mnuttster

This just sucks too because things were going so great for a few months, so great I probably couldn't have dreamed anything better. And all of a sudden they just fell apart. It's frustrating me to no end and I want to go both ways. One part of me wants to throw her away and tell her to shove it if she doesn't want to be with me (which would throw a lot of my new found friends away as well because we usually hang out in a big group), but the other part says that I want to be friends and try to stick it out that way, with that hope that she isn't screwing me around (which probably isn't true). I am just torn and it sucks, I couldn't go to bed last night because I was brought to tears, it hurts to have that carpet that I thought everything was going so well, ripped out from underneath me all of a sudden. I almost think that a clean break would be the best and just heal from all of this and start new, I've even been thinking of moving away to somewhere brand new to meet new people and try new things. Who knows, but I guess I will see how today goes.

Very true, it sucks because all I was trying to do was be a decent guy, but sometimes with me being a decent guy does compromise my integrity because I am easy going and chill with a lot of things. A part of me wanted to be in a serious relationship with her and part of me didn't because of her past as well. I always was apprehensive because she has so much bad things that she still needs to dig herself out of and doesn't seem like she is doing anything to fix those things, so is that someone I really want to be with in the first place? I think that the part that I really like about her is still the friend aspect, we match on a lot of things and have tons of fun, especially because we have a lot of mutual friends, but there was always that thought in the back of my mind that said "do I want to get involved with her and the things that come along with her?" I don't think she is really intent on finding anyone to be with, she barely has time to hang out with a majority of her friends and still contends that she doesn't want to even think about marriage till she is at least 30, so even right there our life plans are different. I kinda just went along for the ride and never made a clear decision with myself on whether or not she was the best for me. I would hate to throw her friendship because I can't get over feelings that I might or might not have for her. That's why I am stuck and still deciding on what I want to do. I have another wedding tomorrow to go with her (yesterday's was her friends and tomorrow's is my friends), so maybe I will see how I feel through tomorrow and give her the ultimatum at the end of the night so it can be either a clean break or a new beginning, how does that sound?

Well it definitely sounds like that situation. But I did push our relationship farther than just FWB. I would invite her to places only a bf would invite his gf and would be cutsey and hold her hand, just things that FWB wouldn't even touch. She even said on numerous occasions that we were dating and would tell her parents and family that we were together. I mean part of me wanted to tell her off when we had "the talk" and tell her that it was crap that she just changed her mind like that out of nowhere. I still want to, but I guess I've already put my tail between my legs and caved because I told her that I was cool with giving her space and time. It just sucks because I am one of those guys that attract girls that "need to be saved". I guess that is my unconsious perogative to try and do anything I can to help these girls out. Is there anything I can do to dig myself out of this hole and maybe save a possible relationship/what we had before?

