Sheyda

Like combat_barbie said, just because you drink and have been drunk does not automatically make you an alcoholic. You're right, there ARE other ways to have fun but it is fun to be inebriated and you might be able to disagree or agree if you'd ever been yourself. You are putting words in my mouth; I never said anywhere in my post that people who drink or have been drunk are alcoholics. I only said I don't see the fun in being extremely drunk, drinking is fine in moderation and that it is only a problem if people think that is the only way to have fun.

I'm 20 and my boyfriend is 29. We've known each other for about half a year and so far we've never really noticed the age gap because I am very mature for my age, though he does keep saying that he feels old because I am just entering my 20s when he will soon be entering his 30s. Other people keep on saying that he shouldn't date me because I am only 20 and that as soon as I turn 25 I will change my mind, turn into some kind of heartless evil person and just leave him. Though I have never met anybody like this guy before and he is one in a million. I would seriously marry this guy and I am definitely not interested in suddenly "experimenting" at 25 when I've found the perfect man for me right there. Anyway, they are not deciding for either of us because it is OUR life and not theirs.

I have never been kissed, had a boyfriend, etc., but I wouldn't say I miss not having one. You can't miss something unless you have experienced it. Maybe at times I feel sad that I don't have one and see how happy all these couples are and I think I am missing out on something good. You can imagine how it is to have a boyfriend or girlfriend from all the things you see and hear around you, and it could give you a good idea of how it might be to have one, but your imagination can never be as good as experiencing something for real. I know that imagining being hugged isn't as enjoyable as actually being hugged and I would apply that to most situations I would enjoy being in (unless I would be nervous ). You can imagine what it would be like to have a boyfriend/girlfriend and obviously you know that imagining it isn't half as good as experiencing it in reality, but it gives you an idea of how nice it would be and so you feel bad about not having that in real life. I doubt anyone has a good enough imagination that they would replace reality with it and just lay at home all day, dreaming up things. Even if your imagination is not that good at the moment it is very easy to practise and improve it until it's that much more realistic, but it never will be able to surpass reality itself. Daydreaming that you are drinking water will not quench your thirst and keep you alive; you have to actually get up and drink something. It is the same with someone imagining that they have a boyfriend/girlfriend; imagining isn't enough to keep a person feeling happy and loved, especially once they open their eyes and realise that this boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't even exist.

I agree with Shy and Dre; the reason there are different races and languages isn't to separate us, it's to bring variety and teach us that there is more to a person than the colour of their skin and which tongue they speak in. I just thought I would add that it has been scientifically proven that multiracial people are a lot healthier than people who are of one race only. e.g. someone who is part African, Pakistani, Japanese, Portuguese and Italian will be a lot healthier than someone who is pure Welsh. It shows through in their appearance, as well; your health is reflected by how symmetrical you are and multiracial people are more symmetrical than those of one race. This is why a lot of people are attracted to someone who is a different race to them; they will produce even healthier offspring the more they mix.

Did no-one even read my post? When I was saying "their descendants are using racism to get away with bullying others" I was referring to them; the kids who bullied me and my brother and others who are not black. I was not referring to all black people. Even though I have already explained what I meant, you seem to have assumed I hate all black people. Where did that come from when I have already elaborated on what I meant and it is not in any way racist? Please read what I post before saying things like this. I already explained that I don't think that all black people act in the same way as the bullies I have encountered. And how can I be subconsciously discriminating against black people when I have plenty of black friends? "Their descendants" was specifically referring to the people who bullied me and my brother, not all black people. Perhaps I did not make it clear, but as Shysoul said; it is difficult to avoid missing a few small words when you are rushing to type something down. Please read what I have actually said before you jump to conclusions. I already stated that I was specifically referring to the people who bullied me and my brother and said that I didn't discriminate against black people; I have plenty of friends who are black. I never said that I disliked them because they were black, either. Where did that come from? The only reason I ever dislike a person is because of their attitude and how they treat other people. And as I've already said, people's personalities can't be governed by the colour of their skin. Anyway, I don't think that it is fair for either of you to judge and label me as a racist without reading my explanations in this thread; and to label me based upon one statement in which I missed out one specification through rushing, as well. I don't think I will ever become racist; I have been through too much myself to ever hate anyone based upon their religion or skin colour. For years I have been called names, been chased by other kids, hit with things, spat on, had hair pulled out, been elbowed, kicked, had my belongings stolen, had stones thrown at me, had my house egged and people have even attempted to throw bricks through my window... all because I am multi-racial. And today, I still get the occasional racist comment, threat, abuse, etc. just walking down the street. Do you honestly think that someone who has been through all of this would subject another innocent person to it? I know exactly what it is like to be a victim of racism and I would never want to inflict that kind of experience on someone who hasn't done anything wrong. Sorry about taking this off-topic again, but I just felt I had to defend myself against false accusations.

