dont think she has the new apt. I know hes violent and always brags about carrying knives. Just need some advice. And wanted to post this here as a record of whats going on in case I have to defend myself.

Glad to hear your doing much better. 8)

Good Post Jules, I feel the same way about my ex who walked out on me without warning one day. She was a liar and her problems are all her own though she continues to try and blame me for them. Take Care

Regardless of what 'state of mind' a person is in they are still responsible for their behavior unless they are certifiably insane. She is not even worthy of his tears at this point.

Yeah I agree about the whole changing identity thing. Or maybe it was lurking there beneath the surface the whole time. My ex claimed I was suspicious or untrusting but she was talking to the other guy for 6+ months behind my back with a cell phone I didnt even know about. Guess you would call that gut instinct on my part when I thought something might be wrong not suspicion. I moved here from Michigan last year so anything above 50 is still pretty toasty for me 8)

Rejection is definetly one of the worst pains and feelings anyone can experience. With physical pain like a broken leg you can point to it and know that it hurts at that spot. With rejection it just sort of hurts all over and theres no way to pinpoint it. Physcial pain also has a specific timeline for healing a doctor can tell you give or take some days but healing from rejection has no specific timeline that anyone can give you. I would much rather have the physical pain than the emotional. Hang in there

Yeah your situation is definetly real tough. I have gone through a similiar thing the last 4 months. While the ex was out with the OM for almost 2 months not working and living her fantasy life I was here struggling to go to work everyday. I definetly can relate to that feeling of being a ghost and I certainly wouldnt want to be living in a cold weather state either...that can make it seem even worse. Definetly know that one day the worm will turn and that your ex will have to face reality again also and the day to day daily grind in some way shape or form. You will be a different better person ...she will be the same. Lucky her (not) Posting in here and reading others peoples stories has definetly helped me. Thats one bit of advice I can give you.

thanks for posting it Jules, is very helpful

Male, D not into that for sure

Yeah it hurts real bad. And it will continue to hurt at times for quite a while. I guess its a matter of learning to live with that pain and realizing it reminds you that you are alive. Even though there are much better feelings we would rather have. I still have my seriously bad moments 4 months later after my ex of 4 years ran off with someone. Again its all about what people do and not what they say or appear to be. "What you do speaks so loudly I cant even hear what you say". That quote always reminds me to try and look at the reality of the relationship and not what I thought or hoped I had. Hang in there

hahaha, well she wasnt always horrible but she obviously had it in her and decided thats the way she wants to behave.

lol funny post Jordan thanks for the comments raykay... she is being an angry crazy person, I was reminded that she has 20k at her disposal of her own money this very minute if she wants to use it.

On an interesting side note..in her goodbye letter 4 months ago she even states that she will have her sister pay for the credit card that is now in collections. She knew then she owed. guess she was having to much fun to be responsible.

Thanks for the feedback..not much into tea but might grab a beer later 8) She did support me some for a couple years yes for sure. I was in grad school and couldnt find a steady job. I had moved to her state of michigan to be with her and there was no jobs. So in a sense I moved for us and it was a bad decision to move before realizing the economy was in such bad shape up there at the time. I couldnt make alot of money for two years but did what I could up there. We moved to AZ and both got jobs. I always told her I was working toward the point with my new career that if she wanted to take time off and focus on her hobbies then I could support us and that would be fine with me. It was totally up to her. Thats what I wanted to do for her. She cheated on me and was horrible to me. We hadnt even been fighting. She left me with my credit card bills which were as much as hers. In fact most of the balances on mine were transfers from her cards. I had lower interest rates. I wanted to do my part wherever I could and transferring her balances to mine I thought would show her I was committed to us not using her in some way. I dont feel obligated to pay her balances on her credit cards. This is a result of her actions of lying and choosing to be an awful human being.

I got a call today for my ex from a collection agency. I dont know why they called me or what it was about but I took the information and emailed the ex the information. My story in short my ex of four years left me in June for someone else. Left me with just a note nothing else and wouldnt talk to me on email for two weeks or by phone for a month. I didnt even know there was someone else. Well I managed the credit cards because she wasnt good at it. She even told me in her 'goodbye' note thank you for managing them and helping our credit so much because she wasnt good at it and would have never been able to do what I did. Now she is claiming I was controlling which is far from the truth. After she left she asked me for credit card info. of hers that I would pay on though I had told her often when she was here what credit cards she owed. Five weeks after she left I sent a message to her part of this was about the two credit cards she owed here it is "I think the only credit cards I paid for you that were just yours were household bank and citibank so you might want to call them. if you havent paid them then they are obviously overdue." Well she glossed over that message and apparently never read that part even though the message was title "important information for you" I knew a little later on she hadnt paid it yet but I was threatened the very next day by her new friend with legal action if I ever contacted her again. So I let it go I had done my job. Today she is raging at me that I owe her for her credit card payments since I never told her and saying a bunch of other really nasty stuff. I will put up some of the email. She is the one that cheated on me and left. Just need some advice. Sorry if this is long. "First of all I want to THANK YOU for being an ******* and never responded to my repeated questions about telling my what credit cards I had outstanding so I can take over paying them. Thank you so ****ing much! You knew you paid all the ****ing bills. You knew I had no idea what was out there! And I ****ing asked you how many times to share that info with me,...but you never did................for all the ****ing things I've done for you financially over he course of our relationship this is how you thank me? I had no idea my citibank account had an outstanding balance. I don't even have the ****ing card anymore. That is the account they are calling about. They want me to pay $997 by the 27th or else my credit is ****ed up. You OWE me for all the years that I supported you financially. YOU OWE ME for not ****ing telling me what my obligations where because you were too ****ing controling to let me manage my own finances. YOU ****ING OWE ME! I am demanding $997 PLUS the $200 for the Roomstore. Let's see I left you nearly ****ing grand. And I've paid how many thousands of your bills while you weren't working? WELL I think you sending me $1197 is not too much to ask for. I swear if you don't send me the money I'll curse you and every generation of your family until the end of time. Believe me your karma is bad enough as it is. Don't make it any worst. Sometimes YOU need to do what's RIGHT, what is right is that YOU NEED TO DO RIGHT BY ME!!!!!!!!!!! Don't ****ing whine to me about how you can't make ends meet and short on money.....I left you all that ****ing money! I'm only asking for what is rightfully mine! DO RIGHT BY ME OR ELSE YOU WILL NEVER KNOW PEACE now or ever.

If it was me I would remove myself from the temptation because cheating in the end will always come back to haunt you.

Dont cheat on your wife, nothing else to it.