Azure13

I feel like I'm surrounded by a bunch of opportunists in my life lately. Not all of them, but some. I constantly feel like I am being used/or at least trying to be used by people in my life. For example, I was friendish with a bunch of people whom my ex boyfriend was good friends with. Of course after the ex and I broke up, I basically ended up gradually stopping talking to these people. Now that they find out that I have an internship at a place they think is "cool" they are talking to me and asking me to get them an internship. In addition, other people in my class have been asking to get them an internship where I am currently interning. Two of these people are friends whom I don't mind helping out because I don't feel they are trying to simply get something out of me. I'm doing it because I want to help them. Others are just people who pounce on the opportunity. Its frustrating and hurts me because I see people who don't normally bother to give me the time of day, suddenly speaking with me simply so that they can gain something from me. I mean I also want to intern there again next semester, and now these people are all asking me to get them internships/applying for one there and possibly taking away an internship that I want, and I am the one who has been interning there before they even knew about it, I'm the one who looked into it and went to 10-20 job interviews last semester while they were goofing off. I tihnk they should look into their own things and stop trying to bite off of mine, which I've worked to get. I should've just kept my mouth shut about the whole thing but I told one friend of mine about the internship and suddenly the whole world knows. Ok that is just one example, I feel like every guy I meet lately that holds a remote interest in me only has it because they just want to use me.. I'm getting to feel like I will never meet a true person that i can trust enough to want to marry and have them truly love me. I don't know, I just feel like some people are constantly trying to simply use me maybe because I seem like a pushover to them, but I really don't think I am one.. its frustrating and angers me a lot of times. I used to be a very idealistic/optimistic person but overtime my expereinces with people are making me feel very bitter, untrusting, and angry.. my family says I am way too negative. What's the best way to deal with people like this and try and turn it into a positive experience?

Hey Riles, Shes so curious because she doesn't have you anymore. People want what they don't/can't have, its human nature. Its piquing her interest not knowing what you're up to. As a woman, my advice for you on if you want to get back together is this: play it cool and aloof but don't push her away. Wait til shes asking for you back to show how you really feel. Shes definitely conflicted or else she wouldn't be asking you odd little questions. She doesn't realize what she has til she loses it. Play it cool, thats my advice. If/when she does ask for you back (which theres a good chance she will if you act aloof like I said) make her work for it to earn you back, since shes the one that hurt you. However if you guys do get back together I would be cautious, she left you once, remember that.. realize there are girls out there that won't say they're feelings for you have changed and break up with you. Good luck with whatever happens

I think that in the younger years, when people care more about what their peers think of them, that being nerdy is an even bigger turn off. OMG if they knew that I was going out with that nerdy guy what would they think.. etc. As you get older and grow into yourself better what was once nerdy and weird may become attractive. The once nerdy person may be seen as smart and respectible, and that would be a turn on. As for being nerdy being a turn off if you think about it, would you be attracted to a extremely nerdy girl?

I know this is easier said than done, but there's only one thing you have to do: Let her go. Stop agonizing over everything.. no offense, but this girl is acting like a total nutjob. Love isn't about emotionally torturing someone over and over. Let her go, I know its hard but you will find yourself feeling 110 percent better after wards. And guess what, you will even find someone who WON'T treat you like dirt. Trust me I've been in your shoes! The way you are describing it, it does not sound like a healthy reltionship and love cannot exist within an abusive/unhealthy relationship (obviously she doesn't abuse you physically, but emotionally she does). To stop thinking about someone you really love I know is hard, thats why you should take this time to fill up your days with other things to take your mind off of her. You need to stop talking to her for as long as possible or as long as it takes for you to get over her. Hang out with your friends, study, get a hobby, do anything to fill your days up and avoid thinking about HER. Trust me just try it and see what happens .

Nah thats a common thing.. the same exact thing happened to me with one of my exes. I listened to a cd he burnt me for valentines day back in 2001 and suddenly feelings came back. I think it is just reminiscing, really..

