desertnomad

Hi TBD Glad to hear your doing good. Thats cool you have someone to at least hang out with. I have my moments still but keep busy with my photography some, even though there are still a few tears now and then. Hopefully I can turn things around here completely. It does hurt that someone can turn you off so completely after 3.5 years but they still have to deal with the loss themselves theres no escaping that. Your right all those memories of the ex real or imagined positive or negative have to be turned off or tuned out. Take Care

I agree with Orlander that was a great post. I have read it many times already.

This is a favorite old song of mine in a perfect world it would never end like this there'd be something we could do in a perfect world lovers wake up with a kiss and their wishes all come true but here we are i thought you belonged to me it seemed like the perfect arrangement ain't it funny when you find how wrong you can be oh this ain't no perfect world i've got my problems no this ain't no perfect world you've got your problems too now what do we do in a perfect world i'd have been the boy you need i'd have been somebody else in a perfect world you'd have been the girl for me you could have been yourself we're dying for love but we're afraid to drop our guard we're lost in a world gone crazy where the men won't grow up and the women get so hard i don't know if we'll wind up friends i don't know if we'll wind up strangers cause i've never had to walk away from anybody i wanted as much as I wanted you Tonio K Perfect World

Welcome to ena also deputyrandee. yeah my ex said she needed to have 'me' time right now and to find herself. Of course she didnt know I knew she left with someone else and was there most of the summer. I guess theres another definition of me time I didnt know about. Its pretty much the same as your ex saying he needed time to work on himself. Its all a bunch of filler. Like when they say they will always be your friend or buddy or care about you or say a little prayer for you everyday like my ex of 4 years told me in her goodbye letter. Your right they are just being 'nice'.

Hi Guitarman, Welcome aboard. Yeah I had those same problems. I lost 35 lbs. in 5 weeks cause I couldnt eat a thing. but the apetite will come back I guarantee you that. Although some days I still dont feel like eating. Sleeping is another thing that is affected. For me I would sleep but not very good and would wake up alot and never feel rested. Fortunately for me I did not dream about my ex at all. Why that is this time I just dont know. Maybe someone up there having a little mercy on me. About the going nuts thing...yeah I felt like I just wanted to jump out of my skin many times. I just couldnt accept what had happened and after two months it is still hard some moments although I dont feel quite as crazy now about it just generally sad. My ex left to be with someone else for the summer although she is not with him right now anymore. It made me angry to think she was with someone else and that kind of carried me along some hours in the day. I mean if she could just leave me after 4 years and hook up with someone else in another state right away what does that say for who she is? But I was more upset that she just wasnt with me not that she was with someone else. I thought we had a lifetime together. We are both in our thirties and I expected her to be my family forever. Aint it funny and sad when you find out how wrong you can be?

I know your right LS. It is hard to see the forest for the trees when 10+years of effort between two women all ended up in nothing. I have yet to meet a woman who asks for nothing in return except that I return her love. That would be pretty amazing to find. I just dont think its out there. I loved my ex to death and she never returned that. Only in some functional way but never in a real emotional way. I hope the best times are yet to come and I hope I can get unstuck from this place I am at. Why dont they teach these 'lessons' in the classroom it would be so much less painful? Thanks LS

Yeah same here Lone my best times I had were with my ex and some of my worst times were with my ex. I dont know but at this point I pretty much think all people (and in my case women) stink. I mean what are they looking for? I was working so hard here to build a foundation for us to buy a home and have a future and my ex just pissed it all away. My exwife though she would have never left me ( a trait I realize should not be easily overlooked nowadays) acted like I never did enough for her or us even though I worked my * * * of. I mean I am honest, caring, committed and loyal. I have a masters degree (even though I dont make alot of money right now)and will work my * * * off to improve our life. I took my ex places she had never even heard of and we had great fun. But its always like oh my god wait...hes not perfect. He has his flaws and they can be...so annoying some times. Then they start to look around for the next best thing or treat you like your less than them because you are oh so imperfect. Am I sounding cynical? I know I am. None of us deserved this s**t but then if being imperfect is gonna get you rejected because people can only accept the best of you whats the point in even trying? I am ten times the person I was 10 years ago but...I am still the same person. So why bother to improve? You just end up with nothing in the end anyways. I guess it does pass the time. My ex didnt appear to be selfish on the surface but only a selfish person inside could have done what she did. She was being so giving so that in her mind she could justify anything she did because she had 'given her all' Thats not being giving thats just keeping score. Sometimes I miss her like this morning I looked on the bed for the towel and thought is that my shower towel or is it hers? Then I realized what I had thought and it was real tough. I am tired of being back at Square One all the time.

This holiday weekend gonna be tough for me and the move on train. It will be a year since me and the ex and her daughter took our first day trip to Sedona which is not to far from where I live. It was such a fun day and I was about the happiest I can remember. She was happy to or so it seemed. I cant believe its been a year already. God I would have never believed a year later I would be sitting here alone with so much pain. and her several months gone. Seems like in my life the happy times always disappear and go back to being alone. I have been missing her something awful this past week I dont know why. It is hard for me to comprehend still her throwing everything we had away and partly for a relationship that appears to maybe have ended already. I am trying to stay focused on the fact that shes the one that left and was unfaithful and dishonest that is why we are not together. Hope everyone is doing ok today.

