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galaxy71

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  1. It's romance when the woman is getting pursued by a guy that she is attracted to. When a woman gets pursued by an unattractive guy, he gets slapped with a restraining order. On the other hand, I don't know of any non-celebrity guys who get pursued by women. I think one of the guys who posted here is correct. Women hold most of the cards. An average-looking woman I know got asked out by a dozen different guys after her boyfriend broke up with her. I also remember this cute Asian woman talk about how so many guys ask her out that she has to cancel dates with them. If you go to any bar or nightclub, you will see women shutting down guys on a regularl basis. In my entire life, I have only seen two women get rejected by some guy that they didn't know. Women are concerned about finding the right guy. Men are just looking for any woman who has any interest in him. Ask yourself the question. Who has a easier time in dating? A shy man or a shy woman.
  2. Uh, my sister's friend is married and has a kid with this guy who is ten years older than her. A lot of women don't have problems dating guys who older than they are. Some guys look great for their age. If you take care of your body and don't poison it with crap, you should be fine. Today, this women who worked for a store guessed my age to be 18, when I am really around LBS' age. On the other side, there are young women who are extremely mature for their age. I have been hit on by women who are younger than I am. LBS' problem isn't that he is rejected by lots and lots of women who are younger than him. His problem is that he doesn't show interest in women. LBS is suffering from crippling social anxiety that prevents him from expressing interest in women. I don't think that LBS should be focused on getting a girlfriend or finding someone who will take his offer for a date. I think LBS should focus on the simple task of expressing interest to a few women a week. That's it. Don't worry about the past. Don't worry about the future when it comes to relationships and sex. Just worry about expressing interest in the women that he encounters. Because he is in a college setting, he is going to encounter a lot of women who are younger than him. Telling him to stick to women his age will make it harder for him to pracitice overcoming his anxiety with women. When he is practicing showing interest in women, he should not care about the outcome of whether women will reciprocate his interest or not. Because the OP has social anxiety, you are giving him an excuse to not express interest in women that he finds attractive. I can see the OP talk himself out of approaching a woman because she might be too young for him. The OP has spent his entire life playing it safe and being passive because he doesn't want to offend people. It is interesting that you use the word "league" when it comes to why you avoided the cheerleader types. The cheerleader types can be just as nice and humble as the library bookworm. On the flip side, the library bookworm can be just as harsh toward a shy guy as some dolled-up socialite. Whatever happened to working out, buying nice clothes, and getting contact lenses in order that you can move up a league. That's something that I don't get about people who believe in leagues. When people talk about leagues, they imply that it is a caste system that people can't move up or down from. I have already seen a picture of the OP. He is better looking than some of my older friends who are past the point of no return where they can never attract young women without the aid of money.
  3. LBS, I think Sidehop hit the nail on the head about you. He said that you lack a male role model. I never got the feeling that you had a father or a brother who provided you with a script on how to interact with women or just around other people in general. I remember watching this women who dressed up as a guy in order to find out what's it is like to be a guy. What she realized is the fact that guys bond with each other much more differently than women bond with each other. While women like to talk about their friends and relationships and support each other, guys will bust each other balls and goof around. These guys will tease each other and talk about sex. When these same macho guys see a woman that they like, they don't have any problems flirting with her and seducing her. I think it is bad idea for you to look for female friends. You are already as sensitive as you can be. The only thing these women will teach you is to become ever more passive. It is time for you to hang around guys who go after what they want. Women don't want to date guys who are girly like them. If they did, women would be chasing engineers and computer programmers rather than the jocks and the athletes. I believe you when you say that women have shown interest in the past. What I think is happening is that you never developed the killer instinct to shamelessly go after what you want. You remind me a little bit of this guy who used to post here. His name was Carmine. Women would go home with him. However, when he failed to seduce the women, the women lost all interest in him and started dating other guys. I think all these women who showed interest in you didn't want you to take them out for coffee. Those women wanted you to kiss them and seduce them. This is something that a women cannot teach. Working on your conversationals skills is important. However, she is going to lose interest if you can't take things beyond the platonic level. I also member that you mentioned that your problem is motivation. I think you need someone to hold you accountable to meet your goals. From your posts, I don't know if your male therapist is holding you accountable. Then again most talk therapists don't focus on accountability since their focus is on feelings and thoughts rather than behavior. I think most talk therapists focus on self-acceptance rather than trying to change your lifestyle. Earlier in the thread, I think that you were headed in the right direction when you talked about goals for yourself like losing weight. I think that's what you should keep doing. Set up specific goals for yourself. Keep track of your progress in meeting your goals. You should discuss your progress on this forum so that other people in this forum will keep you accountable. TOV mentioned something about how you should find a therapist who could teach you how to flirt through role-playing excercises. My problem with that advice is that flirting and dating is outside of the cirriculum for aspiring therapists. I don't think it is realistic to expect a therapist to teach you how to work on your "game" when the therapist has no experience dealing with someone who is struggling with dating.
