Jaela

What a great resource! Thanks for sharing

Hi guys, thank you so much for all of your replies. Well, after leaving a very polite message for Mike on Saturday asking him to call me before he left for China, he never responded. He left today, I believe last time we were together he mentioned his flight was leaving around 1pm. I am so incredibly hurt and sad. I realize he is busy, but it would have helped so much to talk with him before he had gone. I keep beating myself up, trying to figure out what I had done wrong. I keep telling myself he's not worth it, but truthfully I saw many wonderful qualities in him and the potential for a strong relationship. The way he has strung me along hurts so much. When we first started seeing each other, he said that he really liked what a genuine and honest person I was. Now I only wish he could have reciprocated that and been honest with me about his own intentions. I feel so sad right now

I'm very interested in what he has to say. You two should definitely talk. You only live once, and this way you will know with certainty. Keep us updated, good luck!

I don't think you blew it. Perhaps you confused her somewhat, but I don't think it's anything severely negative. Ask her out again!

Hi guys, I called Mike last night and left a msg on his voicemail. I told him I hoped things weren't awkward between us because of my leaving the other night and that there were some other things I wished to express, but not over voicemail. Then I asked for him to call me, and wished him a nice evening. So far I have not heard from him. I know he is leaving for out of the country tomorrow for work, meaning it is unlikely I will hear from him until he returns after a week. I don't think that is a very good sign. Maybe I've misread all his signals, and he only wanted a friendship? I know he had a wedding tonight though, and is very busy. To make things even more bizarre, last week I attended a wedding and invited him to come with me. He was out of town for work but told me (since he has seniority) that he made everyone not take a lunch break so he could try to rush home to make the wedding reception with me. Since it was a five hour drive, he didn't make it. But he did call me and want to see me, even though it was almost midnight by the time he arrived back in town. I know he was exhausted. I was excited to see him and came over after the reception, and we cuddled all night. He made no move to indicate it was only a booty call for him, only kissed me softly once and cuddled into me. I'm a bit hurt he didn't invite me to this wedding with him, which leads me to wonder if he asked someone else as his date. He can be shy, but he's not THAT shy. He lives with his best friend and frankly, the two of them act like frat boys. I have a gut feeling he is seeing other girls. I don't really mind since we've never had any type of exclusive talk. It just boggles my mind that he has asked me out consistently for the past two months, yet doesn't seem interested in pursuing anything sexual. He's always been very respectful. So he's not using me for sex. Yet he doesn't seem like he wants anything very serious either, and he has not really invited me into his life. He'll tell me all the time, "Ask me anything", but he won't really volunteer information. To make matters even MORE confusing, when I first met him, someone who works with his roommate, named Jeff, warned me away from Mike. He said that Mike brought a lot of girls home, and he saw some girls naked in his bathroom etc ... Then Jeff turned around and asked me for my number. At the time I thought this guy was merely badmouthing Mike so he could hit on me. One of Mike's best friends was sitting there and didn't say anything to defend him, just kind of put a reassuring arm around me when he saw how upset I looked. Then a few days later, I saw Mike's friend out and he told me that if I was looking for a relationship, Mike was a perfect man, no extra baggage, he had motivation and direction in his life, etc., and Jeff had said all that bad stuff about Mike only because he wanted to get in my pants. I'm so confused... maybe the things Jeff said were right after all? I just have this horrible feeling I'm not going to hear from Mike again, or if I do, it'll be in a week or two. Then I'll feel really stupid because it'll be glaringly obvious by that time that whatever he was trying to pursue with me wasn't important to him. What do I say if he does call? Should I just let it go?

I had this problem in my last relationship. He was my first but I'm also extremely playful and adventurous, and I sometimes wanted to have sex a lot more than we were. It was really frusterating at times. But I was afraid to tell him because I thought maybe something was wrong with me too. How often do guys enjoy having sex with their gfs?

Hi DN, I have taken him out on a date and payed for it. He's taken me out three times where he's paid (for dinner twice, once for ice cream) and I've taken him out once and paid. (for dinner) And last night he paid for two rounds of martinis, so I picked up our last round. I am going to talk to him about my feelings, if he's willing to listen ... and I did make a move on him,but he turned his face away, which made me think he didn't like it.

