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alteer

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Everything posted by alteer

  1. alteer
    You are so right!! Thay are an asset!
  2. alteer
    Thankyou for all of your kind words petlady, Kids really do show you what's important. They don't have the same hangups we do. You love them and they love you back, no questions asked, no conditions, just unconditional love. And that is the best feeling in the world. Thanks for your mothers day wishes. And I'm so glad I found this site
  3. alteer
    Thankyou so much for everything you have all said. I've found this forum has helped me a great deal in putting things into perspective. I know I'm not even half way to healing yet, but it's good to know there is a place I can come to and let all my feelings out.
  4. alteer
    Hi Jeremy, I'm in the same boat. One minute I'm doing ok and the next, wham, I see or do something that reminds me of him and get sad again. I can't really offer you any advice. I just wanted to say I know how it feels. I also know that it helps to write it out, it's cathartic and helps to put things into perspective.
  5. alteer
    Here is why I'm so proud of my kids. Thought I would share the mother's day card my daughter wrote me: Dear Mum, I hop you have a good mother's day. I apologise now for past and future (if I may put it so elequently) screw ups. Thankyou for doing your best it is more than enough. I try my best to be all I can be - only for you. Come to me for your present - my first composition! She is only 14 and plays guitar, she wrote me the most beautiful piece of music. I really feel like I've done such a great job. And if anyone leaves me because of my kids then you are right they are not worth it. It's them who miss out on 3 people great people.
  6. alteer
    I don't think my problem is self image. It used to be but I've grown to love myself. And although it doesn't sound like it right now, I actually really like my life. However, I do come with baggage from my past (and I'm not talking about my kids, I don't consider them 'baggage') mainly sexual in nature because of the sick things that were done to me. I knew that I had to make a life for myself and my kids and become self sufficient. And I have. We went from having nothing to having everything we could ever really want. I love my kids more than life itself, and I have done a really good job of raising them on my own under extremely difficult circumstances, they are intelligent, selfless, and determined. I'm proud of that. They have big hearts, and so do I. I've accomplished so many goals and know that I'm capable of doing anything that I put my mind to. I consider failure not trying. I have taught myself so many things and have a great job. I'm also an author on the side and have one book published and have received letters from so many people all over the world who have read my book. I"m currently trying to adapt it to a film script. I do a lot of public speaking and have done radio and television interviews. So I'm not lacking in self esteem or confidence. I've already worked on that part of me. I just sometimes feel lonely, although I don't want for anything, and I have my kids. But it would be nice to wake up beside someone. I guess I thought my ex was that person. He treated my and my kids so well. He was kind and loving and I thought he respected me and my feelings. But what he did in the end showed me that he didn't consider my feelings at all. And that's what hurts. I know I'll get over it. I know I'll move on. I just feel sad right now.
  7. alteer
    I don't find it hard coming here at all. Actually I find it difficult to tear myself away. It's cathartic to write about my own experiences and to read those of other people.....I find it comforting.
  8. alteer
    So completely moving. I was touched by your story. Thankyou.....
  9. alteer
    Needing to vent and this is the safest place I know how. I don't even know if I'm posting it in right place....but anyway. I am feeling so dumb, sad, messed up and extremely foolish right now. I can't believe my ex (as of 2 weeks ago after a 2 1/2 yr relationship) treated me the way he did......ending it the way he did. And I know that people who've read my previous posts will be thinking 'why the hell didn't she think already having kids wasn't a problem!' And even though he assured me it wasn't a problem.....I think it really was. I think this had to do with why he couldn't make a commitment to me. I made some really stupid mistakes in my younger days. Got involved with a vicious and cruel man who treated me worse than an animal, he beat me up and tortured me practically every day. And I ended up raising 2 kids alone for the past 10 yrs. I was only 21 when I finally got away from that mess. I shut myself away for along time. and when I met my current ex I thought that this was it.....I had finally found someone who loved me. And it took me a good 18 months to open up to him and start feeling and trusting again. And now he has ripped my heart out and stomped all over it. I'm crying right now because I'm just so sad and feel like I'm paying over and over again for ruining my life in the first place. I just want to be able to share my life with someone.....be able to say that someone loves me. I miss my ex so much and it hurts so badly that I''m now wishing I hadn't bothered. He hasn't contacted me once in the past couple of weeks and didn't even tell me that we'd broken up until 3 days after he'd decided and I just feel dumb. I've been through enough and I just want to be loved. But somehow I have a knack for attracting nut jobs, freaks and the emotionally unavailable. I pretend to be strong but I'm a complete mess right now. I don't know what to do. Ha, and check out my sig. yeah right. I live in torment either way. I just don't know what to do anymore.