  4. And when we don't focus on what women want, we get ignored by women. When we don't focus on what woman want, some of us get phone numbers from women who are hoping that we don't call them. And when we don't focus on what women want, women excuse themselves out of the conversation when we try to talk to them. A lot of us get no results doing the same thing over and over. Being yourself might work for guys who are already charming or sterotypically attractive, but it might not work for the average guys out there. It's like if a guy is struggling at school, would you tell him to just be yourself and not worry if he isn't getting the grades he wants. I also don't understand. Why can't average guys have some options in who we date. Why should we be stuck dating unconventional women? Why can't we pick and choose women who are conventional and unconventional? There's a third choice: improving yourself without compromising who you already are. I don't think that I am becoming a phony when I wear nice clothes that I think would look good on me or if I join some group based on a interest I have. I also don't think that I am being fake and phony by becoming a better listener. Sure there are plenty of unattractive guys with attractive women. Unforunately, those guys are not me. It's real easy to tell guys to not try too hard. The reason why guys try "too hard" is that women expect guys to approach them. A lot of guys don't get any results by being themselves and being patient. Why are you telling them to do the same thing over and over again if it is not getting them the results you want? It sounds good that you should be patient as you wait for some woman to like you for who you already are. But what happens when women who share a lot in common with you are rejecting you. Both gorgeous women and average-looking women want to date guys that they are attracted to. There are plenty of good guys who go years or decades or forever waiting to find a girlfriend because the women in their area are simply not into them. I know this shy, older guy in his fifties who became bitter toward women because women didn't seem to want to be around him. I really don't understand doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
  5. I think that there is a major crisis in dating. As women get less interested in marriage and more interested in one-nights stands and casual sex, jerks get more sex while the nice guys are left in the sideline. The days of Leave it to Beaver and the Brady Bunch are long gone. TV shows like Sex and the City, Friends, and Two and Half Men glorify hookup culture. Mystery gets laid, while nice guys on the quiet side, like Ross Geller from the TV show Friends, are completely ignored. Just look at these threads where women complain about getting disrespected by guys who sleep with them, but refuse to be in a monogamous relationship with them. About 50 years ago, nice guys would have gotten married in their early to mid twenties(Marty Mcfly's father in the movie series Back to the Future). Now with sexual liberation and the birth control pill, women don't need marriage to have sex. They are free to sleep with whichever bad boy/alpha male they want. It's the 80/20 rule as a large of number of women pursue alpha males like Tiger Woods and Derek Jeter. With all these women dating unattainable guys, all the quiet guys and average guys get left behind in the process. Do you think that some shy guy has a change of getting a one night stand in a bar? In the past, people met their signficant others through common interests and their friends. Now with the Bowling Alone generation, people are relying less on their social circles and more on less personal means of meeting people like online dating, bars, and nightclubs. This puts average, quiet guys at a huge disadvantage as they don't have the look to pull women in online dating websites and they don't have the charisma to pick up women in bars and nightclubs. Why are you forcing quiet guys to become something that their not. I think it is disgraceful that some guys on the introverted side are forced to pay thousands of dollars for some overpriced bootcamps run by effeminate guys who have bizarre nicknames like Mystery. In the past, alpha males were average guys who worked hard and had character like World War II veterans featured in documentaries. Now we have the media glorifying thug bad-boys like JayZ, Snoop Dog, Tucker Max, and Mystery. Don't come crawling back to your nice guys after you have been used and abused by your bad boy who treated you like crap in your friends-with-benefits arrangement. By shunning the nice guys, you have created a generation of bitter, lonely nice guys.
