cassiana

I have written before about how I was dumped unexpectedly by my ex last April so I won't go into detail here. He was very cold but the real reason I think he dumped me is because he had to do a tough course and he was under pressure, (it was in another city and he has M.E). I am heartbroken and though he sent me a few email jokes I didn't reply because I thought NC might work. Anyway they were only before the course began and I felt it was wrong to be a pushover and that if the course was the cause of our breakup there would be no point trying to fight it until the course ended. So I split my brain. Half of me went out to meet new men and half pined for him. My brave foray into the dating scene linked me to a lovely guy, who heaven help me I do not find attractive at all. I was totally honest with him about my break-up but he is persistent and it isn't working because I find him extremely unattractive. It is interesting actually how my ex who I was lovely to sees fit to drop me and this guy who I don't sometimes return calls to because he wouldn't take me telling him I wasn't interested, just won't give up. I feel guilty about that. Now that rotten course that my Ex is doing is finishing this week.But also I have a chance to go on another date with someone new. I'm afraid that if I don't my ex won't call and if I do go on this date I will end up having a difficult choice. I hate dumping people and I'm bound to pick the wrong one. I also know that this new guy will probably be bad so why am I worrying? I guess I just miss my ex and now the time has come for him to act and I know he won't because its only me. My confidence is shattered. Guys beg other girls to forgive them. Does anyone feel like I do?

I would like to hear more. From the bit you have given us I don't think you need to tell her you are moving on. Your silence would be far more effective. Its NC for you. It sounds like its over but I'm not sure because you didn't tell us enough.

God! now i'm annoyed. She sounds very manipulative. I reckon the other guy has got to go. Why does she suggest september? does it suit her plans? I think you should rattle her cage. If she's single in Paris, then youre single wherever you are capiche! Why don't you go out and see if there are nicer girls out there and have a bit of fun for yourself. Let her see what it feels like and maybe you just might meet someone who isn't so self-centred. It will give you confidence too. She cheated on you. She can't expect you to get over it when she wants you to. I would compare it to someone breaking your leg. They can't stand over you and say oops sorry and expect those magic words to instantly mend it. Nor would they get annoyed because a month later you are still on crutches and sheesh they told you they were sorry ages ago. I would argue that a broken heart takes alot longer to mend than a leg yet people dont give it the same consideration. Good Luck.

She appears to be a great girl for laying down the law. Now its your turn to play hardball with her. Tell her that you won't even consider taking her back unless she stops emailing the other guy. She's having it too much her own way and ringing you 30 times in one day while still contacting the other guy is just demented. It is possible that because you were her first great love that she needed to see if far away hills are green but if shes coming back to you it must be 100%. She hurt you badly and you stood by her. The major thing about cheating is about the loss of trust. How can she hope to win back your trust by saying that she can't show you her emails to the other man because you won't go back to her. Well if that's true then she doesn't deserve you back. She should prove to you that shes trustworthy by cutting her ties with this other poor sap shes stringing along and committing to you. If she won't do that then I'm afraid she might be out to make a sap of you again. You are in the stronger position so use it to your advantage. Its your way or the highway. If you feel yourself weakening remember what she said to you when she was having her fun. Also tell her that you are not in a soap opera and if she rings more than three times in any day you will yank the phone out of the wall. I may be wrong butshe seems to me like the sort of woman who would like a strong man to put order on her. Some women find that extremely attractive.Good Luck.

Sorry Beec, its just so frustrating! I reckon my first opportunity to email him will be around august 23rd. I'm going to send him one of those humorous captioned photos that I got sent on the Internet by another guy. He sent me one and considered it communication I suppose, so he will have to interpret mine as communication also. If I tell my friend, she will kill me. She thinks that I'm far too accommodating. Surely that gives him hope but tells him little.