Hey all, I will keep this short, but it is something that just frustrates me and kinda makes me think I should just quit with it today. If you want to check out the last few threads I posted about things with this girl, check em out and it might give a little more light to the situation. Basically I work with this girl that I am crazy about, she is such an awesome person and we connect on so many different levels than any other girl I have been with before. We started off by being friends for a few months and finally told each other that we liked each other. She said she didn't want a serious relationship because she has a lot of baggage and things going on in her life (she really does, family, money, law probs, etc..), so I understood and just played things chill even when I wanted more. So she started staying the night a few times and we would fool around and eventually became Friends with benefits. From there she started asking me to stay the night more and to spend basically all the time that either of us weren't at work together. I started none of this, every time it would be her calling me up asking "when I was going to pick her up that day or night for her to sleep over or for us to chill". I figured that her newfound interest was meaning that she wanted more from us and so I went along with it obviously since I had deep feelings for her. We always had fun and she told me I was an amazing guy because I was so nice to her and that she had a blast whenever she was around me and could tell me anything and feel comfortable about it. So basically for an entire month, I would drop her off at work in the morning and go to my job, talk to her a time or two while we were at work, pick her up from work to drive her home and either chill with her if I didn't have to work at night or pick her up after I got off of work to stay at my house. I would always ask tell her if she ever got sick of me that she could always stay the night at hers, but she would want to stay 5 nights a week at mine it seemed like. (Also one of her friends move to Cali and her roommate/best friend went crazy and said she was going to move way out of state to marry this guy she barely knew, and she knew this girl for 15 years, so I don't know if she just was clinging onto me because I cared about her and everyone else was leaving) So things were going well, physical aspect was amazing, and we always had fun together. I thought an amazing relationship was blossoming! But, that's where it changes. Two friday's ago, we went out with her roomie, her roomies fiance to a haunted house and bowling. A day or two before, her roomie told her that she wasn't going to move away anymore and that she might never, she didn't know how she felt about leaving her life back here. So her roomie and her bf are all lovey-dovey and my girl doesn't like PDA , so all night she was acting really weird and distant, unlike the past two months out of the blue. So we have a great time and I drop her off like normal and go home. It ends up that we don't talk for three days except for a text here and there. I finally call her and ask her what was going on and we have this huge talk: She says "I am sorry, but I am not your girlfriend and it's all my fault that I didn't think about your feelings when we were hanging out all the time and that I saw you expecting me to be cutesy with you the other day and I don't want that." She would go on and cry and say how it was all her fault that she would ask me to hang out all the time and that she needed time and space to herself. All of this I was cool with because obviously I don't want to throw away the amazing friendship we have, I mean what other choice do I have. So now whenever we hang out or do things, we don't kiss, hold hands, or anything we used to before. I am just so confused because all of a sudden it seemed like in a few hours time she flipped on everything. I don't know how she could do and say everything that she had and then all of a sudden not want to be physucal with me or wanting to just go back to friends. We even went to a wedding last night and we both got drunk and I totally wanted to kiss/make out with her, but I restrained, even though she was pretty much all over me at points in the night. (I was an all-star date too, every one of her closest friends fell in love with me and how nice and fun I was, even her friend made comments to the group that I was amazing and a great guy, that the girl I like was stupid for being a POS to me with the whole situation and breaking my heart) What should I do? I am so confused and it seems like she is too. How can she go from wanting to see me everyday, to just back to friends without anything? Any help is appreciated. Should I give up and throw our friendship away because she is going to keep hurting me? Or is she just confused and I just should keep playing my cards right and maybe she will come around eventually because she is scared of what we had? Please it is driving me nuts everyday because for once in my life, I didn't do anything wrong except care about someone and did everything I could to help them be happy

I guess you are both right. I mean I don't even know if I am ready for another serious relationship because I was engaged to someone for 2 years and we were together for 4, which only ended 8 months ago. I work a lot of hours, so maybe this type of relationship is the best for me because I don't have a lot of time to put into a relationship and like her, don't really want to worry about someone else's feelings and trying to make plans all the time. I guess I should be happy with our current situation because I get all the physical aspects and she definitely is interested in seeing me a lot and making plans for us to do things. It just seems weird because one day she seems to really be into me and all over me and then we won't talk for 3 days or something. It might be that I was so used to the engaged life/relationship that it is hard for me to take that step back down to casual dating. So what everyone is saying (which is what all her friends are saying as well because they seem to love me and think im the best guy she has ever dated) is that I should chill out, enjoy the ride and let things happen. Any other advice?? I guess I might be worrying over something trivial, but that's just how I am.