  6. But the OP did not grab her. He didn't make any sexual comments. I get the feeling that the woman in the original post would not have tried avoiding him if she was interested in him. There are a lot of threads where men and women talk about dating coworkers. People date their coworkers all the time. I have seen women encourage guys to pursue their female coworkers. It's sexual harassment if the guy is unattractive. Yet, if the guy looks like Brad Pitt, he is admired for his confidence I really find it bizarre to apologize for having a crush on someone when men and women hook up with their coworkers all the time. What should he write in the apology letter??? I'm sorry that I don't look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. Or maybe he should write "I'm sorry that I've haven't studied the effects of patriachy in the workplace" Lucy Lou, I really do not know why you brought sexual harassment and the oppression of women in this thread. Straight guys are attracted to women all the time. It should not be something to be ashamed of. It is nothing to apologize about in a letter. Writting a letter will unneccesarily escalate things. People have crushes all the time. It's complete natural. An unintended side effect is that the object of the crush will feel uncomfortable if he or she cannot reciprocate the feeling. That's life. If you are always trying not to make people feel uncomfortable, you will end up writing countless threads in the shyness folder about how you are unable to show interest in people you like. It reminds me of that thread where some guy wrote that he thought it was wrong to show interest in a women. I refuse to pay for the sins of my grandfathers and my fathers. I want to be judged for what I do. I should not be ashamed for finding a women attractive, even if she cannot reciprocate my feelings. Most straight women actually like it when men competently show interest in them, because they want to date men.
  7. But the OP did not grab her. He didn't make any sexual comments. I get the feeling that the woman in the original post would not have tried avoiding him if she was interested in him. There are a lot of threads where men and women talk about dating coworkers. People date their coworkers all the time. I have seen women encourage guys to pursue their female coworkers. It's sexual harassment if the guy is unattractive. Yet, if the guy looks like Brad Pitt, he is admired for his confidence I really find it bizarre to apologize for having a crush on someone when men and women hook up with their coworkers all the time. What should he write in the apology letter??? I'm sorry that I don't look like Brad Pitt or George Clooney. Or maybe he should write "I'm sorry that I've haven't studied the effects of patriachy in the workplace" Lucy Lou, I really do not know why you brought sexual harassment and the oppression of women in this thread. Straight guys are attracted to women all the time. It should not be something to be ashamed of. It is nothing to apologize about in a letter. Writting a letter will unneccesarily escalate things. People have crushes all the time. It's complete natural. An unintended side effect is that the object of the crush will feel uncomfortable if he or she cannot reciprocate the feeling. That's life. If you are always trying not to make people feel uncomfortable, you will end up writing countless threads in the shyness folder about how you are unable to show interest in people you like. It reminds me of that thread where some guy wrote that he thought it was wrong to show interest in a women. I refuse to pay for the sins of my grandfathers and my fathers. I want to be judged for what I do. I should not be ashamed for finding a women attractive, even if she cannot reciprocate my feelings. Most straight women actually like it when men competently show interest in them, because they want to date men.
  8. Wilhelm, you admitted in several posts that you have attracted women in the past. Many of them are women that you found very attractive. Your problem isn't due to your appearance. I think your problem is that you don't approach enough women. You discount places like bars and clubs. If you approach a women, you have a chance of getting a date from her. But if you don't approach her at all, you have NO shot of getting a date from that women. Whether a woman is worth of a relationship or not should take a backseat to learning how to interact with women. Worry about attracting a woman first, before trying to screen her for a relationship. You want to know what would happen if he doesn't get any results if he follows my advice. I am going to tell you this. I want to know how he implemented the advice. You can have all the tools and techniques in the world from all the Don Juans and casanovas out there. But at the end of the day, it is you are responsible for putting the tools and techniques into practice. If he worries about what would happen if he does not get any success modeling himself after guys who are successful with women, he has already failed. A confident guy believes that he will succeed in any endeavor if he knows what to do and how to do it. He trusts that he has the knowledge and experience to get the results he wants. To approach women, a guy must be confident that he will succeed. My advice is based on the idea that women do not care about looks as much as men do. Women are willing to overlook a guy's looks, if he has personality and a edge to him. The OP has a sense of humor and a personality. He just needs to learn how to convey the most attractive parts of himself to women. You guys mention that you don't know any guys who are successful with women. Look at the guys who are confident and have good leadership skills. Those guys are usually the ones who are successful with women.