if I tell him that won't I scare him off? I thought i was supposed to leave him in doubt. That the mystery was going to make me attractive. I mean the NC rule is not about ringing up and saying how you feel its about showing them that you can move on without them because everyone wants someone to lean on not someone who will lean on them. Surely telling him how I feel would be romantic suicide. My friend dated this guy for a year and she was mad about him but he kept putting her at the end of his list of priorities. He kept cancelling arrangement because of work or family. Unfailingly he dodged every wedding she had to attend by having a bad back and then being fine when she had to go to one of his weddings. She called him on it several times and when he didn't improve she dumped him. He kept texting her and she would reply hoping that he would try and behave better. Then he suggested a reconciliation. She texted back agreeing and then he didn't bother texting her for a month. At that stage she got sick of him and when he texted she wouldn't answer for days. Sometimes she would forget to reply but he kept on texting or dropping into her work. She couldn't care less. Then two years later he asked her could they try again. She ignored the text and hes still after her. I'm sorry to say this but you guys don't respond to kindness and honesty, I know. Treat em mean and keep them keen seems to be true sadly. ( im sure women can be difficult too). She keeps telling me not to contact my ex because whenever she contacted hers he ignored her but as soon as she lost interest he couldn't keep away and no matter how offhand she is with him he still comes back for more. Another friend of mine after about five years of dating wanted to get married. She told him, he baulked. They broke up, they got back together, she asked again, he baulked, they broke up etcetc. This went on for four years until she dumped him for good and went on a trip to australia and came back and bought a car. Within three weeks of her return he had proposed. If honesty with men worked then I would have been married years ago. I thought he was the one and i was nice to him and never played games. I never pretended I was busy or any other games. As we have seen, big mistake. I've learned at last and the hard way, games it is all the way from now on. Forgive me if I seem cynical but you have no idea what I have been through with men in my life. Be yourself, Huh all thats brought me is misery.,

Dear Beec and gti33 Thank you very much for your replies. They have been very helpful. Telling my that im analytical really struck a chord because in all aspects of my life I'm incredibly so. My ex claimed he was too but he if he was he didn't show it last april. I suppose i've been feelinh particularly down because an end of sorts has arrived. I knew that there was no point going near him while he was doing his course and maybe he sent those mmessages as a holding pattern, but in truth he couldn't cope with me at that time. When I got those messages I felt that they were designed to make him look good to our mutual friend and ease his own conscience rather that show any feeling for me. I'm afraid when he told me and then my friend that he felt bad I didn't believe him. When he said he was losing a friend I didn't believe him. All I felt like saying was "Then why do it?" When he said I had been nothing but supportive I felt like saying the same thing. I also fely like saying if I have been so supportive of you and your illness then why can't you expect me to be the same here. Then I thought its because of commitment. Better to dump her now than to ask her to wait. If you ask her to wait that long it means commitment. Then my friend said stop over analysing it. My brother said a guy would never contact a girl just to please others. My friends didn't think that he would have thought so far ahead about the commitment thing. He never said lets just be friends. He said that he was losing a friend. I've analysed that to death. Anyway be my best guess his course is ending in a week or so then he has two weeks holidays when he will head off somewhere, hopefully alone to ponder the universe. He has had no email access because many dusty european legal institutions have no interest in those things and even make you buy a wig. I'm taking my parents on holiday in the meantime but when I return I reckon he should be back at work and I will send him a joke by email. You were right, being very stubborn I could do NC (or hard time) for as long as it took but I don't know what to do next. I was hoping he would have one of those "ohmigod what have I done, what a fool I have been " moments, that my premature contact would destroy. I'm terrified he will write to me that he can't cope with a relationship because of his M.E and he will remember me fondly and such dribble. I had great sympathy for his illness but I have to say i'm losing it rapidly. M.E makes you tired its you that make you selfish. He also was an olympian whinger and I was the opposite. I think this led him to believe that I lived some sort of charmed life and thereforeeee wouldn't mind being dumped. I accommodated his illness but I wouldn't be his nurse. I feel like saying to him M.E is a terrible illness but people without it.sometimes suffer too and deserve some empathy. Nelson Mandela for instance. If he does write something soppy I will write back with a pen dipped in acid. Never in my life have I met a man who deserved a kick up the derriere as him. I still like him though. Thanks guys, your suggestions that he might still have feelings for me has cheered me up. Its hard to keep that hope up after four months. Sorry about the ranting, but this sort of thing has happened in my past and I've had enough. I want my happy ever after before its too late.

