cassiana

I did no contact for five months and it didnt work. I have been doing email contact for a month and it isnt working either. There is no formula for winning someone back. Just dont be needy. The more i have researched this area the more confued I've become. I find it hard to believe that after you two shared so much together that he has moved on so quickly. Doesnt seem likely.

I have often posted here on my own behalf but today a friend has come to me for advice and I feel too close and maybe a bit too bitter to advise her. SO I thought I would post her problem here and see what you guys think. We'll call them Mary and John. Mary and john were flirting for about six months. Mary works in a computer company and John works for a firm that supplies and fixes their computers. Anyway Mary bravely decided to invite John to accompany her to a wedding. He accepted and she was thrilled. However he hurt his back about two days before the wedding and she had to bring her brother. Anyway they saw each other at work a couple of times a week. About five months later John asked Mary out. What Mary didnt know that John had dated another girl for about a month in between. John and Mary dated for a year but Mary ended it out of frustration. John was a workaholic and was often busy weekends. Even when he was free he was helping some friend or relative through a crisis or attending some sporting even that he was involved in. Mary attended a few weddings with him for his relatives and friends but on three more occasions when she invited him to weddings he bailed saying his back was acting up. He really did have a bad back. I met John only once because he was very reluctant to meet her friends and family. She confronted him many times but if he made an effort for a day that was the some total of it. In the end she could cope no more. In a whole year they had never once spent a weekend together. Also he never phoned her, it was always textx. He even used to argue by text. about a month after the break-up he texted her to meet up and discuss things. She agreed but it never happened. You guessed it, he had another crisis. That was it for over two years. During that two years he still visited the office and showed definite interest in her. All her work colleagues asked what was the matter with him. About five months ago he texted he about having another go but she ignored him. Then three weeks ago he asked again and she said okay. I was thrilled for her. I thought that this was a vindication of all the advice you get about moving on with your life etc. During the break-up Mary had been active, moved house won lots of sporting events and did alot of travelling. He had wanted her back for at least a year and she had said no. Now surely he would have learned his lesson. Anyway the first date was fine. He was very attentive at work that week and the next. Then on the second date, a saturday there had been texting but the date had already been set. He was supposed to meet her outside her house. He never turned up. He left her no word. Eventually, a few hours later she texted him. He replied saying that he was in casualty in hospital with a friend who had fallen through a door while holding her baby. My thought was, this woman is married so why is he taking her in. She also has neighbours. Mary asked why he hadn't contacted her and he said it was because she hadn't replied to his last text. Now his last text wasn't something that needed a reply and she had replied to the previous \five. She told him to forget it, that this was a waste of time. Now he wants to meet her this weekend. In the intervening week his mother has gone to hospital with water in the brain. She blew him off and is coming to visit me this weekend instead. Two fo her friends have advised her to give him another chance what with all the crisis he has etc. I have been harder. Im not unsympathetic to his mother etc but this man has so many crisis I frankly dont believe that they are true. I thin its some sort of trick to get out of things.Why was his back fine for his weddings and bad for hers. Yes he did have a bad back but now he is using it to his advantage. I told her that I thin that he will always be like this and as he hadnt learnt his lesson after two years to not waste anymore time on him. What do you guys think? I would like to give her some good advice. Thanks.

My ex dumped me 6 months ago. For the last month we have sent each other light-hearted emails and jokes. Would he do this if he had absolutely no interest?

This is a hard one to call on the information given. Did you treat your ex so badly that it disgusted your friends? I mean a friend should stick by you but I dont think no matter what. If you do something terrible and show yourself up to be scum why should good people stick by you. Or did you run away from them before they had a chance to absorb the situation so they never got a chance to decide? or did you put them in the horrible position of picking between the two of you? Thats very unfair. By dfoing that you are forcing them to dump one friend over the other. What is worse in that situation is if the couple reconcile the friends again come out badly. Think of it from the friends point of view. Friends should be allowed remain friends with both sides which would mean separate trips if you and your ex are tense. You shouldn't punish them for that. Or did youor ex maliciously turn them against you. In that case they arent great friends if they have known you so long and are so easily swayed. Do not take your new girlfriend on this trip. If you are to blame for the mess she will see it and if your ex is able to turn people against you why risk it.

You cannot wait for her, you must move on. You must decide fully to move on. She may or may not come back to you but you cannot focus on that. You must make up your mind to leave limbo and move on. Easier said then done but youll go bonkers otherwise.

if you intend to try and get it published then legally I think you should send it to him shouldn't you? Plus its a grat excuse to break NC which you can immediately re-establish if hes not receptive.

It sounds like she needs to rebuild her trust in you. You need to show her you mean what you say and this isn't a show that will be forgotten as soon as you have her back. If it is, then the next time she wont come back to you if she has any sense. So be sure you want her, that the changes you made are permanent and that you will work patiently on the relationship. Take your time.

