DaMadHatter

One of my more interesting breakups was when I saw an ex at a club holdin hands and kissing some guy. I had specifically told her i was going to this certain club that night, and lo and behold she just happened to show up with some dude. Looking back at it I think she was too much of a coward to break up with me and wanted me to do it for her by letting me see her with this new guy. Long story short I confronted them outside and when he told me to leave "his" girl alone I lost it and proceeded to stomp him into the ground. Lucky for him and me the cops saved him or I might be writing this from a correctional facility . Needless to say we couldn't salvage the relationship. Never had a sit down talk or explanation to lay everything out just a simple F-U and F-U back. Ahhh the good ole days.

I think you should walk right up to her and punch her in the throat!!!! that'll teach her. But maybe that's just me. LOL

I say why? what's the point, you said it yourself you don't want her back and she's an emotional wackjob. I think she realizes that she screwed up and made a mistake by letting you go and if you contact her it'll only raise false hopes in her that you might come back, which you've stated is not gonna happen. I think for her well-being you'd better just let the past stay in the past.

I somewhat agree with the post above, I mean breakups suck no matter which way you look at it. But let's be real for a moment and realize it's OVER. I don't really see a point in trying to maintain some sort of forced friendship, not immediately at least, and definitely not if they wronged you. I think it depends on how intense the relationship was and how deep your feelings went for the other person. If they were deep you're only doing yourself a disservice by sticking around as a "friend". I have plenty of friends i don't need exes around as some sort of quasi weird dynamic friend.

That's hilarious, i love the fact that all these people were going through one of those "life moments" at the same time and decided to contact u. What does it all mean? it means they suck and u RULE!!!

Good choice bro, definitely don't have brunch with him or the WHOLE family. I mean does he know what she did to you? At this point it's over and you weren't dating the family u were dating her, once she severed that relationship any obligation u might have had to see or speak to her family went out the window. Geez what is the father thinking? doesn't he realize what an awkward situation it will put u in. Just decline the invite.

Hey solo i know what you're going through. Went out with an ex for 5 years before she left to see if the grass was greener on the other side. Same situation i did nothing to her. It sux i know. Best thing is NC, i did, i practically dropped off the face off the earth as far as she was concerned and fought every urge to contact her. Fast forward 3 years and out of the blue she contacted me 2 months ago, well by this time i'm over her and i politely explained to her that anything between us was in the past and i've moved on and suggested she do the same. Well u see, in the end I ended up ending it on MY TERMS, and now she'll go on wishing I gave her another chance. My point is that i'm sure sooner or later she'll realize what she had in you. So don't sweat it it hurts the jealousy, loneliness, anger, confusion, but it's temporary. You WILL find another girl that sees the same qualities your ex saw in you. Remember you did not lose them you just have them hidden because of the crap your going through. Get out there and take your life back. Good luck.

My 2 cents, As previously mentioned your gf sounds like she's into you. She is after all YOUR girlfriend so i think only way to lose her is for you to screw it up. I can tell you with 100% confidence this guy is "working" on your girl and is just biding his time until something goes wrong in your relationship, and he can swoop in for the slam dunk. Seen it happen at my job a few times. Definitely don't get jealous, or accuse her of anything, you'll only drive her into his arms. Communication is key here, set boundaries and let her know without coming off as psycho jealous bf that some things are not cool with you. If she cares for u like she sounds then she'll respect your wishes. Be good to her and i'm sure she'll be good to you. But don't kid yourself she did have a crush on him and "friends" is how it always starts, so be aware the first time u screw up in the relationship, he'll be the one that she'll go vent to, and chances are that's all he'll need. Good Luck!

I'm on the other spectrum that Ta ree saw is, i'm a devout believer in the almighty lord, and my faith in him is unwavering. We all go through trials and tribulations, we all come to a point in our life where we question everything including the exisense of god. This is completely normal and even healthy to a point. It's sometimes hard to imagine a higher power when we are down and out. You ask yourself many "what if" questions. Let's say you're right and christianity is just an illusion. Would ur life have been misspent believing in something as positive and wonderful as GOD? I think not. U will have to find your way through this period in your life. I agree that you should take a look at yourself and inform yourself some more. But I completely disagree that you should "accept NOTHING as fact until YOU can prove it. Not someone else for your but YOU." If you undertake this attitude you'll be defeating the purpose of your spiritual journey. As you well know the christian faith is built on FAITH, we believe GOD does not need to give reasons or proof to arrogant humanity to believe in him, we believe proof of his existence is everywhere. On your journey to find your faith in god or not please don't make the mistake of mistaking GOD for religion. Pastors, popes, churches, rituals, wars, dogmas are not i repeat are NOT GOD. Look inside yourself and ask what events have led you to this moment of spiritual disbelief? Speak directly to him, he will listen. Some say GOD is a crutch for the weak who can't fathom being all alone in this existence. I say GOD...IS ..this existence. Good luck on your journey!

