Sheyda

I agree that this is true for most people, but as with many things it cannot be generalised (even if it applies to most) and it really does depend upon the two individuals involved as to whether the age could pose a problem or not. No one can assume the poster and their love interest aren't exceptions, or that one is and the other isn't, or that they are both exceptions. All we have to go on is what the poster says about themselves and the person they like, which is usually going to be biased anyway. So we can't really state any solid facts about the outcome of their relationship, all we can do is share our opinions and personal experiences and hope that it helps the poster make the right decision for themselves.

Can you please explain how having a preference for something makes somebody racist? Because I don't quite understand how preferring one race definitely means that a person hates all other races and feels superior to them.

I wasn't trying to boast. I just feel that the words I heard from a psychology professor's mouth are more valid than any internet article. You were also assuming I knew nothing at all even though I had described the same definition that you just posted in your link. I don't see where it says it includes intentionally misleading a survey unless you're talking about response bias. Even then, this most commonly occurs when the person formulating the questions writes them in a way that leads respondents to a particular answer. So unless Captain Planet is going to type a sentence about each percentage with some saying "I choose this percentage because I'm heartless and shallow" it's very rare that there will be any response bias. This thread had already moved on past my "unless you can prove it, it's only your opinion" post until you quoted it several pages later. You could have just thought "Oh, that's wrong" and left it (since no one else had agreed or disagreed with it), but you responded that you thought that old post was incorrect even though the thread had already forgotten it and moved on to something else. If you don't want to debate with someone about something, don't bother posting a message telling them you disagree or think they're wrong.

I already learnt it getting a diploma in psychology...

I am not angry with you; I was simply concerned. Sorry if my post came accross as angry. If your question is not directed towards me and it is not meant to be taken in general, please don't quote me else I will naturally think it is a direct response to me. I am not attacking you at all. I am not automatically assuming you are insecure because you disagree with "skinny = beautiful"; I have already explained where this idea came from and your reaction to my post - along with the fact that you feel I am attacking you - only makes me feel more strongly that you feel insecure. You sound very similar to a girl I knew who has made herself miserable from her insecurities and that is what is worrying me. I understand that, but that still doesn't give you a reason to feel so offended by those who love being slim, which is one reason why I thought you were insecure. Unless they are preaching to people that they have to be slim to be beautiful, I wouldn't let yourself be bothered by it. I wasn't attacking you, but since you seem to feel that way even though I am trying to be kind and helpful I will leave it there. You don't have to reply to anything I've said in this post.

It wasn't just based on the way you replied to me. I've seen some of your posts and I know that you're worried about getting fat even though you're pregnant and also that you seem to be a little sensitive about weight in general. I saw that in one girl's thread/journal you picked out one comment where she said she feels beautiful because she's thin and you kind of scolded her for it. Sorry if I'm being harsh, but when it seems you're so bothered by other people's happiness about their own weight that you need to respond to them it tells me you're feeling insecure. I am not trying to insult you at all or anything like that; I just find it worrying that you seem to be scared of getting fat when you're pregnant. Every woman gains weight when they're pregnant and getting fat is the least of their worries when they are going to be having a baby. If you were more referring to the men, why did you quote my message and ask what I thought was average? Only immature men who do not think much for themselves are going to end up being brainwashed by the media. If any of them are being convinced, I don't think they're being convinced that being extremely thin is normal as in media aimed specifically towards men the women are slim, yet have big breasts, hips and butts. I think that kind of figure is much more difficult to get to than simply being really thin. To be thin you can diet and exercise, but to get that hourglass figure many women would need extensive surgery.

Reporting bias is when your answer is affected by your memory and I don't think any women here are likely to forget how important a man's looks are to her in relation to other characteristics she wants in a partner.

I don't have a problem with lesbians. I view them just as any other person. As for those people who believe in the stereotype that all lesbians are butch; they probably haven't met any lesbians, or they are maybe a bit ignorant. I think the only people who believe a gay person is going to jump on any member of the same sex and rape them is a homophobe. To believe that gay people have such uncontrollable urges is ridiculous. I've seen so many straight people conveying this opinion of gay people and refusing to go near them because of it, but I have never seen a gay person who is afraid to go near a straight person of the same gender because they think the straight person will rape them. Homosexuality does not equal an insatiable drive to hump as many straight people as possible, but sadly there are people out there who still believe it does.