Sadly i cannot think of any. We met only once through a mutual friend and if he hadn't asked for my number, rung me up and asked me out I would never have seen him again.He owes me money for some theatre tickets that he has forgotten about and he has a hat of mine that he reminded me he had once and said he must return to me before the break-up. Here they talk alot about loss of atrraction and making yourself more attractive. Here I wasn't dumped because of me but because he was panicking about his course and his llife. If there is any trait I think I coould change it would to become more assertive and demanding. WE NEVER FOUGHT and i'm fairly attractive and have a steady job and no bad habits. When we broke up I said that we would never see each other again and he said we would through our friend and I asked him how many times had we met that way and he just hung his head.God it all feels so hopeless and i'm so angry and hurt that after 4 months it still makes me cry..How can I imagine that hes sorry or cares after the things he said.

if he came back to me I would know that he cared. If i approach him i'm terrified that he will reject me. At 32 hes very immature and may feel that he has missed out on alot of experiences and he doesn't want to be tied to me. He felt bad about living at home and I had got the impression that he wanted to move on with me but the breakup has blown that idea out of the water. Now i think that he cannot cope with the imagined stresses of bringing the relationship on to the next level. I have no idea of how to make putty of him unless it involves rolling over him with a car.

Well he sent me the emails and birthday card in mid april just before he went to do his course. He would not have been online since because his course is very intensive. As far as my sources tell me his course will finish next week and then he has two weeks holidays after that. If i send him anything now his mailbox will be too full to take it. How about me waiting a week until he returns to his desk and cleans it out and then sending him a joke email that I will also circulate to six others? That would be meeting like with like?

First of all congratulations Danimal. I think I feel like a prisoner happy to see a cellmate released but annoyed that I'm still here pending an appeal. Secondly I'm the Taurus April 26th and while i'm stubborn as hell I'm not unreasonably so. Four months Nc will testify to that. My situation is slightly different as I was dumped (I think) as a result of a knee jerk reaction to a stressful situation for my ex. As I discussed it with people I asked them in amazement Is it easier for a man to dump a girl he likes than admit to her that he is scared and afraid of failing? The answer I got was yes. To get rid of me he was very cold but I never begged or pleaded. In the midst of his rejection of me he also threw in I might regret this in a week but I need to do this now. He also told me that it felt to him like he was losing a friend. It was such a barrage of mixed messages. I walked out on him. Two days later he was telling my friend that he didn't mean to dump me and that it hadn't gone the way he had planned. I don't think any of this would have happened if it wasn't for this course he was freaked out about and I think that I must have done something right if he was backtracking two days later. After 4 months that blasted course ends in a week or so and im praying he will contact me properly then.

Fighting comes in many forms. When my ex dumped me I desperately wanted him back. So I did my homework. I reviewed what hadn't worked for me in the past with other guys, (begging, pleading, showing up where they would be). I looked up books, websites and consulted friends of both genders some who knew him, some who didn't. The general consensus was do nothing. I was also told that men are very job orientated and can only focus on one thing at a time so there would be no action while he was doing his course. Also as has been said when we are dumped by someone we care for we want it back, maybe more so because we can't have it. Maybe the NC rule can reverse that polarity and suddenly they fear losing us and worry had they made the mistake in losing someone who is so capable of taking care of themselves. So for me the past 4 months have been really hard. I haven't contacted him because I want him. He didn't turn mean on me because I chased him, because I never chased him. He turned mean on me because he was determined to get rid of me. After 40 minutes I got up and walked out on him.