Great poem blu, i found it really helps the healing process to take all your emotions and use them for something constructive like music, poetry, art. I can almost feel your pain in your written words. Please continue to bless us with your wonderful words, eventually your poems will turn to thoughts of hope, happiness, and well being.

Tricky situation, i'm sure the new bf still feels your relationship is still in the early stages and anything can happen. Including losing you back to the old bf. Obviously there's some feelings of insecurity he is experiencing. Now let me ask u is this new "friendship" your going to build with your ex really 100% plutonic, on both ends ie yours and his. I can see where your current bf would be concerned. Yes, you were with your ex for a long time and i think it's unreasonable for your current bf to expect you to drop him completely out of your life. However, i think it is way too early to start visiting and rebuilding a friendship with your ex. It has only been a few months, why are u so eager to jump into a serious friendship with the ex? You guys were together for 7 years and i think spending more than a a few months apart to let any residual feelings dissipate is a good idea. He'll obviously be in your life in some context ie friendship, but cant that wait? Shouldn't you be concentrating fully on making your current situation work. I would suggest to continue friendly relations with your ex through msn or other means but to not see him for a while until your current bf feels your relationship is solid enough. One of the things you can do to make the current bf feel less threatened by your ex is respect his wishes of not seeing the ex, at least for now until the relationship grows. Continuous visits with the ex and constant contact can bring back some of the old sparks that brought you two together to begin with, and is a very slippery slope. Be careful, and good luck

NO!!!!! DO NOT i repeat DO NOT tell her. It will only complicate things by putting stupid thoughts into her mind that she could later use against you. Save yourself the headache or argument and keep it to yourself.

That's the spirit Buli don't take crap from no one especially those who've ALREADY hurt u. From what u updated us on this girl seems like a total flake. Believe me she did u a favor by leaving, long-term you'll be better off without her. "I would want to sit down and talk to her. I would want to ask her what did I do to her to treat me the way she did. It was as if she despised me and could not stand me. She lied to me. She betrayed me. She HURT ME!!!" Man I said these EXACT same words 3 years ago when one of my exes left. U have to fight that URGE to want to ask her all these questions. believe me she wont have any answers for you, it sux i know, but some questions have to be left unanswered. Move on, stay strong!

ncallum, If i were in your position i would go one of a few ways I would a) during lunch casually veer the conversation towards relationships, attraction, dating or whatever, something along those lines. I would than tell her i respect her opinion and I wanted her advice. She would obviously say sure at which point i would ask her that you have a friend who has all these great qualities and you'd be interested in more than just friends with that person. That you've got a lot of great qualities this "friend" of yours hasn't seen and all u would need is a chance. And that u respect your "friend" very much and the last thing you'd want to do is put your "friend" in an awkward position. And u want to tell your friend how u feel but don't want to make her feel awkward. How would she advise u in letting your friend know how u really feel. IMPORTANT when telling her this make full eye-contact!! Usually this is when you'll get your answer. If she's a bright girl as i'm sure she is she'll realize your talking about her, and according to her response will kind of give u an indication on how she feels. This way it doesn't COMPLETELY leave u flying without a net and doesn't make it awkward. If she gives u a positive response than I would continue by saying. Well "insert friends name" in that case i want to let u know that your that friend who's qualities i admire and respect and want to know how u feel about that. At this point she'll either give u the go ahead and u can pop the champagne, shoot u down gently with some sort of "i like u too much as a friend" speech, or get brutal and verbally murder u on the spot. option b) would be during lunch once again veer the conversation towards, relationships, qualities in partners, gf/bf etc. This time talk about how the girls you've met lately don't have the qualities you're looking for and you're looking for someone with some of your qualities. At this point say something like "I have great qualities, i can be funny, charming, honest, loyal, and irresistibly good looking". IMPORTANT!!!! when you say this do it in a very confident manner smiling the whole time, than laugh and say well maybe i'm getting carried away, what do u think? would u say i have those qualities? She'll without a doubt say yes probably smiling or laughing (if u delivered it right) At this point i'd say smiling and eye contact "well than tell me why havent u and i gone out yet?....not as friends?" This is when she'll let u know how she feels. More than likely she'll say i dunno to which i'd say well than in that case let me take u out this weekend or whenver, on a real non-friend date. This way next time i ask u why havent u and i gone out yet? u can at least have a list of things to say" Once again when u say this do it smiling, almost laughing. From here she'll know your for real and if she asks if ur for real let her know u are. She'll let u know how she feels! Ooh I just saw that by the time you read this you'll probably have already had that lunch with her, so my suggestions might be useless. If that's so sorry bro. However, if not than arrange another lunch or drinks with her and go for it. Either way my suggestions aren't a manual feel free to adjust any which way you want. Remember be confident, flirty, smiling, and go for it your life is what u make of it. And in case she shoots u down play it off like it's no big deal and don't do anything different at work or she'll feel uncomfortable. Hope any of this helps either way keep us updated. Luck!