Thank you, NJRon. And thank you to everyone here who has shared their thoughts and given me support. I have a small update on the situation, but not much has happened. My aunts who live in Toronto have heard about my problem and since they are Canadian citizens, they have access to doctors and gynaecologists. We are currently waiting for news from them on the cost of a hymenectomy/hymenotomy. They did try to help us with insurance, but unfortunately I cannot get OHIP until I have had permanent residence for 3 months and this will not happen until at least a year after I have been married and marriage will not happen until sometime around April next year. This means I would not receive OHIP until July/August 2008 and we are moving to another country in August 2007! Last night my boyfriend and I were watching a film. It happened to have a sex scene in it. I didn't even think anything when it appeared on the screen, but the second I realised what it was, tears welled up in my eyes and I started crying. I couldn't help it; it just came out. My boyfriend stopped the film and hugged me until I had calmed down. He told me it wouldn't be long now. We've started shopping at a new supermarket and we are saving a lot of money (almost $800 a month), plus he says he is sure his parents will be more than willing to help us out with the costs.

I never said that they were fat and I never mentioned anything about where they stand in regards to the average woman. Curvy for me does not mean fat; for me it means being on the larger end of a healthy scale. It seems to me that you've misinterpreted my post and completely missed the main message, which was this: Why does it matter what I think is fat or average if I want this? Also, why are you so bothered if you misinterpret my message as meaning I think average women are slim? Seems to me you are insecure about something because if you weren't, you wouldn't feel the need to lash out at some stranger on a message board because you think they believe slim equals average.

I don't think the Dove advertisements are that great. Even though they do show that there is a problem with people being obsessed with weight, instead of showing all types of women they lean towards the other end of the scales: promoting curvier women as being "real women", which neglects slim women. They're joining in with the whole push-and-pull thing that has been going on for years where one minute you have to be thin or you're ugly and the next you have to be curvy or you're not even a real woman. When is there going to be something that promotes all body types instead of favouring one over the other?

Unless you can prove it is a fact it is nothing but your opinion.

My boyfriend and I must be freaks then since we met online and started falling for each other before we even knew what the other looked like. I think looks matter a lot, looks matter a little and that looks don't matter at all to some people. It all depends upon the individual as to whether looks are at the top or the bottom of their list. As for how many are in each group: I have no way of knowing that and neither does anyone else.

I didn't really revise it. Not sure what other story you are talking about; sorry. And no, that's not me. I wouldn't post my own picture as my avatar in case friends or family recognise the picture. DG9 - Wow. That's awful! I am very sorry to hear that such a thing happened to you. Hopefully you're now able to know how to pick out someone who doesn't value you from someone who does. Even though this man has hurt you, perhaps it will help you find somebody who does value you in the end.

^ I don't think she's saying she wants to find someone who drinks, does drugs and so on and tell them not to. I think she simply wants to find someone who chooses themselves not to do these things.

Thank you everyone for all of your responses, congratulations and best wishes for the future. I really appreciate it. I have posted briefly about this before elsewhere and I have never had such a large response of kind words and encouragement as I have had here. I was actually nervous about posting this for some reason, but now I've done it I feel better. I am glad to know that even though none of you can help me (unless you win the lottery and lend me some money ) there are plenty of you who are willing to give me support. *Hugs for all of you* I would never even dream of leaving him! As I have already said; I am a very lucky girl to have such a wonderful man by her side. I have also let him know just how much he means to me and have told him how grateful I am to have him.