When I was a teenager I felt just like you did. I went from being a very skinny kid to being an extremely, disproportionally buxom teenager with spectacles. A boy in my class called me Dolly Parton and I got a lot of leery sexual tension. I started to put on alot of weight and then counteracted it bullimia. I would walk down the street and even under bulky sweaters and coats I could see these enormous pendulous boobs protruding before me. God I hated them.Bullimia was a huge part of my twenties. I would roll in to work with an hours sleep because I had binged the night before but had dawdled before the purging. It happened practically every night. I felt so bad. I used to dream of being bloated and vomitting.By 30 I had started to come to terms with who I was. Also my breasts shrunk to a more proportional size. Now I can go for over a year without bulimia but sometimes in high stress again I will crack. The pressure builds up about something going wrong in my life, at the moments its a breakup and I will binge and purge. the day after I feel hungover but all this takes my mind off the pain. Then I feel ready to deal with the world again. I never went to a counsellor and nobody knows about this. In fact this is the first time I have ever acknowledged it outside my own head. I'm better than I was but not cured. Iy happens rarely now. I think self-harm comes from the same impulse. I dont want to externalise my anger and internalise it instead. The point is Im not worthless I just thought I was and neither or you. We just judge ourselves too harshly and think other people are more in control. Believe me they are not. Remember you are a much better person than you think and you are far from being alone. I noticed years ago that my brother used to harm himself too. Hes tall and handsome but he thinks little of himself. Some cultures just dont look after and praise each other like they should.

Her perception of you has been shattered because you didnt appreciate her. She probably came to the conclusion that the YOU she loved wasn't the real you otherwise you wouldnt have been so neglectful. If you want to try to win her back you will have to be prepared to prove yourself. You will have to be patient. She wants her old YOU back but if you quit early she will think that she was right not to trust you again.

maybe you dont seem as hurt as he expected and his ego is bruised and he is telling you this to get a reaction. His drinking is probably because he feels that he should indulge himself as he is free. Anyway just ignore iy and get on with your life. Interfering wont help.

Antigone. please tell me why you decided to dump? How did you feel when you dumped him? How did he react? When did you realise you had made a mistake? What steps have you made towards reconciliation?

Sometimes exes come back and its a disaster, sometimes its a success. I don't think there are hard and fast rules about it. I do think that an ex who has dumped you should have to earn their way back though.

Well madhornet. The next time a girl plays games it maybe because she was once a nice girl but then she learned the hard way it doesn't work. The next time I shall suppress all my natural urges and see if I succeed.

I have loads that happened to my friends if you want the laborious task of scrolling through my old posts. Sadly im not one of those happy stories. Six months and still suffering. If the NCwhich I have been very good about works I promise I will come back and tell you. Meanwhile I'm looking for another man.

If you want to be different from the other guys, act different from them. Do not go camping with her and her other exs. I mean what an egotrip for her. I remember a girl I knew in college threw a party and boasted that four of her exes were there. She loved it. If you want to stand apart from the crowd do just that, stand apart. Don't let her know what you are thinking. Keep in contact and meet her on her own but dont be part of her scalp collection.

As a former shy person I would say go out and make yourself do it. You may go out and get no result but every effort will make it easier the next time. I have done things on my own and told myself its really bad I can leave. Often i'm very glad I did it. Being shy is awful, I sympathise and as a former shy person I try to look out for my kind. We know you are shy not weird and we like you for it. As for the pain you are feeling, sadly you are not alone. We all feel that bad.

If you have strong feelings for your current girlfriend then stick with her. Even from where I am she has one very attractive trait over your ex, she never dumped you. An ex may dump again especially if she knows she has such power over you that you will leave your current girlfriend for her.

Well good for you but be careful. remember how you felt about game playing. just because you got a result doesn't mean you should relax.

God thats just revolting. I will remember that the next time a guy comes near me. Uh

He was perfectly happy in the relationship but he has his problems. He had to do a course and then he wanted to travel. I have already tortured enough people with the story. He has made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship at the moment.

This happens to me all the time. I think im too nice and dont play the game. I wish someone would teach me before its too late.

He dumped me quite suddenly and coldly.

I have been dating a month. The first two weeks he gushed at my beauty, bought me dinner etc. By week three I sat whilst he wayched sport. On Tuesday he was supposed to ring but didnt but later texted to say sorry and could we meet up on Wednesday (our usual) I should have played games and said I was busy but I texted him back on wednesday and met him. At the end he said we should meet up on saturday as usual. I reminded him again that I was busy on Saturday. He said he would ring me on Friday. He offerred, I didn't ask. He never rang. Nopw its monday evening. Do you think he will ever ring and how should I behave if he does?

I have written about my ex bf ad nauseum before. We have been apaert now six months. I broke no contact about a month ago. I got tweo nice emails back but silence since. The emails i sent him in reply were bright and breezy and full of my adventures but no mention of the new man in my life that he is unaware of. I know that he has had no gf or even a kiss since we split. I also no that he is not doing too well. He is a bit down and has alot of migraines. His workmates tell my friend(they never met me) that he was very happy with me, never happier but now he is down again. He is planning to go off travelling alone next year. I'm confused. If travelling is a search for happiness why search when what he is looking for is under his nose. I'm not asking here i'm just opining.

I have started a relationship with someone else so i'm not going to wait for this guy. I haven't told my ex about the new guy. He hasn't asked and I don't think tis any of his business. I wonder does my ex think that just because I'm emailing him that i'm at home waiting for him? Depending on circumstances I could end up telling my ex im no longer interested or I could be telling him exactly what I want confident that I dont have to settle for less. I think there is an element of a power struggle in all relationships. Here I keep seeing, that is when someone has the power to move on and takes back control, that then the ex is intrigued. As was said earlier, its a game. Games always have winners and losers. Its rarely a draw.