Jaela

Thank you everyone for your kind replies. In those moments when I told him how I felt; that my heart wasn't there the way it should be, that it wasn't working for me anymore, I felt like a monster. Hearing the pain in his voice as he struggled to find an answer as to 'why', but no answer I could give him was satisfactory enough ... He blamed himself, he cried. I felt horrible and I felt the sense of loss that comes with losing someone you care deeply about. I know the pain will lessen for both of us with time, and I know I've done the right thing for myself. You are right Lady Bugg, I need to be strong and stick to my guns no matter what he promises or how much I'll miss him in the coming weeks. It's so easy to get stuck in a vicious cycle with someone, to stay when you're not happy, to pray things will change or get better. Which is not healthy, because we all deserve the best and should never settle. My heart goes out to everyone experiencing a break up right now. Stay strong and, as my grandma always used to say, the sun is always shining above the clouds. It does and will get better. *warm hugs to everyone*

Hi Guinea-Pig, It sounds as if this girl has become a safety net for you, even though she sounds extremely abusive. You need to have faith in yourself and realize walking away from her is not the end of the world. In fact, you are giving yourself a brighter future and the chance to actually meet someone who will appreciate you FULLY and in every possible way. It takes courage to walk away but this relationship is not right for you. She is manipulating and abusing you, and that simply is not love. Leave now and have satisfaction in the fact you gave this your all. You sound like a wonderful, sweet man and you're depriving yourself of finding complete happiness. Stop allowing this to happen. The answer is in you. And I have faith you will do what is right for *you*. Don't allow her to get away with treating you the way she does.

Hi guys, I broke up with my bf tonight and am feeling very sad. I know in my heart something was missing in the relationship, and realized I cared about him deeply but didn't love him anymore, at least not the way I should. He took it very hard and is blaming himself, which breaks my heart. But I know I did the right thing for us both. I've been very unhappy the past two months and I finally realized I could no longer see a future together with him. he has many issues to work through and they were beginning to take an enormous emotional toll on me. Breaking up is so hard to do. It takes a lot of courage and I hope people realize that sometimes the dumper is suffering too. Some things just don't work out, and I know in my situation its time for me to move on. But I am still feeling very sad that things didn't work for us. I hope everyone has a happy new year. I've closed one chapter in my life and will be beginning a new one for this new year. Its scary to think about but I do feel I 've been true to my heart. I just wanted to write down some of my feelings on my situation, I apologize if my post is a bit incoherent.

Yay! Ive graduated with my Associate of Arts! Finally!! Hi guys. All right, I apologize for the length, I just need to lay everything out to clear my head and try to receive some useful advice. I would like to continue with my Bachelor's, as after this semester I've completed my Associates at a local community college. My dilemma is that I'm so confused what type of degree I should focus on. My two huge passions are writing (creatively) and traveling, as well as documentary journalism (goes along with writing, I suppose). Other passions include working with animals, experiencing other cultures, women's issues, indie films, drawing, photography, esthetician (skin & beauty), environmental concerns and yoga. Dream jobs include a) working for a type of project like National Geographic, writing about wildlife and cultures around the world, while documenting with my own photos b) working for BBC as a correspondent, as I am a huge fan of their reporting c) working as a freelance journalist, making documentaries while traveling internationally to report on different cultures, as well as to aid less fortunate (for example, educating women in cultures where they are held in low esteem and hold fewer rights) Some ideas in my head; after receiving my Bachelor's, I would like to apply for a Fulbright scholarship. After graduation, I would like to get my TOEFL certification, so that I may teach english to foreigners. I would also like to join the Peace Corps for a year or two during my lifetime. Phew. ok, thanks for all who've bared with me this far My dilemma right now is that my mother has suggested taking a BA in english, and perhaps going into the teaching field. (She feels it would be a steady 'safe' job to have). Or I could take a BA in journalism, and try to get an internship with BBC if I'm fortunate enough to find the opportunity. Given my interests and dreams, what type of Bachelor's would, in your opinion, be most effective for me; english or journalism? They both can open up so many different opportunities, its difficult to know which will bring me closest to my dreams. Right now I'm leaning on journalism. Although, many of the best journalists have no college education whatsoever too! Ooh, decisions, decisions... any input is greatly appreciated.