First of all: no, I didn't sell myself to a male prostitute and I am not planning to. And yes, you're reading the title of the thread right; by the time I lose my virginity to the man I love we will have spent at least CAD$3,000 on our journey to making that happen. I decided to share the whole story with the forum and type all that I have learnt so far. Perhaps it will help others, or it will aid them by showing them not to take things for granted, or maybe just give them a little entertainment when they're bored. Before I continue, I'll give you all a WARNING This post may be the longest I have ever typed, so if you don't like extremely long posts you should probably leave this thread. We first tried to have sex in December of 2005; almost a year ago now. My boyfriend promised to be gentle and take it slow, but his penis didn't even go in and it hurt. We both put it down to me being extremely nervous due to it being my first time. I had already been shy and nervous of trying a lot of things with him because he was the first boyfriend I had ever had. At the end of March 2006 I moved in with him and we continued to try everything we could think of to help me relax; massages, lots of foreplay, made sure I am aroused, taking things very slowly and even trying after I had had an orgasm. We also made sure to use plenty of lubrication to make things easier and experimented with different positions. Every time we tried to have sex I experienced unbearable pain. I was stinging and burning and it felt like he was trying to insert a baseball bat covered in barbed wire into me. It had nothing to do with me being nervous as we had tried so many times that everything felt normal and natural. I never imagined that the pain everyone spoke about would be as bad as this and I began to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Was I just some kind of freak who would never be able to have sex? I mean, he couldn't even fit his little finger inside me without there being any pain (and this is when his nails are cut to their shortest). I really wanted to have sex with him, too. I wanted more than anything to know how it would feel to be the closest as I possibly can to the man I love. It wasn't only about the physical pleasure, either; it was the fact of being as close to him as is physically possible and experiencing the psychological, emotional and spiritual impact. It was about giving myself to the man I loved with all my heart, to the one I had been waiting for all my life. But no; I couldn't have that. I have to be deformed somehow because nothing ever happens easily for me and everything has to be an uphill struggle against gale-force winds. I figured my entire life had been this struggle, so why should things ease down now? My boyfriend told me there was a free sex clinic nearby where you can drop in at any time and see a doctor. This is where the whole thing began; the journey to discover what the problem was while simultaneously attempting to solve it. The doctor we saw was not a proper gynaecologist and so she said she could look at me, but could not give me any diagnosis. I thought there was no point in having her look if she couldn't tell us what was wrong and so I didn't get examined that day. From what we had told her she said I could either have vaginismus or an imperforate hymen. Although many things were pointing to the former, for some reason my intuition kept telling me it leant more towards the imperforate hymen. She told me I could see a gynaecologist, but as I am a British citizen and do not have permanent residence in Canada I would have to pay a great deal of money to see one and I would also have to wait a minimum of six months. At the time I had no idea how long it would take to see a gynaecologist in England (it takes three months minimum), but I had already cancelled next to everything healthcare-wise, so not only would I have to pay for several flights (immigration issues), but I would also have to pay for every appointment and whatever treatment I would be given. I posted about this on the forum and it was suggested I look for a women's clinic in my town. I found one and even though it said they only dealt with abortions I took a chance and called them. I asked them if there were any gynaecologists there that could help me with my problem and she told me they only dealt with abortions and even if they didn't I would have to be referred by my doctor. When I told her I was still classed as a tourist she said it would be impossible for me to see anyone in Canada unless I was a permanent resident. Acquiring permanent residence would require my boyfriend and I to get married and then at least a year waiting until I get a card stating I have permanent residence. Not only that, but my family is very poor (below the UK's poverty line at the time) and so the date of the wedding would have to be planned at a point that was affordable for them. At this point we were both feeling frustrated and helpless. If the professionals can't help us here or in England, what were we supposed to do? We started looking online and researching both of the conditions that were suggested to us at the clinic and also talking to other women about losing their virginity or about what they did when they had a similar condition. Through research we came to no conclusion as to what was wrong with me except for it being neither vaginismus nor an imperforate hymen. Perhaps my hymen just wasn't broken? Maybe my vagina was too small and only needed to be stretched? We didn't know, but we took suggestions from these women we spoke to and from virginity websites and purchased a small dildo online. It took a lot of searching to find a tiny one and the cost of it along with delivery was about $40. We had new hope after speaking to these women; hope that I was normal and that all I needed to do was stretch myself and/or break my hymen. We tried again the same as before only this time using the dildo instead of my boyfriend's penis. I soon became upset again as every time I could get in no further than 1 inch until I had the same pain as last time. People were telling me that usually there was only a little pain, maybe some blood and then everything was over. They said maybe I just had a very low pain threshold. I thought to myself I must be a pathetic little weakling who can't deal with a little pain. I probably don't even deserve to be able to have sex, anyway. I would lie awake at night sometimes and ask myself how I could even call myself a woman when I can't even use what makes me a woman. One day I told my boyfriend to just push himself through. Just push as hard as you can and don't stop even when I am crying and screaming in pain. Just rip it open. Despite feeling horrible about doing such a thing he did as I said and he pushed until it even hurt him and nothing happened. I was sore for a day. After I had recovered and we were trying again with the dildo one morning I decided to keep on pushing little by little. I tried as hard as I could to take my mind off of the pain, but eventually it became unbearable and I had to remove it. My boyfriend congratulated