I was the envy of every woman who had met him when my ex asked me out. He was so pleasant and charming. He had time for everyone and was careful to ask everyone how they were doing. When people helped him out they got cards and thank yous. He was just as nice to me. He introduced me to his family and his friends. He organised weekends away. He bought me beautiful flowers for valentines. When I bougt him a birthday gift I could see that he was genuinely touched. He had a nickname for me and would never let me drive home without making sure I had a bottle of water in case I was thirsty. He made me dinner and held my umbrella. He used to talk about forming a mens group to help with mens difficulty in expressing their feelings etc. He was so kind and considerate, up until the minute he dumped me. When I told others who had known him the things he said they couldn't believe it. He said that he had little sympathy for me and even had a bit of vindictive pleasure in doing it because he had been dumped by others before. As we never even had one cross word between us these and the other things were a bit extreme. I didn't beg or plead. I said a few things and left him feeling a heel. He did send me some jokes via email over the next few weeks but I didn't reply. Then he sent me a birthday card that never referred to the dumping and he couldn't even bring himself to write dear on it.I didn't reply to that because I knew that he didn't want anything to do with me at that time. I don't think that he meant what he said but was desperate to get rid of me. He has M.E and was under extreme pressure and couldn't cope with dating and having to move to a new city to do an intensive 3 month Law course. That course finished in about a week. The guy I dated would do his utmost to apologise and make it up to me because he liked me so much. The cold stranger would just move on without thinking about it. Unlike some on this thread I accepted his decision. I didn't ask for a second chance, after all as he told my friend two days later I had done nothing wrong. He dumped me to concentrate on his course. He even told my friend that he hadn'tmeant to dump me but needed time to reflect on the relationship which I take to mean to get shot of me for the duration of the course. So its been 4 months of no contact for us and today i'm depressed because I think that in a few weeks he still won't have contacted me and mr nice guy wasnt the real him and he was a cold stranger all along.

Dear Beec I take your point and I did think of replying I wanted to but I didn't know if it was the right thing to do. The email was sent to me and about ten other people and it didn't have any personal content. Was it really a communication at all? If I didn't reply to it under the circumstances surely he would realise that he hadn't said anything. The next email was a jokey picture and yet again I wasn't the sole recipient. If I replied to these wasn't I saying its okay to treat me heartlessly. On the monday after the dumping he told my friend that he knew that he had messed up and that it was his fault. He also told me while dumping me that I had put more effort in than him. Also I knew that all he cared about in april was that course. If I sent an email back I think he would have been well pleased and would have sent me the odd bland joke over the course, knowing that old doormat here was waiting. After the course he would have gone off to explore his navel, happy in the knowledge that I would still return his mass circulated jokes. Then he would meet someone who wouldn't put up with that and for whom he hadn't contempt and that would be the end of that. If I didn't reply, I think I made it clear that I'm upset and there are things I will not put up with. He should expect that something as pathetic as those emails could in no way recompense for the coldness, offensiveness and cruelty of the manner in which he discarded me. If I told someone that I felt no sympathy for them and that there was even a vindictive pleasure to dumping them and then regretted it I would not expect them to come running back just because I emailed them a joke. I would email them personally with an apology or even ring them. Surely if I replied to his joke I was selling myself short. Men like to chase a bit and now he can chase me. If he does contact me I will have shown him that I'm not clingy and can survive without him and also I will have more power in the relationship because he will have come back to me, not me clinging on to him. I know that he may not contact me because he isn't interested anymore, but if he doesn't contact me because I didn't reply to those crappy emails he is a total fool. A joke at that time was an insult and not an olive branch. He had a golden opportunity to do something for my birthday and he blew that too. My feeling with that was that he didn't want anything to do with me. He sent it too early, couldn't even bring himsefl to use the word "dear" even though it was dear everything a few weeks before. If he had sent me one communication that treated me with some respect or affection I could have and would have responded. I would have loved to respond. His course finishes in a week or so and he will be back home. There will have been a cooling off period of four months at that stage. If he has any intelligence, conscience, sense or backbone then he should contact then but my faith in men has been sorely tried over the years and today I feel that that is very unllikely.He will probably want to be by himself for a few months and then go off with someone pushier and I'm probably long forgotten as usual.