  9. It's in the first part of the title of the thread. You used "Too ugly" in the first part of the thread. Nobody would trash their own self that hard if they were confident and believed in themselves. Most of your posts are complaints about how women overlook you because of your looks. Instead of looking for ideas on how to improve your attractiveness to women, you are just lamenting the tough life you have to endure because of your looks. Unless you are disfigured or suffer from your disability, I doubt that you are ugly. By taking care of your appearance, you will be at least average. In your second sentence, you are again closing yourself off to any potential advice that has been given to you. That's the problem. In this thread or the bad boy thread, I wonder whether you are interested in trying the advice that has been given to you in this thread. You mention all these things that you have done to improve yourself in the past few years. Yet you never talk about these things in your previous posts. Plastic surgery is not neccesary. Plain people date and marry all the time. Your task is too find out how men attract women. As I mentioned in my other post, the best way to find how men attract women is by going to guys who are successful with women. You seem to assume that you are getting rejected because of looks because you do everything right body language wise, and flirting wise. But how do you know that you are doing things correctly if you have no standard to evaluate your interactions with women? By consulting guys who are successful with women, you will be made aware of your blind spots through the help of a disinterested, neutral party. The dating advice that is given by guys who are successful with women is vastly different from the advice given by everybody else. Most dating advice tell guys like you to be confident and to go to places that have women. Guys who are successful with women will tell you how to be confident and how to interact with women in ways that will make them attracted to you. They will tell you how to walk and talk around women. Most mainstream dating advice talk about luck and playing the numbers game. Guys who are successful with women will tell you how to attract women through study, skill and lots of practice. They will also tell you how to avoid the friendzone by going for a kiss. Trust the masters. They know what they are talking about These guys have tested their knowledge and techniques on real women. Guys like you have achieved some success by modeling themselves after the masters. On the other hand, there are a lot of people in this website and others who give out advice that they have never tried themselves. You sparked attraction but you were unable to maintain it. That's what happened in those two examples. Through flirting, and humor, you can attract a women. It's just that you were unable to keep the flame going. I hoped that you continued the flirting after you met those two women in person. If you don't continue to stimulate her emotions, she will lost interest. Flirting and humor isn't just being playful and funny. Instead, flirting and humor are powerful ways of conveying your confidence. All the flirting in the world will do you no good if you do not have the body language to back it up So rich, handsome, high status, celebrity men have an easier time getting dates than you. What's the big deal about that? Most guys don't have the charm and the looks of Brad Pitt and George Clooney, yet a lot of them are dating and in relationships. Study them. Don't worry about comparing yourself to some celebrity that you have never interacted with in your life. There is a reason for your situation. You need to learn how to attract women. Having personality and being charming is great. But you need to know how to convey those attributes in a way that will attract women. There is a difference between being interesting and being attractive.
  10. I'm sorry, but I refuse to provide you with the pity and symphathy that you want. None of your posts indicate any willingness to take responsiblity for the situation that you are in. Instead of looking for advice on how to improve yourself, you are trying to portray yourself as a victim of bad luck and poor genetics. You are trying to frame your problem as a dilemma between unattractive guys and attractive guys. Since women flock to attractive guys, unattractive guys are faced with a difficult life of loneliness and frustration. It's all about how the world hates you because of your looks. What you don't realize is that your attitude is the problem. You have no confidence in yourself. If you did have confidence in yourself, you would be working your butt off trying to improve your attractiveness to women. There are a lot of guys who are like you. Instead of wallowing in self-pity, they are working out and developing their flirting skills so that women become naturally attracted to them. You are content being a victim persecuted by society's standards, instead of being a man who is proactive in dealing with any problems he encounters. This dichotomy between attractive guys and unattractive guys is false. Unattractive guys/average-looking guys meet and date women all the time. Last night, I attended a church social. There were some photos in the room showing some average-looking men with average-looking women. Even though, the people in the photos were average, they were dating and getting married. Some of you guys make it sound like that you have to be Brad Pitt or George Clooney to get a date. There is more to attraction than just looks. A person's personality, charm, confidence, and sense of humor plays a role in attraction. If looks were the only thing that mattered, most people would never reproduce since most people are average. That's why they call it "average". Go outside and you see plenty of average or unattractive guys with wives and girlfriends all the time.