Now that you've got management involved it should all go well. BUT, if it doesn't and this woman continues picking on you get GANGSTA!!!!! on her. Jobs are great and important but your 22 this is your first job but definitely not your last. So what if u lose this job, unless your living paycheck to paychek u should be able to find a new one. I personally would start looking for other possible employment just in case. I once had something similar happen to me at work, my BOSS bullied everyone and when i got there tried it on me. I however soon explained to him that if he ever spoke to me in a disrespectful manner i would rip his head off and puke inside right before i took his stupid looking tie and hung him from his genitals as the office pinata =). Needless to say he didn't so much as squeak back at me. Left soon after, I'm still waiting for my recommendation letter =) My point is lifes short do u wanna spend it as a lion or as a rat. Paycheck doesn't mean they pay you to stay in check.

DAMN MAN!!! this sux, i wish there was something I or ANYBODY here could say to make u feel better. The truth is we can't. I've been there, when i was your age, u feel like this girl is your whole world u would give up everything for her. Been there done that went to hell and back, my point is i came back! got my life together and moved on. I know it doens't feel like it now and i sound like i'm blowing smoke up ur a** but try to take some comfort in knowing that the misery your going through is not eternal. A year is nothing! time will heal your wounds it took me a little over 2 years to completely have a normal pleasant life again. Whenever u feel like this come on here and vent your frustrations and sadness. I speak for everyone when i say were here for you. Stay strong.

It's possible but highly unlikely. Your best bet is to assume it's over for good. That way if anything happens its a pleasent surprise but if it doesn't so what, you were already assuming it was dead. There is a saying i like very much that says: "relationships aren't aluminum cans, they're not meant to be recycled"

I agree with Heloladies21, you guys are broken up. The fact that she wants to be free and single NOW and then down the road when she gets all her freak out get back with you shows how immature this girl is. Chances are she has "been" with other guys, but you need to be the better man here. Go out classy and not as an immature child who didn't get his way. Don't accuse dont insult don't yell. Trust me i know its harder than it sounds. Wish her the best and move on with your life, if need be go into NC. DO NOT be her plan B every other month she feels like it. My guess is down the road when life has humbled and matured her that she'll think back about you and kick herself for screwing everything up. She'll remember how mature and classy you left the relationship and she'll compare u to all the losers she comes accross and regret it everyday of her future meaningless "relationships". You'll haunt her, hahaha how cool is that. Trust me i've seen it happen. So move on with life and find someone who'll want to be with you NOW instead of DOWN THE ROAD. Peace and stay strong!

Sounds like a good idea, we want an update of the experiement!!! =)

Here's my 2 cents. It sounds like you, for the most part, got your head on straight and that's great. However reality is reality and the man is married, to even begin to romanticize about what if's or what could happen is doing yourself a real disservice. I find it a little strange that as a newly married man he's still searching for his old love of 20 years. It sounds like he has some deep feelings for you, but he is married and he needs to let the past lie in the past. Whatever issues may be going on in his marriage are between him and his partner, and if he's having second thoughts it's something HE needs to work out. As for you i would cut off contact with him. I know that's a very black and white answer to a very complex situation, but it's the best thing for both of u. Maybe politely let him know that he's married and thereforeeee there can be nothing more between you guys, not even friendship. Why? well because both of you obviously have deep feelings for each other and as long as that is the case that "friendship" will only lead to trouble or heartache. He now knows how to find you and if his marriage doesn't work out than you can pursue something further, but until that day comes he should only be in your memories.