I posted awhile ago about my current situation, but I'll recap with my current dilemma: Basically, I met this girl I work with (she works mornings and I work most evenings) at this theater. We hit it off right away with common likes/interests, are both really outgoing and open with each other and just have a blast whenever we hang out (she has told me things that no one else knows in her life, I guess that is how comfortable with me she is). I finally told her after a few months that I had feelings for her and she surprised me by saying she had feelings for me as well, but that she wasn't really looking for a serious relationship right now, because she had gotten hurt so many times by men that she wasn't looking to get serious for awhile in her life, but that she definitely was attracted to me and wanted to hang out more. Things went from there and we went hung out a lot with common friends and even went on lots of "dates". She has spent the night at least once a week since all this started and most times we end up being physical. Even when she doesn't stay the night we at least kiss or makeout when I drop her off. I've tried to keep things light and to not push her with our relationship. She has even held my hand when we go to shows or fall festivals lately and talked about taking weekend getaway trips with me. All signs that she is really interested in me. Now here is my dilemma: She has a lot of "baggage": like losing her drivers license, money issues, friends moving away, not having gone to college/having a tough time finding good work, been with quite a few men physically, etc.. None of which bothers me because I like who she is as a person more than anything and am willing to accept everything that comes with her because I have strong feelings for her and who she is. The thing is that I've been paying for a lot of things lately, seeing as that I have a good paying job and no real responsibility money wise, so I am comfortable paying for things as long as I am spending it with her, someone I have deep feelings for. She has told me the few times that we have talked about relationships and such, that she doesn't want to rush into anything and lose the amazing relationship that we have right now (the limbo between friends and bf/gf), which I think is cool as well because I am a super busy guy and love hanging out with her. But it feels that she is just taking me for my money, a good time and that she is keeping me around because I am someone that gives her that attention and will spend money for us to have a good time. That I am just a friend that she can also get the physical aspect out of too. I mean I am a really nice guy that is just looking for a good relationship, not so much getting married and all that serious stuff, but just someone that I feel will be good to me and can have fun with. I just want some opinions on if I am getting used for a good time until some bad boy guy (the type of guy she is usually attracted to, the kind she feels like she can't have) comes along and then drops me or if she is just scared of what we could have and that she really does want to take things slow so we don't jump into something and have it blow up in our faces. Because usually the best relationships spawn out of friendships, which I think is the way we are going. I am confused and before I go any further I want to figure out what to do. If I should keep hanging out with her like we have been or if I should just cut it all back to a simple friendship and make her show me what she really wants from me? Any help would be appreciated! Thanks!

How do I attract the right girls? That is the question I have been asking myself for the past week, since I had cut myself off from her. Obviously I was too nice/too good for her and it wasn't the type of guy she was normally used to, but it probably was better that I didn't get involved in her life/problems. It just hurts and I need some help to figure out how I can attract a better girl that won't use me for sex or string me along. Any advice?

Yeah, you are right I think. It seems like she only wants to hang out when it's convientient for her. It just stinks because we just were good on so many levels it seemed like, that maybe things could've been better with this girl than all the other trash I had tried to date. I hung out at her house yesterday and she seemed distant, it seemed like she just wanted to hang out as friends, which i guess is better than nothing. But then when she walked me out, she kissed me again. I guess I should leave it alone for awhile, just casually say hi to her at work whenever I see her and then not ask her to hang out. If she is really interested, then she will chase after me, but if not, we will just be friends then. I guess I got too interested, too fast. It just sucks to feel that i screwed things up and if I would've been a little more patient, things might have worked. I guess I just need a little support and help to not feel upset. She probably to be completely honest, is terrible for me. She has lots of baggage and problems that I probably didn't need to deal with. I guess I attract the crappy kind of girls that have lots of problems. Sorry I am just down today because I finally realized what was going and that I was in the dark about her and me. Thank you to everyone and have a good day

now things seem to be going great because whenever we hang out it goes awesome and we kiss and hold each other, but then whenever I ask her to do things she gives me the "maybe, we will see" answer. What does that exactly mean? Is that a nice way to say "no" or is that just a hard to get answer? because I don't know what to make of it, is it her just pushing me off, trying not to hurt me? or is she just playing games? It is driving me nuts because I have finally ok'ed it with myself to take things as slow as she wants to because I want to be with her so bad, but if I am wasting my time I would wanna know.

I would like to be serious with her as in bf/gf maybe more because there is so many things we match on and I think we could be great together. I just know she has a tough past and that she has a lot of things to work out with herself, but I am willing to help. I think she is looking for true love herself and is just afraid to fall for someone again. I just have to stick around and play it cool and she will eventually realize how great i am.

thank you to everyone for the helpful advice. I think I have been pretty good so far, just casual talking on the phone and not really talking about "us" as a couple or anything, just asking her to hang out and calling her once in awhile and a text here or there. We see each other a lot at work, so I just play it cool and don't really get all weird there, just a casual "hello" hug and a "good to see you" smile. I think I am in a good position, I just have to wait it out and make sure I don't get crazy and her friend says that we would make a great couple. I just gotta make it through this hard time right now. I know I am a great guy with lots to offer, especially compaired to all the guys she has dated in the past (her friend always is jealous of how I have been amazing to her so far and we aren't even dating or anything, just friends). So even if things don't work out with her, I know that some girl will be so lucky to have me in their life. I just hope they do this time