me as for the first time I had managed to get it in about two inches. I went to the toilet and that was when I saw a little blood. I was overjoyed and so was my boyfriend. We must have pushed through the hymen and now everything was going to be fine. The only problem was my period was also due, but this was a Monday morning and as I take the birth control pill I always begin my period on Tuesday afternoon. Apart from that small amount of blood, there was nothing all of Monday, so we were convinced that the ordeal was over. Now all we had to do was wait until my period had ended (it's very heavy and our bed and sheets were pretty much brand new). After one very long week, we tried having sex. His penis went in an inch at the most without any pain, but if he tried to push any further than this the same pain returned. I felt a stab of disappointment in my chest and became overwhelmed with sadness and confusion. How could this be? We must have broken through the hymen if there was blood and there was no way that it was the beginning of my period because I have never in my life had spotting. I have never begun my period and had a few dots on Monday morning and then absolutely nothing until Tuesday afternoon. Maybe I did have vaginismus, but then it made no sense because I know that I do not tense up; Kegel exercises allow me to know how that feels. Plus, if I did have vaginismus it wouldn't be possible for him to enter me one inch without any pain at all. I felt we were utterly lost and alone in this. No professional could help us. It seemed no other woman in the world had my problem, whatever it was. Society had abandoned us as women's sexual dysfunctions are so poorly researched. Even just searching on google for "female sex problems" and then "male sex problems" will give you over eleven times more results for men than for women. I continued posting here on eNotAlone, but I kept the problem mostly to myself as I know no one here can really help me with something that requires a professional. I came accross many posts that felt like a stab in the heart when I read them: posts about how a relationship is only a friendship if there is no sex in it. I felt hurt to know that my relationship was not even valid in the eyes of many people, to know that we are considered nothing but friends and that we don't count as "a couple" just because we are unable to have sex. I was beginning to lose faith and give up on this, but then one of the forum members sent me a PM (I won't mention her username since I am unsure if she is okay with it or not). She directed me to a website that had vaginal dilators. These are specifically made for women with vaginismus, but can also be used to stretch those women who are a little too tight. I thought we should give it a try since the dildo we bought earlier was curved and that could be the reason why I could not get it in so far. These dilators were straight and they gradually increased in size, which would make it easier to stretch myself with those than with the dildo we already had. It cost somewhere between $50-60 to purchase these and have them delivered. The vaginal dilators arrived quickly, which was surprising as usually everything we order comes late. I tried them out almost immediately and within less than a week I succeeded in inserting the smallest dilator in all the way. Both my boyfriend and I were excited, but we tried not to get our hopes too high just in case. That was a good thing because no matter how hard I tried to get the second one in all the way, I encountered that unbearable pain again. This is about the time when I started to give up. It's also about the time my boyfriend started wondering why I would never initiate anything. Every time I felt like initiating it was because I was imagining something that ended in sex, so why bother acting upon my thoughts if I would end up disappointed and depressed at the end because we can't have sex? Every time I felt aroused I was overwhelmed by feelings of sadness because I knew that sex was impossible. Every time I got turned on I felt like bursting into tears. Why do I even have a sex drive? It serves no purpose since I can't have sex. A while earlier we had booked a three-week holiday back to Europe to visit our families in England and Spain. My boyfriend's mum (the lovely woman that she is) had booked me in for an appointment with a gynaecologist in Spain. I was still feeling very pessimistic about sex, so I felt more nervous about the appointment rather than hopeful. If we were to have this appointment booked without the holiday (since we can't see a specialist in Canada or the UK) we still would've flown to Spain via England as it works out cheaper. It cost about $800 for the both of us. Eventually, the day of my appointment with the gynaecologist crept around. I was petrified, but I knew it had to be done. If we didn't know what the problem was how could we possibly solve it? Even if nothing could be done about it, at least the gynaecologist's feedback may help to point us in the right direction. I went with my boyfriend and his mum to the clinic. It didn't take long before I was ushered into the room. I explained the problem and how we had tried everything. Then I was told to undress and lie on the table with my feet in the stirrups. The moment I had been dreading. I did as I was told and his assistant told me to relax. This wasn't so difficult to do when he was just prodding around outside with his fingers. However, once he got out some kind of small microscope and started poking around inside I was in so much pain I began wailing and crying. It was soon over, but I was trembling and sore afterwards. He told us that everything was normal. Then he said that my hymen was still intact. There was a very tiny hole in it that could stretch a little (which explained why I could insert the smallest dilator, but the second one couldn't go beyond a certain point). However, the hymen was also very tough. The first thing he recommended was an operation to remove the hymen (hymenectomy/hymenotomy). The doctor said he was going on holiday for a week, but that he could do it the day before we left back to England. Not knowing whether my travel insurance would cover it or if we had enough money ourselves, my boyfriend asked if there was any other way we could overcome it without surgery. He also mentioned we had been trying vaginal dilators and the gynaecologist said we could use these with an anaesthetic cream. We decided we would try this before opting for the surgery. A day or so after I had recovered from the appointment and wasn't so sore we tried the anaesthetic cream. My boyfriend was there giving me support and telling me that I could do it, but I simply couldn't. I was pushing the dilator so hard that my fingers turned white and nothing happened. Nothing. Obviously this was why the gynaecologist recommended surgery first before anything else; my hymen was so tough it was unlikely any other method would work. We tried to book an appointment with the gynaecologist again the day he returned to work from his holiday. He couldn't do it, so we