dizzy_bruce - You're right about my point. I was not in any way saying that all black people did this and I did not generalise. When I said "their descendants" I did not mean all black people, I was specifically referring to the children who bullied me and my brother and who still attack other children around our area who are not black. And yes, it still insults their ancestors even if it is just a small group of people. Pchellack - I never mentioned getting "revenge" on anyone. I have no problem with black people and I have plenty of black friends who I know are nothing like these bullies. It would be incredibly stupid to attack an innocent person just because they look like someone who hurt me in the past. I am not that dumb or vengeful and I do not support bullying. If I were anything like that, the only people I would ever talk to would be Chinese. I have been bullied by all races (except Chinese people), but I know better than to generalise; people are individuals and their personalities are not governed by the colour of their skin.

I agree. We have some black teens who go to the same school as my brother and when I was in school with him, they would all pick on me and my brother on the way to school (we were the only Eurasian children on the school bus). They still pick on my brother when they can. Once they stole his football and when he managed to get it back and an adult came over the black children played the race card and said that my brother was being racist to them! It's quite sickening that black people have fought so hard against racism for equal rights and now their descendants are using racism to get away with bullying others.

Gracey_Lee - She wasn't asking for people's opinions and I'm sure you would be offended if someone told you you shouldn't be with the man you love. Crickett didn't post her relationship here as a "problem" for people to comment on; she clearly stated she was looking for people in similar situations. i.e. People who are happy and in love in an age gap relationship. How does that indicate that there is something wrong with the relationship itself? She's just searching for people who can relate to her.

I agree with Mysterious Gurl; you're 21 so it's legal, nobody's doing anything wrong. If you love him and have known him long enough to see that no-one's being used or manipulated I don't think there is anything wrong with your relationship. Check your PMs; I have sent you an address where there are many people in the same situation as yours. There are many important things in a relationship that keep a couple together and as long as both people are adults in their country, age is a small part of that.

Sheyda, in my coment I was only trying to express to you that the things that you deam to be safe and acceptable are not considered to be so by everyone, including some people in your own culture and/ or country. Amasa, I never said that; you just quoted yourself. And I do know that not everyone would consider the same things to be safe and acceptable, but when someone who is in a caring, loving relationship with someone who is not manipulating them and they just ask for help I don't think it is fair for everyone to start saying their relationship is wrong based on solely age instead of helping them out. I don't think that calling someone names is helpful, and I think your right that it will stop the person from listening. I will make note that that is a big and/or there, because insuating is a whole world of difference than actually saying. Sorry, I meant people have both said it and insinuated it. I would still be offended if it was insinuated, either way. Even if it is mentioned indirectly in a thread someone had started they would still find it insulting. True. Though if my 60-year-old friend came here asking for help with say... communication problems, but posted here because of the age gap, some people would simply say he is wrong and a filthy old man, etc. They can have lots of things in common; such as common beliefs, personalities, goals and interests as I mentioned in my first post. Aren't these factors much more important than age (provided they are both considered adults in their country)? I'm curious to know under what circumstances do you think it is acceptable for a 16 y/o to date a 40 y/o ? Personally, I do not actually think it is acceptable as I would not date someone that old myself and I know that it is completely unacceptable in most parts of America. However, I know several people who have healthy, normal and non-abusive relationships with that same age gap and if both of them are happy together and no-one is being hurt or manipulated I'm not going to jump in there and accuse anyone. In fact, there are some student/teacher relationships that have actually worked out in the end and they have married after the younger partner left school. I'm not saying that the one we're talking about is like this, I am just saying that in some cases they are not manipulative, sex-based relationships. yes, all you can do is tell them what is going on, they can always choose not to hear it. If giving someone a clear cut view of what is going on and what is probably going to be the outcome, if it offends them then they didn't really want advice in the first place. But if you said the same thing in a constructively critical and respectful way it is more likely they would have taken your advice into consideration and followed it. I don't understand how you can say that if something offends them they didn't want the advice in the first place. Some people here have simply come for help with a little problem in their age gap relationship regarding parents or something like that and then someone is insulted. Of course they didn't want insults; they wanted advice on their specific problem. They didn't come here to be told their relationship is wrong and filthy and disgusting and that they should stop seeing each other. No, not at all. Didn't I say in my first post that it is perfectly okay to warn them and say "I think so-and-so seems to be using you"? I never said to comfort them and say "Your relationship is A-OKAY!" to every single one and congratulate them. I just said to exercise respect, to not impose your beliefs on them and be considerate of their culture. Is that too much to ask? I have already stated what I think is the best way to go about it in my first post and I have been repeating myself. The problem with people calling someone a paedophile is that in some countries (i.e. their own country that they have clearly stated under their username) they are not. You can't impose your country's rules onto people from foreign countries and then say their relationship is wrong instead of helping out. If all you have to do is accuse people then you shouldn't bother replying because this is a place where you help each other, not fling around insults and force your country's rules onto other people. If you believe it is wrong because your country says so, that's fine, but it is no excuse to go around calling people paedophiles when they are in normal relationships with people who are considered adults in their country. So far I have not seen any posts where people are definitely paedophiles who are dating children, so I don't see how accusing people of such a thing is justified. LMAO! After reading all that up there and seeing your post on the end it really made me laugh. Lots of people don't know that it's a racist term, though. In fact one of my friends thought it was a way of saying "cool Chinese person" because they always said that in movies they had watched. Luckily I explained it to him before he "complimented" this Chinese guy he sees on his way to uni.