well she stayed the night this past week (the night of my birthday, we went out and talked for hours about everything) she told me of her past baggage and that she doesn't really want to get involved with someone because she has so much going on in her life right now. She even was excited to meet my parents and was really worried about what they thought about her after we left, which usually shows that she is interested in me. I think I screwed things up because she seems distant a lot, like she did last week. It is just weird that she stays the night and kisses me in the morning when I dropped her off for work, and then the two days she hasn't really been interested. I even asked her out again for this monday, but she gave me a "maybe, we will see" answer, which usually is not good. Yesterday she grabbed my butt while we were at work, just as a joke, which just confuses me even more. She seems to have days where she is really interested in me and days where it seems like I am barely alive. Is it just her saying that she wants to take it slow and get to know each other better, or is it a sign that she doesn't want a relationship, just something physical? Are these normal signs of hesitancy and that I should just wait it out like her friend said (she said that I should take it slow and that she really likes me, but has gotten burned so much in the past. that I am the best guy that has come into her life and would be so good for each other). It just feels like I am wasting my time a little bit, but other times it feels like she is really interested in me. What should I do?

My last posting was a few weeks ago about this girl I work with and really really like. She works the morning shifts and i work mostly evenings and weekends, so we work opposite shifts, but we see each other almost everyday at work at least for an hour or two. We finally told each other how we like each other a lot a few weeks ago and things have been off and on since then. She basically told me that she has a lot of baggage (law problems, money problems, etc...) and that she doesn't really want to worry about anyone else right now because she has so much on her plate. We have gone out a few times and she has spent the night the last two tuesdays, once out of no where and the second was my birthday (so maybe she felt like she had to). The first time she spent the night we had sex and she talked about how great it was and that we had to do it again really soon because it was so good. And even in the morning we kissed and said how much fun it was to hang out. The next time we went out for my birthday and talked about everything (we are both really open books and she has said she feels like she can tell me anything) and that is when she told me all about her baggage and how she doesnt really want to be with anyone right now. But then we turn around and get physical with each other when she stayed the night that night, even though i was going to drive her home (because I didn't want her to think all I wanted was to be physical), she insisted that she stayed the night. Her best friend (a girl that we work with) tells me i should just take it really slow and that she really likes me, but has gotten burned a lot before and is hesitant about getting involved, that I am the best guy that has ever come into her life and am so good for her. But I dont understand how that could be true when she doesn't really call me or ask me to hang out except for a few things I had planned for us to do. I asked to take her out again and I got a "maybe, we will see" answer, which usually is a nice way of saying no. I am just so confused and frustrated because she seems to go hot and cold with her feelings. One day we will be fooling around, kissing, etc.. Then the next it is like I am not there. I guess it is because she is so different than any girls I have ever dated that I am so confused and eating myself inside to figure out what to do. I really like this girl and I get butterflies whenever I think about her or talk about her or am talking to her. I really think we would be a great couple, but I don't know how long I should wait or if I should wait at all. I know I am a great guy with a lot of great qualities and a great career, that I could be with any girl I wanted to out there, but I want to be with her. I guess I am asking for help to either calm my emotions or to help me figure out what to do. I haven't been too crazy like calling her or texting her everyday, or asking her out every other day. I think I have played it cool and done everything right, but still I feel that there isn't anything I can do but wait until she comes around, but who knows if that would be ever. It is a sucky situation and I just need some help to figure out what to do. Thanks!

well in a crazy chain of events last night, stuff actually worked out. we set things straight and i guess we are "dating" she just wants to take things slow so we do things right. I guess that I was super overreacting like i normally do. Thanks to everyone that gave me advice, I really appreciate it. She was just a little scared to get involved with someone again, but she didn't want to lose out on someone like me. For only getting 45 mins sleep last night, I feel pretty great

well i didnt get that interested until she told me that she had feelings for me as well. But i guess your right because she sorta danced around the fact that she didn't want to be in a serious relationship right now. She said she really liked me and if something happened, then it happened. I guess I fell way too hard too fast because I am still only 8 months from an engagement of 4 yrs and still really young (i am 23 and she is 26) so i shouldn't be surprised that an attractive girl that gets lots of attention wouldn't want to be tied down just yet (she is that free spirit type of giril that likes to march to the beat of her own drum) Should I even go on this "date"/"hangout" tomorrow? Or would it just further being hurtful to myself? Or should I just let things sink back to how we were when we were just friends before I found out that she had "feelings" for me?