cassiana

Heres a true story. Once upon a time a girl (me) wanted to a certain job. She needed to pass 8 exams to get it. She worked really really really hard but one of those subjects (higher mathematice} made no sense to her. She studied hard and even scrimped together for extra tuition to get that exam. On the day the results came out she did fantastically. One of the best results ever in the college. Seven A's but she failed the 8th subject. While others celebrated lesser results she cried her heart out. All that mattered was that job and it didnt matter that she did brilliantly, she would never get that job. So she went another route and after four years of university wnet out on work experience. She found she couldn't handle this other job at all and had wasted four years of her life at it. After qualifying she spent a year working at it and was severely depressed. Though not religious she went into an empty church and made a pact. I will give it one more year. The next year an opportunity came to do the same job in a different company. She loved it and got good at it and is very happy in yet another company. Now im so glad i failed that 8th exam. That job would never have been as good as this one even though that they I thought my world is over. I hope that one day I will feel the same way about some man. I hope this story can give you comfort. I hope that one day as you hug some great girl, you will think, Thank God I got dumped or I would never have been this happy.

Let me get this straight. You dumped her as some sort of test to see if you would miss her even though she really cared for you and you hurt her badly. But you think its pathetic that she didn't stay single as you would have liked but met someone else. You didn't like the fact that though you dumped her she was mean to you? Now you appear to want her back? If my understanding of this is correct, and I apologise if it isn't, you are selfish and immature and she would be better off without you. Do you want her back because she is obviously attractive enough to meet a new man. Is it fair after all the hurt you caused her to mess up her latest relationship, assuming shes even still remotely interested in you. Where were you when she needed you? You are only back now for yourself.

You say he won't admit when he needs help even when its something minor yet he told you he is full of self-hate. Thats a major problem he has admitted to don't you think? Then to compound it he is missing from school the next day. A stubborn person would drag themselves there. I'm a stubborn person and that's what I would do. If a stubborn wanted to cover up what was wrong with them, you would have no idea. He's not a stubborn person. He is a depressed person. You care for him and you are making excuses for him. I totally understand that. I have done the same thing. But depression has a pattern and no matter how much you care and make excuses for them, they will follow that pattern. I just want you to stop and think about you. How do you think your relationship with him will play out? How will that affect you?

She sounds like a really thoughtless person that you are better off without. I think she dumped you to be with this person she cheated on you for.She lied when she said she felt guilty. Her behaviour since then suggests that guilt is a foreign country to her. Then she swans around oblivious to what she has done and to the subtle signs of dislike emanating from your friends. We may not tell a person we dislike them but anyone with a gram of intelligence would be sensitive to how they are received after doing such a thing and would pick up the unintentional non-verbal cues of dislike from your friends. Women are generally much better at this than men. Not always obviously. What a prize her new boyfriend has got eh? Remember what she did to you, she can do to him. Now you cannot have no contact but you can adapt. The best revenge is to live well. Go out there and have a great time but never boast or act like you have a point to prove. Subtlety and mystery will drive her mad. Then in lieu of no contact instigate mental no contact. be polite and friendly but never engage her on a meaningful level. Do not ask how life is for her and never volunteer information about your own. If you ever find yourself thinking about her try and remember the periodic table of the elements or something.

Miss Mandajo do you see what you are doing. He told you two sets of things and you have chosen to believe the half that suited you and not believe the half that didn't suit you. He said he loves you and doesnt want to hurt you with his problems. You chose to believe that. He said he wanted to be left alone. You chose not to believe that. By believing only half of what he says you are also implying that he is capable of lying to you.

Ok simply put your ex is a psycho. A gift is a gift and shouldn't be expected back. As for her art piece, what is her art generally fetching in the galleries these days. Why don't you draw two art pieces of your own and give them to her. Basically get tough with her. Give her back anything that's hers. Do not give her money. Offer her your art. If she still bothers you tell her to get her lawyers to sue you. Tell her of course that she would have to prove that the art was worth something and it wasnt a gift and remember to remind her that she has threatened you with violence. if you have any written proof of that it would be great. Tell her to never call you again and to leave you alone. Tell her that if she doesn't stop harassing you, that harasssment laws work both ways. I think you should have no contact with this crazy person ever again and pick your next girlfriend with care.

Accept that you are not getting back with your ex and throw yourself fully into your new relationship. Make this new girl your priority. Do not contrive to take your new girl where your ex will see you. Dont even tell your ex about her. Your ex is just a person whose worth is fixed in your brain because she hurt your pride by dumping you. This girl may be fifty times better.

You mention that you are afraid he might do something drastic and that you would feel awful about it. Let me make this clear. There is nothing you or anybody else can do to stop someone else from doing somethng drastic. If, God forbid, it happens it has nothing to do with you. Secondly if he has severe problems he needs help and when he is ready he might benefit from your friendship. BUT You need to think about you. Step back for a moment. I have a great deal of experience dealing with people suffering from depression. They do not make good boyfriends or girlfriends. They can be selfish and manipulative and if you should ever need support they are gone in a flash. Be his friend but go out, have some ME time and when you are ready get yourself a nice well-rounded boyfriend. I know you think this is harsh but I have been where you are and this is what I have learned from experience. He dumped you, yet hes only worrying about himself and not how you are doing. That's very selfish. You are too nice for him. Get someone who will appreciate your kindness.