You remind me of my last 'relationship'. Dated the guy for three months where he pursued, found wonderful compatibility with him, then one day after seeing him consistently for three months, he was just gone. Never called again. I was like, w t f*?? I was pretty angry and felt really, really stupid. And really freaking hurt. He could have been honest, but he chose not to. Instead this was the choice he made, and I had to accept it and move on. Can you really carry on a relationship with a guy who has done this to you? DO you REALLY think you're so compatible with a guy who is cruel enough to stop contacting you and then proceeds to flaunt another girl in your face? I think, personally, you deserve 110% better.

I agree with Mun. walk away with your head held high and don't look back. This guy isn't worth the energy of even wondering how to 'end up on top'. Get over him and find the person who's right for you. It is the best thing you can do for yourself and someday you'll look back and think, 'um .. who was that? oh ya, that dumb***what a good thing he lost. oh well, too bad for him' The moment you find true happiness, all these bad date duds will fade away and eventually be forgotten, believe me. Let him live with his own miserable existence.

Be honest, but compassionate. I dont know why you've allowed him to pressure you into remaining in this relationship if you've known you're not happy. You're prolonging things by allowing him to influence your decision. Sit down with him and tell him how you feel. But don't allow him to sway you. Have a friend waiting close by for support. Don't let the conversation drag on all night. Tell him how you feel in a compassionate manner, but remain firm on your position. Good luck. Breakups are never easy, but sometimes you need to do something uncomfortable in order to do what is right for you both.

In my opinion, everyone comes into my life and passes through for a reason, so I enjoy keeping small rememberances. I have old love letters that I get a chuckle from finding today, from ten years ago. At the time, being dumped by the popular high school senior felt like the end of the world. Now when I come accross things I look back and say, "Oh ya, I remember him!" and smile, remembering the role he played in my life then, and how far I've come and evolved since that portion of my life. I dont know. I may just be more sentimental than most. I just love finding old things at random, weird times. I hold no bitterness towards any of my breakups, so perhaps that is why it's easier for me to hold onto things. It's ultimately up to you, if you feel keeping a novel of chat logs is a hinderance or worth it or not. I don't know if I'd keep a log, although I'd probably hold onto something small as a token of my newly passed relationship. Remember, if you're not healed yet and decide to save some of these logs, put them far far away. Bury them if you have to.

I disagree with the bulk of these replies, but it is really up to you. Personally I would save them to a disk, or print them out depending on how lengthy they are. Then I would stash them away in a box and leave them alone for a very, very long time. Even for my most painful breakups, I've always saved memorabilia/old letters, photos, etc. I know a lot of people who burn things while they are emotional. But that seems strange to me because it's almost as if you're trying to erase a part of your past. Someday, a year or two from now, you'll look back in rememberance. For now, keep these out of sight until you've fully healed. Or delete them, if that's what you feel is best. But you may later regret it. Good luck in whatever decision you make.

No worries, I dated a man with an uncircumcised penis for over five years and I found it very very sexy!

Hi Jinx. I was in a similar 'chronic crush' situation as well, with someone for over six years. The only way I finally overcame it was by confronting it head on. I told the guy my feelings towards him and things didn't work out, but we still remain friendly today. But by finally being honest with him about my feelings, I was able to move on. Talk with her and figure out what's going on. Be persistent, continue saying hello to her and see where things lead. If she isn't showing any type of interest or being friendly, you have your answer and will know its time to move on.

Hey Heckah Bekah, thank you for the reply. I think more than anything, I feel scared. I mean, I could have sworn up and down and to the right and left that this guy was a warm hearted and genuine person. If my intuition failed me so horribly this time, what will keep this from happening again? I know it's irrational, but I do have that intense fear now. I know its counterproductive and I need to resolve the issue within myself. I hope in time I can find forgiveness and not worry needlessly about someone I love or care about vanishing into thin air on me again. I want so much to let go of the anger, and find peace with this. I know it will come in time. This has been a blessing in disguise and I know I can't allow it to make me become jaded. But, I won't lie. ... it's hard. It's funny how sometimes the smallest, most careless actions of others can leave such deep scars. I know I have to learn not to take everything so personally, But I'm torn between that emotion and the emotion of standing up for myself, saying, "Hey, this is NOT right, it is never right to treat someone in this manner!" I know I have to let it go... I will place my faith in karma. It has helped tremendously just writing here, and being able to share in everyone's support, advice and stories of similar ordeals. Thank you. {{{warm hugs to everyone who's going through similar circumstances}}} some of these stories really leave me shaking my head...wow. It's good to know that we are all going to be moving forward, away from the ugliness, and towards something which is more beautiful, out there waiting for us.