^ That is exactly my point, right there. Calling people paedophiles and such is not being very respectful. I think most people would agree that if no-one is being manipulated or used that it would be safe. As for acceptable, that depends on people's opinions, but if they are in a safe relationship and they are in love with each other you can't dismiss it as something disgusting and wrong, no matter how much you disagree with it. Being rude doesn't make it any easier to hear you. And I assumed I would be shouting in the first place because they're running towards a cliff. I don't think that counts as rude; we were talking about insulting someone when they are in danger. Shouting so they can hear you doesn't count as something insulting to me. Yes, someone has actually said that and/or insinuated it before. I don't know when you joined, but I have also been here a very long time. Would you still applaud them if the person asking for advice then insulted everyone back for being so rude and just left to carry on with that relationship? They aren't dating 16-year-olds (one is in their 60s and has one 9-year-old daughter, so I think he is married into an age gap relationship), but you can't define them as paedophiles just because of who they are dating unless it is a purely sexual relationship and they purposefully seek out girls that age. Being a filthy creep is what makes someone a filthy creep whether the guy is 16, 23 or 49; age doesn't define them as a filthy creep. Anyone at any age is just as likely to be one. And I am not doing anything wrong; I am not even in a relationship.

Yes, I know that that is also a problem, but that is not what I am talking about am I? I am not focusing this entire post on this one topic about a schoolgirl and a teacher. I am talking about relationships that are acceptable and safe, but people are saying they're not because of cultural differences and then accusing people of nasty things as a way of "helping". Either way, yes she could be in danger, but how is insulting her going to help? If you anger and upset someone, how can you expect them to listen to you? It is still fine to say that it is wrong, but one of the points of my post was to show that there are nicer ways of putting it than saying "You're so dumb you have fallen right into the trap of a paedophile". How do you expect her to take you seriously if you put it that way; it doesn't sound as though they're trying to help at all. So why listen? She will most likely think "Well, this place is full of nasty people" and give up on receiving advice and carry on with this relationship that could be potentially dangerous. That's why it is important to be polite and respectful even if you think there's a high chance that this person is in danger. I never said to sit by and accept all age gap relationships when the person is in danger, if you read everything I said you'll see that I mentioned it was okay to warn people, but insults aren't going to help. As for the cliff analogy; how can you justify the rudeness? Is it even appropriate when a simple "Stop" or "look out" will do instead of screaming a bunch of insults? Going back to age relationships in general, I don't think I can be considerate of their ways of going about it. According to them half of my friends are most definitely paedophiles and rapists. It is true that no countries would be likely to accept the 16-year-old and 40-year-old's relationship, but I wasn't talking about this one post in particular when I made this thread.

It's a racist term for a Chinese person.