Its not that easy to be friends with someone who you used to go out with especially if you still have feelings for that person and they dumped you. Just like how she can't change the fact that you don't have feelings for her, you can't change it if she can't just be a regular friend to you anymore. It might be weird to her cuz you used to be so close to each other and now you're not, and she can probably sense that you get annoyed by her even if you try not to show it, thats probably why shes getting mad.

I agree with you, muneca.. some of those sounds like commitment phobe-y traits but most of it just sounds like a player/jerk guy .

Hey everyone, wow I didn't realize this thread got so many replies. I have heard of that book but haven't read it. Anywho I think mainly what made me curious of such a thing about him was that he told me he got scared himself and everything was going so well until things got a little serious and he seriously backed off.. so I was trying to gather info I can see where it is coming from though. The weird thing was how he kept saying I was amazing this and that blah blah and didn't want to lose me I think in a way he was scared I'd leave him like his previous g/f did.. but who knows really. Thats why I was trying to gather info on it, just my way of finding out whats what with things. Thanks for the replies

Yeah, I know but it is weird when a guy claims they are super into you, then the next month, they completely aren't and have gone from hot to cold. Lol.

Its kindof a long story its someone I went out with, pretty much and I am trying to figure out what went wrong.

I guess you can say that

Can anyone tell me what are some common signs to tell if you are with a commitment phobe, how they usually break up with someone, things the person commonly says.. traits a commitment phobe has? Does anyone know any good websites where I can get some information on commitment phobia or any good books on it? Thanks

I just wanted to add that sometimes when people are paranoid their SO is cheating on them without giving them any reason to think it.. it is because they themselves are unfaithful. Just food for thought.. don't be afraid to talk to her about it, she should be able to talk to you about it in a loving relationship. Don't worry if it makes her upset, you need to talk about it for yourself, and you're a member of this relationship too, not just her. If you talk to her about it, don't accuse her of anything off the bat when you talk, just go with the flow and talk to her about it in a non offensive kind of way.. tell her you need to understand where she is coming from.

Wow . She is definitely using suicide as a way of manipulating you. You should get out of this relationship. I understand where you're coming from.. you love her but it is killing you to stay with her and shes just being totally self destructive..Tell her that you care about her very much but that you can't be in this kind of destructive relationship because it isn't good for you. One of my ex's used to threaten suicide all the time.. it drove me up a wall, I know how it feels it is so stressful and crazy. I bet she won't do it, shes using it as a way of manipulating you, but still you don't want that on your conscience in case it does happen; like everyone else has been saying you should set her up with therapy.. be kind to her but also let her know that you have to walk away from this relationship, at least for now. Tell her until she gets her act together you can't talk to her anymore. She isn't respecting your needs and she has gotten so used to behaving immaturely when things arent going her way that she does this everytime.. maybe your leaving will be the wake up call she needs. But either way this cycle's gotta be stopped.

It does seem a little shady that she keeps talking to him, especially if she thinks he might tell her family that they had sex or start harassing her. I don't really get that part.. or why she thinks he'd do that. If they are keeping in touch because they are friends then I don't know why she'd think a friend would do that.. and if he'd really do something like harass her then I don't think she would want to keep in touch with him. It doesn't make sense to me, I know that I wouldn't keep talking to someone out of blackmail or anything.. I'm kindof confused by that. Like I said that makes her seem a little shady especially since shes cheated in a past relationship. To me if somebody cheats in a relationship it says more about what kind of person that *they* are rather than the quality of their relationship. I would never cheat on a boyfriend, if I was unhappy with him I'd break up with him, but not *cheat*. Something doesn't add up to me. Trust me I was in a relationship with somebody for over three years and the whole time I was suspicious of him but it wasn't til I was POSITIVE he wasn't loyal with me that I could trust myself, and what I was thinking all along for over three years. In the meantime he just made me feel like I was some kind of paranoid control freak! Don't let somebody mess with your head so much that you can't see the truth. This girl seems shady to me. I say talk to her about it but proceed with caution, she doesn't seem loyal to me. I would have said its in the past and what she did with this guy doesn't matter now, except for the fact that she still keeps talking to him without giving you a real reason why and the fact that shes cheated on a boyfriend in the past.. with this same guy.