The thing is I only ever met this guy properly once and three weeks later he rang me up and asked me out. I will never accidently meet him. If I was to meet him, it would involve me engineering it. Finding out where he would be and turning up. I have done that in the past with other men and it led nowhere. If he and I were to be somewhere naturally I wouldn't avoid him, it just won't happen. I'm a veteran of many campaigns and I've always been the one to write the letter or make the phonecall or turn up all in my fairly reserved non-stalker way. It has never brought me anything but heartache and humiliation. When this guy dumped me he knew I was upset, he said it himself, I can see you are devastated. He must surely realise that I, who had been so responsive to all contact previously, did not respond to his jokey emails and pathetic card because I was deeply upset. If he cares at all or wants me then surely he can draw that simple conclusion. I know too that he would have only been able to focus on his course until it was finished. I think the card might have been a way to see if he could deal with me before he went on this course. If I gave him an easy way out then I think he would have no respect for me. I also felt that he believed that being ill for so long caused him to miss out on many experiences. Apparently the course wasn't as bad as he feared and he has been socialising in the city. Hopefully that will allow him some time to consider what to do when the course ends. The course has two more weeks to run and then he has two weeks holidays. I'm praying that he will make contact. I've dragged myself through the last four months and now his course is almost over but I feel fearful because the end of his course doesn't necessarily mean the end of my wait. I don't know his mentality but I do feel that he as the dumper should make the first move if he has any feeling for me at all. I as the dumpee will be setting myself as a doormat by contacting him and that will allow him even more freedom to take me for granted even if he wanted me back. He is into alot of self-help books and he attended a therapist while going through M.E which has depression as a side effect. I sometimes wonder if being an M.E sufferer has allowed him to become a victim. He is full of self-pity but had none for me. It would do him good if he thought about what was going on in my head for awhile instead of seeing everything in terms of himself. When he told me that I had been good for him I felt like a dose of antibiotics, useful but disposable. It never occurred to him that he should be good form me. What should I have done? What should I do?

In writing here about the break-up therei s obviously an accent on the negative. However overall it was great. Yes I want him. He has M.e and not a penny to his name and is very skinny and I still want him. WE HAVE A SIMILAR SENse of humour, a similar outlook on life. I find him attractive and good company. I told him things I didn't think you could tell a man. He never gave me the real reason for the break-up. He threw things that weren't true at me rather than admit that he was dumping me to concentrate on his exams. There is little chance I will accidently bump into him and I sure don't want to. I only want to meet him as part of a move toawrds reconciliation. If I did meet him by accident I would be cheerful and friendly. I would make no mention of the breakup but rather ask after his course and his family. I could carry that off quite well. A few months back I wouldn't have been able to. I have been doing alot of research here and elsewhere. I think that if he contacts me again it will mean alot and I would respond. The question is will he?

I think you did the right thing. I think her response shows that she is mad that she didn't get everything her own way. She could have you about safe in the knowledge that you loved her but she free to date. If things went wrong she could have a fallback. Any person with an ounce of sensitivity would realise that you being friends while she dated was going to cut you to the bone. Now she has to make a choice. She doesn't like that, tough! Its time she did some thinking. Now you let her do the running. If she doesn't then you know that you have spared yourself from alot of suffering and humiliation. Now the NC begins.

You didn't lie. You're ex had sex with an underage girl (you) and he broke the law. To do what Loneliestever suggests and say that it was a lie when it wasn't would be wrong. If there is stigma on your ex's good name its because he deserved it. Having said that it seems to me that you acted out of spite. People are entitled to dump you and you have to accept it. What are you going to do to punish the next one I shudder to think. If I were your ex I wouldn't come within a mile of you. It is very civilised of him to be polite but he would be extremely stupid to reconcile with you. The implications are too many. Leave him be for both your sakes.

