desertnomad

I can relate to that. this morning was hell for me. Its hard waking up alone. it gets a little better when you get to work.

yeah I agree I dont need that drama. We couldnt just have a simple argument or fight and then make up it had to be the end of the world even though we didnt fight often. She would always bring up everthing from the past to bury me with and thats always a bad sign they say. Forget makeup sex with someone whos not ever willing to see their part or make up.

I hear ya. It is awful for sure. the worst thing is all the memories of the great times and you think how the hell could we have broken up after sharing memories like that..it helps to talk thats all i have discovered

When I read your posts it seems like I am reading my very own thoughts in a way. I beat myself up to for many weeks and still do. I agree this other guy totally played with her mind and twisted everything around to her and his benefit. A decent person wouldnt have done that. Same thing happened to me and I see his posts on another website about how awful her ex was even though he doesnt mention me specifically. What he says and what she says now are completely false about me and our relationship. yea we had issues but nothing out of the ordinary that couldnt be worked out. The blaming the other person for everything is just totally lame. And who doesnt get moody and stressed? The thing I cant understand is how someone can be so double minded. Saying one week they are going to marry you and the next week leave. In her goodbye note my ex told me she wanted to have kids with me so badly and wanted to give me the family I never had. The night before she told me she wanted us to be a stronger family me, her and her daughter. I said ok great we should work on communicating better with each other then. Didnt get a response to that and the next day she left.

I agree with Heartache about the honeymoon feelings disappearing then getting a bit of attention from someone and feeling those butterflies again. It is especially tough with the internet where its easy to develop ties with someone and all boundaries seem to get crossed instantly. My ex couldnt stop talking to guys on the internet and in the end it helped to destroy us. It gave her that extra attention she craved and he made the grass seemer greener on the other side. In my case I was fighting and invisible foe and had no clue about it. if you have someone elses shoulder to cry on you wont put as much effort into the relationship you have.

Funny thing is in one email she told me that one day I would wonder why I was ever with her...I cant help but keep blaming myself because a year ago and a couple times before that I had called her a couple names in a few fights we had but nothing in the last year when things stabled out much more or so I thought. but she kept bringing up that and all the things I had done wrong even though she gave out as good as she got. She claimed the guy was just a friend and was mad at me for thinking she was screwing someone else and that I couldnt see 'past my own eyelashes' but what else was I too think? She left with him and went on a roadtrip with him. At best it was emotional cheating on me for many months. I never cheated on her and was totally committed to her. I would have gone to counseling or done anythign to save us and told her so but she just left. She didnt necessarily treat me like crap when we were spending time together but she always had this other side to her when she was at work and had this attitude like 'what happens at work (or on the internet) stays at work. I had trust issues with her with the internet or at work because she had lied to me before about several things one major thing with another guy. I did forgive and forget but then she did it again. She had two distinct personalities to her and it seemed like she was being phony for a long time with me. She has shown her true colors at least her bad side.Thanks for your comments it really helps.

This was my second time also with some other harsh breakups in between. A friend asked me why do I always pick the same time of women? And I dont know what the answer is. That definition of insanity keeps running through my head... Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I can see similarities between all my relationships. I am getting help for myself so that I am healthy so I can learn to recognize the healthy people to be with. that doesnt excuse other people for their actions and abandoning people they claim to love. some people are just serial abandoners like my ex..this wasnt her first time leaving someone like that. But I still want to be with someone I just want to be healthier so I pick better. Sometimes though I just want to give up on everything.

Hi and welcome to ena. Your story is absolutely so similiar to mine in alot of ways. I just posted my first post a few days ago on here. My ex broke up with me after 3.5 years in late June. We had moved accross country together and things were going better than they had been. She meant eveything to me and I planned on spending the rest of my life with her. We had been looking for a house to buy and had just gone to disneyland and had a great time. She bailed all of the sudden just like yours and started NC. I found out later she met someone on the internet and went off on a road trip with him the day she left me! You can read my post if you want more details. Like you I have been a mess. I actually lost 30 pounds in 6 weeks and everything your describing is very familiar to me as far as not sleeping. I too had my doubts about her honesty and committment but of course I just pushed them aside and never thought she could do this to me. Its funny how we ignore the nagging little doubts and think its just us but in the end we should have been a bit more careful. You sounded like you treated her great. I made mistakes with my ex in previous years but loved her alot and told her that twice everyday. What you want is a women who will stay with you despite anything (outside of abuse of course) just because she loves you. yeah women want stability but you were on your way and it takes time. Just like my ex she needed some more things to improve between us but you dont just bail on people it takes time. Seems like me and you both overestimated our ex's and their ability to be strong. I know how you feel about being a shell. I have been like a ghost of my previous self just going through the motions of life not really caring to much wishing some days it would all just end. The only comfort I have found is in talking to people I know like family. But the real comfort I look for some days ...from her...I know will never happen. Hang in there I know its tough as hell. Its funny I was working full time and going to grad. school also which I thought would mean something to her but it didnt at all apparently even after graduating.

That is the toughest part that someone could so easily throw away all the plans and experiences the two of you worked so hard on and put alot of efffort into. Part of me still thinks I would take my ex back despite her behavior and her cheating on me but then I know that somewhere down the line as we settled back into a life together trust might be a real issue. She had told me she could never live it down with me and I would never trust her again thats one reason she could never come back. In your case he might not be with someone else but the breaking up would definetly be on your mind unless he gave you some valid reason. I think alot of relationships go through at least one breakup and its important to play it right when your going through it...like no contact etc. Me and my ex were joined at the hip also and didnt fight much but there were alot of issues beneath the surface that just werent talked about. Its hard to say whats more healing when thinking about your ex. I dont really think you can help thinking negatively or positively...both thoughts seem to happen and can swing wildly from one to the other in my experience. It does help to talk about it though with other people. People who do suddenly breakoff a relationship like your ex or my ex are being very selfish though and cold and I still cant understand someone you spend so much time with and make so many plans and memories with just turning off like that and treating the other like they do.