booked it on the day we were leaving back to England. Our flight was late in the afternoon anyway and he told us the operation itself only lasted a few minutes. The day we were to go back to the clinic I made sure not to eat or drink anything all morning. The night before I had also made sure I ate nothing after 11 p.m. Once we arrived we were told to sit in some chairs to the right. I was shaking badly and felt as if my stomach were being squeezed and wrung by a cold pair of hands. Sitting there in that white waiting room must have been one of the most frightening and nerve-wracking moments of my life. I had never had surgery before and I knew he had to perform another painful examination before going ahead. My heart was going so fast I thought I would have a heart attack the second he opened the door and asked us to come in. But I didn't. We went in and sat in his room. He asked me if I had eaten or if I had drunk anything. I told him I hadn't and he said, "Excellent." He made a quick phone call and confirmed that there was an anaesthetist free for the operation. He told us once more that the operation would only last a few minutes, but that I would be left in another room afterwards for several hours to wake up and recover from being anaesthetised. Now, all he had to do was ask his colleague to postpone an operation which he was going to start in 15-20 minutes. The colleague refused even though my operation would only take a few minutes. The gynaecologist offered another time for me to come back and get the operation, but we told him about our flight and he said it couldn't be done because of the hours needed for me to recover afterwards. He told us that he was very sorry and I could see that he and his assistant felt bad for us. Although I was relieved of my fear I also felt upset that it couldn't be done. However, I thanked him for telling us what the actual problem was. Both these appointments to see the gynaecologist cost $160. While we were waiting for the second appointment and hoping the surgery could be done, my family, my boyfriend's family and I were trying to find out about insurance. Unfortunately, my travel insurance would not cover such surgery because it is not an illness or an injury. Not until I get cervical cancer from not being able to get pap smears (the gynaecologist told me it will be difficult and extremely painful for me) will they cover anything involving surgery. It looked like we would have to be paying out of our own pockets if we could actually get it done somewhere. Back in Canada we began searching for expatriate insurance. However, they would not cover the operation if I can get in done in Canada because it is now a pre-existing condition. Even if it weren't, we would have to apply for the insurance before I go see a doctor, then a gynaecologist, then get the operation (else once again it becomes a "pre-existing condition" which they can't cover). The waiting between seeing a doctor and a gynaecologist is a minimum of six months and by the time that comes around the insurance will have cost more than the operation itself! At this point I started thinking crazy thoughts. About how everything happens for a reason and that I have the perfect reason to be raped. I hoped that somehow I would end up being attacked by a rapist. I actually wanted such a horrible thing to happen to me just so that this whole ordeal could be over and done with; no waiting, no cost, no ridiculously expensive insurance, no permanent residency issues, only some emotional trauma that I already have enough of anyway. Then afterwards I could have a normal sex life like every other woman on the planet. I told my boyfriend exactly how I felt and he managed to talk some sense into me. So, here is where we found ourselves. After almost a year of trying to have sex we are completely and utterly stuck with me wanting to be raped and feeling like a deformed, weak, asexual, non-woman in an invalid relationship. So far, we've already spent $40 on a small dildo, $50-60 on vaginal dilators, $800 on flights to Spain to see a gynaecologist (without being bugged about permanent residency issues or having to wait several months) and $160 to see the actual gynaecologist. All of this money spent on trying to solve the problem and find out what it is has already amounted to over $1,000 and the actual operation I've heard costs about $2,000. Right now we have no choice but to find out what the operation costs privately and save up money, so by the time I can finally make love to my boyfriend for the first time, we will have spent around $3,000 on getting there. My virginity has to be the most expensive thing to lose in the world. However, I also learnt something from this entire experience. First of all I learnt that I am not deformed; I just have a tough hymen. I also realised that I am far from weak, as my boyfriend reminded me of my strength to live my life unscathed despite being through many traumatic experiences. I learnt that I am still as womanly as every other woman out there even though I can't have sex; that isn't what makes someone a woman. I learnt that I should not care how other people judge our relationship based on the fact we can't have sex because it is our relationship and not theirs; we should be the ones defining it. I learnt that wishing to be raped was not the solution and that it was ridiculous and dangerous to hope for such a nasty thing to happen. Last, but definitely not least: I learnt that I am an incredibly lucky woman to have my boyfriend. I read threads on eNotAlone and other message boards about how long men would wait before leaving their girlfriend because there is no sex. The longest any of the men would wait was three months. I also learnt that other women with similar conditions as me were dumped by boyfriends because it was physically impossible for them to have sex. In the past I would have felt only anger towards these men, but now it brings out a much stronger feeling. Love. Love and a great appreciation for my boyfriend. We have been together one year and two months without sex and he still treats me the same as he always has. He has not dumped me because we can't have sex. He has never pushed me for sex. He has never ignored my pain when trying to have sex or continued pushing when I'm crying because he can't wait any longer. All this time he has given me nothing but love, care, support and understanding. He has given me everything I need to get through this. And that is much more important to me than just being able to have sex with him. Sex isn't everything and even without it our relationship is so much better than many others out there. I've learnt that instead of focusing on the things that we can't/don't have, we should focus on what we do have and be grateful for it because that is what gives us the strength and the willpower to carry on despite the things we're lacking in our lives. Congratulations to you if you managed to read this right the way through to the end. Thank you for taking the time to read it and I hope you've perhaps learnt something from it or at least found some of it entertaining.