  10. alteer
    I used to be in real estate and did very well out of it. I was the only female agent in the office and blitzed the guys. I'll tell you why. I was honest, the guys weren't. People are much more willing to deal with you if you are trying to understand exactly what they are looking for. I ended up with heaps of referals just by being honest. People really don't trust agents because they don't tell the whole story. Try telling the whole story and they will be much happier to deal with you. People get sick of trapesing from location to location just to get jacked around.
  11. alteer
    My mum once told me that "she wished I was the * * * * left over on the sheets". I was about 15 and being a right little cow to her, so I know she said it out of anger. Not that it didn't hurt any less and we get on like best mates now. But seriously it was only until I'd had kids that I understood just how difficult it is. Parents don't think to themselves when they have a child 'Now let's see how much I can screw this kid up' They just do the best they can, sometimes it just so happens that it's not enough.
  12. alteer
    Being quite tall myself 5'8 I like tall guys. My ex (still finding it hard to call him that) is 6'4. I don't think I've ever dated anyone under 6' But that's just my preference
  13. alteer
    It's a fine line. I personally consider anything that hurts you that deeply to be emotional abuse. But then again, parents are only able to do the best THEY know how, with the tools they have. And maybe she did think, in her own way, that she was helping. Being a mother myself I know that sometimes, out of anger or frustration I say things to my kids that I wish I hadn't. You can't go back in time, and neither can she. So if it's possible you should just concentrate on having the best relationship with her that you can now.
  14. alteer
    I'm actually feeling quite dumb right now. Don't know why I didn't consider that this could've been his reason for dumping me. He just never came accross as though the kids were an issue for him......he got along with them and they got along with him. I'm such an idiot.....
  15. alteer
    I know I couldn't do it. I get far too emotionally attached to people.
  16. alteer
    Maybe you should start with a colour not so dramatic as black........dark colours are really hard to get out even if it isn't a permanent colour. I've had some real hair dye nightmares.....not sure what my natural colour is anymore......a horibble mousy brown I think. I've been green, istead of brown, bright copper, instead of a lightish red. It all depends on your own hair. Maybe you should see a stylist and have it done properly. They can even advise you on the correct colour. Whatever you do don't make the mistakes I've made because you never want to go out in public again!!
  17. alteer
    Well see I thought it would have been a problem in the beginning and I talked to him about it. He said that it wasn't. It's just that plenty of women have kids and plenty manage to find someone. It just makes me wonder what the hell is wrong with me!!
  18. alteer
    I hadn't mentioned this in my breakup story or in my other rants because I didn't think it was relevant to the breakup.....but after chatting with someone on msn i'm starting to have second thoughts.....maybe it's completely relevant to my whole sorry tale. I have 2 kids, 14 and 11, now I didn't think this was a problem for my ex (god it's hard calling him that) because he got on with them really well and included them in everything, taking them on outings etc. But I'm now thinking that this would have been a major part of his decision in breaking up with me and being confused about what he wants. Don't know why I've only just thought of this! I've thought a tonne of crazy things over the past couple of weeks and this one only dawned on me today. Weird. Anyway I'm wondering if guys are more worried about commiting to someone with kids. My kids don't see their father, he is a way out of the picture and has been for the past 11 yrs. My kids don't even know him. The thing is that I would like to have more kids, under the right circumstances of course, I would most definitely have to be in a great relationship and be married. Don't get me wrong I didn't want this relationship just for that reason, to have more kids. I don't NEED a man I WANT one, I don't NEED more kids but I would like the companionship a life partner brings (sharing your life, hopes, dreams, crap etc with someone) and I would like to explore the option of more kids before I get to old to do so. I know it sounds stupid and it's really difficult to explain. Any opinions would be more than welcome.
  19. alteer
    Hi stolenshadow, I've pm'd you.
  20. alteer
    Everybody has a past. Some more 'colourful' than others. I myself have one. A past is just that, it's been and now it's gone. I always thought that if future partners knew of all the things I'd done that they wouldn't want to be with me. So just show her that you do and that it doesn't matter what she's done before. She is probably feeling more insecure about her past than you are.
  21. alteer
    I know I shouldn't beat myself up. I think to much and usually beat myself up over everything I do that's just a little stupid. I just couldn't help it......I miss him so much and I can't stand the way it makes me feel. And I don't get why he is asking people who are 'his' friends to call me?!! I'm very confused right now.
  22. alteer
    Could I ask how old she is? If she is young then I don't think it's selfishness. Maybe she's just uncomfortable.
  23. alteer
    About 5 yrs ago I broke up with a guy and then he just called and called and begged and begged. Then he called again while he was driving one day and I was over it so I said some extremely mean things.........he crashed the car and died instantly.......I heard the whole thing. Still plays on my mind sometimes.
  24. alteer
    Do you know that the majority of people who try to commit suicide and live.......are actually glad they lived because they come to realise that the problems they thought were so big they couldn't find a way around them aren't really that big afterall.
  25. alteer
    Feeling much the same myself. So all I can do is send {{{{huggggs}}}}
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