EmptySoul

i really like it, and i know how you feel. EmptySoul

I would suggest her switching to another form of birth control. I have had emotional reactions from the depo shot, and so have many other women. EmptySoul

Either condom and depo shot, or just depo shot. EmptySoul

i saw that episode too, and can think of lots of spots that feel good, but i'm wondering which ones they were talking about... EmptySoul

thanks for replying..i know i have depression, but i think there's other things going on too. i've tried counseling twice and plan on going again. hopefully it will work. thanks. EmptySoul

Hey. I still haven't been able to get any decent poetry out, so I'm just going to have to vent this way again. (ugh.) I haven't cut for a long time now. My mom has hid all sharp objects; I'm only left with butter knifes and scissors. I haven't even tried. I don't know why I'm not. Before I always consciously tried to quit for a certain reason. Now, I don't know. But I feel like it's getting harder for me to function again. I just feel like running around screaming, like talking to no one, like I'm going to die of lonliness. I want to die because of the way I hurt everyone by just being me, and I hate and love the way I almost never feel anything. I wish someone could tell me what is wrong with me, but I bet it wouldn't make any difference to put a name on it. I don't feel like writing the rest. later. EmptySoul

Hi. Just thought I'd reply. I love how you said you're afraid of the dark, but you love it. I'm that way too. About the weight thing- I think you should only do something about if it's what you want, not for anyone else. It took me a long time to start liking what I look like... well I know how you feel about a lot of things in your post. I guess that's all I wanted to say. EmptySoul

beautiful poem. EmptySoul

Hi. There aren't a lot of ex's I've remained friends with, but really it depends on how the relationship ended. With my most serious boyfriend, it ended really badly and a lot of sh** happened along the way. We've never been anything besides a relationship, so a friendship will never happen for us. But with another one, we've still remained friends and laugh about the stupid things we did when we were together. EmptySoul

I'm planning on switching from the depo shot to the patch bc I think the shot is making my depression/anger worse. I want to know if anyone has any side effects to tell me about from being on the patch. Highly appreciated. EmptySoul

i think, that cutting has came more into the media in the recent past. it's relativly new in the spotlight. how long it's actually been going on, i don't know... EmptySoul

Hi. First, take a little comfort in the fact that you have someone there for you. (there are some people who go through this type of thing entirely alone) The fact that you have someone like you, supporting you, that should help. If you want to quit, you need some motivation. Either do it for your friend, do it for yourself, but having a reason will help a lot. Just letting you know, I cut too. I've never tried to kill myself. This is my 2nd or 3rd time trying to quit cutting. I don't know why I'm trying right now, but I am. Here to talk anytime... EmptySoul

Hey all. unfortunately for me, my writing (poetry, i mean) skills have evaded me lately, so I guess this will have to do for a stress release... My 15th birthday is coming up next month. It amazes the hell out of me how different it's going to be. This year there's no friends, no boyfriend. I'm not saying I wish it was different...my life has just changed so much, so much has happened, and I guess it's really going to show. I still plan on committing in the future, sometime around my 25th birthday. Maybe I'll change my mind by then, who knows? (that's why i have a date far off so there's time for things to happen) With there being really nothing good for me to focus on in my present life I think about the past and the future probably more than is healthy. (who cares.) Anyway, I'm really set on doing that, but leaving by myself scares the sh__ out of me. Guess I'll have to get over it. My mom is looking for me a new counselor. I only went to my other one twice, but I'm definitly not doing any better, maybe worse, so I've agreed to go some more. We're looking for a new one bc my other one believes that I cut to be part of a trend. (*falls over laughing*) I am the only person anywhere around here (that I know of) who cuts. People don't take it seriously, they joke about it, or they make you feel stupid or they freak out. No matter who it is or what reaction they have, there's no way it's ever anything positive. Shows how much that bit__ knows. IMO counselors need to be people who had problems when they were younger, so they'll actually know what you are talking about, instead of just guessing from what they've read in text books and statistics. Nobody fu_____ wants to do that though, do they?? That's all for now. EmptySoul

I'm on the shot...I've got it twice now. (you get one every few months) someone in an earlier reply said it made it hard for her to control her temper and made her depressed-I have problems with depression etc. but my anger has been so much worse lately, so now I'm wondering if it's bc of the shot. Anyway, I liked it at first bc I didn't get my period. But towards the end of my first shot, I was on my period straight for weeks. And now, on my 2nd shot, I'm already on my period again! I'm planning on trying the patch next... EmptySoul

