BellaDonna
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Everything posted by BellaDonna
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What is the Perfect Man?
BellaDonna replied to Blackmsmithdave's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
Well, yah....of course- it's just an opinion- perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. But perfect for me is perfect enough. Very true. Your "perfect" partner will love you for YOU.... BellaDonna -
Well I know what you mean- but what I did to stay dedicated was took a pic on my 35-pounds-heavier-fat-self in a bathing suit and put it right on the fridge, so I'd have to see it daily. I also do my workouts first thing in the morning before anything else....so that I can't make excuses. I keep all the equipment in one room- I get it on sale- it's not all that expensive....I blast the music and I'm ready to go. BellaDonna
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You don't necessarily need a gym at all. You can buy equipment and work out at home. That's what I do because otherwise I make excuses and find ways to avoid leaving the house to go to the gym. If I have the equipment at home, in front of my face, there is no way out. I also hate the whole social game/meat market aspect of the gym. The key is to eat a well balanced diet, and combine both cardio and weight training to burn fat and build muscle. If you live a healthy lifestyle overall- you can afford to eat some treats once in a while and it won't effect you. It's all about training your metabolism. Check out this program. I think it's ons of the more solid ones out there- I lost 35 pounds on it, and it's realtively easy (does require hard work- but not complicated): link removed BellaDonna
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It sounds like she's kind of using you when it's convenient for her. I don't think you should wait around. She sounds too uncomfortable with her own sexuality- so there's no guarentee she'll come around. You're better off looking for somone who is comfortable with themselves and wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them. BellaDonna
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Take it as a compliment. He's attracted to you....He likes you....Be flattered. You seem intelligent and already know it's not in your best interest to actually have the fling- but that doesn't mean you can't take it as a compliment. At least he was honest and upfront and let you know he's moving and did not want anything serious. BellaDonna
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What is the Perfect Man?
BellaDonna replied to Blackmsmithdave's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
To me the "perfect man" personality wise: -respects women -is self-motivated -independent -honest/trustworthy -sweet and silly -has a great sense of humor -stands up for what he believes -isn't afraid to admit vulnerabilities -communicates -isn't moody or pessimistic -isn't possessive -is intelligent -creative -isn't obsessed with sports -does not stereotype others -is loving and caring - is sexually confident - is good with children -is close with family but NOT a "momma's boy" -likes to dance 8) That's just the tip of the iceberg. I feel like I found him and married him. That keeps me smiling daily.... -BellaDonna -
I agree. Even though you're her HUSBAND and you deserve an explanation, anything you say or do right now will be held against you. She'll say you're "pressuring" her. She's in a cloud beyond reason. She's somehow created this monster in her mind that her marriage with you is supressing her. She'll interpert any of your behavior negatively, and use it to feed into her beliefs. She may only realize this is a huge mistake AFTER she loses you. I agree with that also. Distancing yourself- from her, not your child, is all you can do to hope that she somehow comes to her senses. You tried reasoning, and talking like a mature adult, and it didn't work. Time for Plan B. BellaDonna
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Headaches, sore breasts, morning sickness....however some women experience more or less of these symptoms. The simple solution would be to take an over the counter pregnancy test to end the speculation, and tkae it form there. You might be worrying over nothing...or if you are pregnant you'll at least know and then think about your next steps. BellaDonna
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Im freaking out right now
BellaDonna replied to Teena Brandon's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
Can you define exactly what being "one of the boys" means to you? For instance, is it a physical state of being, a mental state, both, etc.? -
Im freaking out right now
BellaDonna replied to Teena Brandon's topic in Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual and Transgender
It seems like you are having a hard time distinguishing between sex and gender. Sex: as in being biologically male or female, need not always determine gender identity: being masculine or feminine. You are tangeling up your identity based on what you look like on the outside- but it's what's on the inside that counts. You can still be a woman and even look feminine- while still having the stereotypically "masculine" positive traits of strength, bravery, and independence. Is there something about dressing like a man that makes you feel protected? BellaDonna -
I think there is still hope if the 2 of you see a marriage/family counselor. Even if she ultimately decides to continue with the split- counseling can help both of you put the situation in perspective. It's worth a try, BellaDonna