Amasa - I never said anything about which age gaps are acceptable, I was just saying that some people in this forum are not being respectful or considerate of cultural differences when they are responding. I think that the one with the 16-year-old and 40-year-old is wrong because he's already married and has children; why would he leave all of this for a 16-year-old? I have heard of relationships with the same age gap working before though, but this one doesn't sound like it is genuine. I love rain hugs and you - Are you saying people have the right to call other people paedophiles and immature idiots? Sure, they have the right to express their views, but there is a much more polite way of doing it than saying "I think this guy you are in love with is a paedophile". I feel that accusing people in age gap relationships like this is just as bad as discriminating against people in interracial relationships. Would you be okay with someone saying "Oh you shouldn't date so-and-so because they are a ch*nk"; it might not be exactly the same, but I think it is just as rude and ignorant. I know that there are plenty of people in here who are tolerant, but there are some people who are incredibly intolerant. They don't post as much, but every now and again there are several threads where a bunch of people make some nasty comments.

I didn't see anywhere where I bashed America, could you please quote the part where I said something nasty about just Americans? I'm sorry if I sounded like I did have a go at American people as a whole because it definitely wasn't intended. The only reason it probably did sound that way was because one of the problems was cultural difference between America and other countries. I was talking about Americans who have these narrow-minded views I described, not all Americans and I did say I have found other forums where Americans have been very kind and helpful and accepting of an age gap relationship involving someone under 18. I do know that there are states that have 16 as the legal age of consent, but in general it is 18. You can't compare a 16-year-old dating a 20-year-old to a 16-year-old dating a 12-year-old; it is a completely different thing because a 12-year-old is still a child and most of them don't even want to be in relationships and think people of the opposite sex are "icky". True, a 16-year-old's brain isn't fully developed yet, but neither is a 20-year-old's. People aren't fully mature until they are about 22. A 16-year-old and a 20-year-old are a lot closer in terms of development than a 16-year-old and a 12-year-old. Like you said, the gap isn't so much of an issue as you get older. Teenagers dating adults is not always about sex; that is exactly the kind of stereotypical judgment I was talking about in my post that is upsetting lots of people. It's true that this does happen, but plenty of them are genuine relationships where no one is being taken advantage of. I guess that is another thing; America has placed a big taboo on age gap relationships and I have heard there are some very biased TV shows about it that always go on about how wrong age gap relationships are; I guess the media has influenced people's opinions a lot that they can't comprehend these kind of relationships being about anything more than sex.