Well im not a betting woman but I would put money on this turning out to be a total disaster. However it may be even longer than 12 months before he realises it. He has taken a stand against you and his family, his ego wont let him concede defeat easily. The best thing for you to do is get on with your life and forget him. You can't wait on a flake like him. You have things to do. Use this as an opportunity to show him what hes missing and you what you are capable of.

I never phoned my ex because I would imagine his varioua possible reactions and realised that none of them would make the situation better, they would all make it worse. You will only embarrass yourself and push him further away. Write him a letter instead and burn it. If you want him back, telling him how much you miss him wont work. Love is essentially selfish. Better instead to lure him back by making him miss you. HE wont do that if you ring.

My God it has been eight months, two boyfriends, two trips abroad and I still miss him like crazy. Since august weve emailed each other jokes and he sent me two personal emails. He plans to finish his apprenticeship, travel and then get a job in another city. He has dated nobody since. And he had the cheek to tell my friend that he didn't really mean to dump me, just a break. I'm so angry and so broken-hearted. I'm cutting through men with a swathe but none of them make me feel enything but empty. I tried my best and I lost.

Relationships come and go but your grades are forever. Concentrate on your work. If he really wants you back hell try harder. I'm jealous of you though.

Dont even date a guy who doesn't respect you. Certainly don't get intimate. Im a bit of a doormat myself and im learning to overcome it. Alot has to do with insecurity. Last week I was chatting to this duy I met the previous weekend. He rang me on tuesday but to my surprise didn't suggest a date. Then he said hed contact me later in the week about going out. On Thursday he emails me to ask if I was free to text him on tuesday. For the first time in ages I thought this isnt good enough so I ignored it. Then the next day another email. I replied saying that I was too busy to email. He replied to this saying no worries, another time maybe. I think I got a little bit more respect and also I saved myself alot of grief by avoiding a man who clearly didn't think I was worth a proper telephone call. I know it seems little but its a start. You are wasting your time if he doesn't respect you.

Thank you. You are very kind but surely you are the one who needs the support now. Ive been at this for six months. I know it wasn't my fault, I know he doesn't want me back. I know that there is still no-one else. Ive even figured out why he did it. All I can do now is move on, which I'm working hard on and that's all you can do too. A part of me clings to those rare miracles when they do realise their mistake and come back but I doubt that will happen here and even though I want him, I fear that what made him dump me would make my life hard even if we reconciled. I'm on my own as we all are even when theres someone in the bed beside us.

It is perfectly healthy for people to cry. It is the natural way to expel your emotion.Its better out than in and bottling up your emotions is bad for you. Everyone cries if they have feeling or functioning tear ducts. I have to admit that im a bit prejudiced against your fate. As a teacher I have had JWs hijacking class presentations to prosletise and I once had a jw write an article criticising the other christians in his class. However first ask yourself why you don't want tobe JW. You should only abandon your faith for the right reasons. The wrong reasons would be, 1} to indulge in some pleasure forbidden by your faith. 2} Teenage rebellion. 3} to spite your parents. If these are the reasons then I would think you are foolish to give up your faith. I believe faith can give us comfort as long as we dont hurt anyone. I also fear that Jws are intolerant of those who abandon their faith though I could be wrong. My advice would be. Hold on for the meantime. Get your education and talk to someone who is discreet and objective. If you still feel the same way in five years then leave. You are young now and feel you are missing out. You also feel that you are under your father's control. This is very frustrating but very very temporary. Work hard on what you can do. Get a good education, extend your comfort zone socially so that when you are free you will be well set up to enjoy your independence to the full. As for homecoming, nothing is as good as it seems when forbidden. That's human nature. You have lots of better times ahead.

He is either insane or a coward. How can his marriage work based on flimsy half-forgotten memories of years ago. He is married to a memory. She will burp and scratch too and maybe he will realise his mistake. My brother gave up everything to follow a girl accross the world. He had spent less than two weeks in her company then he moved to her country. We all knew that though she was a nice girl, that it was the adventure that attracted him, the escape from his work here. But we knew he woulf regret it. It took him eleven months to admit it but now he is homesick and broke. There was no talking to the fool beforehand and now he is stuck. Also she was a fool to let a stranger move in with her. I know him well, hes my brother and not exactly an ideal mate. If it does break up I will feel sorry for her as a person but think she was silly to think that there is a shortcut to love. I feel the same way about your ex's wife. What was she thinking?

I think what he did was a terribly cowardly thing. I feel that in this and age people are very spoilt. As soon as they see a case of the sniffles or that they might have to do some work or take some responsibility they just run away. I felt like you did six months ago and when I think about it now I still do. Its just that I think about it less now and try to get on with my life. I would compare it to losing a limb in an accident. It comes without warning, without symptoms but for all its suddeness and your disbelief you have to accept that its permanent. So just as yearning to regrow your arm is pointless so is hoping he will come back. Better to learn to adapt. Now im not saying that a reconciliation is impossible but statistically unlikely. The best revenge is to live well. Dont contact him again unless you are seven months pregnant with his child. Thank God for paternity tests. I think he was a rotten selfish coward to you and deserves for his bloody boat to sink.