We dated for three months and never argued. I never missed or turned down a date. I took all his calls and replied to all his emails. We were quite affectionate in private. For valentines he bought me a dozen red roses and I bought him a cd. For his bitrthday I got him an encyclopedia of classical music and a 4cd chillout compilation. He showed me his photo albums and introduced me to all his family. We went away for many weekend breaks. We rarely met during the week, I hinted at it but didn't pressurise him because he had M.E and I figured he was tired and didn't want to add to his stress. From all this can you really think that he didn't know that I cared for him? We had made plans for about 3weeks in advance when he dumped me. Essentially two of his colleagues were off sick and he got a bad cold which takes its toll on those who have had M.E. He rang for the first time to say he couldn't go out that weekend. I said well its a pity but if youre sick youre sick. Coincidentally we both had to go out of town that monday so we made the trip togather. I had to rearrange a few things to do that and he knew I did. Again I would say that my actions showed that I valued him. That monday things were fine and though we sent some emails to each other during the week the next saturday we met he dumped me. He must have decided it either thursday or Friday. Basically he was about to go to another city for three months to do an intensive lefal course. He should have done it about 6 years ago but that was when he got M.E and was more or less bedridden for two years. He has been recovering since and did the first part of the legal course last summer with great difficulty. My feeling is that he panicked that the second part would cause a relapse and in that panic he got rid of anything he could to make his life easier. That of course meant dumping me. It was sudden and very cruel. He told me that I had been good for him and that we had alot in common. He also said that he had enjoyed his own company that weekend we had spent apart and he thought things were stale that monday even though he reckoned no-one laughed as much as us that day. He said that he might regret his decision in a week but that was how he felt now. He said that he really didn't feel much sympathy for me and that there was even a vindictive pleasure to it because he had been dumped by women in the past.He asked me if I had anything to say. I paused a bit and let one tear trickle down my face. I said that in these circumstances I didn't think there was much point me saying anything. I said I was shocked. That i couldn't believe he would do this. That it seemed to me that I had made no mark on his affections. That he had no resppect for me. He interjected that he had. I said that I was a fairly shy person and so was he and that was why there might be no spark in public. He said that he hadn't thought of that. I said that he had a cold that Monday and I had had a cold too and had to get up before 6am and he said that he hadn't thought of that. He said that I had given him alot to think about and that he hadn't thought things through. He said that he was an idiot and that he always thought of me as someone with a sunny disposition and naively thought that I would take it with a smile. I saked how shallow did he think I am?He said that he saw now that I was devastated. Throughout the argument he kept putting in how he was a nice guy. he also said that I had probably put more into the relationship than him. I mentioned how I had been dumped in the past too by this guy who couldn't cope with me being older than him. My Ex was indignant and said that that was a stupid reason to dump anyone. I fixed him a stare and replied that that was irrelevant now wasn't it and he rolled his eyes in pain. He said that he felt terrible and I said that I could assure him that I felt worse.I told him that all meant wanted was vipers and that I was sick of my kindness being thrown back in my face and from now on I would be a viper too. I left him feeling about two inches high. We met through a friend of mine who worked in the legal profession with him. She used to meet him regularly for lunch where she had got the impression that he was really taken with me. That monday he told her that he hadn't meant to dump me but was tired and would try and contact me. He said that the break-up had nothing to do with me and that I had been great.I can tell you my hope rose and everyday I checked for a sign. About a week later I bumped into his mother and sister and I was pleasant and didn't mention him. As they parted his mother said that she hoped that she would see me again. The next day I got mmy FIRST CONTACT. It was a joke that he emailed to me and about 8 other of his friends.There was no personal message. I was gutted. Had he done the weakest thing possible so that he could still appear a nice guy to those who knew what happened. If I responded wouldn't I be saying that it was okay to be awful to me. About a week later he sent another joke under similar conditions. Then he asked my friend for my address. My birthday was coming up so I was delighted. I had spent over $100 on his birthday gift and I felt that this was a golden opportunity for him to re-establish relation. If he sent me something I could reply. The thing is though he asked my friend for my address he was too ashamed to reveal to her that he didn't know my birthday (though I had once told him). In another discussion I had told him that he would be doing his course during my birthday. My card arrived a week before he began the course so it wasnt near my birthday. My Mom reckon he was just trying to get everything out of the way before the course began. The card was why wine was better than men (he knows that I don't drink). The message hurt. He didn't even write Dear. For my gift he stuffed four lottery scratchcards into the envelope. The message wished me luck with the cards and hoped that I was looking after myself. Total cost including postage $11. Reading between the lines I felt the card said go away and don't annoy me. I knew there would be no point trying to deal with this while he was doing the course. I felt his attempts at contact were not designed to win me back and also I was so wretched I would only have cried. So I didn't contact him. The bloody Legal course ends in ten days and then he has two weeks holidays. My friend met him once a few weeks back and asked had he contacted me. He didn't want to talk about it,only saying that he had sent a card but I hadn't replied. He also has a hat of mine that he kept meaning to return before the break-up. He has M.E which makes him mollycoddle himself for fear of a relapse. At the same time he never once let on how bad the course scared him, it was my friend who told me.The M.E has made him self-centred and full of self-pity. He is also a pessimist. He is also fairly shy and I have seen him eat meals he didn't want just to be polite. Up until the incredibly cold and unexpected dumping he had been gentle, considerate and charming. He had a great time with me and I with him. I don't know if he will ever contact me again. I know that he would have dumped Marilyn Monroe that day because he was so freaked about the course. By the same token he had said that I had been nothing but supportive, why couldn't he have explained the situation. Do you see why I didn't contact him. What do you think?