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I just think it's sad. Unless there's infidelity or abuse, I think a marriage is always worth trying to save. It's strange that she won't even talk about it. Maybe she's unsure and doesn't want to finalize plans? Have you asked if she'd try counseling? The focusing on her studies excuse is a poor one. You can still have a relationship when you're "studying". I went through an undergraduate and master's degree program full time, while in a relationship. There's more to it than the studies. Something is up. Maybe its's not somone else. But I do think you deserve a better explanation than that. She says she does not want to "report" to you....Were you posessive or did you pressure her in the past? Or is she creating those monsters in her mind? Just wondering, BellaDonna
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I know many people that do this. I think it all comes down to low self-esteem and fear of commitment. I have friends that have dated nice guys, and then left them for bad boys or men that treat them like sidewalk trash. I've tried talking sense into these friends- but they never listen. So I gave up. I don't answer my phone when they call to complain about their boyfriends anymore- it's sickening and it's self- created conflict. Sometimes they find "nice guys" and use them for attention and a confidence boost until they can create negative drama for themselves again. Some people (male and female) subconsciously don't think much of themselves and are not happy unless they are surrounded by drama and self- torture. They don't WANT to be "normal" because they don't know what to do with themselves when things are normal. They thrive on conflict and self-pity. Not all women are like this. I, for one, married a "nice guy". Don't let these kind of women upset you. If they have that kind of mentality then they're likely not someone who you'd want to be involved with anyways. Eventually you will find a "normal" one. BellaDonna
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I think it's a good thing that women no longer suffer in silence. However, I'm not so sure if it's only the role of women which has changed. I think the concept of marriage itself has changed. Marriage is now disposable. People no longer "work" at it anymore, and I think it's quite sad. I don't think people should have to suffer, but I do think they should compromise, remember the vows that they took, and at least try work on saving their marriage and their family. Confusedashell, I feel for you. This must be very difficult. But I agree maybe your wife is still leaving the door open if she does not want an actual divorce yet. As much as this hurts you, remember that your child is going to need a lot of support during this time. Children usually blame themselves. So try be strong for your child, and I hope you can all reach an agreement on what will work best for everyone involved. BellaDonna
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Well I don't think you're being unreasonable. I personally would not like it if my husband's ex came over to tend to fish tank, especially if I wasn't home. There's nothing wrong with being friendly/cordial with an ex, but when do you burn the bridge and focus on your current relationship? You're also worry based on her "history" of hooking up with taken guys, so you're not pulling it out of the sky- it's a valid concern. However I also agree that you should not try to dictate who she can and can't see. Try telling her how you feel in a sensitive, caring manner. If this ex makes you uncomfortable, then maybe she can compromise a little. BellaDonna
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If your bodyfat percentage gets very low, it prevents you from getting your period regularly. You might be underweight. If there's any chance you could be pregnant- take a test right away. BellaDonna
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FAILED a drug test, whats going to happen?
BellaDonna replied to shyuhh's topic in Health: Body, Mind and Spirit
I agree. If they infringe on your privacy before you're even employed, just imagine what it could potentially be like working there. I guess I can understand why people who are around controlled substances such as nurses, doctors, etc... would need to be tested....I don't want a surgery on me performed by a druggie.... But to have drug testing in other scenerios such as corporate places, restaurants.... I think it's unreasonable... BellaDonna -
Well it sounds like there more going on here than just the horse issue. I suggest the 2 of you resolve all of it before you think about bringing a child into the picture. Maybe she needs a little hand-holding. Let her become more involved. You might have to take on the role of a calm teacher. When you do the bills- sit down together. As silly as it may seem- it might be the only way to get her to take more responsibility for what she spends. Be patient with her- teach her how to use the excel program. Let her do the math, sign the checks, ANY small steps in the process which can help her to realize that money doesn't grow on trees. Plus, she should be competent in this area as your spouse because if you're ever ill or away she'll need to know how to do that stuff. Maybe she can vow to make her coffee at home and take it in a travel mug if she wants to spend money on her hair. She needs to compromise and to become more invloved with the bills. BellaDonna