I don't agree that you tell her you're looking for a relationship right now. You might scare her away even if she was slightly interested, but listing some of her good traits is a great idea. You're obviously stuck in the "friends-zone" which is sometimes impossible to get out of, and the fact that she's mentioning guys she's attracted to shows you've go an uphill climb. But hey nothings impossible. What you have to do is let her know you're interested in her as more than just friends don't forget about it, c'mon take a chance. Worst thing that can happen is she says no and you're exactly in the spot you are now. If u want to be more than just friends let her know.

It's funny how the females seem to answer one way and men another. I've been in the EXACT same position as u, and trust me u DON'T want to respond. If this girl left u for someone else like i believe i read than she has no business being a part of your life anymore, she lost that privilege. You obviously still have feelings for her which is a leading reason why there is no room to be friends here. My rule is u cant be friends with an ex until you're completely over them, and you're far from that. The best thing for your emotional well-being is to ignore her and move on with your life. Who knows why she called u, women are odd like that especially since she's the one that walked out. She probably wants to alleviate her guilt, have u as a stand in friend or backup, who knows and really who cares. Point is she walked out on you to be with her new boyfriend. She made her choice, no going back on it now. So now make YOUR choice and move on without her. Don't give her the satisfaction of having hurt you and still having u around as a "friend" for her convenience. There's plenty of wonderful, hot, loyal, women out there she'll regret what she did, sounds like she already has. Hope this helps

Please Venus explain how "you were a jerk about it". It's not pressuring someone jeez u make it sound like the guy is gonna be holding a gun to her head. Either she'll give u her # or whe wont i'm not advocating taking no for an answer, not at all. I dont think u fully understood my post. The initial post was about tips on "getting the initial number" and that's exactly what i suggested tips on getting the #. I knew people would disagree but hey it's cool, just trying help the guy out with tips I KNOW work. I think NJRon knows where i'm coming from on this one.

Well u obviously know what u have to do don't u? NC is THE only way to go in this situation. I've been where u were and yeah it sucks, but hey it gets sooooo much better especially if u dont cave in. Something similar happened with an ax of mine and i went into NC and man it killed me, i was a wreck but i never caved in to the urge to contact her. Well would u believe it 3 years later and she calls out of the blue. Well after this time i'm over her and she's the one dying for me to contact her. My point is she's made it obvious what she wants so take it on the chin like a champ and move on no matter how hard. And if she changes her mind down the road she'll contact u. Even if she does contact you soon which i think she might considering her past i'd still drop her and move on with my life, why? she seems like a very flaky girl and u don't need that in your life. Hope this helps.

Here's my advice. First off i somewhat disagree with some of the posts above. I dont think u should give your # to a girl u want to get to know better u should get her #. The majority of women STILL prefer the guy to be the assertive one and the one to do the chasing ie calling. Most women i know even if somewhat interested wont bother calling, why? many reasons, they're busy, they have other guys chasing after them, they like being pursued instead of the other way around, sometimes they just don't know what to say as they're not used to doing the calling. For these reasons stick to getting their number, besides do u really wanna stand around wondering if that girl is EVER gonna call, NO u want to find out then and there if u have a shot or not. Another thing i've learned through much trial and error is that u NEVER i repeat NEVER directly ask for her phone #. In other words don't ask, but tell her to give u her #. Here's what I mean, when u say "can i have your #" you leave yourself completely at her mercy u come off as needy and unsure. Her only response can be yes or no. Never ask a question that will give you that yes or NO. What u want to do is come off as assuming she's gonna give u her phone # and it's no big deal. One thing i've found great success with is after initially talking and having a pleasant coversation say "hey listen it was great meeting u but i gotta get going, here (give her a piece of paper or your cell phone) why don't u write down your # and we'll talk more later". Or outright say as your leaving "here give me your # and i'll call u sometime" You're now in a position of power, you're subtly TELLING them to give you their # or give u reasons why not to give u their #. The majority of the time you'll get the #, why? because u came off as confident, sure of yourself, and as if to say hey it's no big dealing giving me your #. And besides most girls arent gonna sit there and say well here is why i wont give u my #, they wont have that easy out that is the NO response that comes with the "Can i have your #" question. However, make sure that you read her body language correctly and only attempt to get phone #'s from girls u feel you've somewhat connected with. I'm sure many here will disagree with my suggestions but they've endured the test of time with me. Hope this helps, now go get em.