I know being clingy and needy are real romance killers but I have the opposite problem. I'm a chronic worrier and very shy who seems to paradoxically project an air of sailing through life untouched by it all. When my boyfriend dumped me he was shocked i was upset. He said that he thought that I would think that the relationship had run its course. He said he couldn't get over the change in me. That he always thought of me as someone with a very sunny disposition and naively thought that I would take it with a smile. He then admitted he was wrong and hadn't thought it through. Two days later he tells a friend that he hadn't meant to dump me. He sent me two joke emails and a birthday card but I haven't replied. He had to do a 3month law course and he has M.E. and I believe he jettisoned me because he couldn't cope with everything. The course finishes in a couple of weeks but i have maintained the NC rule since our April 3rd breakup. Whats a girl to do, and is there any hope the fool will miss a pretty blonde with a sunny disposition sense of humour and after 3 months of unruffled calm finally displayed a flash of red anger?

The no contact was perfect and worked well but then you should have shown more restraint. You shouldn't have gone back to her place or suggested hookey. She obviously cares for you but you Are railroading her. Also women generally have problems with being the older because of that bloody biological clock. I couldn't bring myself to admit to my ex that I was four years older than him. The age thing is probably one of the root problems you have. Make sure it isn't a problem for you and if it isn't then reassure her, reassure her, reassure her. Take things more slowly. Don't scare her. You may have gone too fast this time but all is not lost. Just set rules for yhourself and listen to that little voice the next time.

After four months I think you can send a card. Make sure the message is short and fairlyLi neutral and then do no more. Good Luck. It might give her an opening and either way your position would be intact.

My boyfriend said he didnt have much sympathy for me because he had been dumped himself. Thats what holding on to bitterness does. You crucify the next to pay for the sins of their gender but at the end of the day as roy keane would say, are any of us always thoughtful, sensitive and caring? Sometimes we dump because we expect to be dumped or we are surprised that we were valued enough to have the power to hurt. Also people often say what they don't mean. then other people are just mean.

My boyfriend said he didnt have much sympathy for me because he had been dumped himslef. Thats what holding on to bitterness does. You crucify the next to pay for the sins of their gender but at the end of the day as roy keane would say, are any of us always thoughtful, sensitive and caring?

A child will stick their hand in a fire. if they don't get burned they will do it again. If it burns them they wont do it again. i think this principal applies all our life. A dumper may dump you but if its hard to get you back he/she may think twice about dumping you again. We test each other, seeing what we can get away with. If everytime a relationship got rocky and people gave up well I wouldnt have been born. Never say never. Some reconciliations work some don't. The fact you posted this thread that part of you would like to believe what you are decrying. I know what that feels like.