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majord23 last won the day on April 11 2007

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About majord23

  • Birthday 04/23/1973

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  1. Guys, this thread was started in 2002. I don't think the OP is still around nor looking for advice any more
  2. Not for the faint-hearted....but very effective for an unhealthy, short-term reconciliation
  3. Vespar - it depends on who you're talking about. If it's the person that we both know, then let the situation go, stay NC and move on. If it's someone different....then I'm gonna need more details girl
  4. Exactly mike. Letting go pretty much means putting your hands up and saying: "There's nothing more I can do." And then leaving the situation to 'fate' if you like. There shouldn't be any hope pinned to it however, just reservation or acceptance.
  5. The terms "Letting go" and "in the hope of" do not belong in the same sentence. Let go because it frees you from the situation and the pain, do not 'let go' to get a reaction.
  6. You know what they say Ash - lies, damn lies and statistics. I think any figures related to any illness (when looked at on a global scale) have HUGE margins for error.
  7. sarge, with all due respect mate - I have studied (and indeed looked after) people with the very disorders you are advocating we learn about, for quite a number of years. The posts in the breaking up forum are from one point of view...and whilst I am not saying they are exaggerated, they are still from *one* point of view. And on that basis alone, we cannot assume anything about whether they have a PD or not. Yes it's a possibilty, but so are many things. There is a big distinction to be made between someone being unable to feel empathy, intimacy or have a conscience in *one* relationship...as opposed to having a PD. For example, I know a girl that I would swear to you (from my POV) had a PD - I would swear that she was incapable of sympathy, love or indeed had a conscience. I witnessed her treating some men atrociously. BUT she's now married and has an incredibly loving relationship - do you think her husband would agree with my original opinion? She just hadn't met someone that she connected with. That's what I mean by only getting one side of the story - it's may be accurate but it is by no means holistic.
  8. And you will feel fine again tomorrow or the next day buddy. Hang in there. Do NOT act on emotion, and do not think that contacting her will make you feel better. You don't sound ready to deal with the worst case scenario when you contact her - I'd advise you to wait until you are. It doesn't sound like she is someone that is going to give you much comfort at the moment.
  9. In reality, the percentage is slightly higher...but that figure includes those who are institutionalised (hospital or prison), so the real number lies somewhere between around 2 - 6% in society. I agree that PDs are very difficult to diagnose, as are just about every Mental Illness (in terms of distinctions between various disorders). To the OP: Yes, there may be those who have exes, or may be in a relationship with someone who has a PD - but remember that as someone who has emotional investment in that person, your 'diagnosis' is coming from a biased standpoint....and PDs are subjective at the best of times. I know what you are saying with your post, but think it would apply to a very small number of people - and I'd hate to have people diagnosing a problem with an ex/partner and absolving themselves from *any* blame for problems in a relationship.
  10. To answer this: I ditto what frisco has said. Yes, it has brought an ex back for me....but we ended again, because none of the issues had been worked through (individually or as a couple). Not a good place to be...let me tell you. AND It has worked in that I had an ex come back....but by that time (because I had been in NC for a considerable period of time), I had no interest in reconciliation. I consider the second scenario the 'working' one - because at the end of the day, I came out of the situation relatively unscathed.
  11. NC can certainly bring someone back - but anyone who utilizes it as a 'tool' to bring someone back will inevitably end up disappointed. When you employ any 'tactic', you are always awaiting a result, and thus are putting yourself in limbo for an indefinite period of time. I have yet to see anyone use NC as a method to get an ex back...and then stick to it when the ex hasn't reappeared after a couple of months. Usually at that point the 'dumpee' starts to look at other 'tactics', and the downward spiral continues. That's why I always say that if you are entering NC - be prepared to do it forever, and do not rely on any reaction from your ex - because you may never ever see one. It's not a decision to be taken lightly.
  12. If you are ready to open up the lines of communication and just be his friend, then reply. If you want him back and know that staying in touch with him will hurt you - then either ignore the email, or reply telling him that you can't keep in touch. The above statement of his that I quoted explicitly states that he doesn't want to try again - most people aren't that direct and alot of the time leave things open for interpretation by the reader. He hasn't done that though - you know exactly what he is thinking. Are you ready for 'just' friendship with him?
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