It's not because they're in love; it's because the other partner has knocked down their self-esteem, crushed it in the dirt and convinced them that they don't deserve anything better. Since they believe they don't deserve a relationship they feel incredibly lucky to even have a dysfunctional one and cling to it.

Well, I've witnessed this happening with everyone; that all people in a certain class would be friendly and chummy inside the classroom, but once they're out in the streets they act like they're strangers (unless they are in a clique before taking the class). They're not all hideously ugly, so that can't be why they're acting like they don't know each other outside the classroom.

No. No. Right now I would probably only do so if I was threatened with death/a lot of pain unless I went ahead with it. I've just never had the desire to want to sleep with a stranger and sex for me has more value than simply a bit of pleasure. The emotional part of it is very important to me. Some people say you can't tell whether you want it or not unless you go ahead and have a one-night stand, but you only have to get a taste of it to know you don't want it. I'm sure plenty of people who've been slapped before can figure out that getting hit by a massive hard car travelling one hundred times faster than a small soft hand would be far more undesirable. On the other hand, for people who can enjoy one-night stands it would be more like tasting a strawberry and realising they would more likely than not love to eat a big, creamy strawberry cheesecake. Hugging, kissing and sitting in the lap of a near-stranger compared to someone they love is very different for most people. For those who like one-night stands it probably feels great, fun and exciting and there are no negative feelings creeping in. For those who dislike one-night stands they would probably feel guilty, regretful and perhaps even stupid for allowing themselves to get into such a situation.

I've also heard that feminine washes are not too healthy, either. I've read that it is best to wash with only water. Here's a quote from a website dedicated to women's health (I will not post the link as there are some pictures of women's vulvas):

Congratulations Quietgrl! Good luck for the future and I hope everything goes fantastically for you.

Not all girls go for a guy just because he has a car and money. My boyfriend has no car and doesn't have a permanent job and the prices of food are constantly rising where we are at the moment. I am with him because I love him, not because he has some material thing I want or that he can shower me with material things.

Congratulations, Quietgrl! I'm happy to hear you could be going on your first date soon. I agree with the others that you shouldn't need to tell this man right at the beginning about your being a virgin. I know that it feels safe to expect the worst so that anything that happens is a pleasant surprise rather than a disappointment, but please try not to be so pessimistic; it only makes you see everything in the worst way possible and you will cause yourself unnecessary worry and stress.