Had a few tears this morning over her. Theres still some stuff of hers in the apt. I got rid of most of those special things though. Its not really the stuff that bothers me though its just still the loss of someone so special to me. Man there wasnt a day that went by that I didnt tell her I loved her. And really meant it. Yeah I was moody and negative sometimes about life and I am sure that was hard to be around. But I was always positive about our future. Just venting some more. Days off of work are the hardest.

Welcome aboard ThatsBS 8)

Number 10 is the best I think. Its great to have a dog to keep you company especially during a break up. I was able to lose those pesky 30 pounds 8). Good to hear your having a better day mbinsf

Signs of Life is a good song with great lyrics by Journey a few years ago.

yeah your right its no win for me either she will be mad at me like you say for invading her privacy or she will be mad at me for not telling her about it again and again earlier on or she will be mad at me for not paying the bills since she left me money. shes a mortgage person she knows all about pulling credit reports etc to check on your credit and bills.

Yeah I know it is the codependancy thing. I did tell her in an email a month ago. It was a long email so maybe she didnt see it. Its just sad though. Us working so hard for 4 years to build a life and then poof she destroys everything.

That I know all to well. I lost a house in a divorce that is now worth over 4 times what I paid for it not all that long ago. I guess I have a history of stupid relationships not that I didnt make plenty of mistakes. I just need to be smarter and choose better. I dont know why I jump at the first thing that comes my way.

I agree Lone I am wondering why I even care about it at this point. Probably still not over blaming myself and this is just another thing.

thanks for the advice shes2smart and everyone. I will wash my hands of it. We lived together for almost 4 years and we were intent on buying a house together and paying off our credit cards for which she seemed to want to have help in sorting through. For the first year I couldnt get a steady job in the state we lived in and I wanted to help out with finanaces in whatever way I could. it wasnt controlling in this case. I talked to her about every transaction concering her stuff and if she wanted to do something else or agreed with it. But I agree its tough enough keeping track of my stuff and that just isnt a responsibility I want ever again. Didnt seem to help in the end anyways. Just a whole lot of work for nothing.

I agree its about letting go. I dont get upset as much anymore just on my days off when there are stretches of hours of being alone. Life is so short didnt think I would have to spend more time getting over something like this again. Just sux.

Well thats what I think Ballys except that she had lost the card long time before she left here and probably doesnt even know she has it except for the email telling her that.

shes an ex girlfriend of 4yrs

Well It wasnt a control thing with me she was just horrible at budgeting and paying bills off and in her goodbye note she told me she was greatful for how I had built up her credit. Now its screwed. I dont know what I can do though. I guess I can forward the email I sent her a month ago which told her to call those banks.

Some things have gotten better thats for sure. I do understand reality and am trying to accept it. I have gone out and done quite a few things like going to clubs with a few friends and buying a sweet digital camera. Only thing I have had hard time doing is stop the blaming myself and feeling so responsible for her life and choices. Shes had it tough to thats no doubt but she just made it a whole lot tougher on her and me. I know without a doubt I loved her to death and will never comprehend her leaving. *still on the move on train*Door number two for me also please

No its not linked to my credit at all. I just feel bad despite what she did. I looked out for her and our finances. Shes had a tough life to and it just sux to see her good credit go down the drain which we were applauding each other for the week before she seemed to have lost her mind. I still do feel responsible even though I know I am not. she left me all of our cash and I would pay it online but then I dont have permission now to do anything with any of her credit cards since we are no longer together

I have a question with something I am dealing with. I used to manage all the credit card bills for me and my ex. I paid them all and kept track of them. The ex up and left without getting that info. A few weeks after she would email me and ask for the credit card info that was hers. Of course I wanted her to call and ask for it since the way she left really screwed me without any notice and maybe I was also trying to get back together with her some way and thought I could if we just had the chance to talk on the phone. After it was obvious she wasnt coming back in late July I sent her a final email letter to let her know the two cards of hers I always kept track of and paid for her. We worked really hard on our credit and making it much better and paying down our bills. Even though when she left she proceeded to run up several thousands in more credit card debt in the next few weeks. She had paid one card but the other one hasnt been paid in over two months. her credit for which I worked so hard to help improve is going to be screwed. I still feel responsible even though I told her the end of july she should call Bank A and Bank B if she hasnt paid those cards. I know the card she hasnt paid she doesnt actually have the credit card so maybe she didnt read my email well enough and doesnt know she owes. I want to send her an email but after my last email her new 'friend' sent me a nasty email and threatened me with harassment so I havent sent anymore. Why do I feel responsible? Should I say anything? The one thing me and her had left after all she threw away was our good credit. now she wont even have that.

I pretty much have given up on ever finding anyone else. I am no ladys man thats for sure so I think my ex was my last shot no matter how illogical that may sounds. I know my life. Its never been easy. Glad to hear your doing better TBD