First of all, I apologise if I offend anybody, but this particular section of the forum has just made me so angry and upset I have to rant about it. Please don't take this personally as it is not aimed at any one person; there are many comments on here from many different people that have offended me. I apologise if it seems like I am picking on anyone. So, what's the problem here? I think there are lots of things wrong with this section of the forum. These are what I think are the main issues that should probably be sorted out: 1) Respect. 2) Acceptance and understanding of cultural differences (or at least taking them into consideration). First there is the issue of respect for other forumites and the use of constructive criticism in responding to their posts. This is a forum where we are meant to help each other and give advice; looking at the rules of the forum, I am surprised that some people haven't been banned for the comments they've made as I found them to be extremely inappropriate. Many comments I have seen from other users are far from helpful and are simply prejudiced and discriminatory; people are labelled as paedophiles/sex-crazed maniacs lusting for younger people or as immature idiots who can't think for themselves and have fallen into a trap. It is unfair to judge people in this way as you don't even know them and these are silly stereotyped assumptions. You cannot generalise everyone in a certain age group; not all teenagers are crazy about sex, clubbing and getting drunk every night and not every middle-aged man who is attracted to a younger woman is going to be a rapist with a mental disorder or a filthy old man. Some teenagers are more mature, sensible and smarter than others and some older people are immature and don't know what they're doing in life. It is ignorant to generalise like that. Now, it is perfectly fine if you think a young woman has made a mistake getting involved with an older man and that he might be dangerous; it's okay to say "I don't think you should trust this guy; it seems as though he could be using you", but calling people paedophiles and imbeciles is not exactly helping anyone. I respect people's opinions and if you think something's wrong, then okay, that's all right; I'm not going to try and change your mind, but if all you have are responses that might as well be insults, you can keep your nasty opinions to yourself! You are supposed to be giving people helpful advice, not insulting them, the people they care about and knocking down their self-esteem. If you think the relationship is wrong and they might be in danger, warning them is fine, but calling someone they're currently infatuated with a paedophile/stupid kid is only going to make them angry and upset. And if they are hurt by your words, they're most likely going to ignore the rest of what you have to say, even if it's fantastic advice. You can still warn them and say what you think, but there is a much more respectful, constructive and polite way of doing it! Another big problem in this forum is the acceptance and understanding of cultural differences. Another forumite mentioned that it could be more of a cultural problem than an age problem as most of the users discussing their successful age gap relationships or asking for help with one are from the UK and British people may mature quicker than American people (I can certainly see that in some very immature responses from people older than myself!). I think that this may be true as British people finish school at 16, and they can have sex, drive a car, get married, live in their own place and start a career, whereas in the US, all of this happens at 18 i.e. British 16-year-olds are pretty much the equivalent of American 18-year-olds in terms of what stage of life they are at. If people are expected to be an adult at a certain age, they usually do mature by that time (I've found that to be true) and I have found that in countries where people are married at a very young age, they do indeed grow to adults much faster than those from the Western world. I even know someone who had their own business at the age of 16! Now, some of the comments made due to someone being under 18 in an age gap relationship came accross as racist to me. Saying that people are paedophiles, that they're wrong and their relationship is disgusting because America's rules say so and that those other countries can't be normal because of their age of consent... Some have even insinuated that every country with a legal age of consent that is under 18 is full of paedophiles! Maybe 18 is the legal age of consent in America, but once again, the rules clearly state that you are not meant to impose your morals, beliefs, etc. onto other forumites. I feel that this includes not judging other people by your country's rules. Why bother saying "in America your relationship is wrong; stop it!" if they're not even living in America? If they're considered a paedophile in your country it doesn't make them that in their country and you can't just say that their relationship is wrong because of that; it does not count in their country, anyway. Being an American citizen isn't a good enough excuse to say someone's relationship is wrong, either. I have found plenty of other forums where the Americans are completely accepting and helpful to Britons in relationships with people under 18. I think it is ignorant of other cultures (or in other terms, racist) to insult and judge them based on your country's rules instead of giving advice. If your culture is too ingrained within your head to be considerate of other people's cultures, you can't be open-minded about it and you're just going to judge and criticise, it is best you don't respond at all. Once again, I respect people's opinions, but if all you have are responses that might as well be insults, you can keep your nasty opinions to yourself! Due to these two issues, I've found this forum to be unfriendly and unhelpful to me and I have gone elsewhere to get advice on age gap relationships in particular. Some of the people posting in this forum are so against age gap relationships; they shouldn't even be posting in here because they're not helping anyone. This forum needs a big change; people need to stop being so disrespectful, prejudiced, discriminatory, insulting, impolite, immature, narrow-minded, ignorant and imposing. There are many other factors that affect a relationship and age is just a very small part of that; why do some people have to make such a big deal out of it? E.g. you could have two 20-year-olds; one has goals in life and is interested in education so they are in university. The other 20-year-old is more into partying, drinking and doing drugs. They wouldn't get on very well, would they? Now, if a 16-year-old who is planning on heading to university and is also very goal-oriented met the first 20-year-old, they would get along very well. Common beliefs, personalities, goals and interests are far more important than age. Once again I am sorry if I offended anyone and please don't take it personally and start arguing with me; this is only a rant. I have just picked up a very hostile vibe in general from this particular part of the forum and it has upset and angered me. P.S. If anybody else has felt the same way about this forum and needs help with anything, feel free to PM me.

I just wanted to say that I am also getting very annoyed at people being so prejudiced and discriminating against certain people. I keep seeing it everywhere on the internet (even here), where people are asking for help and all people do is accuse so-and-so of being a paedophile/sex-crazed maniac who lusts for younger people and the younger person as some immature idiot who can't think for themselves and has fallen into a trap (even though they don't even know these people; these are usually silly stereotyped assumptions). I mean, it is fine if you are asking them to be careful or saying something like "I don't think you should trust this guy because it seems like he could be using you" and I respect people's opinions, but if all you have are responses that might as well be insults, you can keep your nasty opinions to yourself! This is a board where you help people; not knock down their self-esteem and upset them. Giving them a warning is fine, but calling someone they are currently infatuated with a paedophile or an immature baby isn't exactly helping; you're just going to make them angry and upset and they will probably end up ignoring anything else you say even if the next part is great advice. You could still say the same things, but there is a nicer and more polite way of doing it, you know! codaaurora - I am only 19, but I can definitely relate to you on most 21-year-olds still having immature beliefs and that's a reason why I just happen to get on better with people older than me. In fact I click more with people in their 30s (such as my mum's friends) than I normally do with my own peers. However, when I came here to ask about turning a friendship into something more with someone who has just turned 31 I was pretty much told he was definitely a weirdo/rapist and that 30-somethings have no interest in being friends with people my age, when I have plenty of friends in their 30s and above that prove this is not true! Unfortunately I find there are a lot of people giving advice in this forum who seem to be completely against age gaps unless it is something like 2/3 years and both people are 21 and over. I've gone elsewhere to get advice on age gap relationships where people are more accepting so that I can get a proper advice instead of people flailing about screaming "Paedophile! Paedophile! He's going to rape you!".