You should cut off communication, seriously. Don't give her your personal info or your bride may show up on your doorstep, all dressed and ready to go

Wow I really feel screwed. It's at a point where I'm afraid to put my emotions into any type of relationship anymore. Are all people this flaky? I met this guy Mike who I've posted about before, numerous times in fact because his behavior was so confusing it was maddening. This guy basically asked me out every week. We would go out once or twice a week. The dates always went well. It took him FOREVER to kiss me, so long in fact I began to fear I was misreading his signals and he really wasn't interested in me romantically. Yet sure enough every week he would continue to ask me out. This has gone on for almost two and a half months. When he finally did kiss me, it was very soft and well...not very passionate or long. But I was thrilled he had finally kissed me. The second time he kissed me, he touched me intimately as well, and then stopped. When he walked me out to my car, I gave him a great big hug and went to kiss him on the lips, and he turned his face away. I was incredibly hurt and baffled and never pursued kissing him after that. He has kissed me once more since then, and has continued asking me out. Last night he dropped over $100 easily on dinner and drinks for the two of us. We went back to his house to hang out. Last time I stayed he kissed me (very shortly, I mean less than a minute here) then he cuddled with me alot. This time he made no move to kiss or cuddle me though. Finally at 2am I told him I was going to go home. He was like, "Ok" and walked me to my car. No hug, nothing. No emotion whatsoever. He didn't even bother asking why I wanted to leave (usually I'll stay the night) This guy is driving me insane. I've all ready established in my mind we should only be friends since all he has managed to do is confuse the heck out of me We've been loosely 'dating' for three months now and he is just completely hot and cold. He never talks about his intentions or anything. He keeps his life very, very private and really doesn't let me in anywhere. Sooo ... where did I go wrong? He kept asking me out (made me think he was interested) ... he kissed me (made me think he was interested) ... he's paid for dinner and a movie for us before, and ice cream, and last night once again dropped a ton of money on a nice dinner for us (made me think he was interested, and we were on actual dates) I'm so incredibly frusterated. I'm all ready working on getting past my feelings for him (I liked him ALOT) ... but seriously, is this what I can expect from dating? I should mention I've recently emerged from a ten month rocky relationship, and before that a five year relationship, so I've been out of the circuit. How does anyone survive this type of crap? Please tell me this guy is just extra strange ... Are there better ones out there?

Wow, Jetais, I see so much of myself in what you write. I have such a distorted view of myself. I'm way way WAY too hard on myself, and it only manages to eat away at my self esteem and completely stress me out. Have you considered trying to get through a day WITHOUT looking into a mirror? You know, fix yourself up tidy in the morning and not even give a second thought afterwards on how you look? Just breeze through your day and let your natural inner beauty shine through? It's weird, but when I force myself to do this, I release myself from this constant vicious cycle of look-in-the-mirror, feel-disappointed-with-any-imperfection-i-see, feel-crappy-about-myself ... etc etc. Then check the next mirror, hope to see something better, feel disappointed again ... blah! It's exhausting! Smile and the world really does smile with you Ohh, I've just started a hatha yoga course in college as well. I feel so less chaotic after a session ... so at peace. I don't give a second thought to my looks, or allow myself to feel pulled down by my distorted view of them. Its such a wonderful release. I would probably also benefit greatly from therapy but I don't know if Id be able to afford it right now

Thank you for your kind words, Scout. Sometimes I feel like an alien being for my views, but its def true that no one is worth compromising myself for. I am sure his true intentions will shine through eventually. I won't allow myself to feel pressured into anything I'm not comfortable with. TheRock, thanks for the guy perspective! Hopefully he truly is still interested ... guess only time will tell. * crosses fingers * [-o

Hi guys, thanks a lot for following this thread and offering your insight. I am most definitely confused. I havent called him back yet, but I will probably contact him at some point tomorrow. Annie, thanks a bunch for your pm. It gives me some things to think about. Mike and I have not had sex, although things got a bit hot and heavy one night and his hand went exploring below the waist. I think he sensed I wasn't entirely comfortable with the situation, so he backed off. (Good boy!) That is why I am feeling so confused. Even though he kept 'wanting to see me', it took forever for this guy to kiss me. On one hand, he comes off as incredibly shy. On the other hand, by our second kiss he was all ready exploring in that fashion. We are definitely more than friends. He asks me out, we go on dates together, cuddle and kiss etc. But at the same time I don't think I desire sex with someone outside the perimeters of a secure relationship. I need a deep emotional connection to share that with someone. TheRock, we talk on the phone every two - three days. I never initiate contact, I usually wait for him to call. We go on dates maybe once or twice a week. He is incredibly busy with work. He's the Korean representative of his company, so he's sent out of town to Asia every 5 or 6 weeks, usually to South Korea. His company sends him out of town usually every 2 weeks as well, to another city for a few days. I'm a full time student working part time, so we squeeze in time together where we can. I do really, really like him. He is the first man I've met that has goals, ambition, is sweet, has great humour, seems sincere and his life seems to be going forward in a positive direction. It's just .. him and I are sitting in such a weird hazy gray area right now, one that I'm not quite used to. All right, sorry for all the babble! I'll try to keep things lighthearted between us, but I do feel we need to talk about things if they continue to become more sexual. I just don't want to scare him off ... yet at the same time, isn't he kind of bringing it on himself by making some of the moves he's done?

