Sheyda

Yvette84 - I don't believe in hell, so you are disrespecting my beliefs in saying that they are wrong. I don't see where I am disrespecting yours; I have never said anywhere that you are wrong. The only thing wrong about your comments is the disrespectful attitude and the feeling that you are forcing your religion onto others. All I have stated is that you are disrespecting those whom choose to believe in something different: you say everyone whom is not a Christian is going to hell because they don't share your beliefs, that they are missing out on a blessing because they don't share your beliefs, that their religion (if not Christianity) is a problem and saying that Christianity is fact; implying that all other religions are fiction. I don't see how that is respectful of anyone whom is not a Christian. Also, I did not say that you come from a strictly religious family; I was talking about promiscuous teenagers that were looked at in a study. Unless you are a promiscuous teenage mother who has been studied, I am not talking about you.

It sounds like he could be interested from his other behaviour, though he could just have asked the question because you did. Most guys who have asked me whether I have a boyfriend or not have been interested in me.

Well, if Girl A tends to ignore you at times, I am not so sure if she is interested in you. Especially if she isn't doing anything or talking to anyone when she ignores you. Girl B sounds interested. If she is very introverted and made the effort to work up the courage to talk to you, she probably likes you. The excitedness also sounds like she likes you a lot. You also mentioned she is a bit hot and cold; perhaps she isn't sure whether you feel the same way about her and doesn't know whether she should keep liking you or to try and get over you. I am introverted and I did the whole hot and cold thing for the same reasons (particularly when I felt hurt by something he did; I would try to ignore him to avoid being hurt again). I'm not saying that is definitely it, but it is a possibility.

The clothes manufacturers seem to assume that a lot... Whenever I find a pair of trousers/jeans my size I can't even fit them over my thighs let alone my hips. It seems like everyone believes skinny people have no curves.

I don't think people are getting easily offended when they are being told they are not women, they look like men and they shouldn't wear nice clothes they like if they are Caucasian or Asian. It's not so much the fact that he doesn't like thin women; it is more that he is generalising, stereotyping and saying all the wrong things. He is saying that all these black and Hispanic guys don't like these women, all these women are gross and look like men and so forth. If he had just said, "I think a lot of Caucasian and Asian women aren't curvy enough for me" we would've received the same message, but it wouldn't have been offensive. steelwool - I realise that curvy women are made fun of for being the way they are, but it isn't any better to make fun of slim women for being the way they are. They are also made fun of even if in some shows and parts of the world they are promoted as being beautiful; I've been called a stick, anorexic, a b*tch and so on just for having a high metabolism. Right in this thread when I was attempting to defend slim women, somebody accused me of just boasting and blamed me for feeling bad when she was the one who misinterpreted what was being said. It seems like there is a group of people who will judge the thin woman as some stuck-up, big-headed snob no matter what she says. That aside, I think it is great that you want to make curvy women feel better about themselves and appreciate what they have, but I don't think putting down other people is the best way of going about it.

That's because he said that thin women are gross, shouldn't wear the clothes they like and that they look like men. He also said that Asian and Caucasian women don't have curves and the only reason I stated my size was to prove him wrong; I am half Caucasian, half Asian, thin yet I have curves. I never said I was gorgeous; that appears to be your own assumption you made simply based upon my size. I suggest you get over your insecurities about your weight. No-one should feel insulted by a thin woman attempting to prove a bunch of insulting comments to be wrong. I am not entirely sure why you misinterpreted my defending of thin Caucasian and Asian women as me boasting about how thin I am. Edit - And what is he doing by saying curvy women are beautiful and thin Caucasian and Asian women are "gross"? What he's preaching is no better than what Hollywood is preaching. Particularly when it is bordering on racism.

I met my boyfriend on a forum similar to ENA. We chatted for about five months before meeting in real life. We've been dating for nine months and living together for six weeks, now.

Well, he is also insulting a whole lot of women: First of all he says Caucasian and Asian women look like men and not women. He says they are gross and shouldn't wear the clothes that they want to wear just because he thinks it doesn't look nice. Then he says that a lot of black and Hispanic guys don't like those women as if every woman like his description is supposed to go out and get boob jobs and butt implants just for them. I'd also like to add that skinny women can have curves, too; I might only be a size 2/4, but I have hips that are curvier than those idealised by the "perfect" waist-to-hip ratio.

I agree with renaissancewoman; just because she only has one friend, it doesn't mean she is some kind of freak or weirdo that can't handle relationships. I only really have one friend and several acquaintances. There just aren't a lot of people that really click with me and I am also quite shy, but once people get to know me they usually like me. Pity quite a few of them don't really care about the friendship too much, though.

I would wait for him if I felt the relationship was going very well. If he was waiting for religious reasons, I probably wouldn't because I have different beliefs and couldn't stay with someone who is strictly religious. It would probably lead to a lot of arguments.

That sounds more like bullying and abuse to me; not teasing.

Or they're single, have never had a boyfriend and are wondering what's wrong with them because every guy that's attracted to her thinks exactly what you've just typed and decides to leave her be.