(written july 11th) sharpened blade as useless now as a plastic spoon. she is the only thing that saves. her presense banishes all that is killing me. NO. it pauses, hides while she is near. and every time in between it grows, it swallows me. it finds my pain and magnifies it. it posions my body, mind and soul condemning me to insanity. -EmptySoul

about the vampire thing...some people who claim they are vampires don't mean it in the sense that everyone automatically thinks of, some people who are addicted to drinking blood call themselves vampires. this might weird you out too though. just my 2 cents. EmptySoul

aleksey. thanks for taking the time to reply- i can really relate with the future question, i hate it when people ask me that. what am i supposed to say? "i'm going to graduate, maybe go to college, get some writing published...oh yeah and kill myself!" ha if only i told people all the things in my head...well we all know where i would be now. (a cushioned room in a straight-jacket) pm me if you wanna talk more. EmptySoul

I lost my virginity in the back seat of my boyfriends-best-friends car. EmptySoul

flea, thanks for sharing. the thing that really sucks is sometimes, it helps to find others like you, and sometimes it doesn't at all. it seems there is no cure. EmptySoul

I still hurt myself. I don't really know if I need it, and I don't care. Either way I'm still going to do it. I tried for a while to stop for the sake of others, but...I've lived for, through, because of others for so long that it's like I'm not really here, like everything I do feels wrong. I'm trying harder and harder to only use my knife on places that my parents won't see. I don't give a f___ if the guys see them. Because of not being able to cut on my wrist (the easiest place for me to make bleed, the first place my parents look for cuts) I cut more often and in bigger numbers. I feel like if they would just leave me alone, my cutting would almost disappear. There's no way they'll ever understand how much of a hell they've made for me. I've discussed this with others like me: I feel like I am maybe not more mature than others my age, but I see things they don't notice. I feel things deeper. I feel guilty more easily, depressed. How my actions affect those around me is ALWAYS on my mind. Enlightenment sucks. And today I think my mother found my knife while in my room cleaning. (without my permission) I'm not at my house, so I can't do anything but sit here and be angry and tired. I know I didn't leave the knife out in plain sight, even if I did forget to put in back in my top drawer. All I want is her to respect my privacy/stay out of my room. I hated going to counseling. I had so much pain that all I could do was sob and mumble for 45 minutes. Now I have just as much pain, along with anger and a million other things. I think I need to go again. It's getting hard to function again...and I'm still cutting. That scares me. If I can't function while finally being with the girl who's been my closest friend, while managing to cut every couple days, with my birthday coming up... what am I going to do now?? Oh god. Almost no-one agreed with my suicide post. I don't care though. The only thing that makes me angry is I feel like I didn't get my point accross right. I plan to commit suicide when I'm older, even though I hate the word suicide. I like "leave" better. I don't want to grow old here. I can't keep trying to mold myself every day so I can stop hurting everyone. I've had to change so many times it's like I change subcontiously. It'll be beautiful. I know, that's not the word anyone had in mind. Whatever. I plan to use my decent writing abilities to write some long amazing thing that day. I'll go out that day and have more fun than I've ever had, I'll see the people I care about. And then it'll all finally be over. ANGST seems to be what possesses me all the time now. In case you don't know what it means: an acute but unspecific feeling of anxiety; usually reserved for philosophical anxiety about the world or about personal freedom. Every day, all day long. It never stops. You have to realize though, I have no self pity. Sympathy is not my thing. I accept every part of me completely. I don't want to change. I'm me. that's all. -EmptySoul

wow, you made some really good points and i agree with you. i know no one will respect my opinion, but even i believe i would still feel this way before i got so bad: people are allowed to smoke, to drink, whatever. everyone else gets their addictions without question. we are forced to be ashamed of ourselves, and only us... EmptySoul

scarred on the outside the inside can't stop now i'm in too deep in everything what's one more time with this or that they're all screaming in pain and jest i can't hear them anymore watch the blood spread crimsom it's never enough i give everything to be saved but it never comes and i can never learn it's getting harder and harder just to hide all this SH__ that's burning me try to free myself with silence with screams with anything nothing will work ever. i am the eternal prisoner- until my day whether with one or alone when i free myself whether in a bloody tide or an overdosed sleep it's my choice NOT YOURS i live every day in guilt for every one of you i am the eternal prisoner- until my day. until my day i am YOURS i don't really care if this makes no sense to anyone, it's just venting... EmptySoul

Suicide is judged harshly and looked down upon. It is often seen as wrong, insane, and/or selfish. The world judges almost every incident the same, though every person is different, as are their reasons. I am hoping to offer a different view to this subject... I do not believe that suicide should be used every time someone feels the slightest amount of pain. Or that you should tell anyone who mentions it to go ahead. There are people who: *do not wish to leave when/how someone/something else decides *do not want to grow old here *want to leave how they choose *want to leave at the same time as those they care about/love (there are countless other things, but these are the ones i'm focusing on) How can suicide for these reasons be considered any different from any other last wishes? For example, choosing to be buried or cremated, etc. In my opinion, if this is what someone chooses, it should be respected, as should any other decisions involving your own death. Please reply with your opinion, whether you agree or disagree. I am strong in my belief of what I've written and wish to hear all opinions... EmptySoul

the clit is definitly very important. EmptySoul

i like it and it's well written. -*Empty*-