desertnomad

Sorry to hear about your laptop MB god that really sux! Thats the last thing you need right now ...any bad luck. Hopefully it is covered. Breakups or another loss are the most exhausting thing anyone can go through I think. I would rather work 70 hour weeks then go through a breakup.

yeah your right noone is worth dying for...Funny the only times I felt suicidal were with my ex wife and my current ex...lol maybe that was a sign. Didnt do anything really just felt so backed into a corner that I didnt know what to do. But that was a couple years ago with the current ex when things were rocky due to some bad circumstances. She kind of used it against me to claiming I was crazy because I felt that way even though she was being incredibly mean. Oh well gonna do my best to focus straight ahead. the mornings are hell but the day gets better at work with people I know.

Hey Lone ...sorry to hear about your annoying friend...its tough enough being with annoying coworkers but when they are talking about your ex...ugh . Not majorly blue here today just real sad when I wake up man. Miss her smiling face some times but then that smiling face was deceptive at times even at disney land two weeks before she left ugghh. Yeah its tough to lose the familiar. We all like some kind of routine and the ex and the son (or daughter in my case) and that spot in the driveway get to be very familiar along with the feelings of security they give. They are things worth striving for but I guess in our cases it was all just an illusion for the most part. Hang in there.

Well another tough morning. Just so hard to not miss what you dont have and cared about so much. some days all you can do is just put one foot in front of the other I guess and look forward.

Welcome aboard MBINSF and SPADER! The move on train is for anyone who feels,thinks or knows they deserve better...whatever stage your at. Its for good days and bad days...good hours and bad hours when you just need to vent or talk.

Welcome aboard MYK!..Pretty big hill to climb but taking it one day at a time. Plenty of room for more to jump on.

I think we all deserve a few drinks

Heh thanks Lone and TBD. Some hours are better than others. Sometimes so hard not to look back to the time when you had someone you cared about so much. I did have her on a pedestal something I will try never to do again if I get the chance. She obviously thought of me much lower than that. As far as things I was unhappy with Lone..yeah she never initiated a hug or I love you or anything in four years at least I dont remember it she did respond to me all the time but never initiated anything. guess that could have been a red flag. *getting back on the train*

Yeah a huge battle. She did hurt me worse than I could have ever hurt her despite a few mean things said. But they were always in anger during a disagreement and nothing in the last one year. If she had been mature about things we would still be together today and better people for it. She did lose. Remember the Duke in one of the movies being asked about a woman he lost and what happened...he said 'I dont look back..its a bad habit"

I know your right. I dont think I could have been good enough for her. there would have been something else wrong always. She even told me she could never live this down packing up and leaving (she never admitted to cheating) that I would never trust her again. I miss what was that is for sure. I was happy with it. It is a long uphill climb and I had not even gotten over the ex before her totally when I met her. Maybe I should rent some John Wayne movies. Thanks Lone

Since this is the 'move on train' thread just thought I would post that it looks like the train I am on has stalled. I just cant get over the thought that I lost the most important person in my life and that I blew it. We traveled the country together many times with a million other memories all special to me. Almost everyday I thought how special she was and I never wanted to lose her. She often told me that she (and her daughter) were special and unlike some other women. They were giving and kind and she had put me 'first' in everything though I never asked for that. So I still cant accept that she has moved on and so quickly and I cant. Where I will find someone else I have no clue. It was such a struggle for me and her and when things really had a chance of being much better she left without a word. Got a deep hole in the heart I dont see it ever healing.

Yes I have yet to meet one of those women also Hllywood. My ex was with me for 4 years but she was always ready to run at the first sign of any argument as if surprise I'm not perfect. In fact it seems all I have ever dated is girls who havent grown up yet. I think its all crap to about them coming up with stories or blaming us for everything. Its just to justify their own actions. And yes women and men both can be like that. Like that old Foreigner song "your digging for gold but throwing away a fortune in feeling but some day you'll pay..your as cold as ice.."