5. Yeah, it seems that asking for a genuinely nice guy who is modest, considerate, faithful, respectful and open-minded is setting the bar way too high for the guys I meet, or either they have no interest in dating me. I mean come on I don't even care about their looks and I still can't find one guy that fits all of those criteria and is interested in me, too (not that they need to fit every single one, more than half would do). I guess it is just the area I live in, but it really is driving me nuts. 6. That is pretty silly.

5. I know how you feel, but my problem is finding a guy to date, not just a friend. Can't find anyone who relates to me anywhere and I can't find any clubs or groups in my area to join. 6. Yeah, I heard from someone that America is like that. This guy said they don't really have many pathways; it's all road and everybody drives. Where I live it is different because there are loads of cyclists and people who walk or catch the bus. I guess it's a lot more laidback here as well. In London, everyone is rushing, though. 7. Sounds like they just want to get on with their work. If I'm alone with a fellow student and we're not doing anything they'll usually make more of an effort to start a conversation and we'll have a friendly chat.

5. I am sorry I didn't mean I work a lot. Thats why your comment about the parents seemed very strange to me. 6. Aha! I see.. you don't meet people. They meet you, i.e. guys meet you. Got you. 7. In some distant labs there are some other "co-workers"... they would not spend a minnute with you, it is better to pretend to be busy...I find it funny. 5. Oh, that's okay. It's just when you said that you work from 9 to 5 it sounded as though you were saying "I don't have time to do this because I work too much". 6. Is there much of a difference? You meet each other, don't you? We'll just be standing around and then either I'll say something or they will. 7. The way you said that it sounds as though your co-workers are really anti-social. o_O;

1. it is a uni people commute to. Engineering students are in general boring and not talkative at all, they came after their work 9 to 5, tired and dont' give a crap* about anyone ot anything. Besides I am done with classes where I could meet people. I don't go to canteen since the food there is very expensive and not very tasty. Does it make sense to you? 2. Well ok. I agree. But see.. if that guy hand you his resume, you would dismiss him as "desperate". He cannot establish trust since he cannot reach you and he cannot get your number since he doesn't have trust yet. Opps? 4. Good! I want to make sure: I have to ask for her email instead of phone number? It would be great since I don't like to call her at all I would preefr a date or an email or online chat. 5. I assumed you have tons of friends. Yeah, kinda moved. Well, I should not care how much you work or your parents do. What I see that all of you are good at meeting people. I am not. I have no idea WHERE you meet them. Could you tell? 6. I work alone in the lab. Basically I see my boss sometime sand thats it. So no parties or anything. It is like vacuum... 1. Well, they don't sound like very happy people, so I don't think I would actually want to talk to them, anyway! I guess it does make sense if you're tired, though. If I'm tired I don't feel like talking so I won't say much and I can come accross as boring or anti-social, but it's just because I'm sleep deprived. 2. If he "hands me his resume" as you put it, I wouldn't think he was desperate, but to be honest it would creep me out a bit even if I was a little flattered. You only mentioned her giving you her number; you could give her your number or agree to swap numbers. I would feel more comfortable trusting someone who isn't hiding their number from me when they expect me to give them mine. 4. (Only just realised I got the numbers messed up. Oh well) E-mail is pretty good and it is even better if you're more comfortable with it. That way you can get to know each other better and then you can swap numbers later on. I'm pretty shy myself and I am definitely more confident online than I am on the phone. And people give out their e-mail to strangers online all the time. e.g. many people have their e-mail on their profile on this forum and anyone from here can e-mail them. 5. I was just stating that your excuse of having moved and working a lot wasn't a good one (on it's own; the other ones you've given me do make things difficult). That's why I was telling you how busy me and my parents are, but I guess it doesn't have much relevance with all the other problems you say you have. As for where I meet people; I meet them pretty much everywhere. I'll meet someone when I'm walking down the street, at the bus stop, at the train station or on the train, on the underground, while I'm waiting for a lecture to start, while I'm in a book shop or library, when I'm shopping, at public events... But I do go to these places regularly and I think you said there isn't anywhere you go regularly where there are many people, or either it's too big of a place. And you said you tried clubs, but they weren't what you expected. =\ 6. Wow, that sounds exciting. Where did you get to know that your co-workers were boring, then?

