Guinea-Pig

i'm sorry to hear that Bigskye, how could she do that? Thanks for the advice

Thank you so much for reading my too-long post Raykay. i guess you're right in everything you say. I may be happier without her eventually, but I hate being single and i'm shy and unconfident around girls that I like - a bad combination really. I've been in a relationship for my whole adult life, i have no idea about dating women, I've never had to think about it. Oh well, there's a first time for everything.

I'm worried that my gf is taking me for granted and that I'm getting a bad deal out of the relationship - I really want to know what other people think because i'm too embarrassed to tell any of my friends the details. We're 22 & 23 and have been together for four years. I'm really crazy about her, and I think that's the problem - she's realised that even if she makes no effort I will still adore her, so surprise surprise she takes me for granted, and IMO treats me badly. The main problem is sex. She hardly ever used to be sexual with me, blaming it on her stressful job. Then she quit the job and for a while things were fantastic, with frequent and exciting sex. But now she's just slipped into her old useless habits, and the more I get frustrated and complain the less she sleeps with me - we've only had sex twice in the whole of December. Ideally I would like to be having sex 3 or 4 times a day, but realistically 3 times a week would be fine, is that asking too much? She admits herself that sex with me is great, but she hardly makes any effort to try to be intimate with me, she often pushes my hand away when i try to touch her, and she won't wear sexy lingerie or even be naked with me usually. When we go to bed she just puts her pyjamas on and rolls over, just like a damn kid, like no-one ever told her that when adults go to bed there are other options besides sleeping. Also, she insists on being allowed to sleep with other men occasionally. She hasn't actually done this yet (I know cos I tap her MSN, email and cellphone messages, oh come on do you blame me!?!) and probably won't do it much or ever cos she hardly has any friends and little social life, but it's the principle that counts. She says I can do the same if I really want to but I don't particularly want to, I want to have sex with her. I'm not happy with her not giving me sex, yet wanting to do it with other people, do you see? What I think but can't admit is that she just wants to keep me on hold for later, just because I'll be earning a lot of money and she thinks she can have her way all the time, but I want to be her lover not some f***ing d1ckhead to be taken advantage of. It hurts so bad that she treats me like this, I feel literally exhausted because of the constant effort I make to try and make her happy, not upset her, do and say the right things. I feel like i'm treading on eggshells, the slightest wrong move (such as "why are you in a bad mood with me tonight honey?") can (and does) result in tantrums, shouting and her threatening to dump me. I know it should be me dumping her but I can't bear the thought, once when she dumped/threatened to dump me i couldn't stop crying for half an hour, the first time i've cried for years and years, i just broke, i couldn't stop, and i had no-one I could talk about it with... which is where you guys come in! I think that the only way to make her realise how rubbish she is being would be to dump her, then she would suddenly miss having me to cuddle her, spoil her, pay for the expensive appartment and bills, and tell her she's beautiful every five minutes and she'd hopefully regret everything. But then it would be too late and we'd be finished, which doesn't help me. Or does it? I'm so paranoid and so scared about losing her, I don't think I'd ever meet anyone else I was so crazy about, I'd just be alone for years and years and possbly forever, luck has blessed me with brains, money, humour and talent, but unfortunately not confidence when it comes to getting girls, plus I'm not getting any younger and I'm not as handsome as I once was. What should I do? If i try and have an adult conversation with her about sex or her behaviour she puts her hands over her ears and won't take them off till I leave the room. When she's not threatening to dump me she says she loves me, and i believe her but she just doesn't seem to realise that a relationship requires effort from two people. I've tried so ****ing hard to be the ideal boyfriend, I give give give and she is just take take take.