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I don't think you're being unreasonable. I've been experiencing a similar situation. My husband wants a baby NOW- but I want to wait a couple of years until we're more financially secure. We've also been torn as to whether I should stay home- I think I can stay home for the first 6 months- then I'd want to go back to work-so I would not lose my place in the career world- but we worry about childcare. He suggested his 65 year-old aunt care for our future child while I work- and I'm opposed because she is physically disabled and I'd fear she would not be able to care for a baby without being burdoned. I prefer daycare- but that's super expensive. Sadly in today's society- having a child is largely a financial decision. We have to "plan" our children instead of just having them naturally. The concept of family has been lost in the corporate world. My husband hates when I speak of a child in financial terms, much like your wife. I feel I am just being realistic, he feels I am killing the joy in having a child by analyzing it so much. He has a point- but I also feel that I have one too. I would not let a horse ultimately decide whether or not to have a child, but I can see it's role in the grand scheme as far as finances go. Maybe the 2 of you should sit down and make out an example budget which takes into account only 1 salary and the estimated costs of the child. Do one with the horse included, and one without- and see if you can reach some kind of mutual agreement. You might also be alble to compromise in other ways- if she's a stay at home mom- and you decide to sell the horse- then get her another pet, perhaps a dog, to help fill the void. She will be able to care for a dog since she's home with the child anyways, but it would be much cheaper. BellaDonna
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It sounds like you have a fear of commitment, not simply for relationships but for life overall. You are finding it hard to commit to a career, and to take the next step to forming a relationship. There are many many people who are able to do this. Are you sure you're just not scared since you got hurt the last time and using this an an excuse? You are over-thinking the whole thing. Even with work and school- there is always time you can find for FUN. IF you don't allow yourself to have fun you'll turn into zombie and slave to capitalism. What do you do for FUN? Can you share fun with someone else? If you like this girl then why not give it a try? You can always take it slow and then re-evaluate, instead of just writing it off so fast due to pessimism. BellaDonna
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YES! I thought you were ready to leave him after he was verbally abusive the last time and yelled and swore at you. Now if you had ANY DOUBT, this last incident should give you the answer. Run, and and don't look back. This guy is a jerk in so many ways. He has no respect for you at all. First the abuse, now the cheating. Kick him to the curb! 2 years is too long- don't waste any more time on him. You deserve so much more. BellaDonna
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You can approach it that way- or you can try to be supportive. Your feelings are indeed a bit selfish- but they are feelings just the same.I do understand your concerns. When people have children- things change drastically. However- did you ever think that maybe this is something positive? Keep in mind that this child will be your niece or nephew. If you adore your sister- then you will likely adore her child. It is part of her. You can share the exerience with her or distance yourself and make your fears come true. If you start off in this negative state of mind- you won't even give the situation a chance. A pregnancy is something you can support your sister through and it can bring you closer. A new mom needs a lot of support- and I'm sure your sister would be devastated if she lost you then. You shouldn't turn your back on her in her most needy time. What ever happened to unconditional love? Just think about it for a second: Your sister actually needs to worry more about losing you than you need to worry about losing her. You've already decided that you'll run away from her, and she's not even pregnant yet. BellaDonna
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That's a great idea. I know it will work because I just did the same thing before I got a tattoo. (Yes I was a wimp) It took the edge off the pain and really helped to numb the area. This tattoo felt like heaven compared to my first one. What I did was I put a thick layer of the cream on my skin and left it on for about 2 hours covered in plastic wrap (so it really absorbed into the pores and didn't evaporate or dry up). Then right before I left to get the tattoo I washed it off. It cut the pain in half for tattooing so I'm sure it would work wonders for waxing. Of course in my case I used it on my lower back and not bikini area- so be careful when applying the cream there. BellaDonna
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He's "sorry" now that he is caught. But think of all the times he wasn't sorry and how he threatened you and tried to make you feel unsafe. There's no doubt that he is sick in the head- but he's also very manipulative- how convenient it is to attempt suicide once you're found out by the police and then claim "insanity". I'm glad his suicide attempt wasn't sucessful ONLY because now he can't escape the trial. Do not feel bad for him for even a second. Just be glad he's admitting his crime now. I hope he gets the maximum sentence for his crime. But no matter what -you win- his crime has been revealed- he's admitting to it- and he will be off the streets. I would like to see him end up in prison and not a mental institution, but either way he'll still be off the streets. As others has suggested, be strong in court. His lawyer may try to lead you into traps in questioning, like lawyers always try to do. Just be sure to talk to your lawyer and prep yourself. You did absolutely nothing wrong and I hope you will be able to find some justice! BellaDonna