I don't understand how shyness has anything to do with being selfish, or how people's wellbeing has anything to do with concern about what others think. I would say people who follow the crowd rely more upon what others think of them than shy people do. Also, not every shy person is daydreaming all the time. I open doors for people, I wake up earlier than everyone else just so that I don't get in the way, I stay up late after only having 4 hours sleep because my boyfriend misses me and wants to talk to me, I help people with their work, I help people find their way when they're lost even though I could miss my train/bus and am tired from being up for 18 hours straight since 4:30 a.m., I help people pick things up when they've dropped something, I come to this site and give advice when I can, I am there for people when they are upset. All this and more, but man... I am one hell of a selfish cow because I am shy. Just because you have cancer, doesn't mean you have the right to make mass generalisations that aren't true and act like you know everything. Sorry if I am wrong about you, but you certainly sounded quite haughty in your response to DN. Yes, people can change and better themselves, but they can't do it with the snap of their fingers and for some it is just as much of a struggle to overcome shyness as it is for you to overcome cancer. Physical things heal naturally with time and some care, but psychological things take a lot of effort to make a change; people have to alter their whole attitude and sometimes even the personality that they were just born with and have been used to for years. You can't just stick a plaster in their brain and they're suddenly shy-free a few days later.

Annie24 - I am very sorry to hear you've broken up with your partner. I hope that you heal quickly and feel better soon. *Hugs* I wish you all the best. I also agree with renaissance and Shy; people should try to work things out instead of realising something is gone and immediately calling it quits.

I'm half Chinese myself. I said "many" Asian women, not just Chinese and not all of them. It is much more prevalent in other Asian countries than it is in China, but it is still there. However, many Asian women become quite the opposite because they are fed up with it. Depending on where she has been brought up and whether her parents are more traditional Chinese or not, it could be to do with this. I'm not saying it is, just that it could be a possibility. My father is quite traditional, but he is not so stubborn that he forced all of his beliefs and such onto me; he adapted to Britain (even has a London accent) and as a result of this I have had a very Western upbringing and so I am more Western than Asian. However, my two Chinese friends who were born in Germany have strictly traditional Chinese parents and so they never do anything unless they're invited to do so. Neither of them are shy at all; they are both quite loud, funny and very sociable. You'll just have to learn more about this girl before you can begin guessing whether she is just shy or not.

I wasn't talking about whose opinion matters more, I was talking about whose pain would be worse and which thing was more important; porn or his partner's feelings. I was stating that if I were in a similar position as her boyfriend, my partner's feelings would (and have) always come before things that aren't that important or necessary in life. Anyway, I agree that compromise is better and they probably shouldn't be dating because they won't be able to meet each other halfway in this situation; she can go to therapy or he can give it up, which I don't think will happen. In the end, she will be making all the effort and if therapy doesn't work she will have wasted her time on trying to change for this relationship because I doubt he will be able to quit looking at porn.

I'm sure he will not be as hurt from being denied porn as she would be with knowing he watches it. Especially after a traumatic experience with it beforehand. If I were the one watching porn and my boyfriend was hurt by it his feelings would be far more important to me than being able to look at pictures and videos of people having sex, particularly if it was related to a trauma he suffered. I would stop looking at it even if people said he was being selfish and controlling because I wouldn't see it that way. In fact I have already agreed not to do a certain thing because of how he would feel if I did; sacrifices need to be made in a relationship and you need to decide what is more important. To me, my partner will always be more important than being able to look at pictures, videos and movies or other things that are not really necessary in life, but that is just me. SDgirl1234 - It already sounds bad before you mentioned he broke his promise about porn despite your traumatic experience. You've already said he has been lying to you a lot about everything and you broke it off, so why did you place your trust in him again and what made you think he would keep this promise when he has lied so many times in the past? How can you love this man if you can't even trust him? There is no relationship without having mutual trust between the two of you.

No, it is something to do with the enzymes, again; I read it in a biology article ages ago. Plus my brother is about the same size as me (actually he is skinnier) and he can drink lots of alcohol and he will only go a bit red and nothing else will happen. My father is the same even though I am taller than him and he is a full-blooded Chinese. In theory, if it is related to people's size, I should be able to tolerate alcohol more than my brother and especially more than my father since I am only half Chinese.

Yes, I get that as well, but much more severe. It's like I am pulsing all over and that is why I feel like I am going to explode. Maybe it is worse for women because I have also heard that women can't consume as much alcohol as men?

I am very sorry to hear about your mum, RayKay. I wish you and your mum all the best and hope that she pulls through this all right. I kind of know how you feel because my mother has been getting the same symptoms my grandfather had before he was diagnosed with bowel cancer and died. Even though she has been suffering, she refuses to go to the doctor and I am worried in case it is what we think it is.

I never said there was anything wrong with that; in fact I think women should ask guys out more. I'm pretty shy and I have asked out guys before, so I don't see what the big deal is, really.

[This post has been deleted]

[This post has been deleted]

[This post has been deleted]

[This post has been deleted]