I will try out some of those places. Sometimes I dont even feel like going out anywhere just sleeping. She actually emailed me a little while ago and asked me for some money to help her with an apt. She left me most of our money when she left cuz she made more than me and I might not be able to afford the lease and bills we had. But then she changed her mind I guess after her summer of fun and running up her credit card bills. Because I didnt respond to her demand for money quick enough she fired off some really nasty emails about seeing my true colors and how thats ok it was worth giving up any money to see that..then she said to have a nice life and never to contact her again a message that was further reinforced by a nasty email from her new 'friend'. Thanks for the tips on the clubs.

I totally understand about the tears welling up. One minute you feel better and feel strong the next minute its like the world has come to an end. With my ex we did so much together we would laugh at how much we had done in the four years we were together and why we were probably so tired all the time. We talked about this just the week before she left. We had just gon to disneyland the week before and had a great time. Everywhere I go around town or anywhere theres memories of me and her. There are some places I thought I could never go back to like our favorite restuarant or lake park because it was so special to me and I thought...to her. But I have been able to go to a few places on my own and found that it wasnt as hard as I thought. Now, I dont think about those places as much as I did before. Your relationship breakup just happened and maybe things will turn out differently for you and him. Its not easy..I have walked around like some ghost for 6 weeks waiting for her to come back and breathe life into me and us but its not going to happen for me..she had someone else on the internet that came to meet her the day she left. Sometimes I think death would have been easier to accept because there is nothing you can do about that but for someone to actually give you this much pain on purpose is sometimes hard to take. But they are not thinking about you or the two of you only themselves. It is their right of course but I dont know how people can be so cold hearted to one another some times. Hang in there.

I really feel for you Colly. My exgf of 4 years left 6 weeks ago pretty much the same way. We had our disagreements and issues but so many fun and great times also. We had just gone out looking for a house to buy. She left me a note one day and refused to talk to me or email me for weeks. When she finally did she blamed me for everything. But like in your relationship during the arguments she gave as good as she got also. I understand the hurt because she left and had time to 'let go' before she left while I was still there but I have had to let go all on my own. She was angry with me for all kinds of stuff and just couldnt see past that. Keeping busy does help but it doesnt take away the horrible pain and agony that you feel sometimes from the rejection and abandonment. Maybe time will numb that I dont know. If someone doesnt want to be mature about something theres nothing you can do about it just be mature yourself and maybe they will come around one day. But even if they didnt at least you still have your dignity right? I know thats hard because I must have bombarded my ex with a hundred emails wanting to know why? and why now? and what did I do? Ive lost 30+ pounds in six weeks but its a little easier to eat these days. I understand about losing faith in life because she was my everything and every day I thought to myself how I never wanted to lose her. Just wanted to let you know your not alone here

Thanks for the reply Shamus. I actually work in Scottsdale and have heard about the bars and clubs but have not actually gotten to one yet. Your right I did want her back badly despite all that she did. Part of me thinks I could have forgiven her and wants to excuse her actions which she justified by blaming me for everything and then part of me realizes why the hell would I want someone back who would be as callous as she was towards me. She said she did nothing wrong and had nothing that needed to be forgiven and has no regrets.She had no emotion at all towards me after she left and I thought we were much better than that.

I have been reading the posts on here for about a week and decided to finally post my sad story about being left after a long term relationship. I just could use a little support. My girlfriend and I had moved to Arizona about a year ago from Michigan. Times were rocky there but we still managed to stay together and make alot of good memories. After we had moved here last year things stabled out quite a bit we both had good jobs and this summer were looking for a house to buy. Yeah we had issues like communication problems and occasional arguments but not all out fights except for one about six months ago. I thought we were committed though despite those issues. We did everything together and made tons of memories here. In June we went to disneyland and the beach and had a great time without a single argument. A few weeks after that she left work early one day on a Friday and when I got home all that was left was a note. She was going back to live with family in another state. She wouldnt answer her cell phone or respond to any email messages. I didnt get a response for two weeks on email and when she finally did turn the phone on she wouldnt answer and then would turn it off if I called. For weeks I didnt know if she was even ok...which was equally as hard because I always looked out for her. I found out a few weeks after she left she was not even in the state her family was in and then I found out later she had met a guy from an art site online who came here from another state and hooked up with her the very day she left me! She had been talking to him for many months here behind my back and even had a cell phone I didnt know about. She of course claimed he was 'just a friend' but now I see them posting love yous on the art site to each other. I thought she was my best friend. We did everything together and had so much fun. After she left when we finally did talk she would blame me for everything even stuff that I know I wasnt responsible for. I readily admit my mistakes but it really wasnt so bad here not for either of us. She abandoned me and betrayed me and tossed me aside like I was nothing. We did and had all the 'special' little things two people have. Its been over six weeks and every place around here is another place we went to that reminds me of us. Its one thing for someone to leave and need space ...to lie and go off with someone else and not even care about the other persons feelings after four years seems extremely cold hearted. She said I didnt trust her but I know I did because I could never feel so betrayed if I hadnt trusted her. I planned on being with her without a doubt for the rest of my life. Yes I had complaints about her but I accepted her despite those. She obviously didnt accept me for all my shortcomings. I know noone here at all. She and her daughter were my family. How do you get over this?