alteer

Here is my earlier post. I can't believe I called him last night. I was feeling really positive yesterday and hadn't spoken to him in a week. This is what happened: We used to spend a lot of time with his friends, who's wives and girlfriends became my friends, but we would only ever see each other when the guys were around - you know how it is. Anyway one of his mates wives rang me last night because my ex went to their place on Sat. night and that was first time she'd heard that we broke up. She didn't have my phone number and he told her to give him her cell phone so he could enter my number into it, and told her to give me a call. Apparently he said to her 'there is not point in you loosing contact. We're going to stay friends anyway so give her a call.' Now I wouldn't have called her because I've been in this weird situation before when you break up and still hang with 'their' circle of friends (they were his friends before he met me) and to me that's just plain weird. Mind you I didn't tell him I would remain friends with him because I'm not sure I can put myself through that.....I really love this guy. Anyway after she called I called him.....I don't even know why I did so I had to make up some BS to justify why I'd called. I told him I was missing something and wondered if it was with the box of his crap that i'd returned. I feel like a looser right now. I so didn't want to break. But I did. And wish I could take it back. Please tell me how you handle these urges? And I just can't figure out what he's doing. Why is he telling people to call me? Last night I was told that he's worried about me (don't know why) and he wants to know that I'm ok. I just don't get it

My bf of 2 1/2 years just broke up with me because he freaked out about taking it further. There is no way I'm contacting him but I hope he comes to his senses and gives me a call. Have you thought of calling her and 'talking'. I know 'talking' is not a very male thing to do. But seriously guys try communicating what you feel for a change. I know it's scary, but sheesh do you think girls don't find it a little scary as well?!?!

The only way you are going to know for sure is by asking her out again. Maybe she felt weird about bringing it up and was waiting for you to. Who knows. But you'll never know unless you ask!? You said you hit it off......so take a chance.

I agree with cacain take it slow. Hang out with them both as friends first and get to know them. No point in asking one out - finding out she's not what you thought - then jumping to the next one.

Thanks for the hugs and all the good vibes. Trying not to cry as much. But I tell you what I just can't stand the pain. It's a horrible, horrible feeling that I just wish would go away. I would really love to just wake up tomorrow and have it all just dissappear. Wishful thinking I know. Time, time, time.

Abuse is about control and power. I was in an extremely abusive relationship when I was very young that lasted 5 yrs and once you let an abuser take that control you are left with no self asteem at all. You start to believe everything they say and it's a vicious circle. They abuse, they apologise, they abuse again. I wrote a book about it that has helped a lot of women in this situation. I've received letters from around the world thanking me for telling my story from women who've been there or who are there now. If you want some info on it let me know.

If a girl cares about you then she's not going to care about the size of your penis. As others have said there are other, much better ways to please a woman than with your penis anyway. I've had both large and small.........and seriously large is way scary. I was so worried that he'd hurt me I just couldn't relax.

No way no how. Once bad always bad. Although I guess it depends how bad. I broke up with one about 10 years ago and he's been in and out jail since. I think most of that 10 yrs has been in jail...........don't know what the hell I was thinking. He is and always was a complete freak!!

So glad I read that. I'm doing the NC thing at the moment and it is so hard. But I'm keeping strong. I just keep telling myself how much more I will love ME in the end. And hey....it's his loss......(this is what I tell myself. Not that I REALLY believe it at this point.) Positive self talk, positive self talk....that's my mantra..........

Thankyou for your replies. It helps to put things into perspective. I know he does care about me......he even told me that when I spoke to him......which in some ways makes it even more confusing. If you care about someone so much why put them and yourself through this?! I don't get it. He has never told me he loves me, but that was never a problem for me because he showed it in so many ways. And the L word is one that I never used either.....mainly because I believe it is over rated and people use it so often when they don't really mean it....and actions speak louder anyway. I've been in relationships where guys have told me love me before and treated me like utter crap. Marriage and children is something I definitely want. Although I've never brought those subjects up with anyone before, because I could never really picture myself spending the rest of my life with anyone before. He was the first. If I wanted to just settle I'd be married with kids by now....and miserable. But I'm not willing to settle. And it's not like I brought this up with him because I want to get married tomorrow! The thing is that this is the longest relationship he's ever been in and he has never lived with anyone before. I'm willing to give him as much time as he needs. And am definitely not going to contact him, although I want to so badly. When something funny comes up at work, or whatever, I forget and think 'oh god I can't wait to tell him that' but of course I can't and then I get sad. I seriously wish I could hate him though. It would make this easier. I don't like how he handled this situation. But I can't hate him. That's what sucks

Ok any feedback would be appreciated. Especially from guys......... Here's my story (apologies if it goes on and on.... ).....I'm 32 and was in the best relationship ever with a 34 yr old guy for 2 1/2 yrs. He called me everyday, sometimes more than once, as well as txt messages. He took me out, we went away a couple of times, he bought me expensive gifts, and treated me really well. I have been with guys that tell you they care and never show it.....but this guy really showed it and I thought he was the one. He continued calling me everyday right up until 2 weeks ago when I just didn't hear from him.....which I put down to him being busy. So the second day I still hadn't heard from him I tried calling him and he didn't answer, I sent him a message. No reply. I'm thinking....well this is weird. The next day I tried again and still nothing. I was seriously worried about him by this stage and thought he was lying in a morgue somewhere and because my phone number had recently changed I thought...' * * * * his family probably don't have my new number and can't let me know'. So I went to his house, and, well was kinda shocked when he answered the door. He looked at me, put his head in his hands and started to say 'look I've been thinking about us and'......I didn't let him finish I just walked out. Anyway the next night I took some things of his that I had at my house, gave them to him and left. I said nothing and all he could say was sorry. A couple of days later his sister rang me to see how I was. He told her that we had split up and how he handled it......and she was so pissed at him she threw him out of her house. Anyway I eventually spoke to him last week because I had no idea what happened and I needed to know. I called him and he pretty upset when he started to explain. You see, a few months back I brought up the subject of marriage and kids. I hadn't intended to pressure him or anything I just wanted to know where I stood in the relationship. I can seriously hear the clock ticking........it sucks being a woman. And basically this hole conversation freaked him out so he did the bolt. He said that he thought he could take it further but the more he thought about it the more freaked out he became. Of course I'm crying and being pathetic....I didn't beg but still. So I said 'ok well I guess that's it so let's just say goodbye'. Then he says 'well how about I just say goodNIGHT, I need some time so maybe I'll call you in a few weeks'. What the hell does that mean??!! Anyway I'm absolutely devastated. Stand stand crying anymore.....have never been dumped before. Usually I can tell when things start to go wrong and I'm outta there. But this time I just had no clue. He was planning things down the track. Like going on a holiday overseas next year!! What the!! Ok think I've ranted enough.....any suggestions.....hell anything would be great.