Hi Annie ... I've been asked out recently by other guys, but they didn't interest me. Three different guys approached me last week but there just wasn't any type of chemistry whatsoever. However, there is a very cute guy in my new acting class that I'm feeling some vibes from. I'm recently out of a long term relationship so a bit confused about the whole dating thing - would it be wrong to go out with other guys and not mention it to Mike? I mean, we've never had any kind of exclusive talk. I know I have no obligation towards him. I just don't know if it should be mentioned or not. all right, I'll stay away from any serious talks for now since everything is still so new. I just really need to make sure at some point he isn't only seeing this as some friend with benefits type of thing, because that is most def not what I'm looking for.

Oh my gooses, I'm so confused! All right, Mike called me this afternoon about 3ish. I missed the call, but he did leave a voicemail. He first teased me on my new voicemail message (hehe) and basically said (in his sweet, adorable voice), "Hey, just wanted to call to see what you were up to, and to say hello. I'm on my way to a family event but I wanted to see what you were doing this week, hopefully you're free this week sometime so we can do something. Give me a call back. I hope to hear from you soon." I think this is a good sign? I dunno what to do? I mean, this guy keeps asking me out. I like him. I love spending time with him. Looks like we'll be playing cat and mouse for a few more weeks? I probably won't call him back until later tonight, or tomorrow after work. My schedule is crazy this week but I'm sure we'll touch base this weekend, after he returns from Shanghai. Sigh ... it makes it hard to forget about him when he calls me every week to ask me out. Well, for now, I'm so happy he called. \ Should I give this a few more weeks before having a more serious talk with him about where we stand?

Hey guys, thanks a bunch for the replies. I'll sit tight and not contact him again. The thing that bothers me the most is that he's leaving for Shanghai this week, meaning he'll be in China for business and I won't see him until he gets back. I have to admit I'm a bit hurt he didn't even have the courtesy to call to say hello this weekend, knowing that he won't see me again for at least another week. I will be incredibly hurt if he doesn't call to say goodbye. I dunno ... this guy is so hot and cold. If he sees me out, he will literally hang on me every moment and beg me not to leave if I try. Then I won't hear from him for days and suddenly he'll leave a sweet message on my voice mail asking to see me again, or wishing me sweet dreams. If I don't respond immediately, he'll leave a message like, "Hey stranger, I'm beginning to think you don't like me anymore. Call me when you get time, I really look forward to hearing from you." He comes accross as so sincere and sometimes quite shy in person. But I feel I've put myself out there as much as I can, and now my emotions are beginning to get involved. I may just need to forget about him. Sigh. I really liked this one too, but it's honestly feeling as if he's just messing with my head now.

Annie, it sounds like you and I have the same best friend! My best friend is drop dead gorgeous. I've seen her break so many hearts because she is as beautiful on the inside as on the outside - and she is also as tough as nails. She knows how to give guys a run for their money Thanks so much for your words on having an uplifting relationship. I really like Mike a lot, but I think I need to salvage my emotions a little and put some distance between us. He seems confused on what he wants and is (unpurposely) stringing me along in the process. I will give him a week or two to come around, then I will have to let this go. Guessing games are never fun - there is only so much cat and mouse this girl can take! It's been two months now, surely he has some idea of what direction he expects to take things in by now?

Hi Annie, well I sent him a text asking him how the concerts were and wished him a happy early labor day. How long should I expect these cat and mouse games for, roughly? I want to get to the good stuff, all ready!

