CrombieguyHigh

Hey people, It's me again, Yea, I didn't went with it, I read a few posts here and figure that what I was thinking was really low, I dunno wut was I thinking, I think I was just angry, that's all. Right now, I'm thinking if maybe I should tell her that horrible thought I had in mind. Thoughts are just thoughs, same as dreams are only dreams, but I still feel like I betrayed her for even thinking about cheating, so should I tell her people?

Ok, at this point that I'm posting this, I'm angry right now. Let me start by saying that it's now been 7 yrs. into our relation, it's been good so far, but back then when it was only 2 years of our relation, one time I told here that I would be back within a month, I had to do shift, I was working, so I couldn't talk to her that much. However, I had to work more so I told her I would take a while, just one more month, well I came back only to find out that she's been cheating on me while I was not there. Her reason was that she got so desparate when I didn't call her for a while and thought the worst, thought that I had lied or cheated, I never did, I was working and yet I get that in returned. It was with from guy online she cheated, she went with a friend to that guy's house. They had making out sessions, then it almost went further, thought she stopped, she still cheated, then again she kissed yet another guy. I have it counted to three times, but she says it was twice, well two or three, I was crushed then. We talked on phone, she cried saying I was the man she care about, so after days, I gave her second chance, then when it does happened again, still I forgive her. At first it was okay, we talked out way through, but then I started to bash her, I would saying bad things like "Ur not the girl I should be with" or "Ur a * * * * *, so and so and maybe I shouldn't even marry you". I tried to break up with her once, but then I couldn't, I call her back, crying this time. I guess another reason would be that this is my first g/f, first serious relation. Well thought she proven herself and hasn't cheated again, that anger started to kick in again on me 4 months ago when I saw a talk show on T.V about cheating that now I'm thinking the worst. I have an older cuz, and he's a swinger, and well these terrible thought of going to going to my cuz house and asking him to bring a woman for me, but see, the only way I would do that is to get myself very drunk. But I dunno, at the same time, I don't feel like I wanna do it, yes I still love her, but it that anger getting the best of me. Plz, help, I really don't wanna do this, any way I can stop myself from doing it before it's too late.