1. You say you go to uni. Surely there must be some people in your lectures and seminars you can chat to, or people in the canteen? 2. Well, if all I have chatted about with some guy is the university, the weather and what they did the weekend, they are still a stranger to me. I mean I don't know anything about them do I? After chatting 3 times about different things I still don't know what they like, whether they are genuinely nice people, whether I can trust them. In this situation, I still didn't even know the guy's name! thereforeeee I still considered him a stranger. The store situation you gave might depend on how long you'd been talking for, I guess. But you can't really expect someone to give you their number after saying "Hello, how are you? The weather's bad, huh?". 3. See no. 1. 4. I was comparing giving your phone number out to going into a cave. It's easier to explain it that way. Now, e-mail is different. There is no way they could keep harassing you if they were a stalker, crazy person, or a rapist or something. You could just block their e-mail (unless they were an experienced hacker). The rest of it didn't make sense to me because it sounded as if you were asking for the difference between two guys at a party and you never mentioned anything else. 5. I never said I had tonnes of friends. You've moved to a new place and work 9 to 5. So? I've started at a new university several miles away from me and sometimes I am out of the house from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. I still find time to meet people. My father works from 4 a.m. until 11 p.m. some days and he still meets new people. My mother works from 9 a.m. until 4 p.m. the latest and then goes out to another job and sometimes doesn't come back until midnight and she still finds the time to meet people as well. And what attitude are you talking about? I never mentioned your specific situation and said "This exact situation is hopeless; you'll never have any friends ever" did I? Where did I specifically say that you have no chance finding new people? And maybe you should try and get to know your co-workers even if they are boring; their friends outside work might be more interesting.

Well, I didn't mean "talk" I meant to befriend strangers. Some women definitely say "no way! I am not going to give any stranger my number, it is about trust I meet men through friends". Do you personally support this or not? Why would it be no trust to a starnger? Imagine he has friends who are your firneds, would would it change in terms of trust? If you see them around the same place regularly it is easier to befriend them. But I wouldn't give a stranger my number unless we had spoken several times before. I guess it is much more difficult unless you go someplace regularly, too. As I said, I go to uni and I meet lots of people there and I recognise the same strangers who came up and chatted to me, so we chat again and become friends later on. Personally I find it very hard to trust new people, but that is due to personal experience of being betrayed by people who I thought were my friends, being used and even stalked as well. I don't think many people would give their number to a stranger, though. You don't know them well enough to decide whether they can be trusted, or not. It's kind of like this; if you had to stay in a dark cave with someone for a day and a night and you had to stay in there with either a trustworthy friend or a complete stranger who you had chatted to for a few seconds on the bus, you would most likely chose the friend. You know from experience that the friend can be trusted, but with the stranger you just think they could be a nice person, but you don't know and most people aren't willing to take the risk. If the stranger shares friends with me, it is much more likely I will trust them because if I can trust my friends and my friends trust this stranger, they are probably safe to hang around with and such.

PAdreamer - I don't get it either! I'd much rather have a nice guy who treats me right than someone who treats me like a doormat.

I don't undersandt how: girl are not willing to meet a starnger again. So I have no chances in real life to meet any girl: pretty or not so much. What were you talking about? Girls don't mind talking to strangers; I never said that they have a problem with talking to strangers in this thread. Remember we were talking about how you approach the person? I was saying how I would feel embarrassed and awkward if a stranger said I had sexy lips. If they just come up and say "hello" and comment on something else we usually end up having a nice conversation even though we don't even know each other's names yet. That's how I've met most of my friends at uni. One of us has just randomly gone up and started chatting to the other person. Usually it's about how awful the first semester is.