Hey guys, My new guy Mike is once again very confusing. I've known him about two months now, and we've been seeing each other for a few weeks. He is very sweet and charming when we are together, and I enjoy spending time with him. This Thursday and Friday he went camping for some concerts at a local venue and invited me along. I accepted but it turns out his roommate was in charge of arrangements and screwed things up. Basically they were going to try to squish like 12 people into three tent spots. Then there was an additional charge if I wanted to camp with them after the concert. Basically the whole thing turned into kind of a pain, so I said he should go and have fun and perhaps I would see him Friday and try to camp out. Wednesday evening he took me out for some ice cream. Then I went back to his place to help him pack, and he asked me to spend the night because I was very tired. We cuddled a little bit, but he made no move to kiss me. In the morning, he walked me out to my car and gave me a soft kiss goodbye. Then he said he would call me on Friday evening to let me know what the situation was for the concert/camping. Friday I do not hear from him. Saturday I do not hear from him. It is now Sunday and I have not heard from him. I have no idea if I should call, or wait and see if he contacts me. Part of me wants to send him a text just to wish him a happy labor day.. I really don't know what I should do. The other part of me is really curious why he didn't call when he said he would, and makes me wonder how long it will be before he contacts me again on his own... He is once again sending me severely mixed signals Should I back off for now?

I completely agree with Volution. I only wish more men and women shared the same philosophy.

Hi ComputerGuy, thanks so much. I really do like him and will give him all the time he needs. I find his shyness adorable and endearing, and I glimpse potential with us. I will be patient and see what happens. Part of me really wants to just attack him one night, but I think I'd give the poor guy a heart attack. I can also be really shy too, especially when I look into his gorgeous blue eyes, which definitely doesn't help the situation. *crosses fingers that he truly is interested* Must...be...patient...I'm sure things will make more sense soon. Or perhaps I will work up my own courage and just pounce.

Ya, I honestly don't know what his deal is. I mean, he's very attractive so I don't think he lacks experience in the ladies department. I suppose I just need to be patient and see what unfolds between us. My gut feeling tells me he is interested, but I think he also might be seeing other girls on the side. Which is fine by me, that part doesn't intimidate me at all. We've only hung out about four times now, one of those times being an official date, and he's still expressing interest to see me. I dunno, honestly. If he continues to ask me out, depending on how things go, I figure the 'exclusive' speech will crop up eventually. For right now I'm fine with taking things slow, and both of us having the freedom to see whoever we choose. I'm just baffled because I've spent the night with this guy three times now in his bed and we've spent that time talking. One night we had an emotional conversation, he reached for my hand, and we fell asleep holding hands. The next morning when we got up he took me out to breakfast. But he's never tried to kiss me. I have no idea how he feels, to be honest. There were points during our official date where he did seem exceptionally nervous. But maybe he only sees me as a friend? Would a guy call a girl and keep asking her out if that were the case? ](*,)

Hey guys, Mike called tonight, which I was very happy about. I kept the conversation lighthearted and we ended up talking for a good 15 or 20 minutes. He then let me know he was going out of town for business until later in the week and asked if he could call me when he got back so we could 'get together'. I said, "Sure, that sounds like a lot of fun" and then suggested getting coffee or ice cream once he returns. Is this a good sign on his end? I really do like him and will by no means hold one bad date againt him. I'm just honestly feeling a bit baffled on what his feelings might be. Thanks so much guys for all of your replies!

This guy Mike asked me out on a date (dinner and movies). I was really interested in him and very excited about us spending some time together. He works quite a bit and it's not always easy for us to find time in our schedules that mesh. Well, the date was set for Wednesday evening. He called me in the afternoon while I was still at work and left a voicemail, asking if we were still on for tonight. Then he surprised me by saying, "My roommate and his gf would like to join us as well, at least for dinner." (My best friend and his roommate are dating). I have to admit I was pretty disappointed to hear this because, as I've stated, I really wanted an opportunity for us to spend time together alone. Later when I asked my best friend about it, she said she was as surprised as I was to learn she'd be joining us for dinner. Well, I went on the date but didn't express my disappointment, just kind of went with it. Mike seemed incredibly nervous or just ... weird ... throughout dinner. We barely talked, and there seemed to be a lot of nervous tension. After dinner he invited his roommate and my best friend to the movies with us. They both declined. I just felt baffled. We went to the movies and he kept fidgeting and yawning. I don't know if he was really tired or what, but it was a bit annoying. Then afterwards he dropped me off home. No kiss or anything. The whole date just seemed devoid of emotion. We've hung out before where he's held my hand .. but tonight, nada. It almost felt like a business meeting or something, I dunno. Well, he called me once since then, and I called him back yesterday evening to thank him for the date but honestly, the whole date was so bizarre I really have no idea what to think. I swear I have the worst luck with men. Monday night a man asked me out, and Thursday night another man asked me out, but they aren't people I'm interested in romantically. It seems to be my curse ... 98% of the guys interested in me I just don't feel it with them, and the other 2% just flake out. This guy Mike I am interested in though, but I can't figure him out. Is he just a lost cause?

That would actually royally tick me off, and if it happened more than once, I wouldn't give the guy a second thought.

haha, great one!