Yep same problems for me and sundays are the worst me and my ex did so much on the weekends now I am alone. Have to go to church myself and just got my new digital camera since the one we bought earlier this year she took with her so gonna go out and take some pics. I know what you mean about the ex thinking about you. Sometimes I wonder if my ex ever really loved me at all. And if she did how could she not be thinking of me. If anything I bet shes angry with me though...blaming me for her having to leave as if I was such a horrible person. But our ex's blew it not us...unfortunately we are left with picking up the pieces 8(

I agree its all their fault and that damn apple.

Stephen, I can relate with you on the getting blamed for everything part.It really sucks when you know your heart was in the right place even though mistakes were made cause after all we're not perfect right? My ex (whos 35 no less) even had her new 'friend' who she left me for and went to live with him for the summer send me an email claiming that yes i did deserve everything I got and how horrible I was. I didnt deserve it in the least and shes the one that betrayed me and lied for many months. Of course he just signed it as her 'friend' as if I was stupid. My ex just posted a naked picture of her friend on a weekend outing in a log cabin they had just 4 weeks after she left our 4 year relationship. The same weekend where I talked to her for the first time since she left and claimed he was only a friend and theres no way she could go from one mans bed to the next so quickly. her caption was 'considering the photograph you can assume a good time was had by all' along with some other low class comments meant to be amusing. So guess I might agree with you about the sounding bitter part. Its not gonna destroy my life though.

Sounds like the 'move on' train is picking up some speed. gonna take some more time though thats for sure. I agree with you TBD about forcing yourself to get out of the house. Thats the absolute worst place to be unless your tired and just want to sleep...and even worse if you lived with your ex there. I went out also and had a decent time with some of the guys from work. When I woke up this morning though man I have really been missing her. Its like I had my fun drinking some beers with some friends but what I really missed this morning was that closeness or illusion of closeness I had with her. So its been a tough morning for me. I dont know why it has to be one or the other. Had her...not alot of friends just doing things with her...now dont have her have a few people to hang out with. Good to hear you had a great night TBD Take Care

I can relate also. Its been two months for me and I have been trying to move on by going and doing some things. Some days are better than others. But after 4 years of doing everything together and struggles and bad luck and good luck and all the deep feelings I am dead to her now to. I had so much of my future planned around her and us. Some moments I hate her to while at the same time I still feel that caring and love for her. The way she chose to end our relationship was cruel and deceitful so I know what you mean Stephen about a person being able to leave you at any minute despite all the I love yous and deep feelings. Man it really sucks. I am struggling to with those feelings of trust. I mean I put my all into me and my ex for 4 years and it left me with nothing. I guess you just have to be careful and always hold a piece of you that noone can ever get at. Its not supposed to be that way I dont think but its the only safe way or else risk feeling like hell again. Someone has a signature on here and I forget who that says 'never make someone a priority when you are only an option'. I will make sure I am never more committed to the relationship than the other person. That is a big mistake.

Yeah! Going out with friends to have some fun! Seriously only second time in two months since ex left. I agree their loss big time.

Count me in. Same as red said 'she pissed away the best thing in her life and I'm better off." Theres got to be something better.

Thanks LS. It is hard but the more I did find out about her the more I saw how really deceiful she had been. Almost enough to truly get over her. Even though its gonna take time to get over the sadness of the whole thing. She posted a picture last night of her 'friend' on a large art site we both use in less than a clothed state with some crude comments. I realized how many many months this had been going on with him behind my back. It doesnt hurt to see those pictures it actually helps me to move on because its like she is actually in a way admitting to her lies now that she feels 'safe' to do so I guess.