She'll never know you're interested unless you ask her, and you'll never know her response unless you ask her .. soooo ... ask her!! no email though. that's a bit strange.

some great suggestions here! Yoga is wonderful, I've been taking hatha yoga for credit this semester in university. I feel sooo good and so much less chaotic after a two hour session. We've just learned how to stand on our heads too! Right now I'm really torn between buying 'quantity' or 'quality' clothes. Usually I'll buy quality, but this leaves a huge dent in my budget. But it's true, the pieces I buy will last many years. I'm so hopeless with shoes and accesorizing I'll be sure to call some beauty schools in the area to see what they can offer. Thanks so much guys!

Hi guys, I'd like to do a makeover of myself. Usually I wear my hair long in a ponytail, no fuss, throw whatever clothes are clean on in the mornings (jeans, sweater, flipflops)... minimal makeup, if any, basically I don't spend any time on my appearance. I'd like to 'polish' myself up a bit, to help build my self esteem. Some ways I've thought of; new clothes (ones that are comfortable and make me feel good), working out, waxing/tweezing eyebrows etc., manicure/pedicure, new hairstyle, self tanners ... any other ideas? The one real problem is that I'm on an extremely limited budget right now. I'm a full time student who only works part time during the week. I need to try and pull this off as cheaply as possible. If anyone has tips or further suggestions, i'd love to hear

Hi Rainz, thank you so much for your reply. It's been a bit over two weeks now, and I'm still struggling with the pain every day. It has made me feel very distrustful of men in general, which I know is not a good thing and something I need to resolve inside myself. It has also affected my self esteem tremendously. I am still in disbelief when I think about our relationship, how honest and sincere he came accross, and then suddenly how he pulled his Houdini. It's a scar that will take me a while of private grieving to fully come to terms with.

Yes, keep as busy as possible. You'll feel like you're just going through the motions at first. Then slowly, you will start to feel joy again. . It would be great if we could all pop a pill and our broken hearts would automatically dissipate. But time is the only true healer. I'm slowly emerging from the numb stage, towards feeling betrayed, angry, sad and lonely. I may be here for awhile, but at least I'm grieving and going through the healing process. Remember, the sun is always shining above the clouds.

LOL! Oh the ironies of life.

Single4good, where are you mainly going to meet potential gfs? My friends find random guys all the time at nightclubs. Some of them have somewhat 'cheated' in these circumstances as well (dancing provocatively / making out with random guys while all ready being involved). I find it distasteful and can't stand that whole scene, personally. I'm sorry to hear your experiences have left you feeling no respect for women in general, but not all women are like this

Wow PartlySunny, I'm sorry to hear what happened. I find it kind of ironic he's the one telling you to never contact him again, when he's the one who messed up so badly. Hold strong girl. I agree you should not be the one to initiate contact. After what he's done, would you consider going back to him?

I think people need to carefully examine their motives for not wanting to enforce NC when a loved one explicitly asks for time or space. If we love them, we want to see them happy. By fighting for otherwise, aren't we really only trying to satisfy our own selfish needs? I know that sounds kind of harsh, after all, we can't help how we feel in our hearts. But the fear and jealousy stemming from a breakup will cause us to act in all sorts of crazy ways. If you love someone, let them go; if you love yourself, take the time to heal yourself. Everything makes more sense with time and patience.

haha, what a cute response! But it's def true! I also agree with DN's suggestions. Or if you're feeling extra shy when you see him next, just smile and say hi. See what happens!

Aww, Amano, it sounds in general as if your date went very well! I know I've been a bit standoffish in the past too, but it's usually when I really like the guy, haha. I get all nervous and shy Try asking her out again, to see what happens.

He deserves to know how you really feel. Don't sit in a dead relationship. I know it takes courage, but you will feel loads better afterwards. Break the news to him compassionately, but stick to your guns. If he blabs about intimate details? Then you know him for the true jerk he is - in which case, you are all that much better off without having him in your life. Good luck!

SeaBisquit, why are you still involved with this guy? You and your daughter deserve better, and I think you know that.