  11. Most of my close friends are pretty clueless with women. They either don't approach women or they offend women with their crazy, wacky, sense of humor. As a result, I had to observe alpha males that I did not know as well. The places that I observed alpha males are bible study groups and bars. In one bible study group that I know of, there are about three guys who are extremely comfortable with women. The leader of the group is a frat guy who has strong leadership skills. When he wants something done, people in the group follow him. The guy produced a movie that promoted his bible study group. Whenever his friends are in need, he gets the people in the group to help out. One time, this woman was away from the group because her mother was dying. The alpha male organized a fundraising dinner to help that woman out as she was had to take leave from her job. Another guy in the group is a great storyteller. People love to listen to him talk about his life. Whenever he talks, people surround him to listen to another of his stories. There's a third guy in the group who is good with women. He is a very, overweight man who wears glasses. This guy loves being playful around women. He is not afraid of poking and tickling women he likes.
  12. Don't lose your sense of humor. It makes you a very, special, unique person. You sound like a smart, introspective, fun guy. The problem is the fact that women are not going to know that you possess these qualities if you are shy and bashful. As a guy, you are expected to be the one who progresses things in the interaction. Not only do you need to attract her, but you need to have the skills to advance things to a romantic level by making a move. Women expect guys to make the move. Even though you should be proud of your positive traits, you need to make a serious look at changing yourself. It is obvious that being you has not gotten you the results that you want-namely a girlfriend. Average-looking guys get girlfriends all the time. In order to get a girlfriend, you must FIRST focus on attracting in women in general first. The good news is the fact that attracting women is a skill that can learned through practice. Once you start attracting women, than you should focus on screening women for a relationship. The best way to learn how to attract women is by modeling yourself after guys who are successful with women. You have to learn how to dress like them. You also have to learn how to talk like them. You also have to learn how to walk like them. Once you start getting success modeling yourself after successful men, than you should start building your own style of interacting women. Stop being attached to being true to your self . The "self" you have has not helped you get a girlfriend. The self that you have now is a result of genetics, upbringing, and life experiences. It is a collection of good and bad habits. Instead of sticking to being your "self", you should not be afraid of creating the "self" you want by examining all the possibilities out there. When students learn a discipline like music, poetry, or painting, they are first taught to imitate and study the masters. The student learns the forms and techniques of the experts. Once he shows proficiency imitating the masters, than he hast the skill to develop his own style. You should do the same. Learn from the masters. They will teach you the basics of flirting and attraction. After you attain success imitating them, than develop your own style. .
  13. You should read my thread in the shyness folder about getting rejected viciously. A few weeks ago, I approached a girl in nightclub. When I started talking to her, she got hostile and told me to talk to someone else. In my city, women are not particularly friendly toward guys outside of their social circle who approach them. They assume that guys just want to get in their pants. One of my friends who is successful with women told me that he wanted to sleep with this girl even though he barely knew her. He didn't give a crap about her personality or her interests. The only thing he cared about was her pretty face and sexy body. Women are different from guys. They don't care about looks as much as med do. Men want women who are youthful and healthy so that she could give birth to children.. Women want men who are confident and successful because they want a guy who could protect her and their offspring. Trying to get to know them is not enough to get her to perceive you as mysterious if she is not attracted to your personality or looks.
  14. Scotty, you are correct. Young, attractive women get approached all the time. If some cool, interesting guy doesn't make a move on her, she would not lose any sleep because there will always be another guy to approach her in no time.
  15. There are plenty of introverted, shy guys who go to bars and nightclubs to meet women. Interestingly, a lot of them are successful at flirting and seducing women in these sorts of venues. They like to call themselves "pick-up artists". There is a large community of pick-up artists who share techniques and strategies on how to attract hot, party girls. The advice they give is much more aggressive than the advice given on this website. They emphasize such topics as openers, banter, routines, kino escalation(touching), negs, and rapport. These guys could be found on websites like link removed, link removed, and link removed. You should also read books like "The Game" by Neil Strauss and "The Mystery Method" by Mystery and Lovedrop. That girl is right that women are turning into playas. Since women are becoming more and more part of the workforce, they don't need marriage to have sex now. With birthcontrol and condoms, women and men are engaging in more short-term relationships. BTW, if you realize nigtclubs aren't your thing, you could try church or a swing dancing group.
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