I often thought she had 'one foot in one foot out the door' since day one almost it seemed. She was still talking to another guy the first month we moved in together. "She may have gotten the Az plates since she was in the process of moving on" I never thought of it that way of her being in a process to move out and she was just taking it one step at a time. All her last minute questions may have just been her tying up loose ends in her mind. Thanks Rose 8)

I just have a question about my relationship with my ex when she was here and maybe its about her. The week before she left we went together to the motor vehicle and got new AZ licenses and AZ plates and registrations for our cars. It costs us quite a few hundred dollars to do that. I dont understand why or how someone could do that like they were committed to staying here with me then a week later up and leave with someone else no less and go to another state. Why all the bother about getting the new license etc.. to live in this state? After our little visit we only had one dispute about something really ridiculous not an all out fight a few days later. Its not important to my future I know but little things like this are just driving me nuts. We had been here almost a year and after our visit to the mvd I finally felt like we were settling in and had a home at last. Was it really something I said from that Tuesday at the mvd to the Thursday of the next week when she left? I cant understand it at all or was she just good at acting and being phony to keep up appearances. We did have a discussion about having kids (the first in three years) which she kind of just brought up out of the blue while we were watching television that last week. She said "do you still want to have kids with me" and she sounded all concerned. Now granted our sex life had dwindled to nothing and a large part of that was we both had very stressful jobs so I guess I was kind of pissy about that fact and her asking me about kids when we werent even having sex. I said yeah but maybe we could adopt one because theres alot of kids out there who need good home. She took this personally to mean I didnt want to have 'her' kids. She said why cant we adopt one and have one. I dont remember my answer and yes I wasnt in the mood to talk about it. I said well I want to be married before we have kids meaning we needed to talk about that also. She kind of just turned and grimaced at that. The next day she asked me all teary eyed if the reason I didnt want to have her kids was that I didnt want a multiracial child (she is Asian). I was like what the hell where is that coming from. I had been with her for 4 years loved her death and told her that every day. The next morning I told her dont worry you will get everything you want in this relationship meaning having her own kids with me (she already has a 15 year old daughter who lived with us) and she knew what I was talking about. It didnt make any difference she still left. I kicked myself for not making sure she knew yes I would have kids with her and blaming myself for her leaving cuz of that because I know how important that is to a woman. But do these behaviors seem to be odd? About the getting licenses and the kid thing? I dont know just trying to move on here. Sorry this is so long

As painful as losing this girlfriend is and will be getting the next girlfriend is going to be just as equally great. Because you deserve so much better and you did nothing to deserve this. So great things are on the way even though it seems impossible to see that now. Obviously the dream was accurate because she did avoid talking to you about anything that was troubling her and instead decided to take the 'easy' way out. Thats ok she decided to be part of the problem in this world instead of the solution. Another person leaving a committment because things were just a little tough or little less than perfect. Another person living in denial like 95% of the population. Instead of like some of us on here willing to do whatever it takes to be better and loyal and honest and committed. The more I find out about my ex and see her comments online the more I realize her true colors as if leaving without any notice after 4 years wasnt enough to make me see that. Anyone who leaves like that there is no way that the good about them outweighs the bad. There has to be something much better on the way.

Hang in there TBD sounds like you have some positive things going on despite the hell your going through. I can understand the feelings being a rollercoster. Man I feel the same way sometimes angry, then briefly relieved that I dont have the burden of a relationship that wasnt all it appeared to be apparently, then incredibly sad. I miss the ex or who I thought the ex was then I think of the dealbreaker she is also and I feel that anger and betrayal. Take care

I agree with Paradigm that at least you havent invested 3 or 4 years into someone whose heart wasnt completely in it and was wishy washy and didnt know what she wants. I know it still sucks big time because of the great times you had and the hope for the future. Man with my ex everytime we had a small argument she was out of there at least in her mind. You just cant live like that walking a tightrope all the time. After all your going to have your run ins and bad days. There are two sides to these kind of people and its unfair to you to be in a relationship where you only get one side. Its my experience with more than one ex that the part that doesnt know what they want always wins out in the end.