I have been dumped by three men in the last year. But theres only one that brings me to this site. It was obvious that the other two werent compatible even though I tried my best. But the other guy, i really thought he was the one. I'm not fanciful I know he connected with me too. I contacted him because I couldn't believe he could throw it away or that I could be so wrong and so unlucky. It isn't an ego thing, i didnt care about the other two but this was a guy I thought I could love for the first and only time in my life. I have dated two guys since, one I dumped. My ex has dated no-one but hes the one that has moved on but not me.

My father and brother suffer from depression. It seems to be a big problem on my father's side of the family. The ex I write about here had M.E a part of which is depression. One of my friends at work ( ex i should say because she betrayed me) also suffers from depression. I love my family and I was mad about my ex but I have to say that the greatest source of heartache in my life has been these people. Im a naturally happy person but they have sucked it right out of me and dragged me down into their depression. My father hit me for something I didnt do, deliberately damaged the car would try and stop me and my mom from going to work etc when he was in his down moods. He threatened suicide. My brother ran away a few times, cut himself and threatened suicide. They both went to therapy but that only made it worse. There they would blame the rest of us for there ills in a non-judgemental atmosphere and would feel vindicated in their behaviour. All my life was spent walking on their tightrope. They were never asked to lift a finger in an attempt to keep them in some sort of pleasant mood. I remember coming home from school one day after a hard day and my mother said "not you too, I couldnt handle another bad mood" and I got mad and said "Well when the hell is it my turn. When am I allowed to have a bad mood?" and she said. "You are dead right". When trying to console my brother once I told him how I coped when I was down. "But you are never down" he said. That sums up depressed people up for me. They feel sorry for themselves, upset you, manipulate you, run off and hide if you get sico or need help and never notice when you are depressed while expecting you to understand thei every whim. They use depression to get out of anything. If you look at what my ex said when he dumped me. "When I thin of you I think of sunny disposition and I even naively thought that when I broke up with you, you would take it with a smile" and "you have been good for me". Yes I was good for him, I was good for them all and they sucked me dry like selfish vampires. My Ex and brother are pleasant and charming but I Will never date a depressed person again. I want to be looked after for once.

I was about 25. Every friend I had had a boyfriend who thought i was lovely. I was everyones second choice. The guys I liked dated others and flirted with me. I dated rarely until last year and in the last year have been on 8 first dates and had one one month, two-month and three -month relationship. I just was nt ready before. I had no sisters catty self-centred friends and no -self confidence. I was too nice.

I love dogs. I have three of them. They live outside my house and every now and again they come in for a sniff around. One of them is afraid of electrical storms and I let her stay in when shes scared, poor little corgi that she is. I have a friend who has dogs and they live inside her house and I have to admit that her house is disgusting. It smells and is covered with hair. If i met a man who lived in such a hairy house I would find it a real turn off, i just couldn't do it. Even when my little uns toddle out after their visit it takes me days to erase their presense. Dogs certainly have had to give up crime since the development of forensic science. If you can let them out do, they prefer it also . My three are happy to visit but after about 15 minutes they generally leave themselves out.

Well john asked mary if she was around for the weekend when he called into work on friday. She said that she had to go out of town because her friend Cassiana had a crisis. I didn't but he has so many crisis she decided to make a few of her own. She also pointed out that I had asked first if she was busy and she said she wasn't. She did this because he hadnt asked her about going out before friday AND he hadn't turned up the previous saturday because he tool his friend to casualty and hadnt bothered to even text. When we met on Saturday I asked her were they going out and I felt that, that was what she wanted. I felt annoyed because I had been delighted when they reconciled three weeks ago but he was bahaving so badly that now I just want her to dump him. Today she emailed me to tell me that his uncle has just died. Can you believe it? Anyway she has to go to the funeral because he works so much in her office but the rest of the office is going too. I told her that im sick of him and his ways and she agreed. Her birthday is next tuesday. I said that he better get her something special or else. I think she might hold on for that. I also think that even if the gift is mediocre she will make excuses. I would do the same thing myself.

I am in a vaguely similar situation. I would say do not get your hopes up. Princess777 said something about getting people to treat you right. I wish she would tell us how to do that because I think thats one of my failings. I wouldnt sleep with him under the present circumstances if I were you. Good luck to you.

You justify cutting off all your friends as it being like quitting drugs. I dont agree with that analogy. I think maybe you were running away because you did some things that you didnt want to face up to. If you push people away how can you expect them to be your friends when you decide you want them back again. Try and see it from their point of view. I believe that if a friend flakes out during a crisis they are not a friend, merely a flake.

You will drive yourself insane trying to figure out how someone could throw away a good relationship. Thats what happened to me. I think you just have to accept the unpalatable, unbelievable fact that he did this and move on. I would do the mental NC that Vikki suggested. I always work on the principle that I wont go where i'm not wanted.